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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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We’re all here to skive so how about thread No. 5
So this is supposed to be a hoax I really wish it was true
metro.co.uk/2012/12/13/brighton-christmas-lights-video-of-rude-bulbs-goes-viral-3315259/

Alt: Brittas is having his staff Christmas party as we speak (I think), what’s the most twattish thing you’ve done at a staff do? Or seen done?

Alt:Alt: Nakers get back to Manchester airport I lolled at this because it features two of O/T’s names
metro.co.uk/2012/12/14/pranksters-steal-jesus-from-nativity-scene-at-manchester-airport-3316754/
When did you last laugh out loud at an inopportune time?
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:50, 125 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Alt: heroic amounts of drugs, making it essential that I leave immediately without eating

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:53, Reply)
You?
Get away you never did?
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:54, Reply)
It's hard to believe, I know, but I fucking did and that's the honest truth.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)
I've just a first press of your media interview

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Proper fucking lol here
'Elec-trickery!'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:57, Reply)
I guessed it was false, seemed too good to be true
Alt: Fortunately, the worst thing I've done is fall asleep at one.

AltAlt: Reading this
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Hahahaha
NSFW
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:06, Reply)
The John Major one is witty.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
I cracked up at the Tebbit one.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:12, Reply)
complained
about the onion rings tasting fishy, before realising it was because I'd just fingered a colleague.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:58, Reply)
Hahahahah that is vile.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
they were calamari

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
in her minge

(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
this sounded exactly like the in-betweeners
as sung to the tune of "carli's fanny in your face"
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)
Fucking hell, that's nasty.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
And we're back to "I fingered.............."

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:00, Reply)
I once fingered two birds in one night, one straight after the other
ealth and safety gone mad
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)
Two in the hand is worth one in Kate Bush, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:05, Reply)
stay classy, /OT

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:03, Reply)
i am deeply offended that you think i am dim enough not to know what plantain looks like!
however, when it is sliced and deep fried in batter, and served with fish, it looks like potato wedges.

it is not.

it is rank.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 14:59, Reply)
Sorry Swipey Didn't mean it come across that way.
Plantain's are ok if you know what to do with them. Boiled is best with fried dumplings ackiee and saltfish
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:04, Reply)
what the fuck are you on about?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:05, Reply)
Apparently the plaintains tasted fishy.
She had a right old whinge and then abruptly shut up, looking sheepish.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:06, Reply)
was that because she'd just fingered someone?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:07, Reply)
"served with fish"
That's all I'm saying.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:08, Reply)
I once got a bit drunk at a staff do in this Cantonese restaurant.
They had them revolving glass bits in the middle of the table, I thought I would show off my prowess at scratching, only to knock a bottle of lychee wine all down the front of the bosses wife dress, she fucking hated me from then on :(
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:01, Reply)
add her to the list eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:02, Reply)
Damn straight and I'm checking it twice

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:05, Reply)
HOLY SHIT ?!?!!? LYCHEE WINE !??!?!!

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:03, Reply)
It was fucking awful stuff as I remember
I was about 18 at the time and would have probably drank most alcohol based drink, but not that stuff
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:26, Reply)
shagging one of my PhD students at a christmas party was fairly twattish
It was quite a long time ago though.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:06, Reply)
I've done absolutely nothing to be ashamed of at any Christmas party.
I am the very soul of propriety.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:07, Reply)
plenty of time to rectify that tonight.
I recommend being caught up to the back wheels in the bosses wife.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:08, Reply)
She tried it on with me before they got married.
She was all "so I hear you get flirty when you've been drinking. Why haven't you been flirting with me, hmm?" *sly look*

"Er, because you're with my fucking boss who's stood right behind...Hi John."
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:11, Reply)
pussy

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:12, Reply)
I like being employed.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Well, in that case, he probably assumes you shagged her
so get in there. might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:13, Reply)
That was four years ago.
I reckon I'm safe now. Plus she's had a kid so it'd be like trying to unblock a drainpipe with a coathanger.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:14, Reply)
poor Kroney and his "petite pois"

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:15, Reply)
Yeah, it's lucky I have a tiny cock otherwise they'd look all weird and unbalanced.
Dodged a bullet there!
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:16, Reply)
I heard that you went to strike the CEO when he told you to surrender your seat for his wife
so you removed your trousers and took a steaming dump on the chair and ran away laughing manically
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:09, Reply)
Done: Fucked the technical author
Seen:
Fell asleep on the bog, door open, pants down
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:18, Reply)
I can't believe you found the technical author passed out on the bog and you then had sex with him

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:19, Reply)
He was winking at me

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:20, Reply)
Haha, god

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:21, Reply)
yes?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:22, Reply)
Not you, ask your Da

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:23, Reply)
we are one, father, son and holy spirit
although i think i left some holy spirit in your mums hair
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:23, Reply)
She's bald, you heartless onmipotent being

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:24, Reply)
it was her anal beard

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Parting her dreadlock red sea

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:26, Reply)
no doubt you blamed in on some archangel.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
Poor Gabriel, his sex offenders list is as long as my omnipotent penis

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:26, Reply)
Back in the early 90's I was on a bus to Bristol
The book I was reading at the time was “Fear and loathing in Las Vegas” by Hunter S Thompson (but you knew that didn’t you). I spent most of the two or so hours laughing away, people must have thought I was a right nutter. Never read a book since that made me laugh out loud.
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:21, Reply)
As your attorney I advise you to read it again

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:23, Reply)
OMG a talking crocodile

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:25, Reply)
this is good...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:32, Reply)
I am so bored with the powerpoint presentation I am supposed to be working on that I may go to the pub and read my book.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:33, Reply)
The mrs has asked for clothes for christmas...I don't know where to start

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:34, Reply)
Socks
Then work up.

Sensible answer:
Give her a budget and hire her some kind of personal shopper for an afternoon
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:34, Reply)
they are super expensive though

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Cheap cunt

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:39, Reply)
it would cost the same as your misses ugg boots, plus the cost of the clothes on top!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
Just think of the oak flooring

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)
*turgids*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:45, Reply)
By purchasing gift vouchers.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
she HATES shopping, hence how we got here in the first place

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
online shopping, paid for with gift vouchers.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:36, Reply)
she hates online shopping as well
i like to buy one expensive thing it's easier that way
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:37, Reply)
Tell her not to be such a lazy moany cunt and to sort herself out.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Tried that, went down well

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
A clothes shop?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:35, Reply)
Give her a budget AND DON'T let her make you go with her

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:36, Reply)
maybe I can hire one of her friends...
problem is she would get pissed off and bored after 1/2 hour
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:37, Reply)
I did my shopping on Weds.
The girls at Boots talked me in to buying two perfumes and shit loads of soap and glory stuff (why the fuck is it so expensive?)
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:40, Reply)
because mugs like you will pay it

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:41, Reply)
This is true:(

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:48, Reply)
steady, Craig David.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:42, Reply)
Hehe

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:48, Reply)
Just remembered a good post-Christmas do for-shame moment
My boss walked into his hotel room that he was sharing to find his mate hanging out the back of the secretary - both were fast asleep mid-coitus
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:51, Reply)
what did he do?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:51, Reply)
Left them to it and slept in another room

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:54, Reply)
i bet he had a quick danger wank

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:56, Reply)
Who wouldn't have done?
Afternoon all.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 15:58, Reply)
Hi B3th, had a nice Birthday?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:00, Reply)
Apart from Monty's horrendous bullying, yes I have, thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:01, Reply)
x x x x

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:32, Reply)
They have all flounced
Monty
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:33, Reply)
Can you blame us?
He's an awful cad.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:39, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAH
Come here b3th time for BUMPS all 39 of them
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:41, Reply)
I say, bit rum of you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:43, Reply)
Rum?
Sounds like a good idea.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:49, Reply)
I fackin love golden rum
Sadly I favour the Mount Gay brand.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:14, Reply)
happy birthday to b3th happy birthday to b3th
etc
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:53, Reply)
Eve's Cavy
I think most of them have fucked off home
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:54, Reply)
i assume so
how are you mr hh
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:56, Reply)
Happy birthday missy

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:01, Reply)
She is quite cheeky
He is not

Just spunk in her hair then leave
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:00, Reply)
There was this Christmas do at Leamington Spa,
those of us not from there stopped at a hotel and one of the girls who was quite drunk got out of bed thinking she was at home and went out the room for a pee starker’s, locking herself out of her room, I bet the night porter still has a copy off the video to this day (PS she looked like a blonde version of Kelly Brook with same chest size).
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:03, Reply)
Yeah, this absolutely happened.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:10, Reply)
It did I was fast asleep and saw nothing though :(

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:11, Reply)
Unfortunately the little copse of trees at the top of JIMMY FUCKING HILL
blocked your view, more like.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:13, Reply)
?

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:27, Reply)
And when you woke you from this your mum had left a cup of tea beside the bed.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:25, Reply)
I think if I was going to make up stuff, I would have been more inventive than this.

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:31, Reply)
an admin supoort girl
It's my party tonight as well wooooooo
(PsychoChomp, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 16:57, Reply)
Good luck at Bewleys.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:03, Reply)
swipe is admin support?
Wow.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:35, Reply)
My brother, right, SWEARS DOWN that the new Jack Daniel's Honey is well lush.
I say this sounds highly suspect.

Can anyone confirm or deny his frankly ludicrous claim?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:11, Reply)
My brother claims to have made mulled Berocca this evening

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:13, Reply)
You brother sounds a touch on the wacqqquie side

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:14, Reply)
i think it's more that
poor decision making skills run in my family.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:32, Reply)
Sounds horrible.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:19, Reply)
Precisely.
I have to say though, Lusty's mate gave us a bottle of Canadian maple whisky liqueur which I would have sworn was going to be foul and it was delicious and gone in a couple of days for that reason. Kept in the freezer.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:25, Reply)
In other news, seen EMV's latest post yet?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:27, Reply)
Love that guy

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:34, Reply)
I am very concerned about Whitby New Town Leisure Centre. Who is cleaning the turds out of the pool this afternoon?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:38, Reply)
I like ameretto and glava and southern comfort, so I reckon I'd like that.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:39, Reply)
Slightly chilled amoretto can be very nice, albeit rather sickly after two.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:41, Reply)
Yup, I had a flatmate who eventually would have a whole bottle and not get pissed.
I quite like i with coke too.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 17:48, Reply)
wankoids.
Half cut, suave, chicks dig me. Yet to eat.

Wankas!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:34, Reply)
+ HIC

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 18:53, Reply)
oh man Harters
Since you learned pictures you give me a semi.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 19:09, Reply)
+ detached bedsit in York

(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 14 Dec 2012, 19:19, Reply)

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