Well, this board is alive and jumping right now.
I'm going to have lunch at Tayyabs tomorrow with one of my work colleagues after attending a rather dull sounding seminar.

Riddle me this folks, why is it, that no matter how hard you shake, tug, pull or squeeze, as soon as you put your dick away after having a wee a tiny little drop manages to make it's way out?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:27, 116 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

It's to do with some muscle that relaxes when you let your dick hang down
/what I heard.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Also how much is a zone 1-2 travel card?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Dunno
probably about 7-8 quid or so.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Maybe a bit less actually
I get a zone 1-5 from the train station and it's 8 quid, but the outer zones are a lot cheaper than zone 1.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Just checked £6.60, what a gay.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Where are you going from and to?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Euston to Finchley road, finchley road to Finsbury park and then back to Euston.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Yeah, you will need a travelcard.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Wouldn't it have been cheaper and less hassle to have had the keys couriered to your place of work?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Yeah, but meeting two friends as well

(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Can you not just get an oyster card
which is £2, top it up with a fiver, and then miracle of miracles, you can use it again the next time you go to london. Crazy eh?
(berk, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Oyster will work out cheaper for two single journeys

( WormuIus, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:44, Reply)

It's why I've got one
Despite going to London maybe twice a year.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:27, Reply)

Why don't you get him to post your keys back to you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Get an Oyster card
yokel
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:33, Reply)

I have one but left it at home and can't get back there in time
not forking out a fiver for another one just for today.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Particularly when you are wearing light coloured trousers
Do you think Gonz has exploded with excitement about the Apple announcement coming tonight?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Dear Al, this is a common problem amongst my readers and easily solved.
Try 'milking' the urethra after urination,you have to milk the part of the urethra which is just behind the scrotum.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Is this advice or an offer of help?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I love to help others with penile dysfuctions

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Can I have BGB to help with the milking please Rory.
Also, Rory, you seem a sensible chap, you've been around the block a few times, should I replace the slightly knackered fencing between mine and my neighbours back doors, it's that featherboard stuff so for the two panels (about 6 metres or so) it's gonna cost about £100 in materials.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Of course you can Al, Big's is but a gaz and a willing hand away.
Garden fencing is a common ballache. Having recourse to your title information is the fencing in question your responsibility in the first instance? Irrespective are the neighbours elderly and infirm and therefore easily bullied into paying for the work to be done anyway? If not borrow a dog and let it slip next door to shit everywhere, this may prompt the neighbours into action.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:38, Reply)

No, it's definitely our problem as the elderly neighbour on the other side replaced all her fencing
a couple of years ago.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:42, Reply)

Move the old persons fencing 6" towards you land and claim that you erected it and they need to build a new fence

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Couple of panels then should be alright, no biggy, as long as the postings are sound.
Try your local B&Q in Whetstone, or alternatively Lawsons across the road, you might even see me in there, if so give us a wave.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:45, Reply)

I didn't think of Lawsons
They might be cheaper than Wickes.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:15, Reply)

Pretty sure this is gay slang

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Dear Al
Your problem is all too common amongst members of the sounding community, perhaps you should stop inserting rods of increasing width down your member in an attempt to allow another man's penis to penetrate it like a hollowed-out meat-baguette.

Yours,

Wormulus
( WormuIus, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Thank you Wormulus
may your quest for employment be fruitful.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:37, Reply)

I fucking hope mine is.
This application is a pain in the arse.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:53, Reply)

Just let it hang for a second while out of the trousers to get rid of it.I Lean forward a little more to avoid spillage.

(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:45, Reply)

he is taking about a penis, not a 'she-wee'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Im a lad

(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:47, Reply)

You're a nonce
I thought you weren't posting any more.
( Peej, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:56, Reply)

wait, are you the bert everyone accuses me of being?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:49, Reply)

No he is a 15 year old Tory school boy who likes to nonce 13 year old girls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:49, Reply)

what's the difference?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Bert shagged his sister, who was 'of age'
Freefair fucked a 13 year old he was not realted to
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)

it's difficult to keep track of the sex offenders on this website

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)

Assume everyone is one and tick them off as they turn out not to be.
It's faster that way.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:53, Reply)

I might just not tick any of them off

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:54, Reply)

That works too.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:55, Reply)

I'm not a sex offender
I'm just determined.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I'm not a sex offender
I'm an amateur photographer.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:05, Reply)

No, Infact I changed my username less than 3 5 minutes ago, from a different one. Bert was, i believe, Albert Marshmellow.
(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:50, Reply)

how many nonce berts are there?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)

just the one, i believe

(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:52, Reply)

and you

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:53, Reply)

I don't care about your incontinence
For I just built a picnic bench all by myself out of left over wood from the internal wall I put up and my wife didn't even want me to do it! I even sat on it and it didn't break or wobble or anything!
( Peej, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:53, Reply)

You're like that fat cunt Tommy Walsh, only with more kids

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)

I have no idea who that is
so will convince myself that you meant it as a compliment.
( Peej, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Being a yokel of 28 years standing
should I move to London, the city of my birth for a bit? Or should I just accept that it's big and I'm scared of it?

Advise me, o wise Geordie.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 16:58, Reply)

Because you touch yourself at night

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)

I was planning to go and now it'll look like I'm stalking you :(
We'll still go, I think.
Maybe.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:03, Reply)

That would be fun.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:16, Reply)

If I see you I'll fling curry at you

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Al's used to receiving a face full of spicy meat.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Tangy yoghurt dripping into his eyes.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Thanks for letting me sleep on your floor.
You will maybe never know just how grateful I am for not having to sleep in my hotel room.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Haha, sorry I inflicted terrible music on you
then didn't say goodbye. I was vomiting until about 7pm. Nice to meet you, though!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:37, Reply)

I had the best four hour trip home in burning sun
and pounding hangover and engineering works and replacement busses EVER
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:39, Reply)

A question...
How do you delete an account on B3ta? I have noticed other users have.
I would give you the password and say "knock yezself out" but I just realized its linked to my email.
(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Post graphic porn images on every board
The mods'll take care of it for you.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:10, Reply)

^^ Don't do this
Just message Rob
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Stop being sensible.
I was trying to turn the most limp-wristed flounce ever into something memorable.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:16, Reply)

For those of us who have filters set in place, I believe that can lead to sites getting recategorised as other things, which can mean they're banned at work
Granted, it doesn't affect me, but there are others here who it could do.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Ok, point taken
Just trying to make the dull little fucker more interesting.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:48, Reply)

Done. Thanks
I'll remain a reader but I cant now have a decent discussion on this site withou being shouted down or constantly attacked with irrelevant points.
Maybe one day I'll return in secret.
(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:16, Reply)

You never could have a decent discussion
and that's why you get shouted down.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:18, Reply)

NO
I had myany times trid to talk about subjects other than politics or sex but every time it was "thicko facist Tory nonce!"
(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:19, Reply)

probably shouldn't have fucked left wing kids then

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Its true, I shattered Rory Weal's ring.

(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I'm going to miss you 888777555
please don't go

:'(
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Are you sure you're not mixing him up
with 888555777? Because HE is awesome.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Try not being a Tory nonce,

( Peej, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Actually, you stropped most when people, sometimes even politely, tried to point out you were talking out of your arse.
A little humility goes a long way, especially when you are young and ignorant.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:44, Reply)

I bet you that if you return, you give yourself away.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Don't bother
its not like we will mourn your loss, unlike Noel who was truly awesome.
( Peej, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Why delete it?
If you really don't want to come back, you won't, regardless of whether your account's deleted or not.

It always seems like a bit of a drama queen action.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:22, Reply)

a shit drama queen action.
I think he's worried if he just stopped coming here no one would notice.

He's right, for once.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:45, Reply)

So instead he has to tell the whole board what he's doing.
In typical internet style, he's having a flounce.

A wet flounce, sure. One of the wettest. But a flounce.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Meh, he's just acting like the child he is
and doing the whole 'I'm not talking to you thing. *stomps off across playground with folded arms*
(berk, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:50, Reply)

If he had a ball, he'd have picked it up and gone home.
If he had toys, they would now be forlornly littered around his pram whilst he waited for somebody to care.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:51, Reply)

This is very true, Oh Wise Berk.
He's also probably reading this thread waiting for someone to give a shit. I'll wager Even Monty won't care this time, I'll wager further that he'll be back quite soon and laughably easy to spot.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:54, Reply)

Oh
I remember you: www.b3ta.com/questions/dodgyworkethics/post1273030
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Unless you can disprove this logically and using reason and statistics
I stand by my comment.
(888777555, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)

You're an embarrassment, even to the Tories on here.
Now bog off already and stop trying to milk it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Oh for fuck's sake, how hard is it to just stop posting somewhere?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:41, Reply)

I NEVER WANT TO GO TO MCDONALDS AGAIN SO I'M GOING TO WANK INTO A HAPPY MEAL.... PLEASE DON'T SERVE ME AGAIN.
Pathetic.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:42, Reply)

i think you should do this

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:59, Reply)

I wonder what burger would be the best burger in mcdonalds to masturbate into.
Does it count as any sort of noncery for it to be part of a happy meal?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:01, Reply)

surely filet o fish
or whatever it is, ust pretend it's a manky minge. Or the apple pie, but you'd probably burn yourself on the filling
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:03, Reply)

I reckon the apple pie, or for extra rongness, the cherry pie.
I don't think the fillet o'fish would work 'cus it has that breadcrumb coating.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:12, Reply)

could you split it open and
wank into the insides?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:14, Reply)

given how rank those things are
I doubt you could tell the difference in taste or texture even if you did.
(berk, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:17, Reply)

Berk, my darling, my love. I'm not going to eat it afterwards. I'd buy another one for that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:28, Reply)

can't you put a little stopped in your cock-end?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 17:58, Reply)

stopped?
Stop smoking the sheep-shit Welshy.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:03, Reply)

stopper
duh!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:04, Reply)

tsk.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:11, Reply)

so which of mcdonald's products would you wank into?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:13, Reply)

This is just about the scariest thing I ever did see in all my days.... and how did she get rid of her tattoos like that?
www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2045097/Jodie-Marsh-shows-amazing-new-look-makes-bodybuilding-debut.html
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:24, Reply)

Jesus Christ that's hideous.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:29, Reply)

looks a bit on the photoshopped side
if its not, well, her choice. It's not like it would be fair for someone like me to pick on what other people do to their bodies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:31, Reply)

Imagine a world where everyone looked like you.

( WormuIus, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:06, Reply)

my eyes, oh christ my eyes!

(berk, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:44, Reply)

I bet she looks all right when she's not wearing all that theatrical makeup; applied with a trowel,
and not so dehydrated that her skin looks like paper.
( WormuIus, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:05, Reply)

Now that ain't right - and you know it ain't right
How has she managed to turn black?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 18:48, Reply)

I just popped a full-strength industrial-scale bongle

( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:00, Reply)

You're weird.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:03, Reply)

bongle is now slang for 'bot-dog'

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:04, Reply)

Never!

( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:06, Reply)

Is it because she resembles a frozen turd?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:04, Reply)

*applause*

( Kroney, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:06, Reply)

so dark and shiny and hard...

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:15, Reply)

Not bored of your tatt already are you Gonz?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 19:00, Reply)