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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I've broken the glass and released the emergancy news link.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-18050473

This will be about as hilarious as the Orange wednesday bits before films. LOLarious for the first 8 times you hear it but it'll piss you right off if you commute on this train everyday.

What would make your journey to work better.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:45, 129 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
A different job at the end of it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:47, Reply)
I just recieved a text, I think it's for you.
There's £2103.23 waiting to be claimed for some accident you must have had. It's a strangely specific number so it must be legit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Oh man
You mean my £3750 is bogus?
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Yeah, judges specify damages to the penny, any round number is obviously bollocks.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:52, Reply)
Damn
I've been done
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)
YESSSS!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
I've toyed with phoning them up and regailing them with a trouser accident I had.
But then realised I couldn't be arsed.
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:49, Reply)
THIS.
So very much this.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 14 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Not being 40 miles from home when I get to work.
I can see these announcements being a trigger for violent interchanges between the fucked off passengers.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)
Cunningly fucked off passengers?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:52, Reply)
As cunning as a....
Oh fuck off, just because he was in Blackadder doesn't mean he can write Blackadder.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)
oh man, that's well LOL!

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)
I'd go so far as to say it's 'mega-LOL'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:50, Reply)
if it was a dinosaur it'd be a lolosaurus

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
If it were salad, it would be a lollloroso

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
if it was a celebrity it'd be lolly allen

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)
If it was a sweet?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)
it'd be a doublol dip

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
if it was a japanese monster it'd be lolzilla.

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
If it were an Asian dictator it’d be ‘LOL Pot’

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)
If it played football it would be 'LOL Campbell'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:57, Reply)
If it were a book by Daniel Defoe
it would be 'The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous LOL Flanders'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
if it were a lollipop it would be a LOLlipop

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
This is the best one.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
thx, tangles
thanks
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
if it was a dragon it'd be duncan baloltyne

(I helped save b3ta! mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
If it was a poncy beer with a piece of lime in the bottle, I'd be Lol.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
if it were scarpe it would be addicted to alcolol

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)
genuine LOL.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 14 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)
If it were a song by Cliff Richard it'd be a 'Living LOL'

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)
If it had massive tits and was dead it would be LOLa Ferrari.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Veloloraptor

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
If it was an American sporting event that they seem to think the whole world cares about but basically we couldn't give a fuck, it would be the SuperLOL

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
if it were a shit pun thread it would be this one lol

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
If it was 4 June 2012, I'd be a Bank LOLiday Monday.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
If it was a Chuck Berry song it would be LOL Over Beethoven.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)
There was a program on radio 4 this morning about the Spanish economy and it's problems.
There was one stupid bitch who kept turning all the important and informed discussions by the men around the table to talking about how the Opera and thearters are really struggling because of the cuts in government funding.
She said Spanish cultural society is being destroyed.
Who gives a fuck eh?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:49, Reply)
The Spanish?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Spanish cultural society as in 'making chips for bellowing, sunburt Northerners'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Seenyor
Dos beers por favOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:52, Reply)
'DOS BIEROS, SEEVOO PLAY, PAL'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
DOUBLE EGGS AND DOUBLE CHIPS TOO MATE

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:07, Reply)
I don't think they even make much porn.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
They contribute NOTHING to the world, apart from tapas. And that's a bit shit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
And they put potatoes into omlettes. The pricks.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Spanish omelette is fucking great man

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:07, Reply)
Not too shit though
Its like a posh buffet
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Chorizo is the world's most overrated sausage though.
Cooked it's OK but as a salami it's pretty fucking rank.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:10, Reply)
I'm not a fan of it as a salami
but it is fucking ace when cooked
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:11, Reply)
I contend that Sausisson is better.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)
I couldn't agree more.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
I prefer the paprika flavour

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
i spoke to some germans the other day

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
My dad lives in America.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
I'm wearing crocodile socks.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
la coste?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Nope, these
img.glam.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/green-gator-socks-topman-368x500.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:20, Reply)
you should have said £8 for 4 pairs lol
edit and also they are hideous, you freak
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
I paid nothing, they were a present.
SUBTHREAD OF THE DAY!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
i'll click all the posts if you do too

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Alright 'Jimmy Nail', that'll do.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
which one?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
The one just below Canada.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
mexico?
oh wait i mean which dad? because you have two

gay dads, that is
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Up a bit.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
yeah, I bet THEY ARE

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
my german isn't that great, but we held a fairly brief conversation
at first i thought they were dutch cos they were soft spoken and almost quite sexy but then i recognised some words an i was all like 'wie gehts?' and they was all :O
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)
That's just reminded me
I've got some lovely beef & horseradish sausages at home, quite looking forward to them!
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:13, Reply)
I am not overly keen on beef in sausages on the whole.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
stop putting them on your whole then!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I can't stop myself. It's a compulsion I am unable to resist.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)
I'm unsure, but I'm hoping they'll be good
Going to make toad in the hole with them.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Yeah opera, you know, that Spanish thing.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:52, Reply)
I thought she was American

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:53, Reply)
LTI

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:54, Reply)
\o/

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
My old journey to work was on a train
Every now and then you'd get an entertaining conductor who would announce stations coming up as:

"The next station is East Boldon. For all passengers leaving the train here - ciao"

...and change the greeting for a different nationality each time. Was actually nice to hear someone enjoying their job for a change
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:51, Reply)
Your mum seems to.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:55, Reply)
Does he do a comedy Indian accent too?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:59, Reply)
'bud bud, ding ding, tickets please'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Genuinely officelolling merrily now

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Unfortunately not, no
All delivered in a really strong Newcastle accent

DOSSSSVIDANYA
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:00, Reply)
if you were dead

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Why are you so mean to meeeeee???!!?!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)
i secretly in love you

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)

I can't think of anything more likely to send me on a kill spree than lolwacky announcements on trains.

You know what would be far, far better? If they announced what station you were pulling into and how late the train was, just once, at each station. And then shut the fuck up. And stop thanking me for 'choosing' them. As if I had any fuckingn options.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Thank you for choosing to post on b3ta
Whilst posting with us today, you might like to know that we have a variety of fatties, nerds and bent spastics available for you to poke fun at in our offtopic carriage.
I'd like to remind all posters leaving us at KFC to remember to delete their accounts before departing this life.
Thank you.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:01, Reply)
The Tyne and Wear Metros now seem to have a really annoying BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
just as you arrive at each station.
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:02, Reply)
That's the driver losing the will to live.

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Most likely

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)
I was pleased to learn that the "Mind the gap" lady on the underground
Is Celia Humphris of obscure psych-folk band Trees.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)
TGB should get a Mind The Gape t-shirt

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Where is she these days anyway?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 14 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)
I'm not sure
She should post more often
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:28, Reply)
She fell inside herself and it's created a whole new dimension that she can't get back from.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:33, Reply)
I believe this is the plot to the new season of Red Dwarf
Smeg!
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
You're easily pleased, then.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:06, Reply)
I have quite a dull life.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)
Going from Aberdeen to some place down south.
The woman from the buffet cart decided it was important to give us a running commentary of everything she sold after every fucking stop.

After a while there were groans, chuckles and mumbled "for fucks sake's".
(I helped save b3ta! Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:52, Reply)
A Rolls Royce Phantom would probably help

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:24, Reply)
They don't exist you larper prick.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:25, Reply)
THEY DO, DON'T RUIN IT FOR ME AND CAVY
Did you see the goths on Cupid.com in the newsletter?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:27, Reply)
I have not, I might have a look.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:27, Reply)
There are some LARP/steam punk nobs in there as well

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:28, Reply)
I just lolled hard at flute man.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
It's tragic

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)
if you think the Orange Wednesday thing is bad..
you should see the Aquafresh guff before the Vue Kids AM showing on a weekend.
It used to be LEGO kids am, so you got a 3 minute Lego ad before the trailers, OK and no big deal.
Now you get 15 minutes of the most cringeworthy crap about "Nurdles", which even my 3 year old thought was boring. Cut down to the 2 minutes of how to brush it would have been bearable, but 15????
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:24, Reply)
brush your teeh pricks, followed by a slap would do the trick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:26, Reply)

slap bumming from Uncle Quinten
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
someone has to

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)
You'll set a legal precendent with that defence

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:33, Reply)
i don't recognise the authority of the courts

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:35, Reply)
Dammit! Well we'd better let you go then

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)
there is not a sharper legal mind than me on this whole board

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)
Nor a better shot at those pesky Norwegian kids

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:48, Reply)
If the hot students I travel with wore less clothes
my journey would be loads better.

*insert "work at a primary school joke" here*
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:45, Reply)
+all male

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)
the germans i spoke to the other day were students too
the first time i saw them they just looked really young and then the next time i saw them they were very drunk and seemed to be falling out of their clothes

i was worried that they were going to get hurt but they got home ok
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:48, Reply)
I play a game at uni called "Spot the student with a hotter arse than my wife"
I am quite smug to admit I haven't found one yet!
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:51, Reply)
This post stinks of Massive drugs and Honda Accords

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:53, Reply)
Yup
But hey ho, what can I say, my wife does have a fantastic arse.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:00, Reply)
Well she certainly married an arse.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:03, Reply)
You're very mean
You're going on my "not nice on The Internet" list
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:04, Reply)
I would be delighted if my journey to work included no speed cameras on the M1.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I live achingly close to where I work...

I often think about installing a rope slide
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Mon 14 May 2012, 11:46, Reply)
Do you work for Barclaycard?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Sounds beautiful.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:54, Reply)
I imagined it being sung by Fleet Foxes.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)
chortle

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 May 2012, 12:03, Reply)

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