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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Children in Need
The Beeb still going ahead and hosting this while it sieves out it's paedos, is this ironic (don't you think)?

Alt. Fave stand up comic.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:21, 200 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
no.
Mitch Hedberg.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)
I would answer this
But I don't understand what that word means.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Me neither
That Morissette song doesn't define it either :(
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)
No.
Alt: Ross Noble
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:31, Reply)
odds on next paedo?
terry wogan 2/1
bruce forsyth 1/1
phil mitchell 5/4
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:31, Reply)
i like stewart lee, i hope he's not a paedo.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:32, Reply)
Anything to get 'Brucey' off screen is fine by me.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:32, Reply)
He irritates the fuck out of me...
I bet he's a right old bastard behind the scenes.
I read that he was an old fucking harridan to them dolly birds he had.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:33, Reply)
He's a right twat, but still somehow regarded as a 'national treasure'
Cunt.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:34, Reply)
is he in that nicholas cage film?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Fortunately not
It's an odd film where I actually like the film despite Nicolas Cage being in it, as compared to Con Air where I like (almost) everything BUT him in it.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:38, Reply)
He is in some truly terrible films
and yet has had loads of roles recently... 'Season of the Witch' made me want to spoon my eyes out (or just press stop on the dvd player).

He was good as Big Daddy in Kick Ass though.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:44, Reply)
His accent in Kick Ass made me want to do the same.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:46, Reply)
the rock with sean connery and ed norton is clearly his best film.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Con Air for me, I'd say
But that's almost entirely down to John Malkovich in it.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)
I can help, here.
Nicholas 'Nic' Cage is a terrible, horsefaced prick who has never, and will never, do anything that is not complete and utter shit. 'Leaving Las Vegas' makes me want to strangle pensioners.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Except for Face/Off and National Treasure.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Well, obviously.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)
And his Wicker Man remake which is simply superb and knocks the original into a cocked hat.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)
I LOVED that film.
And Gone in Sixty Seconds.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:03, Reply)
Tony Hart.
Se'sly.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)
Poor Morph
:(
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Chas was a nonce and all.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Mr Bennett was the ringleader.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:01, Reply)
morph had been up his bum.
chas hadn't.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:18, Reply)
No.
Steven Wright or Richard Pryor.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Not really.
Terry Wogan is a cunt but thankfully this is the only time of the year he is on the TV.

Alt: George Carlin.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:56, Reply)
I liked him until he got tarred with the 'black' label.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:57, Reply)
Ho-ho.
Are you here all week?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Try the veal

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:00, Reply)
Ress Nurble
Mainly because he's widely hated on here and I like to be contrary.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:01, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1784203
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:04, Reply)
You mean 'Rosh', right?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)
He's just NOT funny.
I hate that faux surreal comedy thing.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Wooden i' be fonny if yer her were meead o' meat?
Edit: I actually don't mind him at all. I've laughed at his jokes. Hope this helps.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)
Imajunn, reet,
a donkey, reet, riding in a car meed of sausages!!!!!!!
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:09, Reply)
you know,
I'm not normally a pedant but where you've written "is this ironic (don't you think)?" I'm fairly sure you could have had either "is this ironic, do you think?" Or "isn't this ironic, (don't you think?)" But what you've done makes my brain itchy.
Sorry old bean.

Have a song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uemz6B-XCZg&feature=youtube_gdata_player
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Alt: Jeff Dunham, when he's doing Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:03, Reply)
Oh ffs that is the least funny act I think I've ever seen.
So, so shit. Yeti made me watch him once. Dire in excelsis.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)
^ wrong on the internet ^

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)
Are you not taking the piss here?
You genuinely think he's funny? Seriously?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:07, Reply)
Yes. I think he is funny, only with that character. The rest of his act is piss poor.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:09, Reply)
That is your favourite standup act?
My mind is genuinely boggling here.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:11, Reply)
Yes.
It's honest humour, he isn't trying to be sophisticated, or surreal, or offensive just for the sake of it. A lot of stand up is utter piss.

Russell Howard? Fuck off you bucktoothed cunt.
Eddie Izzard? About as amusing as a tumour.
Ross Noble? Cunt cunt cunt cunt.
Bill Bailey? Shitcunt.

etc.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Izzard was very funny in his day and Ross Noble makes more sense if you are in the crowd
I thought he was shit before seeing him live
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:15, Reply)
Izzard is frightful.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)
I thought he was OK when I first saw him on TV
As you say though, seeing him live is something different altogether, he's been superb every time. Being on one of his DVDs is nice too.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)
But better than Richard Pryor?
Dear God.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)
Pryor only had one funny bit. Which is the one where his heart and him are having a conversation during his heart attack.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Perhaps he should have endlessly said 'I kill you' instead.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:23, Reply)
I kill you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Good morning.
Infidel.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
:o(
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)
i like that woman who has the puppet,
She's funny. Achmed however and Jeff can Fuck the Fuck off up the fucking Fuck river of fucks.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:10, Reply)
She's hot as well, forgotten her name though.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:11, Reply)
'Stupid shit-bird'?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:12, Reply)
I'm afraid she isn't funny either.
She ruined QI when she was on it. Dreadful.

1) puppets = no
2) female comics = no
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:12, Reply)
correct on the internet
woman aren't funny, FACT.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Female comics = yes. Daisy Donnovan for one and Shappi Khorsandi for another.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)
as in these woman are as funny as a boil on your anus?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:17, Reply)
+ not quite

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Shappi Korshandi
is not funny in any way. Except perhaps smelling.

Go on, do a joke about being a Muslim woman. On the other hand, shut the fuck up.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)
shappi korsandi not funny.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:27, Reply)
correct

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)
Victoria Wood

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)
not funnny

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)
+n't.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:32, Reply)
Wasn't one of us there for that recording?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Dunno, soz.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:22, Reply)
I swear, someone had tickets or QI, and I'm sure it was that episode.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:23, Reply)
LiC wasn't it?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)
Yep.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:39, Reply)
No need to swear b3th.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)
Fuck you
You're not my real dad
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)
although he is old enough to be

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:32, Reply)
but not old enough to be her husband.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:33, Reply)
the knight at the end of "last crusade" isn't old enough for B3th

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:34, Reply)
me!
I am siding with the "not funny" group.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:39, Reply)
:(

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)
oh jeff, you silly boy, not you.
You're positively lovely.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:15, Reply)
Hey Monty
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2219922/Has-English-eccentric-perfectly-preserved-Spitfires-buried-jungle-grave.html

Nice work if you can get it.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:06, Reply)
That's well cool

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)
he'll make a fortune if he can get them airworthy
i would LOVE to have a flight in a spitfire
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:11, Reply)
You and me both pal.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:12, Reply)
even better would be to shoot at then hun whilst doing it
Bloody Lufthansa take that you Narzi bastards
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)
I've got a Spitfire.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:17, Reply)
triumph?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Nah. A real one.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I've got an erection.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:18, Reply)
+only smaller.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)
I'm reading "Spitfire Stories" at the moment
just read a well-researched bit where it seems Douglas Bader may have been shot down by "friendly fire".

If they can get more flying it'll be great.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)
he went to my school, apparently he was an arsehole

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:16, Reply)
I have also heard this.
He was a reckless, selfish twat and all.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:17, Reply)
According to the book
he'd been told to take a rest as tiredness was affecting his judgement, but refused as he knew better.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:23, Reply)
Were the teachers not suspicious of a grown man at your school?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:18, Reply)
nah, without his legs he was the size of battered

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:20, Reply)
No, because Nakers didn't leave until he was thirty.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:20, Reply)
I look good in a cap and shorts

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:22, Reply)

look good in a cap and shorts am a bent spastic

First one of the day.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:24, Reply)
and the best!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)
I love this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWb5Qx1X3as
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:13, Reply)
My favourite comedian is 'Justin Lee Collins'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:17, Reply)
good toimes!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:17, Reply)
I think the official title is Children in Need (of a good seeing-to)

Alt: there's a lot of young 'uns who are good. Daniel Sloss, Chris Ramsey, um.... okay, maybe not 'lots'.

Embarrassingly, I found myself laughing at something Michael McIntyre said the other day.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:18, Reply)
You need to edit out some of these real life threats of violence all powerful mod
www.b3ta.com/board/10881476
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:20, Reply)
Jahled is a prick.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:23, Reply)
I'm afraid hat board is out of my remit.
I'm only allowed to play on here and qotw.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)
WORST

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)
MOD

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)
EVER!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)
Tell Rob to give me proper mod powers then.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)
Michael fucking McIntyre?
He is soooo gaaay.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:21, Reply)
I accidentally caught an advert for his new show when I was watching something ghastly on ITV.
I'm ashamed to saw I laughed at it.
I should probably just kill myself now.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:22, Reply)
On ITV?
WTF is wrong with you? Next you'll tell me it was ITV4.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:28, Reply)
This is the best Michael McIntyre impression I've seen
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOwDtx1c084
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:27, Reply)
you're one of the best Micheal McIntyre impressions I've seen

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)
My pal Paul McCaffrey is a comedian.
He has made a series which started last night on BBC3, apparently.

EDIT it is called 'Impractical Jokers' I believe. No idea if it is any good or not but he's one of my oldest friends and is v funny 'IRL'.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:20, Reply)
I prefer Paddy McGuiness

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:24, Reply)
FFS.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:25, Reply)
\o/

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)
I can never tell him and Jason Manford apart.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:27, Reply)
Jase, jase, tell us what it's like to be a chirpy Northerner.
Or we could ask Lee Mack, they all look the same to me.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Nah, I like Lee Mack.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)
I imagine him to be one of the most irritating people in the world to have to sit next to on a long flight

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:33, Reply)
Lee Evans would be worse

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:33, Reply)
I sat next to Bruno Brooks on a flight to Egypt.
He gave me a Werthers Original and I pretended I didn't know who he was.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)
All sounds rather 'SirJimmeh'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Well his odds have just shortened

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Jimmy Cricket would be worse too
If he mentioned his 'mammy' I think I would have a mental breakdown
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:35, Reply)
actually Tom green would be worse

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:35, Reply)
Actually Legless might be worse.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Imagine settling down for a non-stop flight to Australia
and discovering that you were sat next to Pooflake, and that he was clearly pissed up.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Or you were next to ringofyre
and you were Poppet.

IMAGINE.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:45, Reply)

ringofyre Battered
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:46, Reply)
*imagines*

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:46, Reply)
I hate that cunt.
And Duncan Norvelle.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:37, Reply)
I have been on a flight with Frank Carson
he was genuinely funny, going through passport control was hilarious .
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:38, Reply)
That's a cracker.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:39, Reply)
I LOVED that programme he did, you know, 'Catchphrase'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:41, Reply)
It's good, but it's not right

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:42, Reply)
He was also excellent on 'Going for Gold'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:44, Reply)
*picture of half hidden robot apparently wanking*

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:45, Reply)
"Gunter, you have control of my penis"

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:45, Reply)
James Hutchings would be the worst. Particularly if he began reading aloud from his 'book'.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:57, Reply)
That would not be good.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:59, Reply)
I'd jump out of the plane.
Without a parachute.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:02, Reply)
On is a short fat Northern prick, the other is a tall fat Northern prick

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Not in the slightest
The BBS is taking an awful lot of shit for stuff that isn't its fault. With the possible exception of a bit of Savile cover up, but who wasn't a paedo in the 70s? I know I was.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:35, Reply)
The BBS, bbz?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)
I've no fucking idea, Monts.
S isn't even that close to C on the keyboard. I've spent too much of this week sober, I think.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:37, Reply)
theze thingz happen

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:37, Reply)
Not to me. It's a fucking alcohol-based travesty.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:38, Reply)
Late reply is very late and wont be read by anyone
But its mainly due to the Murdoch press the Tories and Dacre all having it in for the beeb anyway so seeing as they have a great hold over the idiot public they push the agenda so that The Mail can talk about how the BBC is full of Lefties, the Tories can go on about reporting bias (again lefties) and Murdoch can get his hands on more broadcast bandwidth.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 13:09, Reply)
alt: Billy Connolly
before he went all sweary and "old git".
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:35, Reply)
I like that 'Craig Charles' fellow. He's jolly good.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)
I love the bit he does about smoking crack and beating prostitutes

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)
A1 rapist +++++++ would rape again.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:38, Reply)
He's got to get his smeg out somehow!

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Our fire alarm has been going off every few minutes for the last 20
Actually it's a recording of a bell followed by a woman saying "Attention please! Attention please! We are investigating an alarm condition. It may be necessary to evacuate the building. Please await further announcements."

The first time a few people got up and went down the fire stairs, but then everybody else sat back down. Now it's just getting irritating.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:45, Reply)
"There has been a fire reported in the building"

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:49, Reply)
Bomb warning.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Finally it changed to a bloke saying "please evacuate immediately"
Almost died going down the stairs as one of my laces was untied.

10 minutes standing outside and then back in again. Pointless.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:10, Reply)
hahahahaha yeah.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:45, Reply)
I need to buy a proper suit. A good, woollen one.
I am going into London at the end of the month in order to buy one. Suggestions of decent places, please.

Also somewhere that does formal shirts and dinner jacket waistcoats.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:56, Reply)
Harrods.
Not as expensive as you'd think.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Well, that's because it's basically an expensive Debenhams.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:58, Reply)
Buy a second hand one from a decent vintage clothing place,
Have it altered to fit. Spend left over cash on beer.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Get yourself down 'Burtons' mate

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:58, Reply)
I don't know why you're offering advice
since your idea of dressing up is to use the nice rope belt.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:00, Reply)
click.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:01, Reply)
I kill you.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)
There is a place on Middlesex Street near Petticoat Lane.
£215 will get you a good hard wearing suit. Nice blue Herringbone with a clolourful lining.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:04, Reply)
Sounds alright.
Not the suit, obviously. I have taste. The place, though, sounds alright. Going to tell me what it's called?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)
Have you seen how this lanky drunkard dresses? Do not listen to a word he says about anything sartorial.
Come to think of it: sartorial

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Manmaster
87 Middlesex Street. 020 7247 4181.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)
Sounds pretty gay.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:14, Reply)
MANMASTER?
What sort of shop are you trying to get me into?
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:15, Reply)
Are you not going dildo shopping then?

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:17, Reply)
I won't need to go dildo shopping for a while
the new Anal Avenger mk3 Xtra Punishment range came out the other week. I'm still prolapsing from the test drive.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:19, Reply)
You even surrender to a machine

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:23, Reply)
There's a few places up by Liverpool Street station
Eldon Street.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:13, Reply)
I advocate not getting it from London.
You can get decent quality for a fraction of the cost if you buy from someone who employs children in India or China to do the sewing.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:12, Reply)
No, it's one last chance to bum some kids.
Alt: Stewart Lee.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 11:56, Reply)
Y'know, I just don't know anymore.
I've spent all morning in a fucking boring 'Quality' meeting and I just want to have my lunch now.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)
I always preferred the Roses meetings.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:09, Reply)
That's because you are not very 'street'

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:12, Reply)
He does go down on the kids, though.

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:14, Reply)
Someone start a new thread then.
Preferably one in which we all pick on Kroney.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:21, Reply)
Monty, earlier

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)
God Lusty would love that jumper

(, Fri 16 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

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