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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning, customers of /OT

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:42, 198 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I'm just browsing.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)
I'm afraid that by replying to me
you are now in effect a paying client.

May I ask how your customer journey is going, so far?
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Sorry, I've decided to leave this shopping experience.
Please don't try to contact me again.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Sorry, but your saying 'sorry' is a legal admission of guilt
and you cannot now get out of this binding contract.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)
Ok, I'll send you my credit card details.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Morning AA

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
There's a strange man in my house,
Drilling holes in stuff.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)
I see.....

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)
I don't, I was in bed, deciding what sort of hangover i was going to have,
And he started hammering on the door. I got dressed, opened the door and he just sort of piled in with all his gear, and started putting up some blinds. I know we ordered some blinds, didn't realise they came with a man to install them. I don't really know what to do. I'm just sort of sat here, watching him
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)
Watch him carefully.
I suspect this 'blinds' story is a front to distract you whilst he fulfils his real mission to instal covert surveillance equipment on behalf of the world's secret Jew masters.

Honestly mate it happens all the time.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
lazy wank

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Are you sure that this isn't just the plot to a homosexual porn film?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)
possible.
Very possible.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)
Maybe the whole thing is just a sexy, sexy (d)ream?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)
he keeps asking me questions and making small talk.
I don't think he realises how hungover I am.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)
Why not show him, through the medium of mime?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)
i might vomit in his tool box.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Morning, dipshit.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)
I say, no need for colourful language like that.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)
hey babygirl

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I beg your fucking pardon?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
I say, no need for colourful language like that.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I said, 'hey babygirl'

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)
you'll have to forgive him, he's getting ona bit

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)
I read that as 'I am a frankly worrying compulsive onanist'

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)
bummers are deaf

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)
I'm only here for the shoplifting.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)
*unites*

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)
That's an improvement on the all too obvious and unfunny strikethrough I realised I'd set myself up for.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Luckily Monty is on hand to oblige.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
*high fives self*

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
A more accurate description might be *claps like a spastic*

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Dirty bugger.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)
Go fuck yourself.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
I am *so* pleased with this one.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
I wouldn't be, it took you three days...

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)
If at first you don't succeed, try, try a...oh hello mum,
I'm afraid it is exactly what it looks like. Yeah just put it down there, cheers. Biscuits too! How kind.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Whoomp! There it is.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)

high fives fists
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)

only here for the shoplifting trying to stick my cock up my arse

Not again! Dude, you can't do it. Come on, give it up, it's never gonna happen.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Good morning. Is sir looking for anything in particular?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)
a bumming

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)
Where's Nakers?
i want to spend my day calling him moustache related nicknames.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)
You bullied him off the board

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)
He's gone to this forum instead:
www.handlebarclubforum.org/
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)
only because I like chatting to your mum

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
She said to tell you she thinks you are a bent spastic.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Shut up 'Magnum'

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
He needs to grow a stiff, hairy, upper lip.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)
yes, becasue he clearly DOESN'T have a moustache at present

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)
He is now the baby Jesus.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)
He's not the messiah
He's a very bent spastic.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)
What for?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Because he has a moustache*















*he doesn't have a moustache, but that's beside the point by now.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Were pics involved?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
No, but it's obvious he has a mosutache
because when you say to to him 'how's the moustache?' he denies having one. QED.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
pervert

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Well durr
*titgazzes*
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
There is a picture of me witha moustache for Movember last year, but I'll be dammed if I'm posting it here

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Oh go on, Ralph Moustachio.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
He's 51, you know.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
scarpe is?
He looks much older.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Have you ever seen this film?
It's a documentary about Nakers getting up in the morning:

uk.imdb.com/title/tt0120749/
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)
why is Bruce trying to make that child suck him off?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)
Because he realised he was never gonna get his cock up his own arse.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Scarpe is Bruce Willis?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
He was never the same after 'The 6th Sense', apprently.
Really put the willies up him.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)
I'd like a refund on yesterday, please.
It was shoddy and useless. You owe me 24 hours. I know my rights.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)
Hey, aren't you the same b3th who only two days ago asked:
"Alt Alt: Why is everyone banging on about xmas music? It's fucking November!"
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
Aw, don't be mean.
Can you imagine her excitment when she thought of that. I bet she just couldn't wait to December. She was giggling when she typed it and everything.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)
But all the kids had xmas names
I wanted to join in so they thought I was cool.

It's just peer pressure.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)
And if all the other kids deleted their accounts and killed themselves would you do the same?
Well, would you?
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
*mumbles*
Sorry Mum.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Hopefully she would.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Bullying.
On the internet.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
quick you go first, I stay and see if she follows
also why haven't you changed you name to any one of the excellent suggestions from yesterday?
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
Because the suggestions were rubbish.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I dunno "santas little helper" I thought they were a great fit

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)
I was hoping for something more original than a name referencing my height.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)
I have one for you:
'Eppy New Year'
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Oh come on. Do I get NOTHING for this?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I only just got it
and no, you get nothing
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Merry Fitmas

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Away in a Monger ?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Merged with Monty's suggestion.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Splendid

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)
We are like the Hale and pace of off topic

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:03, Reply)
:o(

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:03, Reply)
you can be the fat one

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Epic Zing

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)
it's the only thing i know about you

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
I could ask you the same question.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Go on then.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
I'm enjoying being your saviour

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Morning all

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)
I'll reply to you, even if the rest won't.
Morning sporto.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I like you the bestest tangles

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Yes I agree
he is definitely the best pan-pipe playing eco-yurt dwelling knob jockey on here. Well, top five anyway. Top five today.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)
YES!!!

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Yeah wotevs m8

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:13, Reply)
All? ball? call? wall? stall? fall? gall? tall? hall?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Good morning.
It's a bit windy out.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Candle.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Candle IN THE WIND!!!!!!!!!
DO YOU SEE MY JOKE??????
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
your joke burned out lontg ago

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
To explain, Jeff here referred to it being windy,
and I combined that with the name of a popular song which also mentions candles in the title!!!
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)
thanks for this

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)
No problem!

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Always thought you had more than a little of the 'Elton John' about you.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
No, it's Thursday!!!!!!AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)
Feeling better then.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)
Match fit and reporting for duty.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)
We might have a special guest
Joining us tomorrow.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)
Barryfromeastenders?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
+needs

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
A Naked_Ape comedy sockpuppet?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Ted Rogers?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Tom O'Connor?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)
Rob Curling?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Henry Kelly?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Paul Daniels?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Come on Jeff, don't leave us hanging like this.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Alright Jimmy Somerville.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)
john candy

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Christopher Lilicrap?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Gaz Top?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Five Star?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Gunther?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Luke Goss?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Craig Charles?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Roy Castle?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)
The fit bird that lives 3 doors up from me?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)
The Greggs hat that Swipe found on her night out last night?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)
One of the twins from Fun House?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Herpes Simplex 10?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
The Queen?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Peter Sutcliffe?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)
John of Gaunt?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Gregori Rasputin?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)
The North Sea?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)
A modicum of self respect?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Highly unlikely.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Haile Selassie?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Pope Gregory IX?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Dave Lee Travis?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)
The 9 Muses of Ancient Greek mythology?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Joseph Mengele?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Nadine Dorres?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Martin Clunes?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Anne Haddy?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)
*has stroke*

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)
gerontophile

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)
John Craven's ill-advised foray into 'adult television'

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)
*click*

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)
very good
click
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)
You called?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Swipe's Ex?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:08, Reply)
i still can't believe there was a greggs hat on the floor on my walk home
i had to LOL. thank you for the beautiful rendition...
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:09, Reply)
We were in fits.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Poor Battered.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)
it was just there... in a puddle....
.... at the side of the road....
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)
lesson in life, never walk behind Monty

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)
Greggs Adventure!
b3ta.com/links/602514
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:20, Reply)
Do YOU work for Greggs? Hmmm.
Bebbeh!
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Vivean Gray?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)
WHERE WE GOING WHERE WE GOING WHERE WE GOING?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)
PUB

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Not 'the' pub?
You know, that one in London?
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:17, Reply)
The very same!!!

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)
\o/

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:24, Reply)
I heard they serve beer and "pea-nuts"

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)
i'm not gay.
Happy candle Geoffrey.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)
Happy Candleday Canine Molester

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Coming for a drink on Friday then.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:54, Reply)
Is THAT who the 'special guest' was?
No offence Lighty, but I think Jeff built this up a bit too much.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)
"a bit"?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Well, I was going to bring my close personal friend Kate Silverton
but I won't bother now.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:15, Reply)
alright Lighto?

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Good good
Your good self, sir?
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:22, Reply)
not bad
Have you checked out any more LCD Soundsystem?
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Good Lord man, are you their PR person?
I'll get round to it.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 11:02, Reply)
I take it back.
Is she pregnant again? She looks good knocked up.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Well, I don't like to brag...

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)
well he is a hand wringing liberal prick

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Kate Silverton looks like Gok Wan.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)
A SEXY Gok Wan.
I'd bang Gok Wan. If I was a woofter.
(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:28, Reply)
I'd bang you.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)
Woofter.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Could do I suppose.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)
Ohmygod happy candle, Jeff!

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)
I have started a new thread.

(, Thu 22 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)

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