Happy Fucking Christmas Mother Fuckers.
(Or Sister Fuckers, in your case, Quentin).

No question because I am hard at work for once to get out of here as early as possible so won't be around to see your witty, smart, funny, intelligent answers.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:22, 84 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Cheers.
And you.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Ditto!
I'm off in half an hour to do battle with the unwashed masses.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Filthy bastards.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Even the shoppers in Sainsburys are beneath me.

( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Matron!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

theres way too much incest on these boards

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I'm fucking off at 1.30.
At i.32 I shall be in the pub.
The REAL meaning of Winterval.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Is i.32 an imaginary time?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I might go to the pub in a bit.
I'm really hungover.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Me too.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I had to make myself sick this morning.
and got a taxi instead of a 20 minute walk.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:38, Reply)

*Manly handshakes*
Good work fella.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I find beakering threads to be the best threads of all

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Not sure what time I'll be out of here, but I'm going from here into town, I've got a t-shirt, a CD, two gift cards and one 'fun' gift to pick up
Then, pub!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

A "fun" gift?
That sounds grim.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)

We now do our own stocking type presents
Everyone has to buy 3 gifts that are a bit of a laugh, then we have a system for getting them out of the pile that we chuck them into. It's a bit of fun, but not easy to shop for, since anything that is a bit 'different' in Macc has closed down.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Apparently, Macc is closing down next year.
It's being turned into a car park.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:48, Reply)

That wouldn't surprise me in the slightest

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:51, Reply)

car park burial pit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Merry winterval Scarpo
I'm here another hour and a half, then off for drinkies then last minute food shopping, then it can be crimble.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Despite christmas this year cunting itslef in the fuck, I hope you all enjoy it.
You bunch of miserable shits.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:34, Reply)

i finished work on tuesday
but i've had to spend a lot of this week indoors waiting for deliveries :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Has the gay scat porn turned up yet?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

not yet, fairy outift arrived earlier tho
and it suited me to a tee
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:43, Reply)

It's not Christmas yet.
It can be Christmas at 2pm, not a minute before.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:48, Reply)

2 1

so there.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:52, Reply)

1.30

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Trolley just came around with mince pies on it.

( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:54, Reply)

We gat a free pack of Yorkie biscuits with every cafe purchase.
* Buys cup of tea*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I'm a bit smug because I managed to get a Sky engineer to come out tomorrow.
They only did this because their website let me select Sunday for a visit. I did try to keep the original booking.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:59, Reply)

tomorrow.
They only did this because their website let me select Sunday for a visit. I did try to keep the original booking by wiggling my bottom at him
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:04, Reply)

He'll want a decent Christmas box from you.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:04, Reply)

He can carry on wanting. He'll have two holes to drill
and about twenty-thirty foot of coax to lay.

If he's lucky I might let him set up the box out of situ and run the coax myself to where I want it to go. Depends on how Crimbley I'm feeling.
( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:06, Reply)

2 holes, Xmas lols.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:11, Reply)

He's going to lay a thirty foot cable in my flat
olololol
( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:12, Reply)

That is a shit of heroic proportions.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:19, Reply)

If he has a big porn moustache
don't let him in
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:16, Reply)

I'm off to get my mum a Christmas present in a sec.
I'm stuck though, there's no way I can top last years one (a mug with my face on).
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:58, Reply)

A vase with your upper body on.

( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:00, Reply)

A bucket with His Arse on it.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:01, Reply)

on in
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Hang on, what, it's Christmas?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 11:59, Reply)

It's a special time of year when your slightly grotty uncle
starts making "what are you son? A leg or a breast man?" 'jokes'
( Kroney, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:01, Reply)

i like breast jokes

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:03, Reply)

How funny is the current french implant one?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Eh?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:06, Reply)

This one.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-16311763
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I feel no sympathy for women whose fake breasts have exploded
they clearly had inferior puppies in the first place
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Also Fake breasts are shit.
/Campaign For Real Tits
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I second this.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Well, yes
they're only really acceptable if one dropped off from cancer or something
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Or very rare cases of total flat chestedness, I'm not an ogre
But generally it's desecration of the holiest of holies.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:26, Reply)

As part of the beggars can't be choosers crowd
I'll take what I can get and extol their virtues for the duration.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:31, Reply)

You tit.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:05, Reply)

It shall not be Christmas here until 4 bloody PM
Everywhere else I've worked there's been a "last day, pop off early" message from the higher-ups but here it's all "safety of the public" and "vital role in our nation's security" and "working your contracted hours". The bastards.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:11, Reply)

To be fair it'd be bedlam if people couldn't get their big macs while they're shopping

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:13, Reply)

What do you do again Lighty?
Are you in charge of missile defence or something?

If SO I have an Idea for you: Reindeer Cannon!

More bang for your buck.

/jeff
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I can't say
"Special Projects" for the Home Office is what I tell dim birds in the pub.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Well, have a word will you?
Reindeer Cannon is an awesome ideer.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Doe!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Friday has always been poets' day.
Piss Off Early Tomorrow's Saturday.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I'll be happy with 4pm.
My boss has decided he wants to do a state of the nation meeting before we go home. It will be a list of reasons why we didn't get a bonus this year, missing out the bit where he gets a shiny new Range Rover, and why we are all cunts, again.

Oh, he hasn't arrived here yet, having two meetings in London before he gets in. If he manages to get through the traffic.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Shit in his coffee.
it's only fair.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:19, Reply)

He'd complain if I didn't.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Firm but fair.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I know, I'm having problems with my bowels at the moment, sorry.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Just popping in while I get a new tyre due to a brilliantly times puncture
No more work for me so I won't be in until the new year, so a very happy Christmas and a happy new year to you all. Be good and by good I mean bad.

NA xxx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Jolly Winterval Apey
Have fun.

And by fun I mean beer.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:27, Reply)

A copy and paste error meant I just forecasted calls for March 2658
Apparently we'll be busy
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I don't know why I thought anyone would care about this.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:28, Reply)

It is jolly slow on here today.
I think Rob should save himself some money and pull the plug on the servers until Jan the third.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Sympathy reply.
I don't either.

Merry Winterval Chompo, thanks for all the news links
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:30, Reply)

I like "Seasons Greetings"
Even more generic than "Happy Holidays" and yet gets no stick from the War on Christmas crowd.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I'm sticking to Winterval for a bit purely because it annoys Monty and the Daily Mail
but I don't give a shit what you call it at the end of the day.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:36, Reply)

No problem
have this link which makes me wish I was rich enough to consider buying this www.fortnumandmason.com/p-6971-luxury-food-hamper-imperial-hamper.aspx
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:35, Reply)

You bastard.
I was already hungry. I think I'll have to treat myself to Maccy D's finest on my way home, a little festive treat.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:37, Reply)

That ham looks amazing.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:42, Reply)

The ham on it's own is "only" £145
tempting.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Blimey!
"Aged balsamic vinegar is a very precious substance, and this beautiful gift box properly celebrates its true value. The hinged wooden box contains five bottles of superb balsamics, aged for 8, 12, 20, 40 and 100 years respectively. "
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 13:21, Reply)

I'm on my third pint already!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:39, Reply)

What ho! Jeff.
When will you finish drinking this afternoon?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Hey Jeffrey, Merry Winterval, hope it's a good one.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Bugger this, I'm off.
Happy Crimbo to anyone I've missed, I'm sure I'll pop by at some point later. In the mean time have the creepiest Christmas image I could find:


Quix out.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 23 Dec 2011, 12:48, Reply)

HELEN-FARTS

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 13:16, Reply)