HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE
My ex has agreed in principle to my kid staying over at mine for the first time ever on Thurs April 11th, conditional on points agreed at a proposed meeting on Apr 6th.

This is a major, major turn of events for me which I appreciate fully no-one else gives a toss about. As you were.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:46, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Nice one.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:46, Reply)

I found a bunk bed in my loft if you'd like it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:47, Reply)

By that I mean; "clean my loft for scrap"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:47, Reply)

Hahah
I've a sofabed in my sitting room but ta
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:49, Reply)

After M-day
Somebody may have a spare Futon
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:50, Reply)

Two spare single bed foutons tied together with rope.
Which is what I've been sleeping on for a fucking month.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:53, Reply)

Futons are shit beds and shit sofas or WTN

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:55, Reply)

There is nothing sinister about Chompy, girls!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:50, Reply)

Good Luck

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:47, Reply)

Thank you Locus213, I'm 'meid opp' as they say in 'Liverpewl'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:50, Reply)

It's a trick
Make sure you take your gum sheild with you
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:48, Reply)

Any idea what the conditions are?
1. Bartleby must not be present.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:50, Reply)

She says I shall be given notice of her concerns
but previous meetings indicate they are petty stuff like 'clean bedding' and 'make sure she brushes her teeth' - proper idiot stuff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:58, Reply)

Piece of cake then.
Good luck.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:01, Reply)

this is excellent news Boycington.
Unless of course the terms are wildly unreasonable.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:52, Reply)

this^^
hoping that they're not unreasonable.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:55, Reply)

^^ Precisely this.
Fingers crossed Monty.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:44, Reply)

I like this.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:54, Reply)

Hope she gets hit by a lorry LOL

(PsychoChomp, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 8:56, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:00, Reply)

Do you think there's a possibility that Kenny may have murdered PurpleDoris' grandmother?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Who have you been upsetting?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:10, Reply)

What me? I never do.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:13, Reply)

nothing would surprise me about that villain

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Going out on a limb here
I am going to bet that the 6th of April meeting is postponed due to ill health.

*bursting bubbles since 1974*
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:04, Reply)

The thought had occurred to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:05, Reply)

I am going to ring her up
and provide full details of your noncery.

WON'T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:09, Reply)

I'm bored. You've not had any relatives die recently have you?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:10, Reply)

I just got rid of a very close friend in the lav.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:11, Reply)

'Adieu, Ainsley - now swim! Swim to freedom!'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:13, Reply)

LOL

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:29, Reply)

to freedom back to Dawn
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:30, Reply)

tee hee
AWOOGA!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:42, Reply)

Can you ask her if I can come to her houseparty on the 11th please.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:30, Reply)

and i bet you expect the DWP to pay for her travel to yours
unbelievable.

Good news though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:32, Reply)

My head hurts reading this

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:33, Reply)

why?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:35, Reply)

Ninja

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:36, Reply)

no I'm not.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:37, Reply)

ha ha
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1904357
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:37, Reply)

hahaha!
Wha?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:37, Reply)

I love this gif
Perfect for hangover sufferers
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:39, Reply)

I want an egg sarnie

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Me too.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:47, Reply)

that's eggcellent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:38, Reply)

That's en oeuf

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:39, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1905364
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Cracking isn't it

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Do you think he had to shell out to use it?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:42, Reply)

what "points" can your ex possibly make?
does she think you are too thick to look after a child?

must give her dinner
must clean her teeth
must put her to bed

ffs what a total tool.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Don't give her any MDs
Don't forget she's there and go on holiday.
Keep her away from the b3ta mods.
etc.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:46, Reply)

she's a stupid piece of work

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:49, Reply)

leave it out
she's only 4
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:50, Reply)

lol

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Yes, she really is that fucking stupid.
'Don't stay up with her til 5am drinking brandy and sniffing cocaine'

'OK, right you are. No brandy or drugs. I see'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:50, Reply)

Remember to take notes...then she'll see that you're taking her seriously

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:52, Reply)

...whilst actually just writing a shopping list or some of my favourite 'rap' lyrics

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)

bread
milk
massive drugs
brandy
upvc windows
tarp
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Don't mention Bread

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Don't be silly.
He's not going to buy bread again after JSAINSBURYGATE
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:55, Reply)

I'm flippin' FURIOUS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:56, Reply)

MARR

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:56, Reply)

NO brandy and drugs??
Since fucking WHEN??? Fucking Nanny state, I'm telling you.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:52, Reply)

It's George Osborne gone mad, I tell you

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)

LESS GEORGE, MORE OZZY
Actually, I'm surprised I've never heard someone shout that. That's quite good that, Imma write that down.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Is there a banner shop open near you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:57, Reply)

Ha ha That reminded me of this
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1902583
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:58, Reply)

I'm banners mad, me!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:59, Reply)

We only have 6
I don't live in the banner district
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 10:03, Reply)

You know how these different fads in parenting guidelines come and go.
Sometimes you just have to trust your instincts.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:54, Reply)

The government doesn't know how much brandy and drugs I can take before I'm incapable
Only I know how much brandy and drugs I can take before I'm incapable
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:55, Reply)

I actually parent better when I'm off my face.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:57, Reply)

My punches are more likely to be wide of the mark when I've been up for 4 days on meth.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:58, Reply)

You know what, I have yet to discover my 'tipping point' when it comes to brandy and drugs.
I'm starting to wonder if the whole thing isn't just government scaremongering.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 9:58, Reply)

it's all about control innit
more issues than the middle east that one.

i hope your kid is so over-excited at getting to stay with you, and i hope it's like a knife in her gut realising it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 10:08, Reply)