Adele
So she's fat, so she's pretty, so she can sing.
Big whoop.

Let's take celebrities and chop 'em down to size.

alt: what do you make well?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:02, 111 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I make a very good pasta with cheese sauce.
And I'm fucking brilliant at chow meins.

And I'm not feeling in a snippy mood, so no chance there, sorry.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I am, for a change
That David fucking Walliams can fuck fucking off with his stupid fat face and his faux-camp demeanour masking an abject lack of comedic talent or satirical insight.

Fucking cunt.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

THIS^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

NOW DO KRISTINE!!!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

she looks about 12

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

ZINGaLING

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:12, Reply)

She won't come to New York to see the Halloween Parade with me.

( Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

YOU DIDN'T INVITE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:18, Reply)

I totally did!
I said we should meet up and we could pretend you had actually made a trip to the UK.
( Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:23, Reply)

And I said I could probably get there.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I'm gonna give Freefair the benefit of the doubt.
I've been doing a bit of psychochomping to relieve boredom and his stuff, other internet usernames, toryboy lolitics and irritating indiscriminate capitilisation of whatever words he chooses all adds up. It's not a sock puppet.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Didn't he post a pic with his face on and a caption saying I am Freefair yesterday?
Seems a bit odd to get someone else to do that, just to maintain the sock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Yeah I thought that when Monty "outed" him as Wormulus
Seems a bit extreme to maintain what would be a pretty poor attempt at a sock puppet.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

see I'd kind of thought he was legit
until someone suggested it was Wormulus, because he's the only person who would stick at such an awful character.

Most others seemed convinced he was someone else and I thought I must have missed something.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)

I honestly think everyone's too gobsmacked by the notion that a hopelessly naive 16-year-old idealist would want to stick around here to believe that's what he is

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

TD said he was Swipey
and while I don't believe this it's the closest I've come to thinking he was a sock, The dates and the politics match.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:25, Reply)

no way
she wouldn't bother.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Agreed
I honestly don't think Swipe could be arsed with such a pretence. And if she did, FreeFair would be all about telling Al he's a cunt.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

As I say I didn't believe it
just liked this theory more than most. I've always thought he was real, but i'm giving up on thinking he's worth talking to I had forgotten just how thick 16 year-olds actually are.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

it's not so much the thickness
but the complete confidence that they aren't thick and in fact know everything, despite having experienced almost nothing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

this is why it's believeable
you don't get many on art and design courses, but the odd 'I'm a proper fashion photographer who knows everything' does turn up. The only option is taking the piss
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

he actually reminds me a bit of The Stig
was he before your time?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:33, Reply)

The Stig?
I'm sure you don't mean the racing driver and it doesn't sound much like stig of the dump (although I have a bad memory), but I am sure I'm older than you
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

he was a guy on here
needy and whingy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

If there was a B3tan with the nerve and unoriginality to call himself The Stig
Then the best way he could have conducted himself was to not say anything ever.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Oh man he was a bit odd, generally alright
but then he turned up at a bash and disgraced himself, didn't he?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

oh, a b3tan
doh!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

This is an excellent summary of 16-year-olds
It also surmises nicely why I hated school.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

As much as I adore swipey
she has enough trouble keeping her own personality in check, let alone running another one alongside it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

It all adds up...
Her new bloke is really a fat 16 year old she is keeping locked up in her flat.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

hahaha

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Now this I believe.
it would explain so much.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I'd post my trail, but that's far too chompy.
sportscow's right, the username of the photobucket account he used to post that photo, and one of the images in it, was used in a Young Tory forum in December last year.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

good enough for me
even Wormulus isn't that crazy/bored.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I, for one, welcome our new Toryboy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:24, Reply)

as long as people get over bashing him for being a sock puppet
and get on to bashing him for genuinely being an idiot
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Yeah

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Don't hold your breath
There are plenty of true things about me worthy of abuse but "gayer" remains resolutely the most popular.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:30, Reply)

if it helps
I just think you look fucking gay, not that you actually take it up the arse.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Haha!
That is OK then
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:33, Reply)

*sniffs*
Cheers mate. That means a lot.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Quite alright, anytime.
I'm finding your pet meme rather dull TBH, but apparently this makes me a cunt or something.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I'm with you chap.
I don't generally do memes.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

some are funny when they have a bit of variety
constantly calling an man gay, not so much.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

I like them when they stick around for a few days and provide ammunition and lols
but they get lame very quickly. A bit like me in that respect.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Don't make me call you Moriarty
it'll confuse Cavy
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

cunt!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

fuck you goblin-spawn

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Not as dull as I find it, trust me
The worst part is that even when I play along, there's precious little to work with.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Poor Darth
sucks to be you right now.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Only because of the Labyrinthitis
The memes I'm used to. I see them as contrivances to be ignored on the path to the occasional funny comment or decent conversation. A bit like chuggers.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:44, Reply)

Yeah, that must proper suck
I'm glad I don't have it and life is generally awesome.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Vippers, you may have to hand over your Golden Crown of Croissants

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:49, Reply)

It's OK
The next mood swing will be along soon and I'll get all maudlin and self pitying again.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Hang about
If AA is about you might get his Diamond-Encrusted Razorblade of Emo too
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Fucking hell Noel
What do you get up to when you're not on here? And why haven't you found Lucan yet?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

he's too busy taking it from Shergar

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

*holds hands about fifteen inches apart and nods*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

b3ta search and google mate, took about two minutes.
I was bored and curious, it's a fucking dangerous combination.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Impressive stuff
Now dig up some dirt on Vippers
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:30, Reply)

there isn't any.
my best man is having a hard time and he's known me for years.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Exactly why your best man needs MOAR NOEL
In all seriousness, he's probably going to have to reel out a load of fat jokes, now that you're not any more. That'll get tedious real quick. If he makes a comment along the lines of "Over the course of our friendship Vipros has matured considerably - and god knows he needed to!", throw cake at him.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:35, Reply)

I can't, it goes against my very being, he's like the embodiment of cool, rock and smug
also www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1278201
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:33, Reply)

I'm pretty good at making a mess
also pretty good at making crocheted toys and bits of costume
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Thank you for being the only one that didn't post about FOOD.

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

I can't really cook well, so it would be foolish
so what are you good at making that isn't food?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:23, Reply)

I don't do it often, but I sometimes make crafts.
Made a load of ornaments as christmas presents a few years ago out of wire clothes hangers. Bent them into heart shapes, sprinkled sand onto them and hung a shell from them
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Bono.
What a cunt.

Alt: Hearty food and fry ups, it's no wonder I'm a lolfatty.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

You remind me
I really should eat some lunch, but everytime I go to the kitchen it still doesn't contain anything tasty
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I forgot my breakfast this morning
No wonder I was fucking starving at 11.45
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:10, Reply)

You might as well hang on for dinner now.
Perhaps your kitchen can do better with that.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I'm hoping it magically
begins to contain more than oven chips and microwave rice.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:14, Reply)

You can now get microwave risotto
Odd
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Aiden Moffat has some opinions on her...
thequietus.com/articles/06446-adele-someone-like-you-review

Alt: Muttar Paneer
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:08, Reply)

Cheesy peas! FTW

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:09, Reply)

New squeezy cheesy peas*
*Now available in strawberry flavour.

/ninetieslols
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:11, Reply)

Funny, I've constantly thought there's something not quite right about that song
and there it all is.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Good linkage there
If she was that much of a whiney cow when they were dating then no wonder he moved on.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:18, Reply)

alt: love
also food. My crispy peking duck is good. and my risotto

I hate most people and things, so I can't choose who to chop down to size
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I make a good risotto too
and pizzas. And a cracking Sunday roast
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:15, Reply)

my fellow gourmand Stacey and I came up with a beautiful blend of roast dinner and risotto
roast loin of pork with a butternut squash and sage risotto with shards of crackling through it. Served with hot mustard and apple sauce. It was so good. I can still imagine the taste now.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:17, Reply)

I remember you posting about that
NOMNOMNOMNOM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:18, Reply)

I'm going to be doing chicken breasts
stuffed with buffalo mozzarella, chilli flakes and thyme, and rolled in proscuitto. A quick fry then roast in the oven.

Served with cubed potato, boiled then fried with garlic and rosemary.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)

I'm making some lemony turkey kofte kebab things tonight with couscous and roasted veg
made a chilli last night. It was fucking awesome. This week's special ingredients were tequila and chorizo.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:21, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Every time I have cous cous it is a disappointment
Must try harder, cous cous.

I also have polenta which I'm going to try soft with loads of butter and cheese, and also hard, cooled and griddled.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:23, Reply)

it's all about what you put in it
roasted veg is good, with lemon zest, some crispy bacon, maybe some toasted pine nuts.

polenta is a bit hit and miss. I tried to make a dessert with it by having it hard, sprinkled with icing sugar and fried then served with some ice cream and a drizzle of some kind of sweet sauce. Didn't work too well, but I think that was down to the cooking not working quite right. Would've been better deep fried.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Hmm
Not thought about that. I first had it soft in a mushroom and red wine soup recipe that I made ages ago. It was fucking wonderful!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

STOP IT!
you're making me jealous and all that will happen is I'll go to morrisons and buy a pizza or something
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Go and buy some nice ingredients and make something interesting to eat
Corn-fed chicken legs, corn on the cob and broccoli this evening I think
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:25, Reply)

OK
what should I make? (bear in mind I have a very limited attention span with cooking)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:26, Reply)

Name three nice ingredients you like to eat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:27, Reply)

ermmm
*gives up* this is too hard
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

How about:
Strips of beef dusted in flour, sitr fried with peppers and spring onions? Bit of soy sauce, bit of honey, bit of chilli?

Serve with boiled rice - 5 mins to prepare and 15 tops to cook from start to finish
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:31, Reply)

*takes a potato peeler to a cow*
i reckon I could handle that.

(genuine question: can you actually buy strips of beef - I've not ever bought much meat other than bacon)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:34, Reply)

You can buy pre-cut meat, yes
Not sure about strips though but you could buy a cheap cut for about £2 for this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:35, Reply)

skirt is probably a good cut to use
if you really don't cook it long
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

this has suddenly got more complicated

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Just go in and buy some beef!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

yeah

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Um, OK
off i go, right now, to buy food and not get distracted by things. Yup, this is going well
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:39, Reply)

you can, but I wouldn't bother because it'll be cheap shit
use sirloin, cut it really thin and cook it hot and not for very long.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Daphne from Eggheads
You just know that smug, self-satisfied lucky-guessing old biddy has her last three husbands buried under the patio because they beat her at Trivial Pursuit.

Alt: A mighty fine chilli that'll exfoliate your areshairs in the morning
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:15, Reply)

I agree entirely
The way she reacts despairingly whenever someone gets a question wrong really winds me up. The denouement of my grand plan to win more TV quiz shows involves me taking her place on the Eggheads team and beating her to death with CJ's legs.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Wasn't there an OT Eggheads team?
If that came to fruition you may get your chance. DO IT!
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:24, Reply)

b3th and I were discussing it, yeah
But I've realised, if we win, I'll have to SHARE the prize money. What the fuck?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I also realised
that there are six in the team, including the reserve. If we win, would we have to split the money five ways or six?

I still have the application form though, so whenever we're ready...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:38, Reply)

We need to work out who else is on the team first
Depends who's prepared to travel to Glasgow. Think that ruled Kroney out on account of his crippling Southernfairyitis
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Alt: Curry, risotto, sandwiches.
That's it. That's fucking it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I'm going home now
Night kids. Be good.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 16:59, Reply)