Grinding into the last hour of work...
Entertain me with your favourite quotes and witicisms from history.

Alt: why are you so frightfully common?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:41, 91 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Alt:
I'm not actually, like all communists I am a middle-class dick-head who has never done a day's hard work in his life.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:44, Reply)

FACT ONLINE ^
Now get back to your tent before they put the thermal imaging camera on you again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:46, Reply)

Even I am not that clueless.
If they actually knew what they were protesting, had any coherent demands or were even willing to set fire to anything I might care.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Because I'm northern
and, apparently, because I wear dresses that you can see my bra through.
(berk, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:47, Reply)

You're so not northern.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Half and half
born southern, raised northern, fucked off back to the south to work as soon as I could.
I don't sound particularly northern anymore, particularly not in comparison to my friends back home.
(berk, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:52, Reply)

You sound quite educated and intelligent
so definitely not northern, also you is a scientist and a genuine clever bugger.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:54, Reply)

They have them in the north too, you know...

(berk, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:55, Reply)

No they don't, can't afford it these days.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:56, Reply)

You'd think we would know how whippets worked by now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:57, Reply)

MAYBE YOU CAN FUCK HER IF YOU KEEP UP THE COMPLIMENTS?

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 19:31, Reply)

If men were women they'd be utter, utter sluts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Who said that made you common? I'll kill 'em.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Alt: I beg your fucking pardon, old boy?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:49, Reply)

Not you, obviously or badger maybe

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:52, Reply)

I should say. I mean, really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:53, Reply)

All famous 'witty' quotes are either Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde or Winston Churchill.
ALL OF THEM.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Do you mean that none can be attributed to Ricky Gervais?
Well, I'm just shocked.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:52, Reply)

Er, I think Dorothy Parker might have something to say about that
and yes I'm aware of the gay connotation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:53, Reply)

Just because you're a friend of hers...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:54, Reply)

I was going for implication
but thanks awfully for spelling it out, dear boy. If there's one thing this place needs, it's less subtlety
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:57, Reply)

We shall fight them on beaches, thought I bet the shit and used rubbers might make them think twice. AMIRITE?
LOL Winston, you funny cunt.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Alt: I may be common but at least I can spell "quotes"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:53, Reply)

'Quite' so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:53, Reply)

What's the posh equivalent of a high five?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:54, Reply)

A polite handshake.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Whilst exclaiming in plummy tones
'Jolly good show, dear chap!'
(berk, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Appreciated
Monty; that thing what was just said there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:58, Reply)

bumming in the library

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Clash your hockey sticks together and go ra ra ra!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:55, Reply)

fick off

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:54, Reply)

UR MUM
LOL
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:55, Reply)

I'm off home in 4 mins.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Typical civil servant

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Nah, I've done all my work today.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:57, Reply)

exactly, you want to get promoted?
Then man up and don't think about your work, but what you can do to make things better, more efficient etc.

*shakes head*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:00, Reply)

That's not how you get promoted in the public sector.
You can't just get a new position because you work hard in your previous one, it has to go through an open application process.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:02, Reply)

brilliant, so there is no incentive to work hard at all?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:03, Reply)

Honour.
Also fuck you, I prepared monthly and quarterly reports for the DfH and commisioners on a £6million contract before lunch today.
I'm shit hot, public sector or not.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:06, Reply)

I'm just trying to help
But it seems the system is designed to reward mediocrity, you want to move to Greece
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Have you heard about that other job yet?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Yep, not even shortlisted,
I think I will laugh heartily when the guys get pulled up by the commons accounts committee for mismanaging it in 18-36 months
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:09, Reply)

Was it a 'jobs for the boys' do then?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:10, Reply)

dunno not got any feedback yet.
They didn't even call my references, I think it was because my job title says analyst rather than manager they chucked my application.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:14, Reply)

That sounds pants.
I haven't even had a 'fuck off' letter for the last four or five jobs I applied for. My conclusion is that employers are shit.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:15, Reply)

I don't think they send those out to anyone anymore.
All I've ever had is the occasional "sorry, you sucked, fuck off" email from a recruiter.
( Kroney, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

I remember how you used to be able to tell by the thickness of teh envelope
whether or not it was good news.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:22, Reply)

I don't. I'm old, not antediluvian

( Kroney, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:27, Reply)

*cries*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:30, Reply)

when the blonde one from gavin and stacey did the robot

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:59, Reply)

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
Dorothy Parker. I wheel this out on occasion regarding Twilight.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:02, Reply)

and until what time this afternoon are you pretending to work?
by which, of course, i mean 'watch iplayer'.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:09, Reply)

About another five minutes actually
and that's only because I was daft enough to agree to walk my friend Jemma home
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:11, Reply)

That's a strange name for a bloke.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:12, Reply)

one of my favourite bits of poetry is I believe by her:
You fit into me like a hook into an eye
A fish hook, an open eye.

Romantic, innit?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:14, Reply)

She always seemed a touch militant to me.
But very witty.

I always like the Churchill/Lady Asquith banter.

"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee"

"Madam, if I were your husband, I'd drink it."
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:17, Reply)

I thought that was Bessie Braddock?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Was it George Bernard Shaw?
"You and I should make love, for with my looks and your brains it would be a perfect baaby"

"Yeah, but if it had my looks and you're brains it'd be crap innit?"

"well you just talked your self out of a definite shag there sunshine, so maybe you're not that bright"
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

marywhitehouseexperience lols

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Very true, But I thought it was based on some real banter.
/thick
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

It was.
Up to the shag part, anyway.

Also:

"I passed your house yesterday, George."

"Thank you."
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I like the one from Moby Dick I trot out occasionally.
alt: Because I was born to unlanded, untitled citizens. Also, I sound Dagenham, innit.
( Kroney, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:18, Reply)

you sound fucking surrey to the bone.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Yeah, I sound Surrey. Not upper class.
Crow sounds upper class. I had my recorded voice played back to me once and I was shocked by how close to London I sounded.
( Kroney, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Yes, but not common either.
also: upper class gay
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Haha that's what common sounds like in Surrey.
At least for those of us that aren't afflicted with that fucking horrible estuary accent of the underclass.
( Kroney, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:26, Reply)

I have no idea what I sound like naturally anymore.
I go into protective Sarf Lahndin when talking to anyone common and have a habit of dropping into northern or west country from time to time, no idea what I sound like the rest of the time.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:28, Reply)

"Upper Class"? I think you mean "pure fucking Radio 4," dear boy
I can't sound upper class because I don't suffer a ghastly speech impediment and I drink "red wine" instead of "red Wayne."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 19:02, Reply)

Because I sound common and I like chips and gravy.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Chips and gravy are fucking MINT though.
How's you, ar kid?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Eh up!
I'm sound ta. You?
Going to cook something nice and not common for my mate in a bit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:22, Reply)

I have just eaten a sammich. I am, therefore, happy.
Didja have a good weekend?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Boss ta.
Every day had boss things and boss company.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Now it's November, I'm getting fair excited.
OMG I'll see you soon!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:27, Reply)

alt: I call dessert 'pudding' and think 'afters' is posh
also: because I got cloned 238 times
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Evening cavy, how are you?
how's "Wales"?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:27, Reply)

so very very tired
wales is dark. Earlier it rained.

how's you?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:28, Reply)

It's Cavy!
Hello, Cavy. Did your house get egged then?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:29, Reply)

no
They weren't meany t&ters. The first lot were about 5 and had their mum with them, so I guess that stopped them
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:32, Reply)

They probably just pissed themselves on your garden then.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:33, Reply)

they'd have trouble
I live on a terrace and it's a bit steep at the back of the house. Therefore, if they have I have much respect for them
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Hey caves

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:30, Reply)

ooo, I feel popular
so what have I missed today?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:32, Reply)

Kristine Came out as a Lezzer, otherwise nada

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:33, Reply)

no.way.
shocking news
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:34, Reply)

s'true
Cross my heart.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Don't forget Persona;ity horse's (Bald Monkey) input

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:37, Reply)

as did we all.
Edit: that made no sense, but I have no idea what I meant either.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:43, Reply)

Oh good. I thought it was just me.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:47, Reply)

no no, I'm also suffering from early onset altzhiemers.*pisses self*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:49, Reply)

that guy is such a comedy genius

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:44, Reply)

Alt- Arr Wuz raised on a terraced estate ay it our kid?!

(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:27, Reply)

so are you all off home now..?
byee

Who actually is on here between 6 and 7? I've got about half an hour before I fuck up my arm again
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:55, Reply)

I'm always here
But that's because I have no life.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 17:57, Reply)

hey up, then
tell me something amusing about your day
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:00, Reply)

oh wait! I have a question
you know about cars, right? Do you have to put coolant in the coolant thing or can it be water? I've put lots in and my car is still getting too hot
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:03, Reply)

You mean the radiator?
I have no idea.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:04, Reply)

*shrugs*
maybe. I just drive the thing, I really should know more about which bit is which
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:05, Reply)

according to mr b3th
If it's an aluminium engine, it's best to use an anti-corrosion product, but it must definitely have antifreeze in it.

If you're overheating in this weather, it could be a serious problem:
if the car is 5yrs+, the most likely causes are a clagged radiator, or a slightly blown head gasket (if you keep having to top it up with water). Unfortunately, though you can buy stuff to 'unclag' radiators, it doesn't work, and the only answer is a new radiator.

Sorry, and all that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:11, Reply)

tits
I had it serviced last week, you'd think they'd have noticed

ta
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:12, Reply)

they don't check that kind of shit in a service
service means "change oil, grease shit, check wear on brakes"

although they really should have checked the coolant level so it shouldn't be low.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:22, Reply)

they charge a lot of pennies if that's all they do
I guess I shall take it back in tomorrow
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:25, Reply)

yes. yes, they do.
there is a lot of "shit" to "grease" but generally they pay more attention to the safety parts, ie brakes, suspension, etc than to the engine.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:28, Reply)

Alt:
I just used a toaster to cook potato waffles.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:09, Reply)

you win

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:10, Reply)

My prise is more waffles

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:33, Reply)

I'm common because I'm from Essex
and what the fack 'as tha gota do wiv you anyway?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:15, Reply)

Because I don't understand the middle-class enthusiasm for France and all things French.
Also, I'd sooner have a dirty shitty job than an "aspirational" one where you get treated like a skivvy.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 18:43, Reply)