Good Morning O/T. I see it is Althegeordie's Candle day Today.
Let's all write nice things about him, and see how long it takes him to be "unsympathetic" to Rachelswipe.

I'll start....




He never rarely whines about things, that's good.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:37, 138 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

He has a fit wife.

( wanderlust, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:38, Reply)

'Ning.
Hope your trip is going well.

What time is it there?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:39, Reply)

I am having a very good trip.
I don't have enough time to do everything I wanted, but tomorrow I am going to Tofino to go whale watching, hiking and surfing. Last time I was there I found it so beautiful I had a little cry.

It's nearly 1am. I can't sleep as I'm too excited and very hot.
( wanderlust, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:43, Reply)

I've always wanted to go whale watching.
I just Googled Tofino and it looks beautiful.

You are missing nothing here, except for your little Monty and I understand he has had people keeping him company and hiding all the sharp objects.

Hope you hit the "whale jackpot".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:47, Reply)

My old flatmate works for a whale watching tour operator.
So I get get go on a tour for a few hours and then on a slight hike in the forest to a natural hot pool for a swim. I'll be doing it for free too, which I am very grateful for. Gawd I love this country.

Who's been keeping him company? If it's you I'm worried I'll return to a broken man.
( wanderlust, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Haha!
No, NICE people.

P.S. You've got to try and get in one of those seaplanes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:53, Reply)

They are a little out of my budget, otherwise I would love to go in a seaplane.
I am already thinking about coming back next year, so will save my pennies.
( wanderlust, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)

In Yorkshire
It's a piece of piss to hit the whale jackpot.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Ha!
Lusty could have saved a fortune and gone to Sheffield to see a "Yorkshire Whale" in it's natural habitat - a Wetherspoons.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Googled too.
Bloody hell it is quite lovely.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:57, Reply)

It's incredible.
Being there makes you realise you're on the edge of a continent and how very teeny you are.
( wanderlust, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Ooooh, that looks rather nice.
I Love whale watching, having a certain physical empathy with them.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I used to have a friend who subconciously made dolphin noises when she was pottering about.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Eh? Like in flipper?
That is too weird.

Mind you mooing like a humpback would be weird too.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

She was a weird girl.
She allegedly had a poltergiest that followed her around.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Probably just her echo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:57, Reply)

She was just untidy.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

There was sightings by other people of strange occurances.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Schools of mackeral? Fat gurning American tourists?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Students.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:02, Reply)

He loves lawyers.
And nurtures them upon the internet.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:39, Reply)

His willy is so big, when he takes it out of his pants it blocks the sun.
Oh! and would.
( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:50, Reply)

His bald patch very slightly increases the albedo of the earth thus fighting climate change

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

I thought Albedo was a measure of his sex drive.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:57, Reply)

No that's kilospoons

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

I once heard Al is so charismatic he makes the Fonz feel socially inadequate.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:56, Reply)

The Fonz was the original internet perv
a 40 year old man, living "at home" who cracks onto young girls
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Good job there were no computers in the 'fifties.
The Fonz would never have left his room.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)

And hung around in toilets.
And had a bunch of 17 year olds as best friends. I ask you, what sane, balanced mature man would have a load of post-pubescent geeks as best...oh.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I heard that his party piece is to put a nut-cracker between his willy and the over-hang of his gut, and puts a wallnut in the nutcracker...
... so when he gets a stiffy, it cranks the nut-cracker up a notch, and he keeps on going hard/soft until the nut cracks.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:09, Reply)

One of these
www.legendcookshop.co.uk/images/detailed/6/lcnutratch.jpg
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)

You've tried this yourself, haven't you?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:16, Reply)

He's my running buddy.
He does good barbecues and his vegetable patch is awesome.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)

I heard that when BGB went down on him like a sword swallower, he lifted her up like the London Bridge.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:11, Reply)

It's a neat trick that's for sure.

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I heard that he has had sex an uncountable amount times, but has only made love twice.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I heard that after a run when he's all hot and sweaty, he can suck up the sweat around his bum area by 'sucking it in'.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I found that when he went to Tibet to 'find himself', he climed a mountain by himself, and when he reached the top he found an old wise man...
... the old wise man told him "My child, you have climed the mountain, and for your trials and tribulations, I shall bespoe on you one piece of advice...." and before the old man could finish, Al said "Let me stop you right there, you are a wise old man on top of a mountain, you have given wisdom to the Daily Larma, you have taught emporas how to give peace to their land. You truely are a wise old man, and I have climed this mountain not to get advice from you, but to return your favour to this world.... next time you have a Cod'n'Chips, try having some HP Guinness Sauce with it". And with that, he climed down, leaving the wise old man to condomplate him. 3 months later a letter arived in the post, it simply said "Thank you /Wise Old Man".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I bet this bottle, of which you speak, is the only one you take into the shower, Gonz.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:19, Reply)

This has reminded me to renew my subscription to the Daily Llama.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Al
in your hands I found trust and comfort. In your arms I found happiness and joy. In your heart I found love that will last forever.
( Peej, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I'm going to use this IRL.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:31, Reply)

The girls of 'Chicago Rock' won't know what's hit them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)

If it gets me a free bowl of chilli chips, it will be worth it.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I hear he has the keys to the city of Dunstable

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I heard he can retract his head into his neck like a tortoise wearing a fleshy roll neck

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I heard that where he lives, Barnet, was named after his hair do.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I heard there's no proof he killed any of those hookers
And to suggest he killed all of them is frankly libellous.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I heard that he didn't start the fire
as it had always been burning, ever since the world has been turning
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I heard this was written for him
www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8Ca_edg6RE
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I hear he has an extensive collection of films
But doesn't talk about it much.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I heard Al did in fact build Rome in a day.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I heard he put the "wop" in the wop-do-wop.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I heard he was the king of the swingers
The jungle VIP if you will.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:45, Reply)

he touched his bot and had to stop
as the smell was a bothering him
OHH doo oo oo, I wanna finger poo oo oo
Wanna lube like you, probe like you oo oo oo
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I heard Al can create fire by rubbing two icecubes together.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I heard he was having an affair with Lady Di
And was the driver of the missing Citroen that fateful night in Paris.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Al does not require solid food. He draws in all nurtriment through his bald patch.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I heard he uses it to suck in 'Dust'
and was the creater of original sin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)

No, that was me.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

That's worrying.
I knew what you were on about as soon as I saw the capital letter.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I loved those books, much better than Potter

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Just remembered I lost all the bloody books.
Oh well, time to get them on Kindle then.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Only read the first book
I read it after seeing the film, which was fucking atrocious. I could tell there were some really good ideas being massacred there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I heard that Al is the leader of the Libyan Uprising
and the reason for the Arab Spring.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Shall we all just say what's being implied here?
AL IS THE STIG
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Morning old fruit
Probably for the best, this could go on for days.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I'm like a magic internet time-saving machine
Morning mate, are you well?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Very well sir. Bit pissed off about the footie yesterday.
Am looking forward to the cricket today.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Al and swipe behave like two kids in a playground.
They push each other around and tell each other they smell etc, but really, they're both secretly praying for a game of kiss-chase.
( Kroney, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Like Ron and Hermione.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

If Swipe looks like Emma Watson I might start being nice to her

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

i can safely say
that i look fuck-all like her. maybe her fatter, uglier, shorter aunt. if you squint. from a distance.

sorry.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

You've got much bigger tits though right?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

you say this like it's a good thing
you can have too much of a good thing
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I was trying to cheer you up :-)
Also: no you can't
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

haha
my boobs will never cheer me up. i loathe having big boobs, as is well documented on here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Aw :-(
Want me to look after them for you?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

this is a weird image!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I could elaborate
but I would rightly be accused of gross perversity
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:46, Reply)

You've a long way to go before claiming my crown mate.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)

everyone has a little creepy about
them on here. we need a creepy scale.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)

What would the unit be called?
Monty could be a unit of unbridled rage, Darth is for gayness, rswipe for incipient blondness... any ideas?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I was going to say chompy
but i thinkeven he's been out creeped beforenow. Perhaps you'd have to use kilochompys
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)

jinx

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)

mmmph

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)

cavey.
play nice now.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:06, Reply)

woot

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Chompy?
Or Me I suppose.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I'm so glad no-one suggested me.
I want FreeFair to come back. His name can be used as a unit of idiocy.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I don't find you creepy.
but then I don't find me creept, King of TMI maybe but not creepy.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Good to know.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:11, Reply)

probably not.
chompoy called me creepy, so I am not one to judge.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:14, Reply)

At least mine involves a woman!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:02, Reply)

At first glance.
At heart, we're all forty-five year old truckers called Dave.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:03, Reply)

I just realised i actually do know
a trucker called dave. he's only 30 though
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Or so he claims

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:16, Reply)

you think he miight really be
a hot 16 year olf girl? weird
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Everyone has bigger tits than Emma Watson.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Speak for yourself mate
*looks down shirt surreptitiously*

Dang
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Looks like we've lost Darth for the day then.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

er.... he's not here?
that is about as nice as he gets.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Everyone who has met him IRL says he is a sweety
this probably mitigates his cuntishness on here, but leaves it as a bit of a mystery an we all like an air or mystery, don't we children?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

you just misspelled sweAty, right?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Sadly no.
although it's the king of thing i'd do.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

was that on purpose?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)

was what?
oh, no, sadly not. *sads*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:05, Reply)

i'm impressed i noticed
i should be asleep. I might have to be again soon
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:07, Reply)

no, he is a prick.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

But you hate everyone.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

No, that's me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

since when?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:37, Reply)

THE BEGINNING OF TIME

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:40, Reply)

'they' say you are a sensitive petal and takes things to heart.
'they' also say you're going to knife Rory up at The Pier, and I totally plan to hold your coat while you do so.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Don't forget to clean the knife with bleach to remove DNA traces.
And throw it into the sea just to make sure.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Thanks Luggy
This is top advice, I shall remember to take some bleach with me.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:54, Reply)

they are wrong. I'm gonna beat him death with my hands

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You are quite right.
That was the rumour, I made up the knify bit. The offer of coat holding still stands. I think I may be looking forward to this more than anything else on that trip.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I don't mind Rory, he irks me less than Al.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Take Piston with you.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:57, Reply)

who is that?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:00, Reply)

piston_broke
He's a real stand-up kinda guy.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Al is the nicest tubby, baldy dwarf who lives in Barnet I have ever met.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Boyce, what time do you call this?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I am so fucking stressed today.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Sorry to hear that old bean.
Work stressed? Or non work stress?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Stressed is his new secretary

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Work. Not having fun this morning.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Don't let the bastards etc.......

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Fucking hell...
Who the hell asks this kind of question?

Could the nits on my child's head end up relocating to my pubic hair?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Make them wear a swimming cap when noshing you off and you'll be fine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I've just realised the first and second lines of your reply are related to each other.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I'm just wondering what kind of idiot would ask this question.
Source: www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-14507872
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

and rubber socks, you don't want cock veruccas

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

or bollock bunions

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Or clunge cooties.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 22 Aug 2011, 10:59, Reply)