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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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What did you do last night?
I bet you didn't see LORD FINESSE (you know, as in 'Funky Technician' etc) like I did. I was exchanging a series of mildly homosexual texts with a friend of mine about how the mighty Lord Finesse was perhaps the best MC of all time when he informed me that he was performing not three bus stops from my house THAT VERY NIGHT and within two hours there I was, and well fuck me he was great.

tl:dr I spent 14 quid to listen to a man say some words

On the minus side I am utterly dying today and there are two very good reasons why I need to be on top form but ah fuck it, what a show.

Question: There's no point in my opening a debate about the best MC of all time with you knobends so I might as well ask about your nommiest cayke or something
Alt: WHY YOU NO RISSEN?
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:24, 165 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I spent the evening studying at my course. Then went for a curry.
How are you going to afford Christmas presents for Lusty and your daughter now you've spent all your money on a night out?
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:28, Reply)
Through the magic of 'my mate paying'.
Some of the best magic there is.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)
The best MC, of course, is/was The Rebel MC.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)
He's done a lot of very good things over the years.
With the money he made from a couple of dreadful pop singles he built a studio and set up a record label (Tribal Base) both of which have churned out decent and credible stuff.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)
I'll go for Michael Curtiz or Mariah Carey
You've either got really spaced-out (not that way) bus stops where you live or pedal powered buses.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)
No I haven't you weirdo.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)
Monty, I'm really confused as to who all these other names are that were all you yesterday and now aren't you.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I thought you were supposed to be Jim Carrey?
In spite of your insistent denials.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)
What you're seeing here is Al's feeble attempt at misdirection.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)
He's like the Derren Brown of off topic

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)
He does have a very gay beard, you're right!

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)
You think that's exciting???
Wait 'til you hear about my night...
It started with cooking dinner, then I ate that dinner whilst feeding a baby, then I bathed my son and put him to bed, then I put my daughter to bed, then I did the washing up and made lunch, then I had a joint and a beer and listened to a record and talked to some way cool people* on the internet and then I went to bed ROCK AND ROLL!!!!

tl:dr - Dull man, dull evening.

Surely MC Mikey G is the best MC of all time?

Alt: What?


*Er...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)
I take it you mean MC Miker G you IGNORAMUS.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I feel such a fool.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Best cake = lemon drizzle.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)
All cake is rubbish.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
YM is rubbish and so is her clit sucking lover.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)
Now now.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I disagree.
For my 21st birthday one of my friends baked a chocolate cake into which he had added a quarter of the finest low grade hashish available in Coventry in the late 90s.
That was an excellent cake.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Lovely little flecks of plastic in it. Nom.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Those were the days*
*They weren't
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)
Nothing says the 1980s to me more than dried up, years-old stale repressed Moroccan hashish.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)
My Ma' makes the best Lemon Drizzle cake EVAH, she's known for it, when she says "Oh lovely, can I bring something?" to parties, the reply is normally "Some of your lemon drizzle cake, if you'd be so kind. It's the best".

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
You paid to see 'a person who presides over a formal event or entertainment and who introduces guests, speakers, or entertainers:'
Can't see the attraction myself.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
You'd have loved it.
Half way through the set a load of fat middle aged Brummies started playing acoustic guitars.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
They didn't really. I made that up.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Shame!
I'd have paid to see that.
BTW Coventry is not Birmingham. TRUFAX
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Yes it is.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)
It's not. It just wishes it was.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I heard there was also a celebration of the rape and death of teenage girls.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)
You are right.
That bit was disconcerting to say the least.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)
"Hey There Birmingham!"
"This is our last number tonight! I hope you've all had a good time! This song is "Isn't it funny, they way she died, after she slit her wrists and cried"
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
There's a great one that gets requested every now and agin
It's about gang rape and subsequent multiple revenge murder by a famous dangerous urban hard-edge MC....
Kenny Rogers' 'Coward of the county' .
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)
I don't get this joke but I'm sure it has them rolling in the aisles in Coventry

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)
We don't even have any aisles
They were replaced with large grey precincts and car parks in the 1960s :(
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Ah, I see what you did there. You confused a fictional account of the beating up of three rapist brothers from a famous 70's country song with the real life death of a damaged teenage girl.

It's OK, it's easily done.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)
I was always keen on
Roots.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Oh and special mention to
John Barnes
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Hahahaha
'You have to something and something something at the right time'
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Escher
In other news, Clive Dunne died.

I'm shocked. I thought he'd died years ago.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Don't panic.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)
I'm kinda glad it happened really.
Because it finally gives the BBC an excuse to rerun Dad's Army. It's been hours since they've been able to do that.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Well, nearly.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Turns out he was only 37 as well.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)
"Permission to snuff it, sir!?"

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
When I worked in a hotel I occasionally was called upon to MC at wedding receptions.
I like to think that my LAYDEEESANGENNELMEN! announcements were up there with the greats.
Although I lack the stentorian Brian Blessed voice with the drill sergeant tone of The Resident Loon.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)
Your MC name was 'Stentorian Tone'

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)
This was a subthread last week I think
well, sort of, DJ names as an anagram of your board name.

Yours was "MC YoYo Bent"
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Yours was Cockcheese McFadden

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
aka Wesley Crusher

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I'm sure this is funny

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)
It's not, but I appreciate the reference

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)
The anagram skills are weak with this one

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I don't have cake in the house :(
I do however have strawberries, I've just had a shower, my laundry is hanging out, and I aced my exams. :D
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)
'my laundry is hanging out'
Ffnar.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)
on the clothes horse, inside, you weirdo.
OH! and now it's raining and I can hear it on the roof.

blimey that makes me happy.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)
That's a crap euphemism.
(Did I spell that right this time?)
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Euphemism? yes you did.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
good, good. It seems I've finally learnt.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
about fucking time, too!

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I'm not really into 'afters'
An overpriced pile of sugar and butter is not 'my bag' after a decent meal.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
you're into cheese and pate and quince jelly aren't you? you massive gay.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Yes, yes I am
(not the massive gay bit)
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
There's nowt gay about cheese and pate and quince jelly you dag.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)
She's a flamin' galah and no mistake

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I'd go so far as to suggest that she might also be a 'hoon'.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
A 'bogan' also, you know what these Kiwis are like

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
"Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dog's arse."

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Jesus Christ look at these:
www.unclebills.co.uk/random-jokes/565-australian-insults

"Got a face like a bashed in shit can"
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
hahaha!
"So stupid that he wouldn't know a tram
was up him 'til the bell rang!"
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
yeahhhh that sounds about right actually.
I love some of those expressions.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Where's Brittas?
I fancy an argument about Chuck D.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Doing his morning check of the pool for "floaters"

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Updating his Joy Division fan blog

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I went for a curry.
I spent the first 10 minutes of my working day on the bog.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)

og lob
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
christ, shut up already.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Why are posting in the style of a New York Jew?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)
yeah, they often say christ.
you fucking racist fail.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
"If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave its arse and make it walk backwards."

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)
your mum's so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)
"You've got a few roos loose in the top paddock."

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)
too far man.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Yeah?
Well get THIS:

"You have a head on you like a sucked mango."
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
well I never!

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Pull your lip over your head and swallow!"

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Having spent nigh-on 7 hours traipsing around flat viewings
I spent the evening drinking wine and watching telly, as the good lord intended.

Is Stepney Green horribly stabby? Saw a couple of nice places there.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
Nah it's OK. Some of the estates are rough but if you haven't grown up there you aren't going to get involved.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
No one go on /talk for the next few hours.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)
why?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)
There's a link to pictures of the cheeky girls topless
and these people don't have any self control.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
oh christ. I didn't click those links because I'm not a fucking idiot.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Offtopic people are more easily led than most.
Therefore a simple ban on going on talk for a few hours might save some fools.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)
It won't chompy. AA has already fallen into a wank enduced coma.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Who, the Cheeky Girls?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)
They fucked Lembit Opik, what do you think?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Poor The Cheeky Girls :(

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)
*goes on talk to see why?*

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)
See, I wouldn't have known that even existed if you hadn't warned me off
Now i've seen a picture of some breasts on the internet.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)
You should probably go and kick some car wingmirrors to calm down and distract yourself.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Everyone round my way is parked legally, so I have no cause to do this.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:49, Reply)
What civil offences do you police around your way then?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Cyclists on pavements, neighbours playing loud music and roughsleepers drinking on the streets.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)
And dogs fouling the footpath.
I kick the dog up the owners bum.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)
Good work.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)
For rough sleepers I make them sleep in my bed while I lounge outside my gate all night drinking super skol
so they can see just how unpleasant it is for me.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Is that how you became friends with Monty?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Monty doesn't have friends. He has case workers.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Yeah?
Well 'You're as handy as shit on a stick."
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Not much breast to be seen to be honest
Pair of sticks those two.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)
i went to see skyfall
i complained to a pub about their truly shocking service, and they offered us a free meal. i have replied to say thank you very much but we were after an apology not free stuff. however, as they are offering, they can donate the cost of 3 main courses and 3 drinks to charity, say £30-40.

what's the betting they come back and say "fuck you, our pre-made frozen meals cost us 50p each, so we don't want to do that" ...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Which pub was it?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)
a fullers

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Good luck getting money out of them. They're in the shit financially.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)
the one we complained about was a fucking fiasco
neither of the unfortunate bar staff spoke a word of english and we had to point at the drinks. they couldn't understand the food menu, nor could they find the items on the till. when they did enter them, they kept pressing cancel and then having to ask us to order all over again - it took 25 mins to order 1 starter and chips and 2 pies. the bill seemed a bit top heavy, but i'd lost the will to live by then. i felt v sorry for the staff as not one senior or experienced team member was anywhere in sight.

when the food finally came, i got 2 identical starters and no chips, which explained the higher bill, and my friend got the wrong pie, and had to wait 20 mins for a new one. our second round of drinks never came. the final straw was on the way out, when the manageress suddenly appeared, and told me i couldn't leave because i'd only paid for one starter.... i am normally v polite, but that was just too much!
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
That's a good value meal there.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)
the fullers on brook green is amazing, even for a snobby chick like me
but some of them are proper shit
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)
I should clarify, I didn't mean that all Fullers did good value meals,
just that a main meal and a drink for a tenner is pretty good value. Assuming it's a reasonable meal obviously.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)
their mains are about £10-£15 i think
i didn't want to take the piss. but i think they should give the money to charity.

i also know they won't.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)
I once made the mistake of ordering a 'sausage platter' in one of theirs.
I would rather be buggered by an angry bear than eat that again.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I tend to find the better London pubs are operated by Geronimo Inns or the Real Pub Company.
Certainly better food.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)
I would rather suck the shit out of a camel's arse than eat in a Fuller's

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)
It's all 'snip, 4 minutes on hot, ping & on to plate'.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)
It really is.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)
meh, i had mushrooms on ciabiattia and cheesy chips
how wrong can it go?

oh.

wait...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:02, Reply)
I like Capital Pub Company, they've got some really nice pubs.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:58, Reply)
you ungrateful shit.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:00, Reply)
£30 is a lot of cat food for a fluffy kittum

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:03, Reply)
their apology was the free meal.
and you threw it all away for "charity"
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)
don't you care about kittumses?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)
don't try turning this round on me young lady.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)
miaow mia-
the silence is the dead kittum from starvation
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)
are you going to eat that?
ha! stupid question really.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)
i was going to glue its fur to my clunge
and pretend i don't really have syphilis
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)
*bokes*

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)
I bet you have a clunge like a hippy's beard.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)
with his mouth open in the middle of it?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)
it smells of lentils and dung.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)
you're too near the back

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Local rapper to me called Chris Leese, did very well in a national freestyle competition
I have no idea if that's good or not, but I've heard a couple of his tracks, not bad at all. I also couldn't give a shit what you think about it, you fucking bellend.

In other news, a woman has just come into our office, and she has a rather lovely bottom.

Morning all
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
I heard some great new stuff by Format the other day.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:58, Reply)
May have to give that a listen in a bit
Stuck on his track with Abdominal last night, still fucking fantastic.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 9:59, Reply)
His beats are brilliant pretty much every time.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)
Well this is good.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I can do a cycle safety newslink thread?

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)
everyone loves newslinks.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)
I think we should talk about car tyres again.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I DUN A NEW THREAD LOL!
it's a happy one!
(, Thu 8 Nov 2012, 10:34, Reply)

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