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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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'Idea for a series....'
In the spirit of Alan Partridge, let's hear your ideas for television or radio programmes.

A friend of mine was going to set up an internet radio station thing for Shoreditch and I was going to be on it. My idea was to host a show called ‘Mock The Weak’ where I play a well-known record, take it apart mercilessly and explain in detail why I think it’s shit, and then follow this by playing a comparable but superior platter and explain why I think it’s better.

It never happened, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:01, 216 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I may never have a better idea for a series
than Downs Syndrome Big Brother.

Thankyou for this opportunity to trot it out again.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Or the erotic motion picture featuring mongs
"Down Boy!"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)
There is a genuine film called 'Romeo Retard'.


Errr, apparently.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)
There is a genuine film called 'Pitbull loves pussy'
It doesn't feature budget "is he white or is he black" party rapper Pitbull either
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)
Aww how sweet!
It’s about a dog and a cat and how they defy tradition to become BEST FWENDS.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)
I think it is, yes

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:38, Reply)
How about an action film starring flids?
Oh, wait, done already www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbu7MWECUEU
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)
Hahahaha
My brother has 'Two Crippled Heroes' which is an 80s Hong Kong kung fu classic where two chaps, one with no arms and one with no legs, team up to become an unstoppable fighting force.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)
that sounds excellent

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
The 'no legs' one has a little wooden skateboard that he rolls around on.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
outstanding
standing sitting
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
I would watch that

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)
It would be hard not to

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
1 Island, 12 children, 5 nonces
last one fingered wins.

"I'm a child, Gadd me out of here!"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)
Hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)
‘Gary’s Forbidden Love Island’

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)
I'm still hoping for a remix of Eastenders/Coronation St and Twin Towers

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)
There was a similar discussion on /talk yesterday
www.b3ta.com/talk/7268450
I quite liked Ethnic Cleansing On Ice and Nonce's Bonce - Who is Britain's brainiest paedophile.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)
I've always thought a funny BBC1 sitcom would be nice

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)
ITV comedy would be a rare beast indeed

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)
The Front Line was funny.
That may have been BBC2 actually.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)
The "what are you doing this weekend show"
Ask people on the street what they're doing for the weekend and then judge them on it silently.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)
"the lunch thread"
I'd also like to see a proper version of "loose women" where they all head for a club called "Roxy's" and drink buckets of breezer before getting bent over the bins round the back by a bloke in a short-sleeved Ben Sherman shirt.

Well, I wouldn't, but it would probably be better than the current version
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)
Hahahah
Your idea is better than mine.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)
Also, a proper version of "the one show"
where all "light entertainment" presenters must fight to the death with fuck-off swords across different periods of history.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)
There must be only One Show

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
*touches nose*
*points finger*

My money's on Chris Evans, I bet he fights like a cunt.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)
Gyles Brandreth would bum him to death

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Bleakley all the way
She would bite everyone to death with her massive teeth
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
What about Toksvik? Her and Balding could start some sort of butch lesbian tag team
"Who dares clam joust with the 'sisters of NO mercy'?"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Actually you are right on Balding
She'd kick the fuck out of Adrian Chiles no bother
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
and they'd have the power to control all the horses
just by sensible-shoed thought.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
I would definitely watch that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
'Lunch Thread'
in which Matthew Wright and Nicky Campbell ask celebrities and politicians what they'll be 'nomming' on for their mid-day meal.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)
I'd actually watch that
Today John Prescott will be eating an entire water buffalo....with chips
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Before bringing it back up 5 minutes later.
"Remember kids, Bulimia rules! You get twice the taste, and only half the calories!"
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
John Prescott - worst bulimic EVAR!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)
I had an idea for a film
about Kung Fu nuns, called Force of Habit.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)
It's good.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)
but it's not right


Oh god, I feel dirty.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
*posts 'wanking Mr Chips' youtube clip*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
They should have just stopped making catchphrase after that
it was never going to be that awesome again.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)
and the world may not have been subjected to the atrocity that is Carpark Catchphrase
by that fat, fucking spastic Chris Moyles.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
there was more to it
I have a feeling that Force of Habit was the sequel. The original was about fighting vicars, but I totally can't remember the puntastic title.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
Escape to Vicar-tory?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)
it was better than that

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
Obviously

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
it's annoying that I can't remember it
as it was quite an obvious pun
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:34, Reply)
I should fucking hope it was.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
Time to
Ad-minister pain
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
...it'll make you wimple with pain

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Dog-Collars of War

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Convent of Pain?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)
Bad Habits
(I accept that would be monks)
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Fathers for Justice

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Would they fight with Nun-chucks?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)
yes, yes they would

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)
surely cucumbers?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)
who is she?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:36, Reply)
Isn't she the greengrocer in Balamory?

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)
A medical drama based in nunnery
called "Hister-rectory"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)
that would need to be in a Vicar's house, really
But I like the pun.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)
i'm thinking of refectory
bah.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Or Sisterectomy, surely?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
This very thing

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
that could be where someone tries to seduce a nun

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Having just watched it on iPlayer recently
Can I just ask for MOAR SHERLOCK please?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:45, Reply)
yeah, that was good
my friend's sister was in it for about 20 seconds
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
This is good

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
I loved it. And I never love anything,

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I really liked the on-screen graphics of his thought processes
for some reason
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)
I shall watch it then
I believe I have the first series downloaded already
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
It is excellent

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
It really was fucking excellent

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
Ahahh! Go it
Little Bitten - a series in which rabid dogs are set on David Walliams for lols
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)
Having recently watched Dinner For Schmucks I like this idea a lot
watched endured
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Monty's Top Gear
featuring "The Star With The Reasonably Priced Wrap"
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:48, Reply)
Start Trek
Z list celebrities are dropped in the middle of the Sahara with one bottle of water and a tin of beans and have to get home
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
I like this.
Paris Hilton has to go on the first season.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Chompy's Everybody Loves Raping

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:50, Reply)
it'd be better than everybody loves raymond
I intend to kill everyone involved with that programme
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
I have never seen it

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)
it is the worst kind of shite

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
*stays well clear*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
God, it really is
As far as I can tell, there are four jokes;

His wife could do better
His mum likes things to be clean
His dad is a grumpy arse
His brother's really tall

GENIUS
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Flee
Musical comedy where high school wannabees are chased by tigers
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
I like this

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)
Harry Potter and the Half-blood mixed-race SHAME
Featuring 'Nick Griffin-dor'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:52, Reply)
House
Doctors playing bingo
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
Two and a half men
Starring Jeffrey Dahmer
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Come die with me

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Murder, She Wrought

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Some brothers do'ave em
same as namesake - relocated to Harlem
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)
Pictures Or It Didn't Happen
In which publishers, writers and, most crucially, readers of gossip mags are challenged to prove that Ashley totally DID cheat on Cheryl with whatsherface off of Corrie INNIT.

Unproven accusations will be punishable by death, obviously.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)
The Black and Shite Minstrel Show
in which Richard Blackwood, 'Busi, 'Fash', Lenny Henry, 'Ains' and Kenny Lynch all sing traditional madrigals to the accompaniment of a lute and dulcimer.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)
No Stephen K. Amos?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)
look again...

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Fucking hell that's embarrasing
Must... edit... hastily...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)


(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Neigh burrs
an every day story of removing sharp edges from our equine chums.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
That's Life
A programme set in the maximum security wing following the day to day life on "crims" doing "bird" for "shanking" someone.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)
The One Show
Giles Brandreth reveals his one testicle.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:09, Reply)
A Question Of Spurt
a team of panellists make light hearted guesses at how much semen cheeky chappie Phil Tufnell can produce in half an hour.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Questionable Sport
Where a panel of "celebs" discuss dubious sports,
Monket Throttling and Mong Throwing etc
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:26, Reply)
Ultimate Frisbee?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:30, Reply)
So strikethroughs don't work on the title line then, eh?
How I Met Your Mother

Panel show in which contestants are rewarded for their creativity in replacing the missing word to imply maternal degradation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:12, Reply)
Last Of The Summer Mime
Three old men try to escape from an invisible box whilst travelling downhill in an old bath.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:13, Reply)
The Knickers of Dribbly
in which Dawn French interviews muscular dystrophy sufferers about their favourite underwear.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:15, Reply)
Sex & The Shitty
A documentary about Veronica Moser.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Agatha Christies Perineum
The famous moustachioed Belgian smelly bridge solves a series of mysteries.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:19, Reply)
I think you're the only one trying, here, Broaders.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:20, Reply)
He really should get some sort of medal
I have lolled and clicked heartily at this thread
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:25, Reply)
I'm nearly spent, it's getting close to pub o'clock

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:25, Reply)
Broadsword Calling Danny Boy
in which a popular B3tan rings up Danny Baker to discuss breasts.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:21, Reply)
i like breasts

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:25, Reply)
Hasn't he got cancer?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)
Let's ask.
Broadsword, have you got cancer?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:32, Reply)
It appears so
I always find out about my life threatening illnesses from this messageboard :/
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:36, Reply)
Little Scouse On The Hairy
Ringo Starr has to get from Lands End to John o'Groats whilst clinging to Robin Williams shoulder hair.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
HAHAHA!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Are You Harder than A Ten Year Old?
in which professional heavyweight boxers beat children to death, for lolz, whilst being egged on by a visibly drunk Noel Edmunds.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Laura Gnawed 'Er
American police procedural and legal drama television series in which we try to discover who Laura gnawed.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:24, Reply)
South West Enders
A show in which middle class people from South West london go about their lives happily and without major drama/murder/baby swapping/domestic violence/brankrupcy etc, although episode one ends on a cliff hanger when Lea and Sandeman have run out of Beaujolais.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)
ER
A live debate on using sounds to replace words in Liverpool
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:27, Reply)
HAHA!
Some of these are class!
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:37, Reply)
Spacker-jack
In which disabled contestants have a ‘dance-off’ to the House Sound of Chicago.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Nice one

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:30, Reply)
Blue Peter
Where Peter Sutcliff masturbates onto the camera for an hour every Tuesday night at 5:30
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:29, Reply)
See also Sutcliffe's lifestyle property show
"Homes Under The Hammer"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:31, Reply)
or Homos Under the Hammer
in which Peter does THE LORD’S WORK amongst Bradford’s homosexual community.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)
Brush Strokes
in which popular fox puppet Basil Brush masturbates on a webcam.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Or alternatively
Brush Strokes Dirty Den's Dirty Den
fox puppet Basil Brush cabbie murderer Leslie Grantham
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:45, Reply)
*applauds*

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
I don't have one
but I'd like to say that there are some golden ideas coming out here.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Black Hole Robot Wars
Stephen Hawking takes on various mechanical killing machines while espousing the virtues of space time
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Last of the Summer Crime
Set in late August, following a group of teenagers breaking into peoples houses because they leave the windows open due to the "heat".
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Cuntyfile
John Craven seeks out Britains biggest cunts, and makes organised notes which he stores in a foolscap folder.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)
'Hulloagin'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:42, Reply)
Carnation Streets
in which Mike Skinner is drowned in condensed milk
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:34, Reply)
I Aint Half-Cut, Mum!
A group of 15 year olds are given some White Lightning and 'Maddog' 20/20 then sent home and tasked with appearing sober for the longest time during Sunday dinner with the family.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:35, Reply)
that'd actually be quite funny to watch

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:36, Reply)
I'd watch it.
but then I watched Jeremy Kyle and laughed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Brilliant.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:42, Reply)
Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
A documentary looking at the incest rife in Norfolk's rural community.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:36, Reply)
The Magic Cellar
Starring Joseph Fritzl
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:37, Reply)
The Chemical Brothers
the storey of twins who gain magical powers by eating everything in the medicine cabinet and become popular and have amazing adventures.

shown on Cbeebies whenever parents leave the room for a moment.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Hahahahah magnificent

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Gay For A Laugh
in which tormented, secretly-homosexual celebrities are exposed and their lives ruined by covert filming of their sordid and ungodly activities.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Week 1
Simon Cowell
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:46, Reply)
iDeal
A "comedy" about drugs with Apple product placement.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:38, Reply)
Cash In The Attic
Angela Rippon and antiques expert Paul Hayes realise there is a bit of a pong coming from Johnny Cash's decomposing body which is stashed in the loft.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Dickinsons Real Deal
Members of the public are invited to partake in the Orange Duke's stash. The twist is one of the wraps is cut with pure drain cleaner
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Jamie and the 'magic torch'
in which Jamie Theakston plays a man who has amazing adventures involving the theft of his wallet and compromising photgraphs being taken, whenever he drunkenly enters a magical knocking-shop and gets his 'magic torch' out.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:41, Reply)
the Really Bad Lieutenant
22 45-minute episodes of Harvey Keitel sitting naked in a squeaky leather chair mumbling obscenities.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Monty's Python's Flying Circus
Monty Boyce makes believe that his penis is a comedian and acts out sketches.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:44, Reply)
Big Cook Little Cock
Anthony Worrall Thompson does a TV show about anything really.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:45, Reply)
We Kissed Lynne, K?
Anne Robinson meets a group of people discussing what a slapper their ex Lynne is.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:45, Reply)
Katy Perry's breasts
/self explanitory
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Goodnight, Dickhead
A one off special in which Nicholas Lyndhurst is viciously killed.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:48, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:49, Reply)
Bargain Hunt
Members of the Suffolk Hunt put on their finest red coats and ride through Lidl to bag a pikey.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:51, Reply)
ready, steady, cock
celebrity chefs have to try and beat one out to a selection of bongo magazines brought in by the contestants, while being questioned by Ainsley Harriet
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:51, Reply)
Eastbenders
Amiable East Anglian cack-pipe cosmonaut Darth Foxtrot takes us through the week's news and events through pink-tinted glasses.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
Hahha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
I like this for cack-pipe cosmonaut
as well as the whole concept and name
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Gaydesk now, with Colin Poppshed
Quick roundup of today's gayness, starting with the roads: The M70, the A3, the B664 and the A48M. They are all gay as of midnight tonight. The gay elements are Potassium. Zinc. Hydrogen. Copper. And Argon. A quick look at the World's walls: The Wailing Wall is gay. Hadrian's Wall is very gay. The Great Wall Of China, that's not gay. And the Old London Wall has also stopped being gay. Gay cars next, they're the same as last night: all Volkswagens registered between 1982 and 1985, they stay gay for another fortnight. And finally, the gay seas are the Caspian and the Mediterranean... so, see you there.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Top Morrising there.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:05, Reply)
Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares
in which Gordon is tied up by intruders and his wife and children are tortured, slaughtered, butchered and eaten in front of him.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)
Bargain Cunt
contestants trawl the streets to find the cheapest prossie.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:52, Reply)
lawl

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:53, Reply)
HAHAHA!
OFFICEGUFFAW
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Ice Road Truckers
A selection of gaunt truckers attempt to make deliveries whilst smoking big bowls of crack.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Cuntdown
A popular word quiz about prolapsed wombs.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:55, Reply)
Monorchid of the Glen
A gentle comedy drama about some fucking Jocko with one bollock.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Fifteen to One
something about a gangbang. possibly.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:56, Reply)
Cracker
A gritty crime drama about a Carr's Water Biscuit.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:57, Reply)
or a white bloke in Harlem

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Crackerjack
In which Chris Rock and 50 Cent rob honkies outside the Chase Manhattan bank, with hilarious consequences.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:00, Reply)
that made me snigger

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
The correct reply to this was surely

'sniggers
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Tomorrow's Weld
In which a garage mechanic explains why your car won't be ready for another couple of days.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Coats
A tour around people's wardrobes hosted by a number of non-entity presenters and our very own coat thief Barry.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Brilliant

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:20, Reply)
Eurovision
A psychic takes a look into the future of broken economies and bailouts.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
This Mourning
A hilarious sitcom set by the graveside
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 11:59, Reply)
Slagheap Challenge
In which 2 teams have to compete to see who can bury a Welsh primary school first.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:00, Reply)
Catchphrase: 'IT'S ABERFAN-TASTIC!'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Robot Whores
Where Sir Spillalot JUST CAN'T KEEP HIS ANUS SHUT.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:00, Reply)
lol
I'm looking forward to well-known rapist Craig Charles' in-bout banter.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Pointless
A fictional tale of Nottingham Forest in the Premiership.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:01, Reply)
Deal or No Deal
Noel Edmunds tempts recovering smack addicts with various quantities of brownstone, while some bastard on the phone tries to push a lesser offer on them.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:02, Reply)
Through the gloryhole
who sucked cock through a hole like this?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Red Dwarf
in which vertically-challenged contestants have to snort a half-pint of amyl nitrate - against the clock.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Dead Dwarf
more likely!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:08, Reply)
Grufts
A showcase programme in which participants display their well-groomed clagnuts and cling-ons.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:03, Reply)
Escape to the country
The residents of Broadmoor are let loose
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Pretty much the first thing they'll come to is Bracknell
so they'll demand to be let back in. That's the genius of the location.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:06, Reply)
Downs' Abbey
Period costume drama entirely acted by spackers, with hilarious consquences.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Hoose
In which Hugh Laurie plays a scotish doctor with a limp. Set in Dundee.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:04, Reply)
Nay Bores
Newcastle Council says no to anymore drilling, in this gripping reality show
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:05, Reply)
'Jew Do You Think You Are?'
In which Jonathan Ross, Lesley Joseph and Claudia Winkelman are savagely grilled about the role of their people in the execution of the Lord Jesus.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:07, Reply)
Sucky Railway Stations.
We get two male b3tans to suck each other off in a railway station.

It's more of a documentary.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:08, Reply)
The Luggage could be a scriptwriter for this
Or perhaps not
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:14, Reply)
DIY Soz
Tracking down scouse cowboy builders, and having them apologise for their shitty work.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Stars in their eyes
Z list celebrities have shuriken pinged at their face from lucky members of the audience.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Holly Oaks
In which the cast of a Chester based soap are nailed to the tree of their choice... which tree will win Holly or Oak???
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:09, Reply)
Kenko
In which Kenneth Brannah, Ken Stott, and all the other Kens, are put in a japanese internment camp and beaten sensless.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:11, Reply)
Heartbeat
In which celebrities are tied up, and beaten with frozen offal.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:12, Reply)
This is why I've had to start a new thread.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:14, Reply)
that's outstanding

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:14, Reply)
My last one
Doctor WHO?

Alzheimers patients are asked to describe their favourite healthcare professional
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:17, Reply)
Who Do You Think You Are?
Terry Pratchett being asked that question every day, watch how his answers vary!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:19, Reply)
Hammerdale
Lottery quiz show where the contestant answering the most questions get the choice of ball, peen, lump or sledge for a five minute session with Dale Winton
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 5 Aug 2011, 12:22, Reply)

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