Rachelswipe is a needy, self obsessed dullard
Who is terrified of becoming a childless spinster due to her overwhelming neurosis and inability to fully relate to anyone other than herself.

Is OT cliquey?

Yes and no. There is a lot of 'in-talk' but strangers and newbies are always welcome.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:31, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

sorry, what was that?
i couldn't hear you shouting from your pikey little house over all that traffic on the lovely main road that it overlooks...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Your name seems familiar
Are you one of these serial flouncers we seem to attract?
( Kroney, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)

no, he hangs out on qotw mostly i think
he is full of the scottish joys of spring.

so, no joy at all then.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Regular poster on QOTW
Cat dies.
Piss gets taken.
(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Ooff... harsh!
Link?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

it's a fucking cat.
It would be harsh if it was a child. If you want to griefwank about dead cats online you probably deserve abuse.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

if you're a nicer human being, you might get sympathy
when you just come on here to be rude to other people and then expect people to be sorry for you because you're not fit to own a pet, well then.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)

that's possible, but it's still just a fucking cat.
And this is coming from somebody who has had cats as pets. I like them perfectly well, but that doesn't justify Bulger levels of grief and "they were just like a baby to me" reactions when they take on a van and lose.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

i agree with this
but i also think it is fucking idiotic to get that type of pet if you live somewhere that you can't let them out. i live in a second floor flat. the only outdoor spaces are my balconies. do i have pets that need to go outside? NO. much as i would like to. because i am not a selfish cunt!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Get one of them square ones in a jar that the Chinese grow.
Much more efficient when it comes to storage.
(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

i'd still be allergic to it, though
i'd have to shave it first
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Just keep the lid on

(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

You're allergic to pussies that aren't shaved?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)

i wondered if someone would make this joke
i am not surprised it was you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I might as well play the role of the creepy perve.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

It's very hard to control that, in fairness
Given that all roads are a risk and keeping a cat inside is cruel. I just object to CJ because he abused Gonz about his spelling which is a) my job and b) the equivalent of raping an incredibly intelligent but seriously disturbed puppy.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

i disagree
if you live on a main road, the answer is: don't get a cat until you move. simple. it's not fair on the animal and it's not fair on the drivers who are using the road.

or to put it in a more flippant rachelswipe way....... IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DECENT GARDEN, YOU CAN'T AFFORD A CAT.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

just as likely to get run over on any road.
And anyway, cats roam fucking miles. I do see your point, but it's not that simple.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Just get loads of cats, incase a few get run over

(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I see no flaws with this.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:00, Reply)

we lived near a main road growing up,
and we went through quite a few cats
(DeeDee, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Is "went through"
slang for running over?
(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

It's an excellent cover for cat-hunting, isn't it?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

well,
I needed a new coat, and cat fur is so snuggly.
(DeeDee, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)

sssssh don't try and be rational about this
the guy is a cunt who lives in a shithole and tried to cheer up his kids for having an impoverished cunt of a father by stealing them a cat - and then he wondered why it got run over.

there is NO OTHER INTERPRETATION OF THIS STORY.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Hahahahaha
Those cats cost £400 each, but I can afford it as I have an AMAZING job, and an INCREDIBLE social life.

So, please keep pounding the keyboard with that prolapsed fanny of yours. It's funny as fuck!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

did you buy them with stolen benefits?
also that just highlights your stupidity for letting them out on a main road even more.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)

This.
Like those idiots who get a cat and the try to feed it a vegetarian diet.
(DeeDee, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)

this is a good analogy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:56, Reply)

here it is
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post962943
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Cheers.
Christ, what an arsehole.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)

yes
yes he is.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)

In the interests of impartiality
from the same thread:

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post963191
( Kroney, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)

this was sarcasm dude

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)

I don't know, it was posted a fair while after the rest of the posts.
But whatever, just pointing it out. I don't care one way or the other about this spat.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)

yeah because posting something hours after everyone else has left the building is a genuine and open way to say sorry
oh no wait. that would be posting a new thread where people might actually see it...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Please don't attempt to suggest what I mean when I post.
You simply do not have the brain capacity.

For the record, that was a genuine post, and further for the record, although it is no business of yours, I gazzed Gonz with a sincere apology for my abusive post.

And for an even further record, my back garden is fucking huge, contains many thousands of pounds worth of plants, trees and landscaping, has an amazing fucking pergola that I can hang my EXPENSIVE hammock from and two, yes, two seating areas.

Oh, and my tits are amazing as well!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

you can try but
you just can't polish a turd.

edit - jesus, your kids get it worse than your animals. who the fuck thinks it's ok (i) to steal benefits; and (ii) to use their child to do so..... christ i hope your dumbass wife cheated on you and the kid isn't yours, no way should genes like this be allowed to carry on into the future!

(continued from previous shameful admission of fraud) "During this time i also managed to convince the University Access Fund to pay me several thousand pounds in free hand outs. The trick with that one was to bring my rather beautiful 3 year old boy with me to the assessment interview, and clear my bank account out till it was ball deep in overdraft. The female interviewer barely glanced at my file and instead coochy coo'd at my young son before resolutely writing a cheque for the maximum hand out available"

what a total and utter wankshaft you really are!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Freemoneylolz
Yes, thanks for the reminder. One of my finer moments. Just clarify, I had no option but to take my beuatiful son with me as my GORGEOUS wife was teaching at Uni, and I was looking after him on the days I wasn't at Uni. The same days I had to schedule the fund appointments for. A handy quirk of fate, and one that enabled me to buy EXPENSIVE stuff.

Gotta love University access funds!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

you honestly think this puts you in a good light and makes you a good father?
marvellous. my work here is done.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Woh', that's actually abhorrent, because of your fraud someone else had to go without.
If this is true, you are actually what is wrong with this country, why people who deserve benfits struggle, because other people think the world owes them a free ride.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:46, Reply)

tip of the fraudulent iceberg in that particular post, dude
he won't answer now though, he's gone to lick his remaining cat's arsehole i think.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Can't find it, I don't have Psychochomp's powers
Although searching for cancerjoy seems to show someone has a bit of an obsession
(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

there is something very beautiful and amusing about your succinct summary
but you did leave out his delightfully charming rant at gonz that was totally unjustified and which caused the piss-taking. unless of course it was gonz who made him buy a shit house in a shit location and then let his cat out... so actually, the cat didn't "die", it was "killed" because its owner has all the responsibility of a mong in a sweetshop.

(it actually does genuinely infuriate me in real life when people who live on busy roads endanger not only the animals but also drivers by letting them loose to roam around and get squashed and cause accidents.)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Oh yeah, something about a rant at Gonz also.
EVERYONE likes Gonz.

EDIT: Oh yeah I remember now, thanks for the link.

Every time someone is mean to Gonz a fairy loses it's virginity :(
(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)

If it's losing it to me, then please bully me more.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Careful what you wish for
You don't want to endure all that bullying only to have one of Darth's 'special friends' turn up on your doorstep...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)

I was kind of hoping for tinkabell, can you imagine how big it would look compared to her?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Hoping she'd tink-yer-bell-end*, eh?

*_{I have no idea what this might actually mean, but it sounded a bit suggestive so I just thought I'd go with it.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)

It works well, congrats
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Calm down to a frenzy, love.
You don't know enough about me to attempt any kind of insight, scathing or otherwise.

However, we know a LOT about you because, your favourite topic of conversation is, YOURSELF.

So, go home, get your stockings on, plump up you AMAZING big tits and attempt to seduce you lavender scented boyfriend. A spunky fanny will ease the pain.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

"A spunky fanny will ease the pain."
Hahahaha - surely your new sig?
(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)

it's not intended to be an insight into your real life - who gives a fuck about that?!
it's simply a comment based on the tedious embittered drivel that you spunk out on here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Perhaps it would be better if you were to mutually put each other on ignore?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)

i can't do that
how will i know when his next cat bites the dust?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

No, it was the curb it bit, although it might have swallowed some dust.
as it gets smacked by the car; and think about how big a car is compared to a cat, it would be like you getting hit by an oil tanker... Think about the speed and ratios, the oil tanker moving at 109s of miles per hour, wouldnt stand a chance. If your lucky it'll hit the head straight on for an instant death, otherwise you'll feel bone and cartridge going through skin as it is crushed beyond recognition... Until the limp mostly dead body reaches the side of the curb, looking up at the gods as it curses it's protector and master for not keeping it safely away from the dangerous main road.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)

maybe one day it will happen to him too
we can but hope
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Nah', humans are more important than cats, in my books.
So if it's Karma that means he gets hit by the land oil tanker; because that's what happened to the cat (keeping ratios here)... then about 499 more cats would have to do die in that way too. And that many dead cats would lead to a lot of upset PETA people.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Not for the baying mob.

(TheColonel, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Wow, that was rude, such hatred, I'm sure your cat wouldn't like to know that it's untimely demise has lead you down such a path.
Have you thought about counciling? Maybe it could help you come to terms with it all and help you become content with life? I sure do hope you can sort this out or it will eat at you and ruin all your other feline based relationships.

I don't like your name, if you've been effected by cancer then it appears you're defining yourself by it... And if you haven't, then it is really insensitive to those that have; I'd expect more sympathy from a grief seeker if the later is true
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)

i do love you so much

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

LETS HAVE A SORRID AFFAIR !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:20, Reply)

I like this portmanteau.
Both torrid and sordid.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Christ, here comes the cavulray.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)

If it helps, I read your sig as "Fast'n'Laborious" and thought that would be a wicked name for my next home made video.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Isn't it slightly ironic
that you spell cavalry wrong in a response to someone whose spelling you've mocked?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)

are you going to apologise for this cheap dig as well?
bearing in mind your own spelling and grammar is pretty shitty up there ^^

why don't you get your wife to teach you something useful?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:31, Reply)

All bets are off.
Just you stroke your little internet puppy, he will bark at the bad men and keep you feeling safe.

My poor spelling today can be attributed to the microscopic keys on my phone, as I can't access b3ta on my pc, as opposed to a brainwrong.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:52, Reply)

reading and posting all this shit on your phone
IS a ringing endorsement of your marvellous social life, sure. i mean, it's not like you have anything better to do.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:53, Reply)

Social life, during working hours?
Wake up ya nugget. I'm here winding you up, successfully, as I am having a rare slow day at work.

What fun it has been watching you unravel. However, I'm sure your AMAZING lifestyle will make it all better.

Ciao!
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Ah the perfect retort
I was doing it ON PURPOSE.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 18:21, Reply)

and yet apparently i unravelled
must have been all the sobbing i was doing into my keyboard!

off out with my friend nick of the number 13 hating now, have a lovely night xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 19:02, Reply)

And accused of being various other posters.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:37, Reply)

There's only one Piston though, eh

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I heard you're actually Bert.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)

I heard you're a cock

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

AWOOGA

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)

*pats on fanny*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)

What the fuck are you blabbering on about now?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)

Stop trying to disown the greatest standup EVER
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1116154
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Oh come on, you're missing the original source
"Mr Akabusi, please come in" said the secretary as she adjusted her horn rimmed glasses and felt the sudden rush of blood to her clunge.

Akabusi strode into the room like a Titan with a clown face. His eyes were drawn to the secretary's tight black pencil skirt and loose white blouse, through which he could see a straining white bra and within that a pair of massive bristols.

"I've come to fix your pipes" announced Kriss with his deep barotone timbre filling the room like spunk filling a vagina after after a ten year prison sentence.

The secretary quickly sat on the desk and unhooked her tight Croydon facelift hairdo unleashing waves and waves of lush brown hair.

Akubusi dropped his dungerees and let his throbbing member fall to the ground. As he spied the secretary's glistening axe wound his cock stood to attention quicker than a Chelsea Pensioner at the Cenotaph.

He then banged her. And banged her. And banged her. Until the secretary was like a floppy doll covered with spunk.

As Akubusi wiped his now flacid python on some company stationery he whispered "Awooga" to the naked secretary and patted her on the fanny.

The End
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I would have linked to it but it's west ham online, for some reason.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)

s
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:02, Reply)

I was thinking exactly that, worryingly
does that mean I need to get a 15" black rubber cock, too?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:03, Reply)

It's not like a badge, badge.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)