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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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Women: just because your hairy axe wound drips blood once a month, do not expect sympathy from blokes. We don't care.
Just sayin'
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 17:42, 137 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Mrs on the blob eh?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:11, Reply)
Oh yes. I have retreated to the pub.
In other news, it appears Vagabond has 2.0'd me. So please tell him on my behalf he's a cunt. Thanks.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:15, Reply)
Some crybaby on /talk 2.0'd me yesterday.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:28, Reply)
Which one?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:40, Reply)
I think they were called brb

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:50, Reply)
I no longer want a strawberry Cornetto.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:17, Reply)
Just one?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:31, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:35, Reply)
Men: just because your wife is unbearable when her hairy axe wound drips blood once a month, do not expect sympathy from b3ta. We don't care
Just sayin'
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:26, Reply)
Only a week to go!

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:28, Reply)
This time next week
You and I will be secretly holding hands under the table at the curry house, eh Jeff?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:30, Reply)
No.
You'll be on the veggie table with the other freaks.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:32, Reply)
Can we not send the vegesexuals to another restaurant?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:37, Reply)
Isn't the curry house a B.Y.O?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:39, Reply)
If its where we went before then yes.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:39, Reply)
Bring your own veggie control system.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:43, Reply)
I still can't decide lesbians before B3tans or vice versa.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:58, Reply)
What sort of value judgement is this?
Is it some sort of developing meme I've managed to miss or are you simply chucking proper nouns into the mix and hoping they'll land?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:13, Reply)
I have two gatherings to attend on the same evening. Not sure which to attend first.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:29, Reply)
So - a lesbian gathering - a cavalcade of lesbians, if you will
And a promenade of b3tans.

Do these choices really have to be made in real life?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:39, Reply)
I woUld like to attend both if possible.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:42, Reply)
I'm out of my depth now
I'd assumed that you were being facetious but clearly you're not.

Could they not be combined?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:51, Reply)
B3tans before lesbians, feel fine.
Lesbians before b3tans, feel queer.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:24, Reply)
On a table on my own then?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:50, Reply)
Yes.
But in a completely different restaurant, just to be on the safe side
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 18:52, Reply)
Theres a good one in Derby

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:23, Reply)
Men: just because our insides forcibly rip themselves out once a month,
accompanied by huge surges in hormones which mean we do things we can't understand ourselves, don't think we're just psychotic mental bitches. We don't care what you think.

We do care whether there's chocolate, though.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:16, Reply)
Indian or Chinese?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:18, Reply)
What?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:21, Reply)
I can't decide what to have for dinner.
I've been feeling rotten all week so thought I'd have a quiet night in.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:23, Reply)
Indian! With all the extras

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:24, Reply)
Or better still, Vietnamese

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:24, Reply)
Oh
then, Indian. Always.

That's speaking as someone who can't eat MSG, though.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:24, Reply)
Where abouts in Brizzle are you big guy?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:26, Reply)
'big guy'?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:28, Reply)
Where do you want me, honey?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:28, Reply)
Indian.
I am about to order a takeaway. Might have Thai.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:31, Reply)
I think it'll be India.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:36, Reply)
Or Indian even.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:37, Reply)
The Only Way Is Thai

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:47, Reply)
Oooh touchy! Are you having the monthly visit love?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:21, Reply)
Up yours, fuckface

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:22, Reply)
Lol
Wassup b3thy?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:23, Reply)
Just because blood is coming out in small amounts doesn't mean it's just 'dripping'
It fucking hurts. Like a big hand grabbing and twisting.
And if you have fun things like endometriosis, the pain can go *anywhere* on the body. Full on cramps from teh rib cage to the knees is 'fucking shit'.

And no, before you ask, I'm not blobbing. I'm just the only one who's going to put the other side on here tonight...
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:28, Reply)
and I'd like to add
that some lucky people end up passing out. Or perhaps that's just me. I tend not to get moody, but if I'm stressed it does amplify it
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:30, Reply)
I get close to passing out
and throwing up. That's fun.

Welcome to teh bitchfest. How was your day?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:31, Reply)
I did all sorts of domestic things
I was very proud of myself. Best bit was the hedgetrimmer, it's like a training chainsaw. I totally mangled ALL the hedges.

how 'bout you?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:35, Reply)
Minge lols.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:35, Reply)
i was hoping someone would
do that. I guessed it would be you
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:38, Reply)
We chopped down a triffid outside our front door.
You can now see out of the kitchen window, and walk up the path without being molested.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:41, Reply)
i get that too. being a lesbian helps me through these rough patches, and me mooncup

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:37, Reply)
Where've you been recently? Not on the step?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:41, Reply)
occupational hazard innit

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:51, Reply)
What was it this time?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:54, Reply)
dunno, my cards are marked it's all the freaking time man
Blubblubblubblub
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:05, Reply)

But that what makes the black pudding so worthwhile.

Scots bonus - it's free!

*only in season"
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:47, Reply)
Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:30, Reply)
*kicks in balls*
*runs away*
*laughs*
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:33, Reply)
* cunt punts so hard your jam rag gets stuck and you get toxic shock *

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:41, Reply)
I've put the telly on whilst I decide what to order for dinner.
Is that Bob on the telly, singing opera?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 19:59, Reply)
probably
tesco is making me cook chicken in orange juice. It looks weird
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:00, Reply)
Sounds a bit iffy that, Captain.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:01, Reply)
*shrugs* dunno
it's not like I have free will any more, I just do what it says. Perhaps it will be magically good
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:03, Reply)
How does that work?
The orange juice will evaporate before the chicken gets to cooking temperature.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:03, Reply)
nah,
it's chicken breast cut into bits, then seal in the spices then add orange juice and honey.

They might be trolling me
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:05, Reply)
OK
My cullinary skills extend to turning the oven on and off so I can't really comment.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:07, Reply)
actually turns out it's pretty nice
if a little sweet
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:09, Reply)
That's more or less a perfect description of me as well.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:12, Reply)
+in the cannibal cookbook

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:14, Reply)
There'd be a LOT of gristle if I was cooked right now.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:19, Reply)

+ tough + old boot
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:16, Reply)
I
Can only make chicken/lamb/beef *ding* in the microwave.
WTF is a "medium" oven? 180? 200?
How the fuck do I know it's done other than smell the burning?
Black arts.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:11, Reply)
this
I need very specific instructions
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:12, Reply)
D'you reckon that Bobby sings Opera?
I picture him as Meatloaf, myself.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:01, Reply)

Mrs Mills
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:04, Reply)
Go Compare

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:28, Reply)
Not on my telly.
I'm watching 'the Doctor'.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:03, Reply)
OMG!
I forgot. I'll have to watch it tomorrow :D
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:05, Reply)
Like this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvjQpPEjP8E
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:14, Reply)
While
the rest of B3ta is watching The Gynaecologist.

Apart from me. I'm watching Jamie's American Road Trip.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:36, Reply)
Anything else then?
I've a big glass of wine before bed.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:47, Reply)
I have food.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:49, Reply)
Good man y'self.
Food is important, kids.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:52, Reply)
I've now moved on to shit Saturday night telly.
X Factor FTW.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:55, Reply)
I'm so bored I've tried to get back into my OKCupid account
But I can't remember the password so it's kicked me out.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 20:58, Reply)
Haha sick burn
Cupid hates you.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:00, Reply)
Never mind TD

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:02, Reply)
I NEED A SHAG!
I could go and buy myself one but it's not the right thing.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:05, Reply)
Why not go speed dating.
Or you don't like the sound of that, go dating when you are either stoned or smacked-up.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:09, Reply)
So either buy a shag
or buy drugs?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:11, Reply)
Sounds like a plan for TD.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:12, Reply)
You'll have to tell him the secret of your immense sexual magnetism.
All I can advise him is to hang around bingo clubs.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:14, Reply)
I'm far too good to be on my own for the rest of my life.
But I live in Bradford. Baked-bean coloured chavs and inbred no-lifes.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:17, Reply)
But you have the Hockney Museum!
That's almost like culture!
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:18, Reply)
Have you been?
That is what Bradford should be.

That area is incredible but I sell flats there to the Leeds market.

EDIT - I want sex,not culture.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:21, Reply)
My uncle used to live in Wakefield and work in Bradford.
I stayed with him one half term when I was at school. He took me to see the museum. It was cool.

In fact, I'm pretty sure his office was near the museum.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:24, Reply)
You should take a holiday TD.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:24, Reply)
Club 18-30 stylee?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:26, Reply)
18 - 44? I'd not really be interested in the lower end, mind.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:29, Reply)
I'd fucking love a holiday Jeff
Cambodia? You link it.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:26, Reply)
Work going well?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:29, Reply)
I set you up for a link there.
I'll do it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eyROvw6zbY
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:32, Reply)
First time I've seen that version.
Hellfire! Bedtime.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:38, Reply)
Oh shit no.
Hi! I'm TD! Let me tell you all about the Apache Wars 1861-1893.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:14, Reply)
I can't believe you've all fucked off.
I have a quiet night in for once and I'm forced to watch the telly.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:56, Reply)
So what's got you staying in on a Saturday night?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:57, Reply)
I've been feeling rough all week, so I thought a night off might aid recovery.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 21:59, Reply)
Is it helping?
I've been proper wobbly the last couple of days : (
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:00, Reply)
Who knows.
It can't be doing any harm. And I'll be having a few drinks tomorrow.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:05, Reply)
Big do, or just mates out?

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:12, Reply)
No idea.
Assuming I wake up tomorrow, I'll be celebrating the fact I've survived another year on this planet.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:16, Reply)
Oh, is it that time already?
See, if you booked face, I'd know that.

Or, you know, if I was better at caring and stuff.

Sorry. Hope you're feeling gooder tomorrow.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:18, Reply)
Me too.
Are you car-booting tomorrow?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:19, Reply)
Yeah.
Got a six o'clock start, so I should really be going to bed soon.
Apparently we're going to be underwater by lunchtime. This sucks.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:22, Reply)
Hang on.
You mean it might rain tomorrow?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:23, Reply)
Supposed to.
A couple of inches, they reckon.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:26, Reply)
You'd love a couple of inches.
Also, who ordered rain for my birthday, this isn't on.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:27, Reply)
I fuckin' would.
*calls TD*

Also, it wasn't me.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:31, Reply)
You should launch a shut-ins dating site.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:34, Reply)
Step 5: profit!
But once I matched them up, how would I ever get them out of their houses to meet up?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:35, Reply)
Hmm.
I see the problem.

Why not suggest they attend some sort of convention. I suggest one with a sci-fi theme.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:40, Reply)
Evenin.
anyone still up?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:14, Reply)
Arr!

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:16, Reply)
ay up young jeff.
How's tricks?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:18, Reply)
Not too bad thanks.
Yourself?
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:20, Reply)
Generally fine
in the short term, I think I may have given the wrong impression in a text to me bird. sorting it now I think.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:26, Reply)
What impression did you give?
I hope it was Frank Spencer.

Oooh! Betty.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:27, Reply)
that I am a spakka
so, the correct one
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:44, Reply)
*nods*

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:01, Reply)
Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and
Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats andBoots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats andBoots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats andBoots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats andBoots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats andBoots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and pricks
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:55, Reply)
Keep taking the meds.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 22:58, Reply)
So where in Brizzle are you, just wondering is all
I used to live glouster road and st Andrews way, very near to where rackhouse now lives
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:00, Reply)
You'll often find me in the Bristol Flyer!
Saying that, you'll find me all over Bristol, both north and south of the river. Although at the moment, most of my boozing is on Glos Road these days.
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:02, Reply)
I loved the glos road and all around there
Most of my contempories lived up Clifton way, but that was missing the point. If I were to move to a city apart from London it'd be Bristol
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:06, Reply)
It's a lot cheaper than London.

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:08, Reply)
Tru fax
Me and the misses used to share a big double room in ashamed house with a couple of mates and it cost us £120 month...absolute bargin!

Those were the days, off to sleep now I have a bottle of Pinot noir pulling me away, nighnies!
(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:11, Reply)
Night!

(, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 23:12, Reply)

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