Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright you collection of mouldy cretinous whorebags and scabby scrotal sacks?It’s Friday. Splendid. Today I shall be gardening, fitting solar power to my shed and meeting young dog fucker for a quick pint. What are your intentions for today? (other than fucking one or both of my parents).
Alt: If you were to invade a country which would you invade and why?
AltAlt: which of you pervs is looking forward to seeing pictures of Kate Middleton’s tits?
piss off Boyce, I know you’re going to declare this thread to be ‘fucking shit’. I do not care what you think. Go and get your hair cut you scruffy cunt.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:11,
161 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
Good morning sir, and may I say what a fine morning it is, too,Today I shall be weeding the patio, picking up a large propane bottle to convert to a firepit/chiminea type thing and vacuum cleaning the house. Later I'll be playing at a farewell gig for a local landlady who's moving to a new pub in Sussex.
Alt: Anywhere that's year-round sunny with nice beaches. Once I'd invaded and established myself as the supreme leader I'd spend the rest of my days sunning myself on the aforementioned beaches.
Altalt. Not me.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:24, Reply)
I have to re-point my patio. A dull job, I'd rather be building stuff, like a proper brick oven & barbeque.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:27,
Reply)
Ooh, a brick oven would be greatI've seen kits to make them but I've always thought they were a bit expensive.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:29, Reply)
I'm planning on making my own rather than using a kit. Just need to buy some fire bricks and fire cement.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:38,
Reply)
There was a good short from River Cottage about building one out of clay and sandMight be on youtube
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
Great thanks. I will have a look.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
Didn't Shambo post something about building a clay pizza oven somewhere on here as well?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:10,
Reply)
Yes he did. I have made notes from this.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:11,
Reply)
It must be big shed to make fitting solar panels worthwhile.Why don't you run a cable from the house, and fit that with panels?
AltAlt. I am, but i'm guessing the mainstream media will pixelate the nipples.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:29,
Reply)
Cheaper and easier to fit a solar kit straight to the shed.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:32,
Reply)
But I guess you are charging a battery and only using it for light.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:34,
Reply)
Yes. Caravan battery, one internal light and two external ones. Change out of £100 for the whole lot.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:37,
Reply)
How are you going to power the freezer full of corpses?(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:40,
Reply)
I store them in the cellar, which is on the mains.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:41,
Reply)
That'd be a good thread Plummsie.Tough to call though.
In no particular order
1. Richard Chase
2. Albert Fish
3. Fred West
4. John Wayne Gacy
5. Ted Bundy
6. some other ones. My mouth tastes of old socks.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:10,
Reply)
1. Edward Kemper
2. Kiyoshi Ōkubo
3. Peter Sutcliffe
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:15,
Reply)
Got to have yourself a bit of Sutcliffe. He was special.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:17,
Reply)
Kemper was ace. He used the severed head of one of his victims for oral sex.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edmund_Kemper
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
Well you would, wouldn't you?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:59,
Reply)
He had a parole hearing in Julywonder how it went.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
my all time favourite is Ted BundyYou also need to show some live for me main nigga Andrei Chikatilo. Mad props unto me homebwoy Mr Albert Fish.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Chase sounds hilarious'He would hold oranges on his head, believing Vitamin C would be absorbed by his brain via diffusion'
Hahahahahaha
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:00,
Reply)
Work, then a concert tonightand another one tomorrow night with a different band.
I'd invade the USA, see how they fucking like it.
No interest in Kate Middleton's tits, there are many better ones already on the Internet, I'm led to believe.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:42, Reply)
I'd invade your mum's arse because it's the size of Poland.edit: I'm also solar powering my shed. But not this weekend. Because I have to rebuild it first. Otherwise I'd be solar powering a 12x6 slab of concrete and some nettles and that would be silly.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 7:58,
Reply)
It's more the size of Russia tbh.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:00,
Reply)
I am what you waqq1 kids call 'hanging out my arse'so could you all post quietly please? Thanks.
Today will be spent trying not to die. My pulled pork was a triumph though.
Alt: Ireland. Because they fucking deserve it the diddly-dee sentimental 'Danny Boy' wankers? 'Troubles'? You have no idea you 'lucky heather' gyppoes.
Altalt: what are you talking about? On second thoughts, I genuinely don't give a shit.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:07,
Reply)
Lusty will be working a 19-hour 'day' tomorrow.That shit is fucked UP, yo.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:24,
Reply)
Where, in the Arctic Circle??Nowhere else could that be called a 'day' shift.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:26, Reply)
Yes 'localboy off the internet', in the Arctic Circle.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:29,
Reply)
Can any of you lot help me find a link to that news storyabout the scousers who started leaving teddies and cards at what they thought was where a dead baby had been found and it turned out to be a fucking pigeon or something, please?
Not having much luck. Thanks x
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:35,
Reply)
It was a couple of years ago.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:41,
Reply)
Because I want to laugh at the silly people.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:44,
Reply)
it was a chicken feotus...3eva in R harts
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/4372230.stm
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 10:07, Reply)
I fell asleep on the train last night and woke up in fucking EghamNext train back? 6am. Taxi home £50
Piss bollocks wank cunt
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:45,
Reply)
I am so very sorry to hear that you had trouble getting home.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:49,
Reply)
HahahaYour misfortune amuses me greatly.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:50,
Reply)
Haha serves you right.I vomited all over a woman on that train line a few years ago.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:51,
Reply)
always remember losers live in South London(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
Alright Rory? What do you think is the best base to lay paving stones on? I'm thinking sand.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:53,
Reply)
couple inch hardcore, couple inch sand, whacker platenuff said
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
It is possible that Mrs Ape did.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:57,
Reply)
she must be the 'brains' of the outfit(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:58,
Reply)
Both possible and entirely trueEither way I love where I live
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:59,
Reply)
with any luck he'll get that posting to Dundee(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:00,
Reply)
I'm not really what you'd call religiousbut I am praying like a monk that a) this happens and b) they don't have the internet there
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:08,
Reply)
Morning, you miserable old cunt.Today will involve a minimal amount of work, liberally sprinkled with hours of time-wasting on the internet.
Then knocking off before 3pm to collect my son and two of his friends from school to take them abseiling.
After that there will be curry, beer and falling asleep on the sofa.
Altalt: I am very cynical about this royal tits out affair. I suspect the hand of a publicist trying to build the popularity of the inbred, money-grabbing shitehawks.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:48,
Reply)
I think people who get upset about the Royal Family are fucking idiots.I do hope this helps in some way. x
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
I'M NOT UPSET YOU ARE!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
Typical whining vegetarian.'Oooh the Queen's stolen all the jobs boo hoo'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:01,
Reply)
You poor misguided fool.That is precisely what they want you to think.
Everyone knows that the Queen eats unemployed people, which is why they keep so many of the great unwashed out of work.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:05,
Reply)
Looks like our friend Shed is having some fun with ringoffyre this morning heh heh.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:52,
Reply)
belgium answers all these questions you fucking prick.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
You mean you are off to Belgium today?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 8:57,
Reply)
god fucking hates you too, you fucking useless cunt.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
Go eat a poo you deep-fried paralympian.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:31,
Reply)
I'd rather be a spacker than a tramp.I'd rather be a spacker than a tramp.
OOOOOOOOH I'd rather be a spakcer,
a wheelie cyborg winner
rather be a spacker than a tramp.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
That is achingly beautiful.Have you ever thought about writing 'graphic novels'?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:36,
Reply)
I write LEXX the dark zone fanfics(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
winner doesn't rhyme with spacker you oafcould have gone with "tracker" or hacker or Macca
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
get your stupid "rules" and get to fuck you sodding cunt.I'm a free spirit who beat boo boop combos along to free form jazz.
HOW DARE YOU TRY TO SHACKLE ME!!!
light in chains, causes pains
being a cunt, a big smelly gunt
with any luck, he'll get to fuck
pucker up son, to my lyrical gun
gonna have some fun, touching my bum
you're a prick, a fucking stupid dick
LIGHT IN CHAINS, CAUSES PAINS
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
*nominates for poet laureate job*(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:50,
Reply)
*declines, move to paris. dies of syphilis*(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:51,
Reply)
HELLO!I'm feeling very on top of things today. I've started and finished two prac reports, gone to the gym twice, I'm about to have dinner, and then I'm off to molest the French student with wine.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Going to the gym twice smacks of inefficiency. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:12,
Reply)
I went for an hour this morning, and an hour this evening.now for eggs on wholegrain toast and strawwberriessssss
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:14, Reply)
you're a ray of sunshine today.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:14,
Reply)
I am actually in a top mood. My daughter has learned to say 'Daddy' before learning to say 'Mummy'Competitive parenting FTW.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:16,
Reply)
Teach it to tell strangers in the park to fuck off.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
Finishing off some work this morningOff this afternoon. Picking up the kids from school/nursery as Mrs Cow is off to Alton Towers for a school trip today.
Cooking steak with sweet potato for tonight and drinking red wine.
Holland - I like Holland.
I'd like to see the Middletits
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:11,
Reply)
My Dad used to work thereLovely place, all of it
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
He was without doubt the worst prostitute I have ever visited.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
try this.not safe for work
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:17,
Reply)
Oh my fucking christ on a bike with stabilisers and spokeys.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:19,
Reply)
i didn't know that aving 3 breasts was a thing, i though it was just a total recall thing, but if you google it, there seems to be a pornstar with it and everything, although, that's possibly photoshopped, i didn' look too closely.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
i don't like putting my willy near breasts.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
Darth? DARTH?We've found another one
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
who are you on about?(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:23,
Reply)
Eccentrica Galumbits's sister(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:25,
Reply)
I don't think I'll click that, ta(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:24,
Reply)
I'm back to work tonight, had a nice couple of days off, got a bit drunk yesterday, but feel ok today.
alt: I'd invade whichever country would have me, i don't wanna fight today.
altalt: long lens shot of vaguely famous girls tits? i'm not really that excited to be honest.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:12,
Reply)
I'm looking forward to a weekend in Bristol visiting my good friend and his growing family.Alt: Scotland, just to give the nationalists something to actually whine about.
Altalt: Me.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:20,
Reply)
Kill yourself, you stupid-hatted dark prick.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
It's a self narrative in his latest dark graphic novel that he's emulating(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
I regard my life as an artwork.It's shit and I hate it, but that gives it it's beauty and it's pain.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
Did you learn your grammar from fantasy novels?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
Yes, I did. Where did you learn yorn?
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:33,
Reply)
Deep in the caves of Thr''fd'd'fn'eee'''ath.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
You just made that up, didn't you?(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
Maybe you have.Maybe I'm a self-induced hallucination you've created to try and deal with parts of your psyche that you don't feel strong enough to face any in other way.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:42,
Reply)
The best bit is todays the final chapter when you snap and jump in front of the tube to Cockfosters at Russell Square(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
It's going to be awesome.I'm hoping to really piss off the commuters, so that they like totally question their concepts of the value of human life.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:33,
Reply)
I love the precision of this post.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
Not to mention shit.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
there's a reason they fucking hate the english.cunts like you, who can blame them?
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:32,
Reply)
I can.And I do.
Cunts.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
nobody loves you, everybody hates you.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:36,
Reply)
In which case, I must go to the garden, and eat worms.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
Makes me ashamed MumpsI say "Love thy neighbour". I don't mean it, but I definitely say it.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
I also say it, but then I am having sex with your neighbour.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
ChristI don't know who I feel most sorry for.
Y'alright love?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:36,
Reply)
I was up half the night taking drugs and now I don't feel EPIIIIIIC.:O(
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
I believe a certain Mr Stunned may also be joining the congregation later.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
I am leaving werqq at five pee emm.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
Excellent. We can start without JTDF if required.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
I have a client dinner in Wapping tonight. I went to bed at 9.30 and I do feel EPIIIIC.
(, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:44, Reply)
I hate you and everything you stand for.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:45,
Reply)
Yes!!! I'm a winner!!!!FUCK YOU, MUM - I TOLD YOU I'D MAKE SOMETHING OF MY LIFE!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
he brings shame on ALL the nations.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:36,
Reply)
I like to think of myself as a walking advert for armageddon.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
I like to think of you being slowly tortured to death in a Somalian dungeon.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
I sometimes actually spluff while doing so.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
that's cause you're a self important prick.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
Well, yes - like everyone else who offers me their opinion on me.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
Yes, that'll be it.It's everyone else that's the prick.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:42,
Reply)
Particularly you.You prick.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
I offer no opinions of anyoneI am the Kofi Annan of /offtopic
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:42,
Reply)
That should be your new signature.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
I bet you imagine those opinions being offered to you on a fucking silver platter.ugh, you really are a prick.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
Fuck off with your fucking cheap silver platters.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:46,
Reply)
For a while I thought he was just pretendingbut now I am convinced he's got MASSIVE PRICK written all the way through him like stick of rock. A 'prick of rock', if you will.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:47,
Reply)
You're just inflating his ego now MMPS. Is he worth that?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:47,
Reply)
Yes I am.Clearly.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:48,
Reply)
He's worth 15 years in Broadmoor.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
very true TH, he's worth less than an albanian orphan.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 14 Sep 2012, 9:50,
Reply)
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