b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Off Topic » Post 1919350 | Search
This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

« Go Back | Popular

Turns out that Paulo Di Canio wasn't sieg heiling he was telling the bus to stop.
What else have you misunderstood?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:07, 186 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
who

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:09, Reply)
It's bigger on the inside hth

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:17, Reply)
I always preferred him to Bruce Dickinson anyway.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:12, Reply)
He's no Blaze Bailey

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:13, Reply)
up yours

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Up mine?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:14, Reply)
right up it

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:15, Reply)
I am deeply ashamed to get this

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Me too

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:25, Reply)
You too?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:25, Reply)
me as well :'(

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Yoo hoo!!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Hello duckie!
*minces like a sissy*
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
I thought she was saying good luck, she was saying goodbye

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:13, Reply)
I've just heard Dinosaur Jr's version of that.
It sounds like a Dinosaur Jr song.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:22, Reply)
aka 'shit'
I am deeply suspicious of anyone who shares Jonathan King's taste in spectacles
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:25, Reply)
idiot

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:30, Reply)
Wales

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:30, Reply)
tidy!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:32, Reply)
I love Dinosaur Jr.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:29, Reply)
this is for you
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgiDcJi534Y
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
thanks Frank.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:33, Reply)
up yours crippledick

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:34, Reply)
Meh.
I saw them once, they were dull.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
J Mascis is an excellent guitarist.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
Excellent at sub-Sonic Youth waqqui tunings, maybe.
TBH you can be as excellent at the guitar as you like - if your records are shit and you are dull live I don't care. It's called 'Yngwie Malmsteen Syndrome'.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
*cough* Dave Brock *cough*

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
Where?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:45, Reply)
I saw one of his Rising Force albums in a charity shop the other day
It did make me chuckle
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
I AM A VIKING

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:44, Reply)
He hates doughnuts apparently
Like, REALLY hates them.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Really? I like him now.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:47, Reply)
He's a peculiar man

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:50, Reply)
he's like if Ritchie Blackmore looked like a girl and didn't like doughnuts and was really really shit

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:47, Reply)
Yes

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:48, Reply)
This assumes that Ritchie Blackmore ISN'T really really shit.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:49, Reply)
give him his due, he's promised to kill David Coverdale

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:51, Reply)
He's taking his fucking time about it.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:51, Reply)
Watch this
And when it's finished, try to think who you'd like to kill more...Coverdale, Roth, or yourself.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Olk8rZmlhY4
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:55, Reply)
Oh my.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:57, Reply)
I'm sorry you had to see that, Monts

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:59, Reply)
I've really gone off you now.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:15, Reply)
Perhaps this will help
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5uDozoSSM
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Coverdale, mainly because I paid money to watch his idiot antics when I was 16 and I still resent every fucking penny of it

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:01, Reply)
I respect your decision Frank
but I would never tire of kicking David Lee Roth in the face.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:09, Reply)
How long do you think it would take to get rid of that 'high on life, clean-living and Jesus' expression off his face?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:12, Reply)
I would LOVE to find that out for myself, with a claw hammer.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:15, Reply)
A week
Just to be sure
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:18, Reply)
he pretended the mic stand was his willy and did crotch thrusts, I'm entitled to a fucking refund

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:15, Reply)
:o(

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:16, Reply)
I like his quasi-medieval outfit 'Blackmore's Knight'.


No, hang on. The other one. 'Laugh hysterically at the epic shitness of'.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:51, Reply)
I liked his auditioning process for the singer
let's think, who am I married to, oh ok, she's hired then

shithead
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:54, Reply)
No amount of soft-focus photography or 'shopping can conceal that fact that she's a dried-up old hag.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:56, Reply)
hang on, are we sure she's not David Coverdale in a dress?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:02, Reply)
Wha....wait a fucking minute....IT IS!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:07, Reply)
MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:08, Reply)
That picture of Blackmore in lingerie makes more sense now.
I'M SAYING HE'S A GAY!!!!
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Fucking hell, I've heard that record..
..it's actually the SOUND of patchouli oil smell and crushed velvet.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:11, Reply)
baaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaa

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
I'd do a version of it myself if I could find my cunting capo

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:30, Reply)
i can't understand anything
fucking cold has blocked my fucking ear for 3 days now and i'm all dizzy and deaf and totally fucked off with naively thinking i might be able to get an appointment for a dr to look at it.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:16, Reply)
if you do see a doctor they'll say
you have a cold, wit for it to go away. now you go away
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:17, Reply)
but the INTERNET said i might go deaf permanently if i leave it for too long
and we all know the INTERNET is always right
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:18, Reply)
yeah right, you go waste the NHS's money, that's helping everyone

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:17, Reply)
it's cunts like me who pay higher rate income tax
have no kids and never ever go to the dr that keep the fucking thing afloat in the first place :(
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:18, Reply)
I read that as "I AM RICH AND MY OVARIES HAVE SHRIVELLED UP"

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:19, Reply)
you should read it as
I COULD BE RICHER IF THERE WERE NO CUNT PEOPLE ON THE PLANET AND HOPEFULLY SOON THEY WILL HAVE DONE, HOORAH
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:19, Reply)
essentially the nhs and benefits and all that are life boats
and if you're paying higher rate tax you don't need the lifeboats, stop hogging them, you're already on a nicely floating ship
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:39, Reply)
my ship is not floating
it is pulled along by me
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
don't be thicky, it's floating fine

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:44, Reply)
basically
i should be queen. that would fix everything.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:49, Reply)
i'd be alright with that let's make this happen people

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:50, Reply)
yes!
queen rswipe.

better than queen of hearts any day.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:54, Reply)
you're gonna need to decide on a new set of robes

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:55, Reply)
only one way to go
ROYAL PINK
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:58, Reply)
but ships are obliged to have enough lifeboats for all passengers, been that way since the Titanic sank
or am I taking this analogy too far now?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
it's becoming complicated when you bring official boating legislation into it

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Hasn't your income tax just gone down?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:20, Reply)
i have no idea
i never open my pay slips
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:20, Reply)
In order to see my payslips, I have to log into a third party's website
and look at them on the internet.

As a result, I haven't seen them in over two years.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
Mine are electronic, but i've forgotten the password
I hate my P60, when it shows all the tax you spent in one year :o(
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
no it doesn't
it doesn't show you VAT or car tax or council tax...
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:50, Reply)
yeah i know that silly!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:52, Reply)
yes it has.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:30, Reply)
has mine?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:37, Reply)
no, and the higher rate threshold has moved down so you won't see the increase in the personal allowance.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
:(
I thought george was a mate
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
He was trying to help you out.
But it turns out he's a bit shit at economics.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:47, Reply)
he's my dad's MP
so i want to like him because he reminds me of home.

unfortunately he's a total twat. osborne, not my dad.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:50, Reply)
nobody owes you something just cos you got lucky

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:36, Reply)
this is exactly the attitude benefit claiments take
they got lucky being born in the UK where benefits are available, therefore they believe they are owed them.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:38, Reply)
I bet you've never even met anyone who claims benefits.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:39, Reply)
yeah, JSA is a fucking fortune.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
makes sense to live off that, you get so much money and your life is fantastic forever and it's not at all a bare minimum safety net
everyone on it has their own ten bedroom house with massive tellies and tattoos and alcohol
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
I know a girl who does akshully
she got knocked up by a prick who does nothing for their daughter except cause grief.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
i knew it!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
is it battered's wife?
/ac
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Look Monty is doing the best he can, alright.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Hiya!!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
probably heard about a guy who makes a living off them
or read one of those fake articles in the sun about it
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
no it's not
except for a few
which they'd like you to believe is everyone
so that they can get rid of the lifeboats
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
The same phrase comes out of all of them
"it's just what I'm entitled to"

My point is that the claim you make is not about the amount of money you earn, but rather, the person behind it
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
that phrase doesnt come out of all of them stop making shit up
although you're right about the second bit
probably
not entirely sure what you're trying to say
need coffee
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
*something about Boat People*

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
i wish i even had a boat!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Boat Shoe

*shrugs*
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:47, Reply)
Boat LOL?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:47, Reply)
Be thankful that it isn't Manflu.
That shit could KILL a woman.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:21, Reply)
this is a partially blocked ear
it's a million times more serious and deserving of sympathy than any kind of flu. or cancer.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:23, Reply)
what do you honestly expect a doctor to do about that other than tell you to get out of his surgery and back to bloody work you skiving git?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:26, Reply)
actually if it is the start of an ear infection tehn catching it earliy is important as the ionfection can spread into the inner parts and cos loss of hearing
she may need antifungal treatment and antibiotics
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:28, Reply)
calm down dear

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:29, Reply)
Oh man, Nakers is totally up for some chestshitting here.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
hopefully i can rim her puss filled ear as well

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
I don't think that shoving cats down your aural canal is a recognised cold symptom remedy.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:33, Reply)
those crazy chinese would give it a go

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I don't know, there could be something in this...
Swipe is allergic to cats, so shoving one down her aural canal might trigger an immune response and relieve the symptoms of her cold.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
This is exactly how medicine works.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
I make my living from woo! science
No amount of medical facts peddled by trained professionals is going to put my customers off.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:49, Reply)
it would need to be one of those japanese bonsai cats
we're talking about my delicate ear here, not your grandmother's gaping distended anus after a night down the docks
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:51, Reply)
Obviously I wouldn't shove a whole cat down.
There would be all sorts of unnecessary things in that.
I recommend a concentrated standardised extract, taken one to two times a day with food.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:54, Reply)
is this worse than throwing a whole cat at a window?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:59, Reply)
How do you think we extract the active components?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:00, Reply)
pus

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:33, Reply)
could be both

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
* pushes uneaten breakfast away. Bokes. *

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:34, Reply)
uneaten breakfast? at 10.35?
you lazy cunt
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
I can't eat for a couple of hours once I get up. Been up since 6.30. Now hungry.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:37, Reply)
yeah yeah yeah

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:39, Reply)
Wetherspoons breakfast, the pikey cunt.
Probs just been down the rock and roll office with purpledoris.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:46, Reply)
Eggs benedict in a local cafe.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:48, Reply)
i don't care if he sticks a unicorn cock down it
so long as it pops and i can hear/balance again
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:34, Reply)
yeah i just don't care soz

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:16, Reply)
Football isn't going to solve racism like it thinks it can unless we stop this sort of thing.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:17, Reply)
shut it you white choc ice

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:17, Reply)
Careful now

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:18, Reply)
You fuckin coconut

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:27, Reply)
What?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:27, Reply)
Sport.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Sounds bent.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Well bent.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:37, Reply)
Oh.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:38, Reply)
this is funny because my brother was looking at something on my phone when you texted yesterday
who's "immediately obvious pun on your name" ? he asked. "which team does he follow?"

i explained to dad and brother that you do not do football, or indeed any kind of sport. i ended up saying, "leave him alone, he's french."
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:53, Reply)
Turns out football is shit, gay and for cunts.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:27, Reply)
true

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:29, Reply)
'I'm a fascist, not a racist'.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:31, Reply)
100% correct.
Disclaimer: on this matter only. Agreement with your statement does not infer agreement with anything else you may say or write.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:36, Reply)
There's obviously a one cunt in/one cunt out rule in English football management
Fascist arrives, Warnock leaves
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:32, Reply)
how was your wander round Leeds with AA?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
Very nice indeed cheers
That Nation of Shopkeepers place is very nice, and they enjoy a laugh. Β£4.69 for a pint? Hilarious.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:38, Reply)
you can buy a house in york for that
comes with a free hamster
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
nowhere near.
York's property market is booming again.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Nobody cares.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:49, Reply)
TTJ

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:51, Reply)
it is nice
But expensive. Good venue as well.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:44, Reply)
Hang on, I think a joke is forming
but I don't know enough about football to carry it off. Something about playing the right wing? That's a football thing, isn't it?
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:32, Reply)
this is very good twosie

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Thanks Ben
It needs work, granted. But there's something in it, I'm sure.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:34, Reply)
fuck off back to sickipedia

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:34, Reply)
I MET MY WIFE ON SICKEDATES

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
oh HO!
I get this, this is a great sportball joke.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
YES
I KNEW I was getting somewhere with this. I think I need funding to complete it though.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:36, Reply)
You should apply to The Football Trust.
Of course, this rather depends on there actually being something called The Football Trust.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:38, Reply)
I'll apply first, then I'll find out if it's a real thing
Cheers Monts...You came through for me yet again.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
Fucking Pepsi Max
Tastes nothing like proper Pepsi. What a bag of shit.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:35, Reply)
all cola drinks are shit and wrong
hth xx
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:36, Reply)
WAIT, YOUR FACE IS A COLA DRINK?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:37, Reply)
And for children.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:38, Reply)
true facts

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
I'm sorry what?
Brain is broken, too many chemistry and Ebola readings.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:39, Reply)
WAIT, YOUR FACE IS EBOLA?
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
lololololol, ur so funny!

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:41, Reply)
Ebola is *such* a great poet.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:40, Reply)
yeah i know, those filoviruses are wonderfully articulate sisters.
ZaΓ―re in particular is quite expressive.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:43, Reply)
also, good easter monts?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:45, Reply)
Yes thanks. Drew dragons for Len to colour in.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:52, Reply)
I did some egg painting with micro.
Thankfully I had hard boiled the eggs first. Would have been very messy otherwise.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:58, Reply)
CSB

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Wanker
/ac
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:09, Reply)
Should CDC's be allowed on a comedy website?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:50, Reply)
Are you saying you shouldn't be allowed on here?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:52, Reply)
No because they destroy the ozone layer, don't they?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:53, Reply)
yeah that's fair enough, but what are they doing on b3ta ?

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:00, Reply)
Oh, I watched the Lifes Too Short special as well.
It was pretty good.
(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:53, Reply)
Keith Chegwin was excellent in it, so this is relevant.

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 10:53, Reply)
YM

(, Tue 2 Apr 2013, 11:20, Reply)

« Go Back | Reply To This »

Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1