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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Righty-ho
If you could change one event in your life, which would it be, how would you change it and why?
Alt: If you could change one event in history, which would it be, how would you change it and why?
Altalt: If you could change one SEMEN PATEL in SEMEN PATEL which etc.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 11:53,
165 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
That's a considerable improvement on the original.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:02,
Reply)
i'm the only bloke in the office today
shame they're all such ugly women
(
quintsy, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 11:58,
Reply)
Well this is good.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:00,
Reply)
I would have worked harder at school and uni, also I would do a more useful uni course
Alt: I'd probably kick you mum in the uterus when she was pregnant with you
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:00,
Reply)
ONE EVENT in your life, you fucking DUNCE.
O-N-E.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:02,
Reply)
This is why he wants to kick your mum in her uterus while you were nothing but a parasite.
(
Poppet some assembly required., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:02,
Reply)
this is why your threads fail, monty
:'(
(
quintsy, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:02,
Reply)
People can't count to ONE
:o(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:04,
Reply)
They are all related piss weasel
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
So's my brother, my sister and me but that doesn't make us ONE person does it you OAF?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
Does in Norfolk
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:23,
Reply)
I probably wouldn't have had that last pint.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:03,
Reply)
+ of organic alpaca cum
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:03,
Reply)
Should really have stopped before the first one of them.
Well done on cramming three memes into four words though.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:06,
Reply)
What's the third one?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:10,
Reply)
That rather depends on what the first two are.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:12,
Reply)
I wouldn't
Alt. We could go to Dallas in November 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and shout "Duck!"
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:04,
Reply)
wife?
(
quintsy, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
I love my wife
and I borrowed a D7000 the other day and she let me take loads of saucy pics with it so she is in my good books this week
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:17,
Reply)
fab
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quintsy, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:33,
Reply)
I'd have moved out of my old house as soon as my housemate left, rather than taking in the fat fucking waste of space that followed him.
That way I wouldn't have run up any debt whilst he was there, and I'd be in a considerably better financial situation than I am now.
Alt: I'd have Peggy Gallagher sterilised before she could produce either of her spasticated sons.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:04,
Reply)
What about 'cashmachinegate'?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:05,
Reply)
If that hadn't happened, I'd probably still be hanging round with the wanker, and he'd have done it to others since.
No-one trusts him at all anymore.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:06,
Reply)
But if that hadn't happened you wouldn't think he was a wanker and people would have no reason to distrust him
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
Therefore he'd be able to continue stealing from others that trusted him
When I accused him, it meant a few others realised that things had gone missing when he'd been around, but they hadn't wanted to accuse without reason. When I proved that he was a thief, about 3 others brought charges against him too. (I believe, I only
know about one of them)
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:10,
Reply)
So maybe the one thing you could change would be "I would make it so my mate was not a thief" instead of selfishly thinking of yourself and not others.
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:15,
Reply)
He's not a mate anymore, I couldn't give two shits if he's even alive or dead now.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:16,
Reply)
What if he died saving a bus load of kids from Jimmy Saville
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:17,
Reply)
Couldn't care less.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:19,
Reply)
What if he died saving your life?
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:20,
Reply)
Pete Burns lolz
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:24,
Reply)
*google*
She's HOT!
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:25,
Reply)
Hahahahaha
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:07,
Reply)
Funny that.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
How did someonelse get you into debt?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
Lost his job, swore he'd get a new one
Worked 2 part time jobs, still less hours than me, I was paying for the house when he couldn't afford to live there. Kicked him out after 3 months.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:10,
Reply)
That's what the housing association is for,
did he not even apply?
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:13,
Reply)
Private let, my wage took me slightly over the border for any help the council could give at the time (or so I was told)
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:14,
Reply)
Well you wouldn't get the benefit but he should have, it counts as a single room in a shared house, so he could have got some money.
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:16,
Reply)
Ah, fair enough
Well, I know that now!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:17,
Reply)
m out after 3 months s back doors in every night in lieu of rent, best money I ever spent
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:15,
Reply)
Fuck no.
The guy was fat, ugly, and he stank. Even Swipe would think twice about it.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:16,
Reply)
Alt: Stopped that Columbus bloke discovering America.
Then get someone to claim the whole lot for Britain later on.
Not 100% sure this would make the world a better place, but at least we'd own most of it.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:07,
Reply)
I thought we did claim the lot at some point?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
The old 'histoire' clearly not one of old Lokesy here's strong suits.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
I mean the whole shebang, North, south and central
not just the USA.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:14,
Reply)
a man, a plan, a canal- Panama!
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:18,
Reply)
what about left and right?
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:27,
Reply)
Years later sick of British rule they would probably have some sort of war of independence day with Will Smith and the guy from the Holsten Pills ads
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Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
I would totally change that time I was born with no wings
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:09,
Reply)
Alright Macca
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
Alt: The Coventry Blitz.
How? I'd move it to Leicester or somewhere.
Why? To destroy the York tourist industry.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:10,
Reply)
I wouldn't have planted those pills on Barry.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:11,
Reply)
Just tell us where Stunned buried the body.
His poor mother needs to be able to grieve properly.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:18,
Reply)
I'd have had that ecstasy-fuelled threesome but mainly concentrated on the one with big tits.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:13,
Reply)
Where IS Bobby today?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:14,
Reply)
I would probably avoid prostituting myself out on the internet as the fantasies of short fat men.
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Poppet some assembly required., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:15,
Reply)
but enough about noel
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PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:16,
Reply)
I don't know if this helps the situation, but I've never had a fantasy about you.
I did once fancy Natally umbrillio when I was growing up, it was that Torn song, I like that one. I think she's australian.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:22,
Reply)
umbrillio
Sounds like a cross between a drink that is popular in the Congo and a steel wool soap pad.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:25,
Reply)
I don't think I'd be up for doing any individual Minogue, but the two together might be alright.
You know what they say, three heads are better than one.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:28,
Reply)
Is the third head their brother?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:30,
Reply)
My bellend
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:57,
Reply)
I think you mean breasts
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:30,
Reply)
next time you're over here though, you'll know who NOT to stay with...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:47,
Reply)
This is a proper news link.
www.nme.com/news/justin-bieber/66785
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:17,
Reply)
ha ha ha
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:18,
Reply)
Bet its actually true
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!
(
Peej, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:21,
Reply)
Ma' always said "You don't learn by what you do right", so I think my mistakes are a good thing, but on the same note, it would be really nice if I had some food in for lunch today.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:20,
Reply)
I would have been an astronaught
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:21,
Reply)
you can still simulate the vast nothingness of space by taping a black binbag over your head
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:25,
Reply)
+ but I spelled it wrong on the application.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:25,
Reply)
fuck is this you tedious shit
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:38,
Reply)
FUCK OFF
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:57,
Reply)
If anyone is looking for a new PC they could do a lot worse than this
www.ebuyer.com/395305-zoostorm-desktop-pc-7873-1071
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PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:38,
Reply)
Would it still post BBC news links?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:40,
Reply)
Yes, but FASTER
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:41,
Reply)
But will it also be witty and charming?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:44,
Reply)
Not anymore.
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:47,
Reply)
Zoostorm PCs are good
mine has been good for 4 years or so now.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:41,
Reply)
Thanks for starting a thread.
Shame it's so crap.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:43,
Reply)
Off topic is so shit Naked ape is on the popular page twice.
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PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:45,
Reply)
Fucking hell.
That is
not good.
Have you chosen a dining venue for your trip to east London?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:49,
Reply)
Yeah, Needos on friday but not ordering too much.
Saturday we're going to the Burger and Lobster in Soho for a late lunch.
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PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
I have heard good things about B&L, but not been. Meatlicker is also good. HimJim took a number of us there a couple of months ago.
EDIT: have you checked it is open at lunchtime? Some of these new posh burger places are evening only.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:51,
Reply)
I like the idea of a 3 thing only menu. Makes turnaround a lot quicker.
I have checked opens at 12 on a saturday but you can't book and it can take an hour or so to get a table.
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:55,
Reply)
You can go in, register and fuck off to the pub - they call you when your table is free.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:58,
Reply)
Yeah that's the plan.
Or there's a cocktail bar there but I'd rather have a pint TBH
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:01,
Reply)
The Crown and Two Chairman on Dean St isn't a bad boozer.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:03,
Reply)
I will make a note, cheers.
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:05,
Reply)
SAY THANK YOU PROPERLY
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:07,
Reply)
ITS TOO FUCKING FOGGY FOR SKYWRITING TODAY BUT IT'S BOOKED
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:08,
Reply)
Ha!
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:11,
Reply)
i would have done better in my oxford interview
and gone there instead of london. a masters degree from there is not the same. i wanted to be a poncey twat in a long black gown.
alt: i would run into the bedroom at the moment of conception of several people and solve the world's problems
altalt: there is no mention of lunch in this thread. i am confused.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:46,
Reply)
did you go to a shit college then?
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:49,
Reply)
for my masters? they're at the department of continuing education, and yes, i got a fairly shit college
or in london? i went to KCL, and lampito will twat you if you say it's shit, trufax.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
fuck knows what any of this shit means.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:52,
Reply)
it means you like shoving mars bars up your arse
and getting your sister to lick them out.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:53,
Reply)
I don't have any siblings swipey.
I'm not into having sex with family members.
that reminds me, has aunty swipey shoved any more vibrators up your clunge?
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:56,
Reply)
i haven't seen her in a while
seeing her in a couple of weeks, so i'll be sure to let you know
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:02,
Reply)
txt me yeah?
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:04,
Reply)
face-time baby
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:07,
Reply)
KCL= Kings College London,
so respec'
(
Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:54,
Reply)
Without doubt,
I would not have tried
this
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Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:47,
Reply)
yeeeeeeeeeeah
with an advert like that, i ain't clicking. but thanks for the thought.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:48,
Reply)
It's fine, safe for work and all that.
Plus, it relates to (legitimate) food, so you OTs should love it!
(
Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
i don't trust your shifty eyes
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:51,
Reply)
What about
my jazz hands?

(
Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:53,
Reply)
those hands are different shapes
how do you find gloves that fit?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:54,
Reply)
I make sure I only shop
in 'army surplus stores...
... they are well 'andy.
(
Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:56,
Reply)
+ Mcnab
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:04,
Reply)
You know it makes sense
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Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:05,
Reply)
Alt: I'd have never loaned Sarah Greene my pool table.
The state it was in when I got it back....
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:48,
Reply)
You shouldn't have built Barrymore a swimming pool either.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
Brown beer nazis look away now.
Anyone tried this?
beer.uvinum.co.uk/peroni-gran-riserva?utm_source=Google%2BMerchant&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=marketplacesJust saw it in Sainsbo's but at £2 for a tiny bottle I thought eff that yo.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:03,
Reply)
Just maltier Peroni, nice but not worth that price.
(
PsychoChomp, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:05,
Reply)
I have. I like drinking wop beers.
and gesticulating wildly with my hands to communicate the simplest of things.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:05,
Reply)
Wop beers are ace. Wop wine is ace. Wop food is ace.
Wops, however, are the 2nd worst people on earth after the Scotch.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:06,
Reply)
No offence.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:06,
Reply)
coming from you, that means fuck all.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:10,
Reply)
I have tried it. Found it quite sweet. Didn't like it.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:05,
Reply)
Good.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:07,
Reply)
I thought the same when I saw dragonfruit in Morrisons for £2.
I love dragonfruit, but I'm not paying £2 for one piece of fucking fruit. They're 'avin' a 'giraffe'.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:08,
Reply)
I've done my back in. Ouch.
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:08,
Reply)
Autofellatio?
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:09,
Reply)
Really no.
I'm not nearly flexible enough to even attempt it.
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:10,
Reply)
that'll teach you to be a dirty slag
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:09,
Reply)
I wrenched it doing something entirely mundane.
Not *everything's* because of that, you know.
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:10,
Reply)
I think almost all of us are here because of 'that'.
Well, not 'here' as in b3ta, but 'here' as in generally around the place.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:12,
Reply)
Kroney is a bit young for your tastes, isn't he?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:13,
Reply)
here b3th, they all say you're a fatty. are you?
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:15,
Reply)
Totally.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
By the way
I think the whole work situation is about to get out properly.
lol
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:13,
Reply)
just fucking die already you pointless prick.
nah, you're alright you are.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:11,
Reply)
I wish I had more Scottish blood than I do.
If I had, and I hurt my back like this, I could still drink sixteen Stellas, comsume my considerable body weight in Greggs pasties and still be capable of wrestling a family of bears.
As it is I'm mincing and prancing and wilting about the office complaining at anybody who'll listen. I'm a fucking disgrace.
Actually, PD's Scottish and I'd have a hard time imagining him wrestling anything other than little boys into his car.
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:16,
Reply)
instead you have given up. imagne that.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:19,
Reply)
racist
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:22,
Reply)
some prick just said
"let's see if we can put the nuts and bolts of it together."
now, if I was in a workshop, no problem. I work in finance.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:23,
Reply)
I fucking hate office jargon
and that doesn't even make that much sense in a workshop context.
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:24,
Reply)
it's at least in context.
I fucking hate all these corporate pricks that shout lots and talk utter shite.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
If I get called "a scholar and a gentleman" again or, God forbid, a "star"
I'm going postal. Just say thanks and fuck off.
(
Kroney, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:29,
Reply)
You should have pulled your nuts out.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
that's your answer to everything.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
This made me laugh.
Then again, I spent almost an hour last night giggling at that posh DR bird saying 'homo erectus'.
(
b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 24 Oct 2012, 13:27,
Reply)
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