New thread!
So have you ever done that thing where you go round to fix the combi boiler at a bored housewifes house and she becomes very sexually explicit?

Alt: Are the BBC making news in their own office purely because they can't be arsed going outside to do some reporting?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:42, 131 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Nope,
but I have done that thing where I went around to a bored housewife's house to clean out her pool and had to fight off a tiger with my bare hands.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:43, Reply)

Was the tiger in the pool?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

No, it was in the housewife.

( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Is a tiger like a cougar
but much larger and orange?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

and stripy.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Geordie lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

im digging the name, K
There's this Kmart Christmas ad here where people buy a pony for their kids and the pony fucks shit up and escapes it's highlarious
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)

KMart is short for KroneyMart, you know.
I'm a secret business heir, you know.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)

nope
Had no idea
Ya reckon you could hook me up with a discount? I really fancy a wii and some just dance games
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Haha
No.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)

cunt

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Also tirtiary topic of conversation.
I've realised I've not been to Starbucks since the tax avoidance story came out. Does it still count as a political boycott, if I hadn't really noticed.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

tertiary*

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I just read the Starbucks defence of their 0% corporation tax for three years.
"Over the last three years alone, our company has paid more than £160m in various taxes, including national insurance contributions, VAT and business rates."

I like that they have to keep VAT in that figure to make it seem bigger, when VAT is just collected by a company not paid for by a company.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Barclays claim their employees PAYE as part of their tax "burden".
The fucking shitty fucking shitcunts.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Also, 160 million from a multinational company
worth billions isn't a lot of tax.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

That's not even per year, it's over three years.
Well done well done.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

53 million per year.
I am fairly sure Swipe thinks she pays more than that.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:56, Reply)

It was longer than that I think.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Gnah', for fuck's sake.
These companies are on fucking cloud coocoo land, and the goverment are letting them get away with it. If anyone walked out of a supermarket with a trolly full of shopping and said "I spend £xx a week*, why the hell should I pay your prices?", then they'd be thrown out straight away.

If they don't like our rules, then they should fuck off. I couldn't care less if Vodafone or Starbucks don't operate over here anymore. They only do it 'cus the people in charge are a bunch of pussyoles.

* But take £xxx worth of goods, but don't mention that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:15, Reply)

I hope so.
I have been boycotting them all my life if so. Which I think shows my TOUGH STANCE on their accounting practices.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)

More of a Costa man, I suppose?

( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Gosh yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:56, Reply)

It's the easiest fucking boycot ever, not like there's no where else around you can get a shit coffee and dry sandwich for £8

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

At least Amazon try to make us all complicit in their tax dodging by not charging much.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)

No, it was a condenser boiler.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

And the bored housewife was YM

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

How could she possibly be bored, with all the attention paid to her by you lot?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

you know what, I can't say I ever have done that.
And yes.

also. YAY! final few episodes of Eureka are almost done downloading...
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

The 1980s BBC educational show?
You fucking oddball.

+ galah
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

It's a show about nerds or something.
My close personal friend Felicia Day is in it, or was in it. I've not watched it much.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I know she's not your actual friend but YES, that is the main reason I watch the show.
She's so purdy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

SHE TOTALLY TALKED TO ME ON GOOGLE PLUS ONCE SO SHUT UP

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I accidentally showed her a picture of an ex's boobs once.

( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

do you mean she calls you a cunt?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

who doesn't call him a cunt?

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Jesus

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Sweary Jesus does.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Black Jesus does.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

What about Chinese Jesus?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:56, Reply)

No one rissens to him.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:58, Reply)

1st crick of the day

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Bressed are the meek.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Ok then, Jesus pre 9pm on terestrial television.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:55, Reply)

consider the fucking lily.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)

the + Allen

*considers hard*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:03, Reply)

You're a sick individual.
She looks like a pig.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

So do you
didn't stop me rogering you like the slut you are.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

No
Alt: yes.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 10:54, Reply)

If it helps your wank bank, I am sexually active chompy.
I heard the bbc news team are setting off fireworks and pretending it's a war zone.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:03, Reply)

sexually active?
I heard you just lie there.

rofflecopters etc
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)

archie 2 strokes

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)

pump pump squirt.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)

on a good day :(
pum... dribble
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)

The BBC are doing what all other lazy journos do
coming in in the morning, firing up Twitter, see what's trending, then treating it as gospel and making a news story out of it without bothering to check the facts. See also Philip Schofield the other day "Twitter says these men are nonces". I hope they sue his fucking arse to penury.
Leveson is due to report soon, all this will help to bring in more repressive press laws, and break up the BBC. Murdoch will be delighted.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Alt: Boris offers his perspective on the BBC:
www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/borisjohnson/9671346/BBC-investigation-Smearing-an-innocent-mans-name-is-the-real-tragedy-here.html

Nice quote: "Paedophiles, therefore, do the rest of humanity a sort of service, because they confer moral superiority on absolutely everyone else."
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I wouldn't have put it like that but he is right.
Alistair McAlpine has no chance of shaking this label now. Although the fiddlees are the victims whichever way you analyse it.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:21, Reply)

I don't get why it's the bbc's fault that someone who was abused said something
and they published the alegations without saying who it was.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:21, Reply)

It's not even a new allegation.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:23, Reply)

I don't understand why the police aren't getting the shit for this
they were the ones that wrongly identified him in it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)

10/1 it's Peter Lilley.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)

No
alt: no

i can't believe I missed tho oppotunity to to tell you all about my weekend.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)

I sae an episoe of "Friday Night Dinner" last night, there were some lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)

I just winced in dusgust.
fucking hell nakers, get a grip.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:32, Reply)

i was also surprised, although i had been drinking all afternoon

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:34, Reply)

drinking does NOT make it okay.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)

sorry mmps, won't hppen again
it had certainly never happened before
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:37, Reply)

make sure it doesn't nakers.
you wouldn't want to be marked as worse than monty, would you?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:41, Reply)

worse I could deal with, poorer I really couldn't

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:42, Reply)

I GONE and broken B3ta

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:55, Reply)

AGAIN

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:56, Reply)

No one could cope with that I can assure you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:55, Reply)

Well this is just *splendid*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 11:57, Reply)

I'm getting old
we are planning a Christmas "drinks party"...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:00, Reply)

No, Nakers, what you are is 'middle class' and all the better for it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Thanks bbz, of the course the advantage of your situation is that you get to be middle class but not embarrased about your wealth

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Indeed so.
Best of both worlds!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:10, Reply)

Really?
I picture Nakers more as a braying toff.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

I mean 'middle class' in the more tradtional sense
as in 'upper eschelons of society but without title'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:11, Reply)

Good heavens, what a beazley thing to say!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:14, Reply)

I assume by that you mean "shite"?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:01, Reply)

Cor you're a fucking bright spark and no mistake!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:06, Reply)

+ Mary Poppins

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:10, Reply)

re: Christmas drinks
I could probably do Christmas Eve. I don't know what the trains would be like, though. Pain in the arse, probably.

(I totally say "re:" stuff IRL. I even pronounce it "Ree", because I'm definitely not a cunt)
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:02, Reply)

Do you normally attempt anal with trains?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Normally? No.
But it's Christmas!
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:05, Reply)

*something about only coming once a year*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:11, Reply)

I'll be off to Venta Belgarum on Xmas Eve I suspect.
I call Winchester by its Roman name because I, too, am evidently not a cunt either.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Best of all the Ventas.

( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:10, Reply)

That's a pretty radical claim, but I reckon you might just be right here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:17, Reply)

I will be very nearby...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:15, Reply)

Grow a pair and meet me for a jar at The Wykeham or The Black Boy, then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:16, Reply)

Can't as I'm coming own Christams eve afer work and traight t a party, then of to the rentals on Christmas morn
I just thought you'd like to know Iwas nearby, looking oevr you like a benevolent god
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:17, Reply)

:(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Christmas = many motorway miles
Hants for christmas eve, Wiltshire or Chrstamas day and Boxing day, back to london for two days, then wilts again to drop of sproglet then back to London to go to gtawick for ski hols.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:24, Reply)

You could invite Monty along to the party?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Family and inlaws, I've only been since I maried mrs ape

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:25, Reply)

I'm sure he wouldn't show you up.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

I'm quite the social chameleon ACTUALLY
People's parents usually love me. In both senses of the word.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:32, Reply)

benevolent bent
god spastic
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:26, Reply)

Ingens morionem

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Hooray for Google Translate including latin

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:47, Reply)

Re: your post
How else would one pronounce it?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

"Arr Ee"
I suspect. What with it being short for summat.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

'regarding', you frightful oaf?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Wouldn't that be incorrect?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:10, Reply)

How so?
If you read 'Ltd.' aloud, would you say 'limited'? I put it to you that you would.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:16, Reply)

I didn't think it was an abbreviation of 'regarding'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:20, Reply)

I didn't think you were an idiot, but you clearly are.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:20, Reply)

It was pretty idiotic of you not to notice before.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:42, Reply)

What is it short for then?
It's possible I just assumed this many years ago and this has now become a 'fact' in my mind...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:21, Reply)

of course it's a fact

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:22, Reply)

He's got me doubting myself now Nakers!
Villainous midlander shitbag that he is...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Origin:
Latin, ablative of res 'thing'
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:23, Reply)

So when somebody replies to an email
entitled "Tangles is such a granola munching prick", the subject line then becomes "(Latin for) Thing: Tangles is such a granola munching prick?"

Well. You live and learn.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:28, Reply)

He's a fucking 'thing' alright.
The 'thing' is question is

Cunt:
(Anglo Saxon: 'minge' or 'fanny')
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:32, Reply)

I thought copying me in on those emails was unnecessarily cruel.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:34, Reply)

It is, which is why it boils my piss
when people use it in speech.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Your face is incorrect

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Paging Captain Placid or Tango.
I want to re-string my acoustic guitars with nylon strings instead of metal ones. Which are best, and also what is a medium/lightish gauge range for them? I am a fucking ignoramus of the non-electric world and make no apology for this.

Thanks in advance

SP x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:20, Reply)

Just don't use the string holding up your trousers, no one wants to see your "furry walnuts"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:21, Reply)

walnuts peanuts
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:26, Reply)

^ this is hilarious, as I am suggesting that Monty has incredibly small testes. ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Gosh it really is!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Just bring them down to t'wang club this Sunday.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Thanks for your helpful advice you loathsome wanker

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

I too have limited knowledge when it comes to boring technical details.
But isn't it the case that you couldn't restring a steel string guitar with nylon strings?
Wouldn't the tension be all wrong?
Certainly if you were to do it the other way around, the steel strings would pull the nylon string guitar apart.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:26, Reply)

I restrung two guitars which had nylon strings on them with steel ones
and they play like shit so I reckon you could well be right. Hence the desire to undo my excellent work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:28, Reply)

It'll wear in I'm sure dear.
Calm down.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:31, Reply)

First, you need a cat.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Are you starring in a 1970 porn flick?
It sounds suspiciously like a plotline.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 12:30, Reply)