Monday morning. Delightful.
Good weekend?

I am feeling particularly smug, as I have completed my Christmas shopping, apart from some jewellery for my wife, which I will get tomorrow.

Suggest a Christmas present for a B3tan.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 8:30, 146 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Less Than Zero for Monty.
Not the Bret Easton Ellis novel; his credit rating.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 8:39, Reply)

One of these for you.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Kinky

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Morning.
Yeah, the weekend was pretty good. I won't bore you with the details.
I think I can be a little more smug, as I have not really got involved in Christmas shopping for several years - my wife does most of it and my sister takes care of our side of the family.

Alt: Judging by the amount of people posting at the moment, I'll send everyone a reminder of their login details for Christmas.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Alt: it really is poor. Shame.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:05, Reply)

It's ok I'm here now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Shit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:22, Reply)

*deletes account*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

don't forget to kill yourself afterwards xx

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I'd like it If santa gave you a couple of inches

(quintsy, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

aw man, replied in the wrong place

(quintsy, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Fairly good, yes
Two viewings on our house both seemed to go well and saw two more houses. Inbetween we went to the seafront with the kids and played on the 2p machines then had fish and chips.

I would buy you a small bar for your shed.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Thanks. I'll gaz you my address. Let me know when to expect it so I can make sure I'm in to receive it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:10, Reply)

I'm sending it using Yodel
Sorry to be the bearer, etc...
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:13, Reply)

GUTTED.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:15, Reply)

I have plans for M3cha$hed if we get the house we are after
It has a 100ft garden!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Excellent.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:19, Reply)

I do hope so
Going to get electric in then the kids can have it as a den later
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:19, Reply)

Kids & sheds do not mix. It should be your territory and yours alone.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:22, Reply)

I will erect defences

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:24, Reply)

*comedy strikethrough implying kids make you erect*
NONCE!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:33, Reply)

I once finished all my christmas shopping by the end of November
Best December ever. I have not since managed to duplicate this feat.

A Special Olympics medal for Naked Ape.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Done about 80% of the shopping

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:18, Reply)

I can win my own one thank you very much

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:23, Reply)

fri was great fun
sat was fucking painful after fri finished at 6.30am. yesterday was good, went up to nott to see friends.

i haven't even started mine yet. they will all be getting shit from duty-free at this rate.

greggs hats for all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:19, Reply)

It's probably for the best I went when I did then
As I'd have made an utter tit of myself if I'd had any more. Ended up making a giant sausage, bacon and egg sandwich when I got in, and having a nightcap. Not my best idea - Saturday was very quiet.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:23, Reply)

the first tube home was full of b3tans staggering under the weight of all the food i made them take away
you could have burned your flat down trying to cook ANOTHER pizza or chilli beef empanada
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Ah well
I'm a bit too feeble these days for an all-nighter.

... I was going to say the last one was ages ago, but I've been up till 5:30ish in the current flat, so perhaps I'm not too feeble after all. Just need to add a little red bull to the mix.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:36, Reply)

I managed 4am last thursday, then got up at 6 to get a train back to work and have a conference call at 8am
friday was misery personified.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

and yet you suffered in silence all day and never mentioned it even once
brave little soldier!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:40, Reply)

lols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Strong like Ox is Ape

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Doing christmas shopping early is for chumps, as all the retailers end up having sales before Christmas so you can get yourself a bargin
alt: I'd buy bobby a crane so he could go outside and smell the fresh air
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:26, Reply)

Some sales have already started.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:32, Reply)

the same people rubbing their hands with glee over how clever they are to do ALL their shopping online
will be the same cunts moaning about why their town high streets are derelict and there are no jobs in a few months time.

it's so irritating. use the high streets, people. oh, and councils? try getting your heads out of your arses and helping the retailers by sorting out parking, because people can't carry lots of shopping home. kthx.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I got a new tree and some lights for the tree and four polar bears and an owl and a snowman oh and another polar bear that lights up and some twig thing and some battery-candles and some banoffee curd and some blueberry curd and all that kind of stuff.
And I did some stuff to get some private clients 'cus I'm all like Barrasic Park at the moment, although this month will be cheaper 'cus there is fuck all near my new office.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:30, Reply)

are you buildinga Christmas peado grotto?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:33, Reply)

There was a two and a half hour wait to see santa,
lots of single mums in desprate dier situations in that queue.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:34, Reply)

mini ape's still a bit little for that
but she had lots of fun constantly un-decorating the tree over the weekend
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

I had a lot of fun decorating Mrs Ape's face over the weekend.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Textbook.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:50, Reply)

Your face painting skills are truly exceptional, I just felt bad my wife was in the queue before your kids

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I don't get people who beat their own kids, you wouldn't exactly key your own car.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:55, Reply)

I once drove my own car into a wall.
Does that count?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:00, Reply)

did your tit flop onto the accelerator?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:02, Reply)

: (

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:03, Reply)

if it's any consoltion i felt bad writing it and then almost deleted it, then I thought the lols out weighed the meaness

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:04, Reply)

I rest them on my knees anyway.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:06, Reply)

rest lift
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:07, Reply)

lol tit meaness knees
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

POTD

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:04, Reply)

at least I can see over the steering wheel.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:05, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=mole+man+driving&hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=848&bih=320&tbm=isch&tbnid=cM_xTSW2V2vyXM:&imgrefurl=http://community.evo.co.uk/forums/thread.cfm%3FthreadID%3D89207%26startRow%3D20&docid=N7GWNhTSoQIVVM&imgurl=http://www.walldesk.com.br/pdp/1024/23/03/Os%252520Simpsons/The.Simpsons.34.jpg&w=1024&h=768&ei=tXm8UP67KoWI0AXvqYGQBg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=94&sig=104316963610146052288&page=1&tbnh=162&tbnw=258&start=0&ndsp=3&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0,i:93&tx=129&ty=122
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:06, Reply)

I am sending one b3tan a small token gift this year.
I am sending b3tans christmas cards this year. If you want one Gaz me your address and I shall send it out.

I am more smug because I managed to convince my wife to do all the christmas shopping including her own gift. I have bought exactly zero Christmas presents this year. In fact sending a single b3tan a small package is all the effort I am having to go to. More effort for some wanker off the internet than for my own children.
( Peej, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:41, Reply)

Why would anyone want to unwrap battered on Christmas morning?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

This gift that I am sending though slightly larger than Battered
is infinitely better
( Peej, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:53, Reply)

is it battered's severed head stiched onto the body of a daschund?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:54, Reply)

I said slightly bigger
not 10 times bigger
( Peej, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Lovely.
A new office chair.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:42, Reply)

does it do that hissing thing?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Yes, but it doesn't do that pre-cum thing.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:47, Reply)

of course it fucking doesn't nakers,
Come on.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:48, Reply)

sad times windy, sad times

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:49, Reply)

THE CHAIR ISN'T FOR YOU!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:02, Reply)

does it float?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:02, Reply)

They all float down here...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I can't tell if my brain is dead,
or nakers is being obtuse.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:22, Reply)

are you calling me fat?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:23, Reply)

There is nothing intentional about Nakers' obtusity.
His brain is dead.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:26, Reply)

cool.
glad it's not me.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I would get some self-awareness for Britass as he badly needs some.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:57, Reply)

he had a QOTW spack out...I think he might be on meth

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 9:58, Reply)

I do hope so.
That might mean he sells his computer and phone for drugs, do us all a favour.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Is that why i keep recieving small packets of white powder in the post from you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Fucks sake Nakers, just get on with eating that anthrax will you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

*noms*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Alright Monty?

( Peej, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:00, Reply)

Yo Phil. YO.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:08, Reply)

sexy self-awareness

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:09, Reply)

hahahaha
First time today I have not been in a massive shit. Good work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:10, Reply)

in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:12, Reply)

sexy shit?
fuck that was funny. i lol'd for most of saturday remembering lusty's dance.

that and "sexy toddler". most inappropriate of all teh sexys.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Was friday night some sort of peado ring get together?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:14, Reply)

Yes. What of it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:24, Reply)

We had nommy snacks
evilcakehead.com/2012/11/29/hyper-realistic-solid-chocolate-baby-heads-must-see/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Relatively good weekend, thank you very much for asking.
I have the grand total of two xmas presents. I may need to get on that soon.

I would buy Monty the latest Now... album. Or a subscription to Empire magazine.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:03, Reply)

Now Thats What I Call Music 1972

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Now that's what i call poverty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Anybody's company looking for a techie?
I come fully house trained with only an occasional propensity to bite. Also: foul temper.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Been fired?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

lol

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

oh no Kronely got fired :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:13, Reply)

No, but I'm in a foul fucking temper with it due to various reasons.

( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:15, Reply)

well ignore them and help me with my networking issue instead

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Very much so, but in Newcastle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:19, Reply)

It's got to be at least as "nice" as Slough
I don't know I've only been to Jesmond
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:20, Reply)

how about haiti?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

He isn't Wyclef Jean
...and he'd back back now anyway
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Back back?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Is the boss likely to call me a liar?
Because I'm very fond of that.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:27, Reply)

No, but he will call you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Yeh we are, but we're looking for a good techie.

( Peej, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:20, Reply)

kroney will be on strike all the time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:23, Reply)

shit weekend. been sick the whole time.
I got into the labs this morning and got sent back home straight away so I wouldn't contaminate any samples. I also had to call in sick to work.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:17, Reply)

have you been bitten by a spider?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:18, Reply)

nope.
just got a massive cold
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Aussie's are really pathetic when it comes to colds
it's like kryptonite to you lot
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:33, Reply)

"Oh no! 11 degrees C! *sniffles*"

( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:36, Reply)

You work for The Prodigy?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:26, Reply)

This is a *hilarious* 'samples' joke, you idiots.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:30, Reply)

i got it... I'm gonna be honest, it wasn't all "that"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah good thread this.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Yeah boyee.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 10:57, Reply)

hi chompy, did you play any video games or drink any homebrew over the weekend?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Yes I did both.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:13, Reply)

the thread is saved!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:13, Reply)

fuck it, dun a new one

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Mine was pretty medicore...
I attempted shopping but got annoyed by people and ended up doing it online.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:16, Reply)