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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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First proper bike ride of the summer and I've fucked my bike up.
When did you last have a FFS moment?

alt: I consider myself lucky to have friends who are enthusiastic when it comes to fixing bikes and are currently trying to sort mine out. What 'benefits' do your friends provide?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:26, 206 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Almost every day.
I must say for fuck sake about thirty times a day. I did about ten minutes ago when I checked my phone and someone hadn't text me.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:34, Reply)
I said it just now
when I read about you obsessing over a text.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:35, Reply)
Not obsessing, I want to go out. Can't until my mate lets me know what he's doing.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:52, Reply)
Fair enough.
Not doris-related then. As you were.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:57, Reply)
I would really like it if she text me, she's up here in Newcastle til Tuesday :(
I'm not thinking about it tho, I took the other girl out last night, had a great time. I do feel guilty about it tho.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:05, Reply)
Don't feel guilty, Baz.
You're a free agent. If she's cut you loose, you can do what you like. If she then starts playing guilt games with you, she's a disgrace to her gender.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:07, Reply)
I feel guilty cos I only took that girl out last night cos I've been feeling like shit.
And she asked me why I hadnt asked her out sooner cos she's liked me for a while. Oh well. I like her and want to see her again.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:12, Reply)

Are you bipolar or just half man, half vagina?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:43, Reply)
I'm waiting for my mate to text me what time to meet him at the bar.
Cos he never answers his phone. It's a pain.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:51, Reply)

what if he never texts Baz?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:55, Reply)
Then I'll accept that I'm forever alone.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:01, Reply)
Welcome to the club.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:02, Reply)
^this

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:03, Reply)
Alt: I have some lovely friends on here who have helped me with my CV, advised me on jobhunting,
and helped me set up my shiny new website.

You know, some b3tans are fucking ace.

So what did you do to your bike?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:34, Reply)

Some of us are wonderful yeah. Well I had a fall quite early on which wasn't that bad but I must have mashed the derailleur (thing that moves the gears) as it is know fucked and mashed up in the spokes. The boys don't think it looks good. But we have pizza on the way so happy days.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:42, Reply)
Two FFS today.
First when I tried to get into my new sleeping bag. I could barely manage it sober so fuck knows how I would manage it drunk.

Second, I tried a new kohl eyeliner today and after 5 eye make up remover soaked cotton wool pads I still look like Alice Cooper.

Friendship isn't about benefits.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:39, Reply)

No it isn't but they are pretty fucking ace.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:43, Reply)
It isn't, at all, but if you have any kind of friends worth bothering about, they'll do anything they can to help you with stuff.
That's why I think there are some ace b3tans out there. The sort taht I'd want to be irl friends with.
If I've handed out my phone number, I think you're special.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:49, Reply)
I tried to help someone recently. Not from this forum.
They freaked out. I don't think they're used to nice people.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:52, Reply)
I wasn't overly used to people going out of their way to do nice things for me
until I met X, Y & Z from /OT.

So, what brand is this miraculous stay-put eyeliner? Are you sure it wasn't just a Sharpie?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:56, Reply)
Maybelline brand.
They have a few but this one is like fucking spray paint. My eyes are stinging from the amount of makeup remover I had to use.

Useful if your a goth though.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:59, Reply)
Have you tried Benefit Bad Gal?
That's quite a nice one, if you like a pencil liner.
I use that, and the Soap and Glory liquid liner, which is quite smooth. Both usually take some getting off, but if you can afford to splash out, Estee Lauder make up remover is the best thing in teh world ever. I think it's called 'Take the day off' or something. It's a greeny-blue bottle, about twenty squiddlies.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:05, Reply)
I use the Simple brand and that has sufficed till now.
I don't really wear much makeup.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:09, Reply)
They help me move bodies.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:41, Reply)
They're DJ's?

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:45, Reply)
No, electric chair operators.

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:48, Reply)
If you enjoyed the Wire this is a really good read.
www.maxim.com/tv/maxim-interrogates-the-makers-and-stars-of-the-wire
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 18:56, Reply)
I've never seen the wire
but I love Baltimore, and I very much enjoy Damien Lewis.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:09, Reply)
I like Damien Lewis.
Gingers FFW!
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:09, Reply)
i've got ginger pubes

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:12, Reply)

+in my teeth.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:12, Reply)
i didn't have lunch at your bedsit

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:15, Reply)
How many?
THIS IS IMPORTANT!!
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:13, Reply)
i meant to type pube, sorry

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:14, Reply)
Gutted!

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:14, Reply)
so you're back then eh eh
what's it like out there in the cold world of no internet
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:16, Reply)
I joined a depression forum.
It was shit. One person told me off for saying something against christianity and I upset someone else by being nice.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:19, Reply)
cor, link me up, I'm good with motivational shit

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:22, Reply)
Nah! there's young teenagers there otherwise I would.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:23, Reply)
It's the just seventeen forum aint it
Oh Biggers what are you playing at
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:25, Reply)
Ha!
One guy was really interesting though. An older version of Monty. In his sixties and still doing drugs.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:27, Reply)
I can't think what the connection to his underlying depression might be

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:31, Reply)
The death of his long time partner played a big part but yeah the drugs probably didn't help.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:33, Reply)
Has he tried cheering up
or pulling himself together?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:35, Reply)
He has but it didn't work.
I suspect he didn't try hard enough.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:36, Reply)
Out of interest you've renamed your old account and switched that name to a new account, it doesn't really make sense
there's a reason yah ?
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:39, Reply)
Women don't make sense Rory.
You should know that by now.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:41, Reply)
i'm taking notes of this

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:42, Reply)
I'll deny everything.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:43, Reply)

Damien Lewis wasn;t in The Wire!
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:12, Reply)
Well he should be.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:13, Reply)

He would have made a great Clay Davis.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:14, Reply)
Hi all now soccerballs finished i thought i might pop in and say hello

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:12, Reply)
Are you the one who is supposed to be Spakkaman?

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:14, Reply)
ive completly lost the thread of whos supposed to be who, so yes

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:15, Reply)

yup
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:15, Reply)
Hi quint's

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:16, Reply)
alright mistaspakkaman

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:17, Reply)
fine thanks rory hows lizzy day been for you

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:17, Reply)
alright, I bin down the ten bells and now I've shit to do

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:18, Reply)
did you watch the soccerball match?

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:19, Reply)
that means football doesn't it
no


england are always shit
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:21, Reply)
It was worth watching just to see david beckhams new moustache
He looks like a gay biker now
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:22, Reply)
You spent over an hour of your life looking out for David Beckham
Oh Spakks
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:26, Reply)
hour and a half plus injury time i'll have you know

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:27, Reply)
I thought i saw Victoria then I realised it was the corner flag

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:32, Reply)
Just acknowledging this joke.
Lol
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:29, Reply)
My FFS moment will be when I finaly realise who spakkaman is
Then hopefully i can move on
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:40, Reply)
Well we can deduce you're older than Spakkerman.
Purely from your name.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:42, Reply)
Thanks BGB
I was having a rough time over that one.
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:47, Reply)
use the search hartley

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:43, Reply)
I did......
What was his name on here
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:44, Reply)
I've just had a salad from asda
which, for some bizarre reason, contained a LOT of coriander.
Weird.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:45, Reply)
Hi ya b3th

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:45, Reply)
hello bunny

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:50, Reply)
Make your own salad you lazy mare.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:47, Reply)
Salads are people too

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:48, Reply)
Ok now you are sounding like Spakkerman.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:49, Reply)
?????
was his name spakkaman on here?
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:50, Reply)
that's
MISTER spakkaman to you.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:51, Reply)
I can only find Refs. to s/he
so I'm still kinda lost
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:53, Reply)
try a google search
mr spakkaman b3ta
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:55, Reply)
why the fuck would i do that
when i can buy a packet fot a quid?
as you say, i am a lazy mare.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:50, Reply)
I did have some packet ready lentil dahl for dinner but a hell of a lot more hassle to make fresh than making a salad.
It was bloody nom though.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:51, Reply)
I've never tried dahl.
A friend of mine did a gap year in Nepal, and she can't eat it any more. Dahl overload.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:54, Reply)
I just chucked some cooked chicken in it too.
Ainsely Harriot dried dahl. Just chuck in the packets and some water and delicious.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:56, Reply)
I did Tesco's pre-done chicken fajitas
but I chopped up a tomato and a chilli and threw some in while assembling them. Pretty good but having seen how little was involved I'll probably do my own in future. Cook chicken and onions and garlic and chopped tomato and chillies in a pan, roll in tortilla with sour cream and guacamole, job done.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:12, Reply)
Fajitas is one thing I can make.
We like fajita nights in this house. Good excuse to sit on the floor to eat too.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:27, Reply)
Sitting on the floor?
You heathen.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:28, Reply)
It's like a picnic indoors.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:30, Reply)
Pfft! you'll be telling me you eat with your hands next.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:31, Reply)
I've just thought of a reply to the benefits of my friends.
They're good cooks.

Apart from B3th obviously.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 19:59, Reply)
^this
I'm not a cook. mr b3th does most of the cooking here.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:05, Reply)
To late
I realised that would start a land slide of daft QandA's so i deleted it
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:05, Reply)
I saw you delete that Mr Hare.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:05, Reply)
Read the above +1 message

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:07, Reply)
I didn't.
What was it?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:08, Reply)
My cooking skill boast

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:09, Reply)
Pfft! I was only going to ask you the best way to store mushrooms.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:09, Reply)
mushrooms?
Keep em in the dark and feed em on shit
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:11, Reply)
Yes mushrooms??
After purchasing obviously!
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:13, Reply)
Mine are normally stored in the fridge
But i normally use them within 24 hours when i purchase them
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:14, Reply)
I've just started having them fried with my scrambled eggs every weekend.
I forgot how much I like them.

Chestnut obviously.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:17, Reply)
I make omlette's for the family every sunday morning

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:19, Reply)
Mushrooms or smoked salmon.
At around 11am after I've walked the parent's dogs.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:21, Reply)
paper bags apparently

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:19, Reply)
*finger on nose*

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:21, Reply)
Hi BGB! I'm off to the cinema now.
Hope you're okay and looking forward to thursday.
(I helped save b3ta! Bazongaloid, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:24, Reply)
Hell yeah!
What you going to see?
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:24, Reply)
Yeah
plastic ones make them go all soggy and that.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:22, Reply)
hi ya LIC
the secret to a good omelette is water not milk
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:25, Reply)
I didn't know that.
We always use milk.

and you have to have the oil smoking hot before you pour the eggs in.

and finish the omelette under the grill.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:26, Reply)
Yep the grill fluffs it up
but water not milk is the chefs way
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:29, Reply)
I've not tried an omelette
I do a mean frittata though, don't put water OR milk in that.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:33, Reply)
My crumble is to die for

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:36, Reply)
between teh toes?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:12, Reply)
Toe jelly

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:12, Reply)
and Earl.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:14, Reply)
lolz toe jam and earl way old game
were showing our age here b3th
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:16, Reply)
says the man named after a fifty year old tv character

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:18, Reply)
Fifty??
I remember Hartly hare.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:20, Reply)
I couldn't rememebr if it was sixties or seventies
It was a bit before my time.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:23, Reply)
Youtube it PIPKINS was the show

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:26, Reply)
There was Topov as well.
The nickname of my old drug dealer also.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:26, Reply)
and pig

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:26, Reply)
Hartly was way ahead of his time I'll have you know

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:20, Reply)
*taps mic*
is this thing on?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:50, Reply)
What
the fuck was that?

Who's shouting?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:56, Reply)
n'a'right?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:57, Reply)
Fu
K'n right, sis.

You?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:00, Reply)
bidin' awa'

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:04, Reply)
This
could lead to some confusion.

To "bide" in my part of the world means to live, stay or reside. So, your post may lead me to believe that you've left the elderly chap with the tricky-dicker and gone elsewhere.

I don't believe you mean that.

Here it would be "chauvin' awa."

Which means getting on with my (incredibly dull, hopelessly exploited, awful) life.

We need a Doric/Fife, Fife/Doric dictionary.

The rest of the world, not.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:13, Reply)
The standard answer in fife
is bidin' awa', ya see it a'
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:14, Reply)
No
the standard question from a Scots male to anything vaguely female,pulse optional, is "aye, aye, lassie, die ye tak it in the moo?

Posted with apologies for my nation.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:21, Reply)
Last night saw a lot of FFSing from me
When little tangle was awake between 12.30-3.30 crying about the pain of his adult teeth coming through.
There is only so long you can be sympathetic for at that time.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 20:59, Reply)
Bad dad.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:02, Reply)
INORITE?
I lay with him comforting him until he finally fell asleep. But at one point I did suggest that if lying awake crying wasn't helping, he might try shutting up and going to sleep.
How are you BGB? Nice to see you back.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:10, Reply)
On the mend tangles.
Kids are shit unless they're other people's kids.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:13, Reply)
^this
and even then, they're not that great.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:16, Reply)
Funny, I quite like mine.
It's other people's that I can't stand.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:19, Reply)
Like farts

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:20, Reply)
Precisely.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:22, Reply)
Put
The offspring in a car seat. Drive for fifteen - thirty minutes. Transfer to bed.

Sleep/drink/shag/deefityewant.

Ken?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:03, Reply)
My nephew still falls asleep in the car and he's eleven.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:06, Reply)
I still do it and I' nearly 40.
I mean, you know, not when I'm driving. Just .... cars always make me sleepy.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:07, Reply)
Warm, smooth-running cars usually make me sleepy on long journeys.
Nissan Micras with paper-thin suspension do not.
(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:16, Reply)
Hey, Dozer's on telly.
I wondered where he'd gone.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:09, Reply)
Shopping channel?

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:10, Reply)
hahaha
BBC1
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:11, Reply)
Eh?

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:12, Reply)
Maroon 5 was just playing on The Voice.
Dozer reckons he looks like the lead singer of that band.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:13, Reply)
Oh I see.
I like his tatts.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:14, Reply)
You missed the whole Dozer flounce, didn't you?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:15, Reply)
He's flounced?

(I helped save b3ta! The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:16, Reply)
A while ago.
I'm still not entirely sure what happened.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:18, Reply)
He still posts on qotw occasionally

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:22, Reply)
If you're lurking, Doze old boy
do come back, there's a good chap.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:24, Reply)
I didn't flounce in the slightest bit. Just retired.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 3 Jun 2012, 0:46, Reply)
Jesus
Did he?

I must keep up, as Priapus said to his mother.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:25, Reply)
BGB
Is it really you?

Please don't be a sockpuppet.

You won't know me, but I'm a long time lurker who loved your common sense response to the more /talk- infected phuckers that infected OT for a while.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:17, Reply)
Really????
Are you sure you've not got me mixed up with someone else?
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:24, Reply)
To be honest, common sense is not a virtue on here.
It did me no favours.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:27, Reply)
showing your tits, on the other hand...

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:28, Reply)
Got me where I am today.

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:30, Reply)
Don't
Put herself down.

Yer lovely. Work in a family business, yeah? Walk dogs? Somewhere northern. Todmorden, perhaps?

I'm not stalkin' BTW.

Sad when you stopped posting.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:29, Reply)
Sounds like stalking to me.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:31, Reply)
It certainly reads that way.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:31, Reply)
Everything
reads like stalking to you, Tangles.

You wrote the paper. Peer reviewed, too.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:35, Reply)
NO YOU ARE!!!

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:37, Reply)
Na
You, with a spoon.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:43, Reply)
Aw thanks.
I can be a cunt when I put my mind to it though.
(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:31, Reply)
I
Norite.

Go on, speak dirty to me.

You can be the bossofme.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:33, Reply)
: /

(Jimmy Saville's bitch Is a sucker for gold jewellery, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:34, Reply)
I
Wis joking.

*spluffedalreadylols*

Also joking.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:37, Reply)
evenin'
Mostly saying FFS to myself for being a fecked up emo cunt, but sorting that not I hopes.

ALt: listening to my shit, usuaally.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:36, Reply)
evening

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:39, Reply)
wotcha
*wanders off to finish tidying the toy-cupboaard*
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:40, Reply)
Evening Quey.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:41, Reply)
You
think you're fucked up?

I'm watching Notting Fucking Bastarding Hill. Again.

It was utter shite the first time I saw it and I seem drawn to it once more.

Madness, it must be.

Me, not you.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:41, Reply)
No clue what you're gibbering about
and no I'm not fucked up, not by a long way, been ther done that, just need to make some delicate adjustments to the thinkbox, lump hammer should do it, and get myself straight.

all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well.

*really fucks off to sort the cupboeard this time*
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:44, Reply)
Fine
fuck off to yer toy cupboard then..

Watch they don't gang up on you.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 21:47, Reply)
Sorry
CQ.

*sigh*
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:00, Reply)
I suppose once you've circumnavigated the globe in 80 days life must be a bit dull.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:36, Reply)
gaylords

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:30, Reply)
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be out doing something fun?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:38, Reply)
I'm funned out.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:40, Reply)
christ it seems I'm in here on my own
now I know how Patti Labelle felt when Michael Macdonald fucked off.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:40, Reply)
oi! what am i, chopped liver?

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:40, Reply)
I hope not.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:50, Reply)
Hang on
has time shifted?

This is the weekend, no?

Montgomery Boyce does not attend during weekends. He can barely last until last bell during the week, FFS.

Is he on drugs, do you think?

Surely not.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:44, Reply)
I'm the old mother hubbard of drugs now.
Sad times.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:52, Reply)
The
Cupboard is bare?

Sad times indeed.

There's a chap up there stuck in a cupboard with toys. I'm sure that's a money spinner for you, should you choose to direct.

Money = drugs=happiness.

Probably.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 22:56, Reply)
I'm trying my absolute best not to make 'the call'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:01, Reply)
Think
of it as Lou Reid, "Waiting For The Man".

That should put you off.

He knew Bowie, you know. ( I know you know, that was only for emphasis.)
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:05, Reply)
Fuck you

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:16, Reply)
It's
late Bobby, are you sure you'll get it up?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:22, Reply)
Now....
.... Just got in and the cupboard door in the kitchen is open. This is enough to convince me that there is an axe murderer somewhere in the flat :(((
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:25, Reply)
Old
Mother Hubbard lols.

Never mind, the dog will give you a bone.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:29, Reply)
My life would never get that interesting..

(berk, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:30, Reply)
I have no idea how I think anyone would get up here or through that front door but still!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:32, Reply)
there is also that
you'd think if he was an axe murderer, he'd have something better to do than go rummaging in your cupboards..
(berk, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:36, Reply)
Up
where?

We need to know.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:38, Reply)
Do
you mean cupboards, axe-murderers,toys, dogs,bones,old mother hubbard?

Seems pretty interesting to me, though I don't work in a lab.

Petri dishes, however. Phowaaar !
.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:37, Reply)
Well, it would be an interesting/exciting experience
albeit probably a terrifying and terminal one.
(berk, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:41, Reply)
Old
Mother Hubbard scares me shitless too.

FWIW.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:47, Reply)
Wait
Haven't you got , ahem, a "chap downstairs" who prevents ne'er-do-wells "entering your front door." ?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Sat 2 Jun 2012, 23:45, Reply)

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