Sexuality and the Equal Opportunities Form
Seems to be petering out down below, so let's have a fresh question.

Filling in an application form the other day, I was told I also had to complete an equal opportunities form. They wanted to know my sex, my nationality, my religion (or lack thereof), whether I had any disabilities, and my sexuality. And I had to say I was surprised: alongside the expected categories
Heterosexual
Homosexual
Bisexual
Prefer not to say
They had a box for "Other: please specify"

What the hell could "other" be? I had a chat with the missus about this, and she told me that some people prefer to call themselves "pansexual", "demisexual", "omnisexual" or "asexual," and other daft alternatives.

Q: What the fuck do those even mean?
AltQ: Who the fuck came up with them?
AltAltQ: Make your own up.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:30, 112 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

They mean someone is "trying" to be different
i.e. a cunt

AltAltQ:
Dirtycuntexual
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:32, Reply)

Good call. I kind of came to the conclusion that it was a way of writing "bi/hetero/homo but really picky"
except it makes you look all "alternative."

i.e., a cunt.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:34, Reply)

TBH unless it is kids or animals it can only be 1 of 3

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)

I was tempted to put "paedophile"
You know, just to see how they'd respond.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:42, Reply)

"Hi officer"
"No, it was a joke"
"OW!"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)

Yeah, call me adventurous,
but the interest of inquiry and potentially hilarious misunderstandings were slightly outweighed by the fear of prison beatings and shower rape.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:47, Reply)

Perhaps pederasty would be more acceptable?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

Surely as Equal Opportunities employers they should not discriminate against him.
He might not necessarily be a practising paedophile.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

Only in training?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

You have to work at these things...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)

*dirty laugh*
"Now then, little girl, why don't you...erm...erm...sorry, you'll have to bear with me, I'm a little under-rehearsed..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:51, Reply)

Pansexual - has sex with kitchen utensils
Demisexual - has sex with pregnant film stars on the cover of magazines.
Omnisexual - collates all their sexual activity for the week into one episode on a Sunday
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:36, Reply)

Good effort. Have a biscuit.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:37, Reply)

I'm like a panellist on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue or something, eh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Well, since we're on the subject of sex
I have heard you're a Cryer.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:42, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)

Only in the Garden

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

with his Stubb(s)

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)

wait no sorry that was give us a clue

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:56, Reply)

Cissexual

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:36, Reply)

So "still the same sex they were yesterday?"
Yep, works for me.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:37, Reply)

Or funnily haired ex-Liverpool/Sunderland and now QPR strikers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:40, Reply)

I used to know nothing of this things
but then I had a road to Damascus, read on gentle reader fortyshadesofgrey.blogspot.com/
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)

...do I want to?
(Also, SFW?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:52, Reply)

AA did

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)

I'm not going to use an indirect endorsement from someone who takes an alarming amount of delight
in dressing up in women's clothes as sufficient encouragement to read something which, from its title, implies that the author has found ("made up") forty different types of sexuality.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:58, Reply)

it is the infamous bella's blog/begging for cash

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Oh, I see. Aka "blogroll," then?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

needs MOAR spare change
but otherwise pretty good
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:09, Reply)

i am monosexual

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:39, Reply)

Go fuck yourself
oh...
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:40, Reply)

Wouldn't that be autosexual?
(Or would that be sodomising cars?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:41, Reply)

A lad I knew at school tried this
and burnt himself. He is now an ACTOR and was in Dr Who
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:42, Reply)

I know the the guy
who played that bloke in Torchwood that got shagged to death in the second episode.

I say know, I've met him twice as his mum was the singer in a mate's band.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I've not watched Torchwood DG
If you google dr who sarah lancashire, he is in the first pic as a baldy guard
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:47, Reply)

Is he credited as "Baldy Guard?"
And are you telling us he actually tried to prod a motor vehicle in the exhaust pipe?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:48, Reply)

He did, yes
He changed his name to that of Chompy's Christian too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

BUT WHY?
And, I suppose: BUT WHY?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)

Psycho?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:56, Reply)

Is his surname Mears?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:57, Reply)

*points*
Good edit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:58, Reply)

According to google, he's been in Dr Who a few times
Realised the classic rule of 'No first names', hence the change
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:59, Reply)

I went to school with him
He was menkle. He once had someone elses black dreadlocks woven into his blonde hair. Also, his first name is spelled the "normal" way
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:01, Reply)

Very odd fellow

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:03, Reply)

Also, his step father was a councillor for Sunderland

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)

you're getting an out of context click for what seems like a very strange euphemism

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:20, Reply)

i've only ever had sex once :'(

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)

your birth does not count
although i kind of assumed you hatched from some sort of dirty egg, rather than being born in the usual way
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:59, Reply)

yeah well i heard you do it with dogs

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:09, Reply)

that's jeff
silly quentin, you've been here long enough to know us all by now.

and NIL POINTS for italy if it tries to reply with "oh yeah, i heard you do it with jeffthedogfucker".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:13, Reply)

oh yeah well i heard you shagged piston broke

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:16, Reply)

the truth is so much worse

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:18, Reply)

you let him do your pooper?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Cetaceasexual for b3tans?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)

whalefuckers.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:44, Reply)

bob todd on /talk claimed to be asexual.
then she got a bit older and git a boyfriend.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:43, Reply)

asexual = ugly/fat cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:45, Reply)

I think she was just trying to be different
in that way that late teenagers do. I dunno, I never met her, she could have munted for Britain for all i know.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)

she got a bf? reeeeeeally???
i saw her pic on gilgamesh's "shoot, shag, marry" thing.

you wouldn't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:53, Reply)

she has (i assume) a vagina
this is some people's only requirement.

In all fairness to her, she's quite entertaining, if a little fucking mental, to I'm not going to cast aspertions.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:01, Reply)

yes and she went on at some length about how she never touched it because she didn't like masturbating
and went on A LOT about periods and poo, from what i remember.

but at least she was her own person. and not a meat puppet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:03, Reply)

Yeah, I've known people who you could loosely describe as "asexual"
at least insofar as they didn't seem interested in sex/finding a partner, and it was almost impossible to imagine them ever getting physically intimate with another living creature.

But to actually describe yourself that way...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:46, Reply)

I don't think that's asexual though
unless it's totally by choice as opposed to a reaction to circumstances.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:47, Reply)

It's certainly not asexual in the same way that someone like Bob Todd would have liked it to be recognised
Rather, it's just my friends and me being facetious.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:49, Reply)

Odd people
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16552173
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:57, Reply)

the issue I have with it
is from a biological point of view, I can't see how it can be anything other than psychological. That doesn't make it any less real but I'm reluctant to see it classified in the same way as homo or heterosexuality.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

i only know 1 asexual guy
he's never had sex and says he masturbates about once a year, usually when he's taken a lot of drugs. he would struggle to say whether he is gay or straight, but leans slightly more towards gay porn on his once a year extravaganza. i think he just has a reeeeeeeeally low sex drive/testosterone level?

oh, my friend's mate is dating an asexual girl. but i think she just doesn't fancy him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:08, Reply)

This^
asexual girl = You aren't putting THAT in ME
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:10, Reply)

if he wanks he isn't asexual.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:24, Reply)

i think once a year because you are cunted
is as close as most people are going to get!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Why not.
sex drive varies from person to person. I see no reason some people can't have non or nearly none, while others have tons.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:09, Reply)

s'only my opinion.
I think there's a world of difference between low sex drive and none, and I would suggest none is a psychological issue not a piece of base hardwiring like sexuality. but it ain't really my field.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:21, Reply)

i'd go the other way and assume none at all to be physical
but it's not mine either
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:28, Reply)

I think I'd take exception to even being asked the question.
no one's fucking business, innit?

MAybe this makes me a cunt.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:52, Reply)

You can generally tick 'prefer not to say'.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)

I suppose so.
I just get annoyed with being categorised. i've been known to tick other on race surveys too.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)

No no, there are MANY things that make you a cunt
Not just this.

You screaming bender
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:57, Reply)

oh screw you,
I wanted to say this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:59, Reply)

Too slow lawyer-girlie.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Many many things.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Mainly your moustache

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:11, Reply)

you're just jealous because you can't grow one yet young man.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:14, Reply)

not as jealous as [insert name of female here] is because she can

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:17, Reply)

wouldn't "other" just mean
mind your own fucking business, what the fuck does my sexuality have to do with anyone other than me and your mum?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:52, Reply)

excellent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:54, Reply)

i mean, i wouldn't tick it myself, i'd tick "heterosexual" and add "+ filthy female" to ensure i got the job
they'd find out it was a lie 6 months in.

it's only what married women do....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)

Haha, see I'd have thought that's what the "prefer not to say" box was for
After all, if you want to tick "other," they invite you to specify...I don't think "your mum" would go down too well with whoever processes the form.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:54, Reply)

you do know that you should have to give them this answer now, don't you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:55, Reply)

I guess it's less potentially dangerous than putting "paedophile," as discussed above

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:00, Reply)

put both
"if you're not living on the edge, you take up too much room"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:02, Reply)

So, in short:
"Other: I'd be up to my balls in any young sprog I could lay my hands on if your mother didn't phone up slavering to sit on my cock every time I've got five minutes to spare"?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)

perfect
sheer genius
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

except the "five minutes" claim
yeah, right.

or are you saying you do it five times?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)

I need at least four minutes to wipe the scary, foaming snatch-gunk off my unmentionables...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:07, Reply)

ew!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:07, Reply)

I don't think it's supposed to fizz...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:08, Reply)

snatchgunk?
SNATCHGUNK?

vile
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:08, Reply)

froth at the clopper, not fizz

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:08, Reply)

I am worried now
It's like when you make one of those "volcanoes" in school by throwing bicarb into a pot of vinegar...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:10, Reply)

I'll volcano you in a minute

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:11, Reply)

how gay are you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:13, Reply)

I'd fuck you, that's how gay I am

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:15, Reply)

well yeah, but that just proves you have eyes and a pulse, dude

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:17, Reply)

Actually, I'm sorry about that!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:17, Reply)

too late now

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:18, Reply)

If you tick the "prefer not to say"
They will just assume you are in the closet.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 14:56, Reply)

This^
also, I have no problem saying, but it's not their damn bussiness.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:07, Reply)

I didn't know "Tumnusexual" was a real thing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:23, Reply)

munchysexual
a proclivity for gobby, rolling fatsos
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:02, Reply)

*licks box*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:03, Reply)

*bokes*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:05, Reply)

*licks boke*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 15:07, Reply)