i have 2-3 hours of e-learnin to do including anti-bribery, secruity and code of business conduct
what bullshit does work deal up for you?

alt: do you say "only x more sleeps until y" because if you do I urge you to throw yourself off the nearest building. Phrases that annoy you.

Altalt: food you fat fucks
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:15, 102 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I got my formal consultation documents in on saturday.
I've got to reapply for my own job in January. I'll be the only applicant, the only one with experience. Such a waste of time.

alt: When I worked with people in India they often said "please do the needful"
(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:17, Reply)

and then they're gonna fire you anyway...bad times
alt: racist
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:19, Reply)

And what did that mean?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:19, Reply)

They generally meant "do it please" but they seemed to put it at random at the bottom of their emails.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:21, Reply)

They often seem to sprinkle "please revert" in there too, seemingly without knowing what it means.

( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:23, Reply)

I love our guys in India, they are so accomodating and hard working, even though it's the middle of the night for them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:24, Reply)

The women are more efficient though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:25, Reply)

That's a korean dance craze isn't it?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:24, Reply)

That "more sleeps" thing irritates me beyond, and probably without, reason.

( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:19, Reply)

just add "dot com" to the end of it to trigger a murderous rampage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:20, Reply)

I'm so tired dot com lol

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:21, Reply)

I am confused DOT COM
This is an actual website as well so it works really well!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:22, Reply)

There is one person on my Facebook that does all of these things
as well as spamming my news feed with countless pictures of her ugly baby.

I may well give her the ultimate insult and remove her from my friends list.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Instead of deleting her, why not mount a campaign to see how many inappropriate comments on her pictures it would take for her to delete you?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:26, Reply)

A single "would" under any child picture is enough in my experience.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Or expressing an opinion one way or the other on breastfeeding in public will cause half of the mothers to delet you.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:28, Reply)

I like breasts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:33, Reply)

Only [365 x 15] sleeps till I get laid

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Only 3 more threads until tuesday.com!

( Peej, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Generally I don't have to bother with work bullshit as we are a small company and don't have time for such nonsense.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:22, Reply)

I thought you worked for Solihull council?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:22, Reply)

I deal with grant applications for lower-middle class families in Solihull to purchase essentials, such as tofu, yoghurt and Mbira lessons for little Tarquin and Jocasta.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Fuck off do you have people like that in Solihull.

( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Solihull is pretty much entirely people like that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:30, Reply)

They are displaying dozer-levels of self-awareness, then.

( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Is that for RBS?
I worked for them not so long ago and that E Learning thing did my napper in!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:28, Reply)

nah...I think most large companies are movin that way, more efficient innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Aye that was a bit of a prickish answer. Im not awake yet.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Alt: no
I am in a FOUL mood today.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:30, Reply)

smelling river?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:31, Reply)

.com

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Well I'm trying to give up smoking so I bet I'm worse.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:31, Reply)

don't try, just do it
which sounds prickish, but what i mean is you'llonly succeed if you really want to. Not because you feel you should or your misses wants you to.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:36, Reply)

I'm doing it to save money. not because anyone's asking me to.
I've made a little spreadsheet of savings that may encourage me.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:39, Reply)

I've managed that on my 4th attempt. Good few months now.
Keep at it. The worst is when you're drunk and have people smoking around you but you just have to change your mindset.

It's amazing how your tastebuds return!

Good luck!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:41, Reply)

i can have the odd ciggie when I've been drinking and enjoy it
then not crave one during the day at all. "5 years clean"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:43, Reply)

With a little more information entered into the spreadsheet you might be able to work out a way to afford continuing to smoke.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Easy not going to vegas next year for a wedding would mean I could smoke 3 times as much.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:43, Reply)

It's hell for a couple of weeks
but after that it gets easier. It doesn't take long before you have a smoke and it makes you feel sick again.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:47, Reply)

nicotene is metabolished out in hardly any time at all
cravings after that are purely psycological
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

I tried smoking at the weekend because I still get the psychological pangs when on beers
Made me feel fucking terrible. Winfail.
( Kroney, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

bender

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:55, Reply)

Vegas sounds horrible.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

.COM

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:30, Reply)

com.com

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:31, Reply)

com.com
DOT COM!!!11!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:43, Reply)

;-(

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:33, Reply)

what's up bbz? Evil ex?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:35, Reply)

That is merely first amongst the things fucking me off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:41, Reply)

This is good
xkcd.com/1133/
(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Could do with simplifying a little for Nakers.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:40, Reply)

i saw that, combined with the 20th anniversary fo text messaging today and we are headed back towards grunts and whistles!
Someone once asked me why a sign said "do not alight here", they suggested it should read "do not get off here" i said it means the same thing, they said it was stupid. i said they were stupid.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:41, Reply)

You're 'alight' wanker, aren't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Nope
A fairly heavy one, I'll wager
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:44, Reply)

PS they were indeed stupid

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:44, Reply)

but also correct.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:44, Reply)

So you think the sign meant
'do not be on fire here'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Is the Psychochomp posting here the real psychochomp or a pretend psychochomp?
I got confused with all the name stealing that happened a little while back.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:46, Reply)

ITS ALL YOURE FAULT STOP STEALING EVERONES NAMES AL!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Real me Alvin

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Phew.
How are you?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

My current mental classification is: #hungry#

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:50, Reply)

Did you announce this on twitter?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:51, Reply)

I don't even own a twitter :(((

(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Oh sad face.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)

IT'S ALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:48, Reply)

I'm totally gonna unfriend you for that

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

It's only fair that you do.
Sorry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:51, Reply)

I heard you taught your daughter to "cut" Tom Sawyer at the weekend.
Were you the happiest you've ever been?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Pretty much.
The best thing about it is that she asked me to teach her, I've no idea where she learnt about it but I've never mentioned it to her. Mind you she did say 'desks' rather than 'decks' so I punched her stupid face in.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:06, Reply)

You missed Vippers popping in for a little reminisce about Unfriendgate the other day

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:51, Reply)

I'm truly heartbroken
I noticed the Kitty the sacked emancipated empowered pole dancing slut was here too.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:53, Reply)

her a nd battered inter-fucked

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)

She ran away after Battered pulled her pigtails and tried to kiss her.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)

He's such a filthy rapist.
He's almost as bad as Captain Placid
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:56, Reply)

You know what annoys me?
The new EE adverst with Kevin Bacon, he's advertising a product in England (fuck off you dirty scots and welsh I don't fucking care about you, come back when you can beat the All Blacks) and yet he doesn't say "Mobile" to rhyme with "crocodile", he says it to rhymne with "Kim Jong Ill".

What a cunt eh? Eh? EH!?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Is this a very, very rare example of someone on the internet disapproving of bacon?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:08, Reply)

A constant stream of idiot users who cannot read or use computers
Alt:
Any "office bullshit". Think outside the box, blue sky thinking, fucking crap like that

AltAlt:
I'm fucking starving. A visit to Sainsburys awaits
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Why is it that everybody on here seems in a foul mood?
Personally I’m having a great Monday
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)

What have you done that made it so great?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:02, Reply)

I'm alive Nuff said

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:05, Reply)

That is why everybody else seems in a foul mood.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Good point

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Does anyone know what to do with sausisson apart from eat it with bread and cheese.
My dad just brought me back loads from france.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Eat it in it's own.
Or cook it in things like you would wit a chorizo.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:52, Reply)

I think eating it staright up is your best bet
or maybe in a salad, I wouldn't cook it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)

You can cook it.
So fuck you.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:54, Reply)

i didn't say you couldn't, i said I wouldn't

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:55, Reply)

I said fuck you "naked ape" or whatever your real name is.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:56, Reply)

It's nice to have you back al

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:57, Reply)

It's nice to be back nakers
Unless of course I'm confusing "nice" with "Oh my god you're a bent spastic". Which I think I probably am.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:57, Reply)

I'm gonna smite you, SMITE YOU GOOD!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 11:58, Reply)

I haven't been able to eat much the last few days.
Had a fucking MASSIVE tub of jelly yesterday though. that was yummy.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:03, Reply)

you have a cold and can't eat?q
How do you people survive the spiders, snakes, flesh eating giant birds only to be floored by a nasty ickle cold?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:06, Reply)

oh it's normal for me, I lose my appetite when I'm not well.
the birds and snakes don't bother me, only the spiders do.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:11, Reply)

eating will help your body to fight the infection

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:11, Reply)

What about MOTHS?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:18, Reply)

What's wrong with you?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:10, Reply)

she has a cold. But It's an australian cold so is similar to the final stages of an ebola infection

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:11, Reply)

pretty much yeah!

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 3 Dec 2012, 12:59, Reply)