My house didn't float away overnight.
Scare mongering environment agency. When was the last time you were lied to by someone who was supposed to help you?

Alt. Normal whinging morning thread, "my day is shit" "I've got a hangover" "my idiot child was sick" "blah blah" please try and be a bit positive.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 7:54, 102 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

uhhhh can't remember.
I'm tired, but absolutely ecstatic. Every single day since last Wednesday has been AMAZING. Dancing is so much fun, never let anyone tell you otherwise!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:07, Reply)

^ gay

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:18, Reply)

You're just jealous because I won't dance with you.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:20, Reply)

Listen love if I battled you
I'd serve yo' ass like a restaurant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:21, Reply)

Predictable reply from me
What kind of dancing? Glad you're loving it :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:25, Reply)

It's swing dance. the Melbourne Lindy Exchange was on this weekend. SUPER fun.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

The Melbourne Lindy Exchange sounds like a shopping centre.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)

yeah well you'd be wrong on that, wouldn't you?

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

No, I'd be right in saying that it sounds like a shopping centre.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:04, Reply)

Where Melbournians can trade in their old Lindys for new ones

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Since global austerity kicked in, the market for used Lindys has gone through the roof.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Good news, Winders.
Conversely some vitally-important (se'sly) paperwork has been ruined in a (very small) flood inside my bag. It's very bad news indeed, but I'm so used to things going wrong that it's scarcely registered.

I'm like Eeyore only I haven't even got a gigantic grey penis with which to console myself. Ho hum.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:21, Reply)

you are a gigantic grey penis
HTH xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:25, Reply)

It helps a lot, actually.
I was starting to feel sorry for myself but then when you posted, the focus of my pity moved inexorably to you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:26, Reply)

did your colostomy bag burst, and you had to improvise,
So as not to embarrass yourself in front of the nice girl you see on the tube every morning?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)

I know these Xmas names can be a bit confusing but it's me, Monty.
Gonz isn't in yet.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:36, Reply)

i think we are go for Hawkwind,

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Good news, lad.
It will be great. I saw them in Aylesbury last year and they are playing the best they've been since the late 80s.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:45, Reply)

can we get shitfaced?
By which I mean, I will be getting shitfaced.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:30, Reply)

At work, account manager, useless bint
"I've had no involvement with this why are you asking me to resolve it?"

Well a) yes you fucking have and b) because that's your job

Alt: see above
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:27, Reply)

Alt: WILF ALERT, WOOP WOOP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)

I am pissed off.
Third day of the shits. The frequency of my bum gravy expulsions means I haven't been able to take my wife & daughter to the airport this morning. I face another day of little pieces of dry toast & water.

tl;dr wah wah wah
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Bum wrong.
What caused it?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:35, Reply)

I think it's just a winter bug I've collected courtesy of my daughter attending various kids clubs, song classes etc.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:37, Reply)

serves you right for not having a strong enough immune system to cope with a bug your wife and child have clearly avoided.
You rubbisher.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Daughter had it last week. Wife will get it. Possibly at 35,000ft today.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Joining the mile high club eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

The bacteria are the size of cats to poor Battered

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Is that like 'Last Night of the Proms' only with a pooey twist?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Feels more like the Prodigy are performing Firestarter in my colon tbh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:39, Reply)

Maybe they are.
Had you considered that?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

No I hadn't. If they're listening: fuck off out of my digestive system.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:41, Reply)

YEAH, 'The Prodigy',
everyone likes a gig in a waqqqi location but this time you've gone too far.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Yeah. Piss off Keith Flint and take your mates with you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:45, Reply)

YEAH.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)

They've played some holes in their time
but that's ridiculous.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)

I'm a shartstarter
Fucking instigator
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Fuck knows
Alt: Only working a 4 day week, and I'm leaving early on one of those days.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:41, Reply)

cool,
Any plans, or just straight up slacking off?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Was off yesterday, sorted out most of my Christmas shopping, got a haircut, sorted out my prescription
Fairly busy day, not too bad.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Another one on SSRIs eh?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:51, Reply)

And immune suppressants, to stop his body rejecting the gastric band

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Less interesting, sorting out Clenil and Salbutamol.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Best of all the 1970s table-top football simulation games.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Hope you feel better 'lil' Wayne'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)

This is witty, please acknowledge
Thx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:16, Reply)

I cannot, for I haven't a fucking clue what you are on about.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)

the rapper "little Wayne" is also know by his pseudonym "wheezy"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Or "cunt" to most

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Alt reply: Who are they, your missus and one of her mates?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Asthma drugs.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Bollocks to your positivity, today sucks already

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Hay Nakers!
We're talking about The Prodigy up there ^

Apparently, right, they use samples. Can you believe it?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)

Why don't you sample a little bit of this shit sandwich I've made you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Is this your way of coping with the SHOCK NEWS
that one of your favourite bands isn't the 'live instruments' band you have always believed them to be? It's OK Nakers, I understand.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:47, Reply)

I'm devastated, I think I need a hug

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Darth was in earlier, get one off him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Morning.
I'm currently dealing with the lies of someone who owes me a refund and a company who should have replaced the car key of mine that they lost. The resolution of both of these things would help me.

Alt: Actually I feel pretty chipper this morning. Possibly in part due to having consumed some Day Nurse, one of the few cold remedies to still contain pseudoephedrine, which is not only an effective decongestant, but also perks you up a bit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

night nurse makes my brain go funny,
But day nurse is the business.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Don't tell me those chakra crystals didn't cure your cock rot?!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:44, Reply)

GAY Nurse MORE LIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Nah, you're thinking of the ones that contain phenylephrine.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Nah, I'm thinking 'Tangles is a gay'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)

We all think that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Look, I'm flattered by all the attention, guys.
But however much you hope for it to be true, I'm still not going to sleep with either of you.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:00, Reply)

+ again

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Wouldn't you rather take real ephedrine?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Unfortunately unavailable over the counter at my local pharmacy.
Also, it's thanks to Monty's friends using cold remedies to synthesise amphetamines that they decided to remove pseudoephedrine from most of them.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Not only has he ruined his life, but he's also ruined the lives of cold suffers everywhere

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I'm incorrigible!
Whaddam I like, eh? (Ains voice)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

You are a right Barry Bastard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Shut your Felicity face, you Tony turd.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:09, Reply)

Good morning to you all.
What a wonderful day!

My boss is over from the US so I will be a busy person today.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:50, Reply)

And ripe'n'ready for a beer this evening?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Potentially.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I'm going with a 'definite yes' on this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)

My idiot child WAS sick last night
do I win five pounds?
( Peej, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)

She-RAAAAAAAAAALPH

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Nah She-Ra was sick last week
Its Tatooine this time
( Peej, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:07, Reply)

Morning, Philpot.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)

I slept like a corpse last night after the previous evenings 3am wake up
so I feel fucking great today! I also thought I'd run out of coffee at home, only to find a new bag in the cupboard.

To balance this, I managed to go to the supermarket last night without my wallet. MONG!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

www.portablenorthpole.com
How to keep your kids behaving for a month
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I expect my kids to behave all year round.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)

...or the yurt gets it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Alright WP,
I've heard it's been pretty bad over there.
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:33, Reply)

IT'S JIMBO JAMES, EVERYONE!
*canned laughter*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

*Pauses just long enough*
Thanks! You're all lovely people!
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

*troy mcclure*
"You may remember me from such nature films as Earwigs: Eww! and Man vs.Nature: The Road to Victory."
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 27 Nov 2012, 10:12, Reply)