Evening Shift, Assemble*
*unless otherwise engaged
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:30, 74 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

One of my cats is pissing in my kitchen.
What should I do, Bobby?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:43, Reply)

Hahahaha, is it a kitten or should it know better?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:47, Reply)

It's a nutter cat
It ought to know better. Shits outside then comes in the kitchen to piss.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:59, Reply)

*assembles*
Whatcha doin' tonight then, bobs?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:44, Reply)

Hello B, this evening I have just ordered some new bits for my bike and made a jelly. Spent the day in Bristol at my mates dicking around in his garden and the woods. What about you?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:48, Reply)

barbecued pig, illustrator, tv.
Sums it up, really.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:51, Reply)

You been drinkinininining?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:51, Reply)

Little bit.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:52, Reply)

Today I heard that the queen has a dubonet and gin before lunch, wine with lunch, a dry martini and champagne in the evening. Totalling 6 units and classifying her as a binge drinker.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:54, Reply)

True story
A mate of mine worked for North Yorks education.

The ol' Princess Margaret came to open their new HQ, and they had to hide double G and T's behind EVERY potted plant for her to scoff as she waltzted through.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:03, Reply)

Bollox
They had G&Ts behind every pot plant every day anyway. It wis that fucker from accounts. There's one (plus reserve) in every council.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:13, Reply)

God Bless em.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:13, Reply)

Unable
to assemble.

I'm in bits.

Also, sick of Betty Battenburg and all this crap.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:48, Reply)

I've been 'tweeting' about it
on account of how I am 'well' 'hip'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:49, Reply)

oooo what's your twitter name?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:50, Reply)

haha
Yeah, like I'm going to hand it out on here.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:51, Reply)

follow me, dr3wyork, and I'll follow you back.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:52, Reply)

so, your twitter bio?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:57, Reply)

Dunno, let me readit.

read it, I stand by it.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:58, Reply)

You
shouldn't even mention "hip" at your age. Tempting fate an' that.

No offence, like.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:54, Reply)

I'm already arthritic.
My knees are fucking shot. They'll go long before my hips do.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:55, Reply)

I have a wicked cut on my knee after yesterdays bike crashes.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:56, Reply)

Flid

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:56, Reply)

chicks dig scars
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:58, Reply)

They don't dig flids.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:59, Reply)

What about deacons?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:59, Reply)

Or
Bishops.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:02, Reply)

Au contraire.
We do alright.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:12, Reply)

S'allright
you can get plastic inserts, these days.
And not always from Ann Summers.
Unless they won the contract, of course, which is entireably possible. Imagine having dildos for knees.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 22:59, Reply)

"Granny, why is your knee buzzing?"

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:08, Reply)

"It's
made of beeeez, so don't get too close."
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:10, Reply)

Dildos don't buzz. You're thinking of vibrators.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:33, Reply)

I bow to your superior knowledge

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:34, Reply)

They're pretty hard on the batteries, mind.
Or so I've heard.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:38, Reply)

Qixote, signing in.
On me way home from my mates after a good but low-key day due to hangover and tiredness. Looking forward to my bed and wanting a day.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:11, Reply)

What'll you pay for a day?
I'll sell you a day.

£25 - c/o TD O/T right now.

Yours.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:14, Reply)

Fuck
TD.

I've got a day or two to spare.

Here's one for nothing.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:17, Reply)

Y'right Dozer.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:20, Reply)

Je
suis not Dozer. Didn't he flounce about something?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:24, Reply)

I am a paragon of integrety.
I am also not stupid.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:35, Reply)

I hopes it is Dozer, I like4d dozer, sometimes.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:39, Reply)

It isn't Doze, I speak to him on xbox. Plus he is back as himself. It's spakkaman.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:40, Reply)

thought that was hartly hare

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:45, Reply)

Everyone's
Spakkaman with you, Bobby.

*sigh*

Not every poster is a sockpuppet.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:45, Reply)

I like sockpuppets. I don't mind who you are.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:49, Reply)

I just get a bit confused
I'm getting on a bit, y'know.

Mind you I've just had a fine puppet idea.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:52, Reply)

Evening TD, how goes it?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:54, Reply)

In terms of sobriety - very bad indeed
I must go to bed soon but I've just thought of a real mischief puppet to register.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:56, Reply)

Nothing
wrong with being confused. I reckon I'm on a bit further than you, though.

I hope this puppet idea involves strings from above rather than hands from below.

Both are feckin' stupid like, but I wish you luck.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:56, Reply)

I reckon I can be less obvious than you.
Don't know when I can do it though. Got a full diary all week.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 0:00, Reply)

I
honestly don't know why you think I'm a sockpuppet or "obvious."

HonestlyTD, you're wrong.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 0:00, Reply)

Very bedtime
Don't forget to feed Hercules.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 0:13, Reply)

Phudbree

(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:59, Reply)

I
Think you mean integrity.

I know your not stupid, though.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:43, Reply)

You know what I meant.
Spelling isn't good after a huge alcohol infusion.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:45, Reply)

I think you mean "you're"

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:46, Reply)

Correct

(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:47, Reply)

*fag
fucken autocorrect
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:38, Reply)

Interesting article
about men online being dicks.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-18280000
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:27, Reply)

I used to game.
got that kind of abuse all the time. s'one of the reasons I left.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:32, Reply)

If
they're dicks IRL, they'll be bigger dicks online.
Treat the online comments as if they come from some chavvy scum with whom discourse is beneath you.
Cos it is. Fuck 'em. Ignore.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:38, Reply)

tits or GTFO.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:40, Reply)

I'm here.
Although I'm not sure anybody else still is.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:29, Reply)

Morning you

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:34, Reply)

it's too early. quarter to nine is too early.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 4 Jun 2012, 23:42, Reply)

I had some crazy dream where I was skying down a mountain and I stopped half way...
... and the mountain opened up to reveal a waterfall. I then stepped into the water and climbed on a whale and rode it down the waterfall.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Head. Hurts.
We drunkenly agreed to go to the seaside today. I don't care we're doing it.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Good man.
remember to wrap up warm.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 5 Jun 2012, 11:27, Reply)

No one wants to now.
I'm going to cry.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 13:38, Reply)

here!
oh...whoops
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 10:04, Reply)

I have briefly come back from the dead to emphatically state that Phudbree is not me.
I have no sockpuppets and anyway, I would nivir lower mahsel tae use teuchter speak online.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 11:34, Reply)

I know this.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 11:57, Reply)

I
also know this. I'm not a teuchter, min, Plum, I'm a toonser. No sheep round my place, only cats and dogs. I'm not shagging them either.

Anyway, it's The Disappointed who needs convincing.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 13:01, Reply)

morning... errr, afternoon
Heading back into Brum to arse about a bit before getting the train back to London. Had a good time with mates, smoked and drank far too much, played Small World - boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/40692/small-world - which was really good.

Now my bank card is fucked and I'm down to my last fiver, not so good.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)