Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fucking hell it's like it's fucking half past five on here.FFS.
Say something funny, someone.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:11,
128 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
No - FUNNY. Something funny I said.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:21,
Reply)
Is this Mongyor another uberroffle comedy account?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:26,
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peace AND love?Woah. steady son. that's ambitious, but I salute you for your aims.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:29,
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anotherwanker has been a really great addition to the happy family that is off topic.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:21,
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Woodpecker being your pet name for Kroney. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:19,
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I'm going Larping with Cavy in 3 weeks.While this is not funny in it's self, you can probably get some mileage out of mocking me for running around the woods dressed as a space cowboy.
I've just ordered a six-shooter and everything. PYOW! PYOW!
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:17,
Reply)
I have a Ghostbuster outfit with inflatable nuclear acceleratorif you need a lend.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Well, no good for the LARP, but I might borrow it anywaydo you mind getting it back a bit sticky?
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:34,
Reply)
He would prefer to receive it back 'a bit sticky'(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:38,
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I bet he wouldthe pink-shirted ponce.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 15:05,
Reply)
what happens if someone comes dressed as something invincible like God or Jackie Chan or something?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:29,
Reply)
they get told to fuck off because it's not part of the Firefly universe, woulf be my guessI'm not an expert.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:35,
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as far as I'm concerned Shanghai Noon is part of the firefly canon(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:41,
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Well, yeah, you could maybe spin that, or something like it.All up to the mods I guess.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 15:04,
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Go as Chuck Norris The game will be over in ten minutes and you can all go to the pub.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:36, Reply)
not quite how it works old boyand rather less fun if it did.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 21 Sep 2012, 15:05,
Reply)
I am less inclined to laugh at them than most.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:27,
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Listen guys, only Chompy's making a proper effort here.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:20,
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*mutters*funny looking*mutters*(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:22,
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Apples and orangesBut Knopfler is a more musical guitarist than Hendrix was.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:23,
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Twosie counts the number of distinct notes in their respective recording careersKnopfler played more. Hendrix had to play fewer notes due to his guitar being on fire and shit.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
I really, REALLY love Hendrixbut the genius of what he did lies in the organic way that he played. Nothing in the way of structure or musicality...just playing what feels right at the time. Not to mention the feedback, the dive bombs, the mad fx.
Whereas Knopfler is in complete control and plays much more purposefully.
Just an opinion, y'know.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:28,
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You're focussing on the live pyrotechnics and later-career self-indulgence, I think.but as an r'n'b sideman and in the more melodic studio work he did, there's easily as much control and finesse in his playing. PLUS he had better headbands AND didn't sing like if Bob Dylan had chronic constipation for about six months.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:32,
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Oh well, yesI am going on his more well known work, admittedly. I don't think it's fair to say Mark Knopfler's shit though.
Although Jimi's headbands were better.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:33,
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Hang on, you can't argue that Hendrix was a good singer in any way shape or form.(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:34, Reply)
In my opinionHendrix is the most perfect guitarist ever. We find it difficult, even with technology, to replicate his sound, let alone his playing. For me, he is the pinnacle of guitar playing. I appreciate others: Slash, Van Halen, Knopfler, Duane Allman et al., but Hendrix, for me, is the top.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)
This is because it is plain to see that it is 100% correct.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:41,
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Of course Hendrix is the best, I can't believe this debate is even taking place.Your last sentence spoils your credibility a little.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:42,
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Chap I know, music journalist , tried to claim once that Hendrix is 'overrated'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:43,
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and then you smashed all his teeth with a brick?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:45,
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This is one case that I am sure that the police wouldn't bother about investigating.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:47,
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No way, they are all awesome guitaristsparticularly Van Halen, with his double handed finger picking, which is exhilarating to watch and took things to a new level. But I agree with Two Hats in the sense that the genius of Hendrix was in him being the rhythm, whereas most axe grinders have relied on a good rhythm section - even though they are technically brilliant (and the Allman Brothers were great!).
I guess it comes down to what 'one' prefers in their music.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Don't worry T.H., I'm not having a go.Dire Straits were the first band I ever got into and Hendrix is part of my 'Holy Triumvirate' of heroes, so it's all good. Interesting analysis - what about Clapton vs Hendrix? I've always seen Clapton as 'being in control' and there's the famous story about when Hendrix turned up at a gig and played and Clapton said 'is he really that good?' - what do you think?
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:34, Reply)
Oh, I knowIt's all a matter of taste at the end of the day.
Yeah, apparently Jimi really blew Clapton's mind. But then they were all trying new things back then.
I'd say I prefer Jimi to Eric, but again it's difficult to compare them. Clapton's style of blues was defintiely much more sedate than what Hendrix was doing.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:37,
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So, what you are saying isthat they all have their styles and we should appreciate them all for it - most of them have been pioneers - and it was a rubbish joke on my part.
Thanks...walks off ;-)
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Jimi 1, Clapton 0I like Clapton's stuff a great deal (Cream in particular), but as a guitarist he wasn't even in the same fucking universe as our Jim.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:41,
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Talking of CreamGinger Baker last night was pretty much as you would expect a 73 year old, former heroin addict to be - fairly ropey and clearly not long for this world.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:47,
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Hahaha I saw Dick Dale a couple of years back and it was one of the best gigs I've ever seen.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:51,
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We're going to book tickets for Knopfler for May next year(
Theoban What of it, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:27,
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Ooh coolI'd quite like to see him myself actually
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:29,
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Me too.I'd like to see him run over.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:32,
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He's touring next year, few in the Albert Hall, Brighton, Cardiff, BournemouthGonna go to the Albert Hall I reckon, spend a few days in London, maybe even meet a b3tan OR TWO
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Theoban What of it, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:33,
Reply)
I might be in London next yearand, you know, if you wanted to meet a b3tan or two, you could send me a gaz and I would make sure I was a long way away.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:35, Reply)
who's this then? Is it gonz? his profile's changed if it is(
Theoban What of it, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:37,
Reply)
No I'm not gonz, but I do know himlovely chap. Not heard from him in a while, I hope he's alright.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)
I dunno what's going on round here no morenames changing, people worried about gonz, terrible times
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Theoban What of it, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:42,
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Do you not worry about gonz?I like to have a little worry every day at about 3.20pm.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)
I thought gonz was sort of like the internet gaining sentience or summat(
Theoban What of it, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:43,
Reply)
We should shut the website down for the day, go Knopf it upLeave these shitcunts though, misery ballbag wankers, wouldn't appreciate it
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Theoban What of it, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:35,
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YEAHI'm going to look into that. If we do end up going to the same show it would stupid not to meet up. LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS LONDON TOWN!!
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:38,
Reply)
A man was walking his dog through the
graveyard when he saw another man
crouching behind a gravestone.
"Morning!" he said.
The other man replies, "No, just having a
shit."
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:26, Reply)
textbook.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:27,
Reply)
Je m'appelle blaireau.J'habite a Edinburgh. J'ai trente-six ans.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:38,
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A've une boissonJe suis un plombier, c'est un expert au "overcharging" et "being une cunt"
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Oh. is that was Blaireau actually does?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:50,
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I thought that was me that was the expert in everything.Sad times, Al. With those occasions where it's turned out that I've been wrong I think I've lost my edge.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 15:06,
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*de Gaulles*(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:43,
Reply)
Here's a great one you've probably never heard.How does Bob Marlyey like his donuts???
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:28, Reply)
deep-fried and dusted with crystal meth.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:29,
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Did anyone see the Ross Kemp - Poverty thing in Glasgow?There was a guy who was so wasted he pulled off 5 of his blackened toes and left them on his TV. He seemed quite proud of this
*bokes*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:41,
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Apparently he is on youtubeDO NOT EAT BEFORE WATCHING
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:49,
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I bet he'd probably prefer them with granulated sugar not casterI don't know what some supermarkets are thinking chompy
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:31,
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it disgusts me(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:33,
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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."
The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."
The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."
They leave the baby all alone on stage in his crib. At which point he begins crying incessantly and throwing a temper tantrum.
The dad walks in stage wearing a brown pinstriped starched suit and hat and carrying a brief case resembling a door-to-door salesman.
Junior removes his diaper and starts throwing shitballs all over the stage splattering everywhere while dad dodges and tries to calm the baby down.
After a while, junior takes out this tiny shitball that's all covered in hair. He lits in fire and throws it. The flaming turdball splatters on the left side lapel of the dad who at this point gets mad.
The father grabs the baby and yanks its cock right out causing the infant's crotch to spray blood like a hydrant that's been opened on a hot summer day. Then he squeezes the balls and shoves them into the whole where a tiny cock used to hang creating a pussy-like whole in the kid, hence a home remedy for a sex change operation.
The father pulls out his cock and starts to madly fuck the man made pussy while slapping the crying creature around and yelling "whose your daddy bitch! whose your daddy!"
The father pulls out his cock and cums all over the baby and when I mean he cums, I truly mean it. This man puts Peter North to shame as his stream of cum flows out like a stream of piss.
The man then grabs the gooey, raped, and transgendered baby and pulls its eyes out and then slams the body on the floor crushing it instantly leaving a pink puddle (yes that's right, red+white makes what color genius?)
The father then opens his case and pulls out ten milk bottles filled with urine and places them under the blood and cum puddle. He then grabs the baby's face like a bowling ball (hence the reason why he removed the eyes) and throws it against the bottles breaking each and everyone of them.
At this point the dad pulls out something from the briefcase and hides underneath a table.
The son, 21 yrs old who just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq, arrives on stage dressed in uniform with all his medals and decorations. Behind him arrives his five year old sister completely naked except for a strap-on.
The sister starts crying at the sight of her baby brother while suddenly, the dad pops from right under the table dressed like an Arab complete with a turban, foot-long beard, Bedouin robe, and a copy of the Koran.
The son suddenly goes crazy and brutally beats the father then disrobes him while yelling "this war is not unjust!"
The son then takes a shit on his father's mouth and then proceeds to rip pages from the Koran and wipe his ass.
The son then grabs a pocket knife, cuts out one of the dad's testicles and stomps it right in front of his eyes while holding a bible and yelling at him "Do you accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"
After screaming yes out of agony, the son then grabs the pocket knife and says "good, but we're not done yet, now we're doing it to your other one."
And so he repeats the same process. At this point, the sister begins fucking the castrated dad with her strap on while the son grabs the remaining of the Muslim holy book and the bible and dumps both on the blood, cum, and urine puddle. He then sets it on fire and starts running around the flames while passionately letting out Satanic chants.
Well at this point, the mother comes out dressed as Wonder Woman along with the dog. The dog runs over to where the daughter's fucking the dad on the ass with the strap-on and starts face fucking the father whose mouth is wide open from both agonies (castration and sodomy).
The son then comes out dressed as a pimp in a neon green suit, feather hat, and a cane of course. He then beats "Wonder Woman" with the pimp cane. "Bitch, lemme show you what this country is all about."
So he begins pimping her. At this point, the daughter (whose done fucking the father) pays the son some money and she starts fucking the mother in doggy style while the father fists her.
Turned on by this the son aids the daughter in the fucking thus performing double penetration while the dog stars pissing on the gang-banging family.
When it's all set and done, they are all covered in blood (from the father), cum, pussy juice, and dog piss.
They then pull out this giant American flag (the last prop on the father's brief case). They all proudly hold it and start singing "America the Beautiful" to the tune of Snoop Dogg's feat. Pharrell "Beautiful".
They all take a bow and go "ta-da!"
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Channel 5 - When Stunned Attacks(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:42,
Reply)
It's a yes from me, Simon.although it's perhaps a bit derivative of "Family Guy".
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)
Oh thanks, localboy!! It means so much to me. Something about a dead granny. Would have loved to have seen me here etc.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:45, Reply)
Actually you need to lose the one who can't singand change the name to Wand Erection.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:51, Reply)
It's the very old "Aristocrats" joke. It's not even funny. The only enjoyment one can get from this joke is in the telling because you get to swear and say outrageous shit.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:48, Reply)
mmm. Arse sandwich.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 15:08,
Reply)
This is one of my favourite jokes of all timesometimes, when I'm just walking along, I think of it and start laughing.
(, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Whats the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine?Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 21 Sep 2012, 15:00,
Reply)
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