Phillip Drummond's died.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-21057560

What sort of funeral would you want?

Alt: write a B3tan's obituary.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:55, 113 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Who?

( Kroney, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:56, Reply)

Just push me into the canal when I'm gone, I won't be there to appreciate a big funeral.
Also it'll provide a nice little puzzler for plod. Might fuck up some narrowboat cunt's day too.

Alt: No, all the obituary we need is expressed by a tiny icon.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:57, Reply)

I want to be buried at sea.
Just to give my wife something difficult to arrange; it'll keep her mind off her grief.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:06, Reply)

More fool you when it turns out to be piss easy for sea burials

( Theoban What of it, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:07, Reply)

It's not that difficult to get buried at sea, is it?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Certainly not with Battered
His wife can just drop a holdall off the side of a channel ferry.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Sack, bricks, pier - job done.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Dunno, probably a bit more to it that simply phoning the local Co-op funeral parlour.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

www.funeralinspirations.co.uk/information/Burial-at-Sea.html
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:20, Reply)

1) Fall in water
2) Wait

nah, should be simple enough
( Theoban What of it, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

You just gotta fly a couple of planes into some buildings

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Like the Vikings?
Off to Valhalla where raping and pillaging is encouraged.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Here lies Monty Boyce
Fingers crossed he gets buried as there could be some "fume" issues with cremation
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:57, Reply)

A maypole dancing themed funeral.

Alt: Cunt Died.
( Ken Oath, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:59, Reply)

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Battered?
/obvious reply.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 12:59, Reply)

Saved me from typing it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:02, Reply)

Well known Bethnal Green vagrant Monty Boyce died of a drink & drugs overdose yesterday, aged 39.

Boyce, who had battled with dependency issues since his early teens, leaves behind a young daughter and about £80k of debt.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:01, Reply)

Well this is cheery.

( wanderlust, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:09, Reply)

Serves him right for spending his £350 on drink and drugs instead of taking you out.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

haha.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Just like Christmas and my birthday then :(

( wanderlust, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Steady, you'll make Gonz think he's in with a chance again.
And who wouldn't choose Hollyoaks and hand-holding over massive drugs and booze?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Ok Gonz, she's vulnerable now - go on son.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

would you like your mindpiss chilled or room temperature, sir?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Room temperature, please.
I want to enjoy the full flavour.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:18, Reply)

*bibbles*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:28, Reply)

Haha, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:22, Reply)

Don't worry, when the time comes Lusty, Gonz will take care of you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Do I have a choice in this?

( wanderlust, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Doesn't seem that way.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

In days gone by, the brother would take on the duties of looking after his dead brother's missus.
Whether Monty's brother would be looking after Lusty or Stunned in this case is for the courts to decide.
( Kroney, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

Oh, I say, that's a 9.8 from the Albanian judge
almost flawless.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

POTD

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

Hahaha.
I have a feeling Stunned would need more looking after than I would.
( wanderlust, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Innit. I'd be able to hear his pathetic bleating from here.

( Kroney, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:30, Reply)

When you die, someone could simply seal the door to your cellar and job done

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

Won't they just burn his body on the doorstep of the local council?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Yours
Someone was bound to type this
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Part of me wants people to be mourning terribly, the fuckers outlived me, after all.
They'd be crying at the knowledge that they just moved one place closer to being the shittest person on Earth. Just imagine how upset they'll be when Ape dies, and the number 1 spot comes open again.

Whilst I like the idea off having a more cheerful sending off, I'd probably have a standard funeral.

Alt: Darth Foxtrot - Buried with his arse in the air. You know why.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

because he's an ostrich?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Because he's a bike-park

( Kroney, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

I would like a full traditional New Orleans funeral.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jazz_funeral
Ideally I'd like to still be alive to enjoy it as well.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Like in Live and Let Die?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Well done
Have a click
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:14, Reply)

Yes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Top 3 Bond film that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Thanks "Alan Partridge"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:28, Reply)

I would like to be stuffed and mounted
But enough of my personal life, I havent really thought about a funeral
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Ha, I told my wife to do this.
Ideally positioned seated on the sofa as a constant reminder.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

with a disapproving look on your face
just in case she brings a new fella in
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:42, Reply)

I 100% couldn't give a fuck as I'll be dead
Literally the cheapest way of disposing of this cow is fine by me. I'd like people to go for a pint afterwards though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

Tesco Value burgers it is, then.

( Kroney, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:22, Reply)

sportshorse at your service

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

I would like to be encased in a life size bronze statue of myself and erected on top of the 4th plinth in traflager square for all time

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:28, Reply)

would like to be encased in a life size bronze statue of myself and erected on top of the 4th plinth in traflager square for all time am a bent spastic.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

Nice to see this making a come back

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:32, Reply)

I'd like this to happen to you too.
Only before you die.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

I'd like the pupils to be left open so I could peer out from beyond the grave

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:32, Reply)

Alt: Previous thread regarding this
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

*shrugs*

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:30, Reply)

Yeah, there's only really Monty and Batteredgonecrazy left from that thread though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

what's happened to battered?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

Nothing.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

I see

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

Wasn't this Batso?
lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

I forgot to take my token for a free twix out at lunchtime
now i don't have a free twix, which is shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

In a necrophilia trial for the entire [legal] female cast of hollyoaks.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

FFS Gonz.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:35, Reply)

he's a strange one that boy

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

I heard that Phillip Drummond died
Following two distinct heart detects.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:40, Reply)

I used to love that TV show 'Contrary transient ischaemic attacks'

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:42, Reply)

In a similar vein
How would you like to shuffle off this mortal coil.

I often think that at the point if the little death would be the best... Maybe not for her/ him/ it though.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:45, Reply)

In my sleep, aged 130.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:48, Reply)

+ from a heart attack after a coke and hooker party

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:52, Reply)

By attaching four corners of a trampoline to 4 different helecopters, getting the helecopters to fly up as high as they can go....
Then me pouring a 1kg bag of lubricant all over the trampoline, and then having really vigorious lubed up trampoline sex with 4 girls on the flying trampline at the same time.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:52, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1833617
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

You gotta admit, it'd be fun.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:55, Reply)

maybe you should start with just normal sex in a bed?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:54, Reply)

In the back of Kylie Minogue, Aged 38

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:52, Reply)

Via the heat-death of the universe
If I have to go I'm taking the rest of you cunts with me.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

My ADSL cable has arrived \o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:47, Reply)

I can't wait to find out how you manage to fuck it up next.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:47, Reply)

You won't have to wait long.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:48, Reply)

The cable was too long so I cut it in half, now the end doesn't fit in.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:51, Reply)

I'm wondering if it's too short actually...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:51, Reply)

You know that when you buy cables it clearly states the length of them right?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:52, Reply)

yeah, i got 20 metres, I just hope that's enough

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

Obviously it is to plug his ukelele into the router

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

I'm recording a new dial up sound for BT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:55, Reply)

wondering if it's too short actually... a bent spastic
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

plug both ends in to different places. The right places. done.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:51, Reply)

Yes, but this is Nakers we're talking about. He can't even remember to blink with out a reminder.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

SO ITCHY

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:53, Reply)

Make sure you get the ends the right way round.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:54, Reply)

these ones look the same at both ends...
is the wire unidirectional?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:55, Reply)

As long as one end is higher than the other you are fine

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:56, Reply)

yup, gravity aids the electron flow.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:07, Reply)

Yup, I'd do that too, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:58, Reply)

I'd like a funeral where all my friends get horrible food poisoning.
Alt: Un identifiable lump of flesh found fused to high end gaming rig. Might have been here for weeks.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:50, Reply)

So Kronely :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:51, Reply)

Here lies a b3tan through and through
Ignore 2.0'd from this veil of tears

May he shoap in peace.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:56, Reply)

shoap?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:57, Reply)

Its a comination of 'shop and soap
assuming the internet_autist was most likely a soap dodging shut in when alive
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Thank you kindly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:00, Reply)

not a problem
Is this thread in preparation for the eventuality that the ginger fuhrer will have to have a state funeral ?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:02, Reply)

Seems Monty's brother is moving into the export business
Shipment of 18 human heads found at Chicago's O'Hare airport
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 17 Jan 2013, 14:04, Reply)