Given that one of the main reasons I refuse to spawn is a fundamental unwillingness to look after another person or thing for 24 hours a day,
why the holy living fuck was I up at three o'clock this morning cleaning up sick? And why was I up again an hour later to do the same thing?

Alt: what's figuratively puked on your bedroom floor today?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:57, 114 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Ask me again at about 4pm.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Pints for lunch?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Not me. Stunned and Lusty.
I have a bad feeling about this*


*FILM
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Stunned and Lusty.
That sounds hot!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Hot like fresh vomit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

MIght take her up the Wine Library.
*cracksselfup*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Not the Oxo Tower?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:12, Reply)

I was thinking the shitter, actually.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Aaaand there goes any semblance of 'tone'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Too early? ;-)

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:16, Reply)

*Battens down hatches*

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Jolly D of you.
I'll have a brandy and babycham.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

No, I'LL have a babycham
/isold
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

*appreciates*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

apparently my wardrobe has.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 10:58, Reply)

You're not a teenager anymore
Get it tidied up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I have tidied up.
mostly.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Mmmmm. Teenager.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

i could say anything here and you wouldn't see it

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I'm mildly creeped out by this.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Mildly?, haha.
Only kidding. So to speak.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

cos you married an old man, and that's just a baby but bigger

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

While this is undoubtedly true
it was actually the four legged one that was poorly.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

pets are just replacement kids anyway, you might as well have ruined your fanny for a baby

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

They're not replacements
They're an alternative.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

you say that, but i bet if we xrayed your backyeard we'd find a dozen Azarias

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:11, Reply)

It looked briefly like the bank has thrown up in my wallet.
I was feeling very smug about how much money I had left just a day before payday.

Then remembered I am getting paid a week early this month, and actually I'd be fucked if I was getting paid at the end of the month like usual.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Oh dear Christ, this.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I've just had to chase finance to send me a BACS payment as they conveniently missed off £1000
of overtime from my early wages, with their gesture of goodwill in paying us on 23rd. The real reason for this is our finance director would be on holiday and unable to authorise them after this
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I've had to borrow £100 off my mum....to buy her and my brother their Christmas presents.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Well, at least I didn't reach that point.
Given that I earn about 4 times my parents combined pensions that would have been sinking really low.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Ouch.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:14, Reply)

It's grim times for Baz.
It's the middle of December and I still haven't had my loan through. Got the uni demanding tuition fees and everything.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Alt: nothing and I am in a remarkably good mood.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Any particular reason for this levity?
Are you single yet?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

The cunt is off to Boston later.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

strang at
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Nope. Flying (first class natch) to Boston this evening plus I had quite a few pints last night and have no hangover

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Get you.
*is jealous*

I love Bwasten. Cool place.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I have never been. Any recommendations?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Cheers.
Hahahahaha. Nah, it's shit.

There are a couple of top drawer steak places. I liked Ko.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Odd question I know, but reckon you'll be going near the TD Garden?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Work is figuratively shitting in my coffee today
For fuck's sake!! I've never been busier
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

OH FUCK, SPORTSCOW IS SANTA

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Ho ho fucking ho

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

spend a lil less time on here and get your work done

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Fuck you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

thats not a very productive attitude

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

If you aren't good, remember what happens

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:11, Reply)

i'm the one being good, you should put yourself on the naughty list

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Answering back isn't good either

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:16, Reply)

you really should be working if your busy

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:17, Reply)

This final week is absolute hell for us, every year

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

OMG AA IS AN ELF!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

No, I work in a company that supplies cards to hotels, casinos, bingo halls, etc
All of whom will be extremely busy over Christmas, but very few think ahead, meaning that this final week, we'll receive about 5 times the usual number of orders.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:17, Reply)

so you charge 5 times as much and quit whining
thats gotta be some sort of rock n roll business your in there
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Fixed prices, we can't just change them because we're *busy*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:27, Reply)

You should have that week off.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I've considered it before, but I'm the only person who knows how to deal with every query that these chains have
The account managers can answer some, but not all. It'd be funny for me, but absolute hell for everyone else, and simply not worth the hassle I'd get after Christmas.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Alt: living with a messy welsh simpleton has been quite testing. I have decided the welsh are shit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Two words that say you're wrong:
Stevens, Shakin'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Captain Cavy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:15, Reply)

She's not welsh.

( girlinthehole, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Julia Gillard.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Catherine Jenkins then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:19, Reply)

God she does my nut in.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I'd bang it though.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:40, Reply)

I dont' think I could even bring myself to hate-fuck that bitch.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Is there any other sort of fuck?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

What has she ever done to you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Ruined that Dr Who episode she was in.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

This makes you sound like a crazy asperges internet weirdo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Every post makes me sound like that.
I think it' just her face, and the fact there's nothing about her that is interesting. She's even pretty in a boring way.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Have you been bullying her on Twitter?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Not yet, but that could be a hobby I could get behind.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:48, Reply)

GET INTERESTING YOU COW
#catherinejenkinsdull
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I think maybe just keep asking her philosophical questions every day.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:51, Reply)

That's some subtle bullying.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Agreed.
But I still would.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Well this thread's certainly going well.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

It's ok, I'm back

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Yaaay!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Nearly lunchtime.
On the upside.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I have taken a proper lunchbreak less than ten times in 16 years.
Today I think I shall.

MORE EXCITING NEWS AS IT HAPPENS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:30, Reply)

You should have lasagne and chips.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:31, Reply)

he should keep an eye on you and lusty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:32, Reply)

We'll be fine.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:34, Reply)

With rice on the side, and some bread.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Rice? You massive Gaylord.
Crusty bread, yes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:39, Reply)

None of the above, you oik.
You wouldn't catch me eating chips. They're gay.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

You are a snob, like me.
I don't eat ketchup because it's common.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Cat was sick in my shoe yesterday. True story.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

My parents cat used to like pissing in my dad's slippers
he died a few months ago at the ripe old age of 20
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:34, Reply)

A 20 y/o cat?
That's great.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:35, Reply)

he was pretty manky by the end and probably should have been put down

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:36, Reply)

No, his dad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I'm sorry about the loss of your Dad.
Gone far too young.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I beat you on this one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)

I'm more concerned that we were on the same wavelength at all.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:38, Reply)

You should write a song about it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:36, Reply)

Woke up this morning...

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:38, Reply)

... shit.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Got a dead cat.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Put on my shoes.
Felt a squelch, thought it was poo.
Looked down to see
Fur and goo
Chunks of whiskas alllll over ma toes.
Got the catsick, the low down dirty catsick blues.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:44, Reply)

'Cat sick in my shoe'
to the tune of 'Mo' Mess on My Thing' by the Poets of Rhythm.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

I appreciate that I am alone in knowing what I am on about here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:45, Reply)

Yeah, I'm sorry I haven't a clue

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:45, Reply)

*Plays 'The Schickel Shamble'*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:46, Reply)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTkbMpXfKII

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I dunno, a lemur.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Oh b3th, my darling, my love. Tell them to go do one.
If I'm feeling a bit rough, need to chuck up and don't make it to the lav in time (which I don't think has happened in adult hood, alchole excluding, where it's always been good to go over someone's front garden (not a euphanisium)).... then I make sure I got an empty bucket near me in case I need to go again.

What you want to do, right, is say "FUCK this SHIT. You're not a baby, I didn't sign up for this, this wasn't the deal. You maybe sick, but you're not the only one suffering. I'm off to find a fluffy haired guy from the internet and sit on his face until he looks like he's dipped his head in the icing department of a krispy kream factory".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Oh Gonz.
"dipped his head in the icing department"

Sweet.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Nyom, nyom, nyom.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 21 Dec 2011, 13:10, Reply)