Bloody hell, England have made a blinding start in the cricket





No? OK. Today I learned that Labyrinthitis is nothing to do with golden mullets, bonkers codpieces or commanding an army of unconvincing Goblins; it's all about inner ear function and induces vertigo. What ridiculously-named diseases have you suffered from, or would wish upon your fellow B3tans?

Please feel free to be as creative and vindictive as possible. Extra points will be given for Bowie references.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 14:58, 190 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've got a touch of labyrinthitis.
It's getting better.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:03, Reply)

*searches for puns*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:04, Reply)

keep thinking on it for a
minator two
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

You're very creteve

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I think I must have a bit of that too.

( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I hope Monty gets brittle bone disease
so his knob snaps off
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:06, Reply)

then what will you do with it?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I had splenomegaly once
or at least, I had some of the symptoms of it. A little education and a lot of google can be a dangerous combination...
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I want to know what that is now, just for the sake of being able to use such a magnificent word in a sentence
Although the sentence will likely be "someone I know off the internet had Splenomegaly once, or at least some of the symptoms of it"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Splen - spleen
megaly, mega - increase in size.

ie, enlargement of the spleen. I had a population of weird shaped blood cells (stomatocytes - cells with stoma, or 'mouths') and some abdominal pain, and google informed me that it was most like to be splenomegaly. It was idiopathic and it resolved within a couple of months.

I'm going to stop using long words now.
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Thank you for that
*fires up Google translate*

Is there an equivalent for boobies?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Mammomegaly?
erm. There was that woman on This Morning, I think it was, who'd had some sort of fibre implanted in her breast tissue, and the purpose of it was to irritate and cause inflammation, and so cause an increase in size of her boobs. Otherwise, no, not that I can think of. Hormones increase your breast size (ie, pregnancy and some contraceptive pills can) or overeating does, but that's about it.

It looked fucking horrible, if you ask me.
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:24, Reply)

This is why I'm scared of scientists
I was only thinking of a cup size or two...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:27, Reply)

Then gel bras are the way forward
I can recommend Ultimo, although how you'd buy one for your missus without causing all kinds of offence, I'm not really sure...
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:29, Reply)

It's not for the missus
I just want to see giant boobies everywhere I go
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Move to Essex then.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I don't get why men are fixated with giant boobs
they just don't look nice above a certain size.
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

: (

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Please specify
Carefully
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:38, Reply)

because darth
has a spreadsheet that can tell him exactly who you've just insulted
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Only up to a certain extent
Thus far the spreadsheet only has about 7 names on it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:40, Reply)

cake usually works for that

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Also, breast size can be increased by rubbing a bit of toilet tissue between the cleavage.
At least, that's what I told my ex.

When she questioned if this was fact, I was able to say, 'course it is, look what that toilet paper has done to your arse'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Asthma
What a cunt. That's about it really.

I'd wish for autism to strike NakedApe, so he'd at least spell things properly.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I expect Quixote
will end up with athlete's mouth pretty soon
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:08, Reply)

I'd like to see Gonz cured of crohn's disease
And instead, get the newly invented Chromes disease, where everything he touches gets a highly polished metal finish.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Aww
You're really nice underneath it all, aren't you?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:11, Reply)

under what?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:17, Reply)

The dog hair

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I'm feeling ruff!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:20, Reply)

haha!
Like a budget Midas.
( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:15, Reply)

I could see him as a budget Midas

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:17, Reply)

I once burst my Shatner's Basoon.
Fucking hell it was awful.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:10, Reply)

there was that time you were stood in the middle of the road
with a truck coming and you thought you had a month to get out of the way
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:10, Reply)

Tut tut
should have laid off the cake, then.
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:11, Reply)

it's a made up drug

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:14, Reply)

I know.
I was triple-jacked over a steeplehammer and jessop jessop jessop jessop jessop.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:15, Reply)

It's a fucking disgrace.

(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Alektorophobia - Fear of chickens
for PJM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:11, Reply)

:P

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

I love all the ...phobias
Annoyingly I seem to be able to remember the most obscure ones. Pogonophobia = fear of beards
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

i reckon one of you has spongecuntasitis
where your cunt flaps look like a sponge, soak up spills and are used to clean household items
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:12, Reply)

How rare!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I said Casey was innocent
tsk unbelievers eh
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:16, Reply)

just because she was acquitted doesn't mean she wasn't guilty
you have to be able to prove without a reasonable doubt that she was guilty, and the prosecution didn't.
one of the alternate jurors called in a news show and said that the reason they all voted not guilty was because the defense's case focused mainly on Casey's father, and the jurors believe he had something to with it.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Dunno Jurisprudence would suggest otherwise
All those haters gonna have to stop hatin
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:24, Reply)

they're going to hate her even more once she cashes in on it

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Hopefully she does kidnap porn

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:30, Reply)

You fucking bastard, you made me laugh and I popped a rubberband.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I'm well horrible

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Won't you come out and play?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:23, Reply)

FoxTrotKnobRot

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:13, Reply)

DiT has actually been suffering from Necrotizing fasciitis
I diagnosed it. He thought it was an upset stomach. How wrong he was....especially when he googled it. With the image search on.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:15, Reply)

EEK!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:17, Reply)

Heeheehee!
You looked, didn't you?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:18, Reply)

I gave a talk on that in my first year at uni
I made one girl throw up. It was great.
(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:19, Reply)

I love the way the words sound
I'm fully aware that it's incredibly nasty but it sounds beautiful. Rather like chlamydia and syphilis.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Cellar door?

(berk, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:25, Reply)

According to Dorothy Parker
and Josef Fritzl
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I know what it is.
And I'm not googling it.

I have the willpower not to. I wonder if people have enough to avoid looking at thewillpower.org?

By the way, it's a bit NSFA.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:20, Reply)

That is probably the girliest squeal ever to emanate from Newcastle

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:19, Reply)

And I'll bet your trousers were stretched to breaking point.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:20, Reply)

What trousers?
He just said he now has to wear extremely tight grey/blue tights, which may or may not have a suspiciously large bulge in them.

I may or may not have seen Labyrinth too many times.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Dance the magic dance!
Why this leads my mind onto:

Slip inside the eye of your mind
Don't you know you might find
A better place to stay...

I have no idea.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:26, Reply)

It's probably because
Liam Gallagher is a massive cock.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:28, Reply)

And before anyone says it,
no, I've never been to Newcastle.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:21, Reply)

+ under Lyme, but I have been to Newcastle upon Tyne

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:24, Reply)

under lyme
is the proper one coz my gran lived near there
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:26, Reply)

That was fucking shit

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I'm very busy, ok!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Evidently ;-)

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:30, Reply)

I have an -itis and an -osis
and frankly, I wouldn't wish them on anyone.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Oh, and I've had e coli that almost gave me kidney failure.
That was fun.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:28, Reply)

LOVE IT

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Yeah, me too.
Days away from death, I tells ya!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:30, Reply)

With your Cystitis it's probably better to wipe up properly after using the toilet

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I have an ori
Had it for years and years now.

And a mild ism.
( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:31, Reply)

H-Pylori?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:32, Reply)

That looks like a hotdog with four sperm-tails
Isn't it the one that causes ulcers?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:34, Reply)

It is.

( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

That what you got chick?
They tested me for it but the pissheads at the lab in Glasgow never returned the results.
But it turned out to be something else anyway.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

I've had it for years now.
I just take one little tablet each morning and no symptons whatsoever.
( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

Gosh, you have to take it forever?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

The autism is no secret

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I forgot about that one.
Ok two isms then.
( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

-isms are what the cool kids have, though

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:33, Reply)

awww
I also have a -ion, but no -ism.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:35, Reply)

i have two, you want one?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Only if it's cool.
and I forgot I also have an -ia.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:37, Reply)

-ology is what the cool kids have
*BT advert lolz*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Melvin, you never ring me.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

You never told me your office was air conditioned!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

OH MAN YOU REMEMBER

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

I've had the delightfully-named folliculitis
Which is the infection of a hair follicle. Which sounds a bit crap, but produces a lot of pain, swollen glands, and flu-like symptoms. Not very nice.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:26, Reply)

It also gives you the bad AIDS

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Reverend!
What the FUCK is going on at Trent Bridge?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:28, Reply)

It appears to be some form of cricket
But not a type I've ever seen England play before!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

No, my health is perfect.

( Kroney, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:30, Reply)

Hyperparathyroidism
*Dot Cottons*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:31, Reply)

How is that working out for you?
Any headway yet?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I'm on the high dose cholecalciferol (vitamin D) stuff for 10 weeks.
In 3 months they chck my blood again.
If it's good, good. If it's not then they'll do a scan. I think the vitamin D should do the trick.
It will also make me less narky :D
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Can't you just go out in the sun?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Well, a little, but I'm seriously too pale to be getting much. There's skin cancer int fambo.
And at this stage we don't know if the vitamin D is lowering itself on purpose to protect the body from an onslaught of calcium caused by hyperparathyroidism, or whether it is low by itelf and CAUSING hyperparathyroidism. Depends whether owt is growing on the glands.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Perhaps I should take that
I could do with being less narky.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Prescription only but I could see you right *winks*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

It's not what you know, it's who you know...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

*googles*
*does sad face*
( girlinthehole, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:38, Reply)

She should get lung cancer and die

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I used to love her but she's a bit grim now.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

She looks re-animated

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Not a disease
but floppy eyelid syndrome is about as ridiculous a name for a medical condition as it gets. I thought the specialist was taking the piss at the time (and it was April the 1st as well).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Better than floppy cock syndrome, I suppose.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:43, Reply)

True.
It did lead to my sleep apnoea being diagnosed though, which means I now get a decent night's kip and the floppy eyelid thing to correct itself again, meaning I can see properly. Driving at night used to be an utter bastard as everything was blurred to fuck.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I have an -orm, but I'm telling you no more than that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:46, Reply)

And he has a mate called Cheep

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:47, Reply)

That looks like roadkill...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Meet the two unlikely characters who just love to play. Orm is a worm, and Cheep is a bird who can't fly. Together they spend their days playing cricket with their friends Snail, Mouse, Mole and Hedgehog, painting and eating biscuits - Cheep's favourite snack.

Life is peaceful as long as Cheep steers clear of the dangerous dark wood where his foes live. Cheep often ignores Orm's warnings and almost gets snatched by Crow, Cat or Rat who like to torment him. Cheep cleverly managed to escape the evil clutches of these three villains and is free to play cricket in safety, at least until the next time Crow, Cat and Rat try their luck.

A delightful puppet drama for pre-schoolers.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

what


the


fuck...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Which bit confuses you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

It's all a bit mental that's all
It really sounds you just made it up on the spot
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Are you too young to remember Orm and Cheep?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

I'm 29...
Was it on ITV as i wasn't allowed to watch that as it was "common"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I believe it was.
I think it was early to mid 80s.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:12, Reply)

It's the sort of thing I could imagine Captain inventing, granted.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:59, Reply)

nah
I'd have put more dragons in it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Chorlton and the Wheelies!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

a bit too ITV for me

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

I have series 1 on VHS

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

It had the best theme tune EVER.
Even if it is 'too ITV' for some.

Not for me though.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Lovely tune.
I love Our Clifford.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

crow is a bastard

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:56, Reply)

A right cunt.
When he isn't trying to attack Cheep, he is cancelling tube services.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

if only cheep could fly

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

WOAH!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

uncanny

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:53, Reply)

I thought it was shit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

It does. It's called Ryan Air

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

*Golf clap*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Is that what Tiger Woods gave to all his mistresses?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Well bloody done

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I'm reluctant to point out that I applauded the comment 3 minutes before you.
but I will.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:01, Reply)

I'm going to marmalise you in a minute

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Marmalise Atkins!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

But I only wanna muck abaaaht

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

God that show was shit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

If only Cheep could fly

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:52, Reply)

I'm not sure now if I've still got a cold or it's hayfever
I have a snotty nose and I keep coughing.
In other news I've just put fake tan on my legs and I'm going to a wedding this evening.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:57, Reply)

I put on some Johnson's Holiday Glow and it went like gravy.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I've used that in the past but it takes forever to have a fake tan unless you use the gravy colour
This time I've gone upmarket - Lancome's Flash Bronzer.
I'm impressed - no streaks, no biscuit smell like spray tan and it looks fairly natural. Not cheap though.
As my mother says, "You get what you pay for"
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Cryptosporidiosis.
Hydronephrosis.
Fibroids.

I've managed to avoid beaver fever.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:00, Reply)

My school had to close for a fortnight because of an outbreak Cryptosporidiosis in 1987 or 1988

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Do you need a plane ticket to Switzerland?
one way
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

waht about disco fever?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Much harder to avoid.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

rythym's gonna get you

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

Night fevers.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Good luck
Stayin' alive.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Western Seaquarium is utter dog shit.
Jeff was right, I didn't remember it being that shit!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:03, Reply)

I did try and warn you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

And he didn't let me come and meet him, Jeff!
I would have taken him on the pier and everything!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Well it sounds like it was a shit day all round.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Of course, it was Weston after all

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

ran out of time mate, I was meant to have 30 mins to myself where the ADHD cunt was taken off me
but he was being such a shit I had to stay with him. I am going up with uni folk soon so will buy you a lolly x
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

ADHD badly brought up, badly behaved little cunt who needs clip round the ear
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

this too!
little shit bag.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:31, Reply)

did you wear shorts?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:04, Reply)

no I woke up to torrential rain so wore black combat trousers, white and blue striped shirt and
timberland deck shoes. I looked like a right cunt.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

At least you are honest with yourself
Didn't combat trousers go out with the break up of All Saints?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

well they are just black cotton trousers with a side pocket.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Good name though...
Like Borth Animalarium
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

And Bedgbury Arboretum

( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:12, Reply)

I like that too
It sounds like a prog band
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I've booked in the pigs for castration
on tuesday - poor things
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Are you going to eat their balls?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I don't think I will, you know

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Think of them as cocktail sausages only saltier
and softer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

and hairier

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I hate the name "SAD", Seasonal Affected Depression, it's such a patronising name for it, "Aww, diddums, are you fweeling SAD today? MOI POUR BAYBI"
Quick little test: ГЛАВНАЯ GEAR СНОУБОРД СЕРФ СКЕЙГЛАВНАЯ GEAR СНОУБОРД СЕРФ СКЕЙ
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Is that russian?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

It' the Crohns disease taking over Gonz's motor functions

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Yeah', just wanted to see something, ignore it =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

oh I'm pretty sure I have that
winter is awful, and I always get this feeling of dread, like something bad is going to happen
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Something about snowboarding and skiing?
I don't speak Russian, but i can read Cyrillic.

EDIT: Glavnaya Gear snowboard surf ski?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Yup, except the first one, donno what that is.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Gonz is trying to seduce a Russian lady. On the internet.
From my admittedly limited knowledge of these matters, I don't think he'll need to try too hard.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)

I had a touch of Osgood-Schlatter disease when I was in school
it made my knees ache if I sat down so I had to take painkillers and get up during classes for a stroll about.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 6 Jul 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Oh I had that when I was a kid as well
Painful stuff.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Jul 2011, 17:03, Reply)