New fucked-up thread time.
Your brief is to write some fanfic about a b3tan and a member of the Murdoch press. Or just a couple of b3tans, if you like.

Say for example, Monty and ToryBoy, or Bert and BGB.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:26, 72 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Had thought about linking to my TGB fanfic.
But I won't.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:31, Reply)

do it!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:33, Reply)

Can't make the bloody thing link properly so......
Like all good caves the entrance is partially obscured by luxurious foliage. As you push past the delicate fronds you are faced by a vertical crack of generous proportion. However nothing will prepare you for the sight immediately within. Polyps are growing from the floor and ceiling in glutinous approximation of stalagmites and stalactites. The drip, drip, drip of vaginal discharge overlays the homely noises of various herds which roam freely across the savannah-like floor.

The occasional bowl shaped depression has allowed a strange pus coloured liquid to gather, providing a home for dangerously large mutated nematodes. Of course, they too have their predators and various wombdogs lurch from puddle to puddle lapping up the large red worms and occasionally lying down mid-path to catch the unwary traveller by surprise. Tepees have been erected by the indigenous peoples ( a varied and motley crew drawn from the length and breadth of OT) and it is not unusual to find them gathered around a dimly glowing screen hooting and crowing with glee and derision in a seemingly chaotic way.

Over head the gentle pulsing of light seems to come directly from the outside. One can only assume that the walls of said vadge have thinned with age and the gross distension necessary to accommodate the wonders beheld. The true wonder is that due to the size and height of the cavern a micro-climate has evolved reminiscent of a somewhat cooler Jurassic age. Clouds roil overhead and the “sun” breaks through to be greeted by the faithful worshippers below.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 20 Jul 2011, 12:35, Reply)

OK, I'm going to ignore the brief and go with this that my friend wrote.
First, watch this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWCN8-cVLSU

then read this:
she stared at me, her soft animal eyes so full of intelligence. and in that moment I felt understood like i never had before'
her arms were long and muscular, her fur so soft
many thoughts went through my mind
a flashback to my conquests of alien women on some film set, distracted me for a moment
momentarily, I broke my stride, but then.... my focus returned
her simian womb engulfed me like a nebula
I knew that I was going where no man had gone before and so, like my widescreen namesake, I boldy continued on
great heaving and pulsing
parting her deliciously mammalian buttocks, I stared into a gulf, more enticing than all space
Koko and I wrestled in love's embrace, as I had once wrestled with Gorn on the blasted surface of Cestus III
as our rhythm settled into a gleeful compromise of the preferences of human and ape, I found great waves of pleasure growing within me to match Koko's yowls and screams
I felt, in that moment, that a sacred union had been achieved, a truly unique and epoch-making conjugation of our two separate and noble races'
and from that very moment on, nothing would truly be the same ever again between man and ape
I knew this moment should be savoured
....
Prolonged
and so deep within my mind, as my frenzied thrusts continued to ravage Koko's hairy cleft, I began to recite a litany to myself.
a litany of names and places, friends and foes from long ago in that strange quest beyond the stars
Spock, Bones Uhuru, UHURU! T'pau, the Gron
and Koko's grunts seemed to rend the very sky with their intensity
the moment of glory... was close
it built and built
she began to buck and sway
it was all I could do to cling on.
and I began to think of all I could to delay that final moment
but it was too late
what had begun, could not be stopped
It would surge forth like the Genesis Project across a cold, barren planet
bringing new life into the deepest crevices of Koko's world
in desparation I pictured the one thing which might hold this back, to transmute my act of animalistic love into something other
into rage, into emnity
but it was too late
and with a great shout, it burst forth, a mighty cry at the moment of white-hot oblivion
'KAAAAAAAAAAHNNNNN!!!!!!!!'
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:32, Reply)

it's looks weird because it's copy and pasted
from an IM conversation. I am responsible for very little
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:33, Reply)

I am so afraid of you right now

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:36, Reply)

it wasn't me
if you see a poster on here called Just Pouring Lizards, it was him.

who, incidentally, is not the same guy as the one with the dream about a cat
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:37, Reply)

The idea I gave you about the Firefly fanfic featuring me and Quixote?
I'd like that back now, please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:40, Reply)

haha - too late
oh, just in case you missed the cat story
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1270795#post1270797
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Yummy
So how long were you with him?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:46, Reply)

I have been out with neither of these people
i would like to make that clear
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Uh-huh
Is Quixote aware of the level of deviant imagination you expect in your sex partners?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:50, Reply)

you don't know what I've got him doing right now...

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Anulingus lols

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:57, Reply)

This is the most awkward thing I have ever read.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:38, Reply)

I love you





Do we have a new champion?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:39, Reply)

I'm going to choose to assume you mean that
in a platonic 19th century way.
( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:42, Reply)

Whatever's more awkward
So no
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Grim

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:53, Reply)

Fuck that shit,
William Shatner is following me on google plus.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:52, Reply)

I hope you're making it worth his while.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:53, Reply)

I have said hello

(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:54, Reply)

That'll do it, alright.

( Kroney, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

He hasn't replied
the smug prick
(PsychoChomp, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:58, Reply)

what about now?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:49, Reply)

You're so cool

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:55, Reply)

I love fanfics.
But I am here via my phone so no langorous, dreamy fanfic from me.

If I had to write one, it would be Rory as a doe eyed killer stalking a trembling Amberl through a wasteland, as Vipros and Monty are slowly revealed to be the infernal gay lovers who are blackmailing Rory into the murderous hunt.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:53, Reply)

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING????" yelled a furious Darth as he walked out the corner shop. He was only in there for a minute, he must have missed the blue uniformed dashing B3th as he walkd in. He only wanted a bottle of yop, he had a hard day, he deserved it. He walked up to his car with the striking b3th holding her £19.99 cassio camera photographing the lisance plate.
"I'm very sorry sir, you know the rules" she said with a coy smile, "Double yellows, instant penalty, I'm going to have to write up a ticket".
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS ! I CAN'T AFFORD THE FINE ! I'LL LOSE MY CAR"
"Should have thought about that before you parked on double yellow lines"
"YOU FUCKING BITCH, I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU"
He didn't see the two comunity support officers standing right behind him, Berk and Crunchy wore this high-vis vests with as

..... yeah', I'm bored of this, but pretend I did a long-winded story that doesn't have any sex in it at all.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:58, Reply)

Fucks sakes
Even in Gonz' brain I can't manage to get any hot B3tan action
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:59, Reply)

rofl

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:01, Reply)

OH man, but wearing a hi vis jacket
is so sexy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:01, Reply)

Someone did that a while back.
It was amusing. Nasty, but amusing.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 17:59, Reply)

got a link?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:00, Reply)

I'm searching...
I've got to page 20 of OT and haven't found it yet....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:18, Reply)

I've reached page 32 and still not found it
I think TGB wrote it - there were about six installments I think. Perhaps she'll be around soon and put the link up.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:31, Reply)

was that the fairytale one?
Because if so, here it is b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1068942
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:32, Reply)

YES!
That's the one! Thanks :)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:46, Reply)

You're welcome
it's a work of genius
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:34, Reply)

That was awesomes!

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:32, Reply)

Wasn't it just!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:38, Reply)

I had no idea I featured in that
nor did I see that ending coming (although I really should have done), it's awesome.
(berk, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:15, Reply)

Congratulations on getting offered that job berk.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:17, Reply)

I turned it down though...
it was too far on too little money.
(berk, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:21, Reply)

That aside, it must do your confidence the power of good to have been offered it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:22, Reply)

Yes and no
Given that I got rejections for two jobs I really, really wanted today.

EDIT - in any case, I'm off out for a run. Be back in an hour or so.
(berk, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:28, Reply)

Well it's starting to get dark.
So be careful.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:33, Reply)

yay!
I was in it twice *prouds*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:33, Reply)

And I've got a golden smile and a cheeky mullet or something!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:42, Reply)

Hi hon!
How life in teh Brizzle at the mo?
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:51, Reply)

It's mental busy Blousie.
Proper mental. I'm shattered.

You need to add to the b3ta calendar the date when you want me to take the ladies of OT up the promenade.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:53, Reply)

Haha! will do.
Better busy than moping around petal.
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:12, Reply)

Are you all mopey?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:17, Reply)

No, far from it : )
I meant you moping around with nothing to do.
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:19, Reply)

I was ticking over okay, but now it's mental!
So what's new in the world of Blousie?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:23, Reply)

I'm having fun is all.

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:26, Reply)

Wait 'till I don my 'Kiss me quick' hat and take you on the pier!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:27, Reply)

I know : )))
*excites*
( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:33, Reply)

You'll get to appreciate just how miserable I really am in real life.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:42, Reply)

Pfft!

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:45, Reply)

As long as you don't fall ill again at the thought of spending time in my company.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:49, Reply)

I'm relishing the moments we will spend together Jeff.

( girlinthehole, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:53, Reply)

I would suggest you lower your expectations.
And then lower them again.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 21:00, Reply)

This was brilliant.
I've never been a mayor before (although I know someone who has).
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:19, Reply)

It doesn't get better (worse) than this.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6879373
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 18:14, Reply)

Wait, are we allowed to mention Spakka's erotic fiction?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:36, Reply)

I don't think so, no

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:40, Reply)

That was inspired. Utterly inspired.
Also utterly cringeworthy. The man is a legend.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:48, Reply)

seconded.

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Tue 19 Jul 2011, 20:46, Reply)

Johnnie Marbles, the Anarcho-Trot "comedian" and founder of UKUncut and Foam Plate merchant to Rupert Murdoch
Has been dumped by his Girlfriend on Twitter.
"Not funny, not clever, not your girlfriend." @pageantmalarkey wrote in her biography.
Hahahahaha twat.
(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:42, Reply)

He is annoyingly ugly fat cunt, I'm surprised he's ever had a girlfriend at all

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:47, Reply)

I have to concur.

(888777555, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:50, Reply)

*PAEDO HIGH 5'S*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 19 Jul 2011, 19:51, Reply)