Good evening shitcunts.
I've finished moving in to my new house today & am having a couple of beers whilst my cats run around causing chaos and I try and work out how the oven works.

How are you spending your evening?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 18:55, 114 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

alright yer
Just got home. Tired oot, going to make dinner soon, then eat it in my lounge, in front of the telly.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:03, Reply)

Lounger? What's one of those?
I can't wait for my new sofa. Another 6 weeks to go whilst it's being made. At least the company I've bought it from have let me borrow another in the meantime.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:06, Reply)

Lounge.
Spasmodic typo.

The company have what?

Ah, I see. Ninja edits ahoy yo.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:07, Reply)

Oh you mean your sitting room.
Pleb.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:07, Reply)

You know there are regional variations in how to talk posh, right?
Up where I'm from in Scotland, it's dirt common to call your evening meal your 'supper', yet you seem to think that it's the preferred term.

How queer.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:09, Reply)

'Sitting room' is hardly a posh phrase.
It's just that 'lounge' reminds me of Jeremy Kyle. Or airports.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:12, Reply)

Quite.
If you were going to call it a posh name it would be 'the drawing room'. As it is, I get stick from my mates for referring to my second reception room as my dining room.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:14, Reply)

The ones who piss me off are those with affectations, like calling their bedroom their 'quarters'.
Another affectation that really annoys me is people under the age of 90 referring to the radio as 'the wireless'. My twat of a father in law does this. He's in his sixties. Pure affectation.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:19, Reply)

I fucking hate it when twats talk about 'only ten sleeps until my hollibobs!' and such like.
Sleeps? Really? Are you a preschooler? No, you're thirtyfuckingfour. Plus, you utter cock, what happens if you have a wee nap on Sunday, after the pub? Does your 'sleeps' counter reset, you fucking cretin?

Soz, got a bit foamy mouthed there.

No offence.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:22, Reply)

The best way to respond to something like that is to say 'oh, pardon me, I only speak English, so I can't understand you'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:28, Reply)

Also folk who say they're "going travelling" when they mean they're having a holiday.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:24, Reply)

Basically, > 80% of the population should be shot.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:27, Reply)

I don't use those ones, but I still say "Pictures" to mean go cinema, and 'fizzy pop' to mean "Generic carbonated drink".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:35, Reply)

Hey dozer
Have you seen Sunn o))) have put all their releases up on bandcamp, so you can listen for free?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:46, Reply)

Made pulled pork in the slow cooker
and just had pulled pork and jalapeno coleslaw baps. Now pretty damn full and planning on vegging out in front of a movie.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:22, Reply)

There's a restaurant/ bar place across from my office that do pulled pork nachos.
As a veggie, I have no interest in this, I am merely making polite conversation.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:24, Reply)

You are missing out
it's gert lush.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:27, Reply)

I am willing to receive home deliveries of such things.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:28, Reply)

Get a slow cooker
they rock.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:56, Reply)

City have got a home pre season game against Rangers, Lighty.
That'll be interesting.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:36, Reply)

Could set records
failed passes, missed chances...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:47, Reply)

I was going to pop round to see your ex
But it's getting a bit awkward 'cause the kid keeps calling me daddy, so I'll probably just stay in and have a big wank instead.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:28, Reply)

You're happy to pay the maintenance?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:30, Reply)

I doubt they'd be happy with the drop in their income.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:31, Reply)

Word up kids

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:29, Reply)

are you turning into a crazy old cat lady?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:30, Reply)

I'm trying to get over 600 replies on qotw

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:31, Reply)

Nah. Always had cats, since I was 4.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:33, Reply)

the divorce?
Man needs his pussy I guess

ninja cunt
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:34, Reply)

iPad keyboards are shit.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:35, Reply)

your pick axe calloused hands are shit more like

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:36, Reply)

Can I call ZING?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:38, Reply)

Pfft. Manual labour? I think not. I pay the lower orders to do that. People like you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:39, Reply)

you want to pay me to fix some stuff around your new house?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:40, Reply)

There is no way I want you knowing where I live.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:41, Reply)

But think of the quality of the cabling you'd get.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:44, Reply)

31 bachelor towers, Kilburn, London, AL 0N3

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:45, Reply)

I no longer live in Kilburn. Thankfully.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:45, Reply)

every cloud and all that
so where are you now, Maida Vale?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:50, Reply)

No chance. Can't afford that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:50, Reply)

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh
He's only using you to get an invite to one of Kroneys BBQ's
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:45, Reply)

When are you delivering my gin to London?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:46, Reply)

Still no firm fixed plans
it's got a nice layer of dust on sitting in the celler
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:47, Reply)

You know spirits go off right?
Be a shame if that happened.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:49, Reply)

If it comes to that I will buy a couple of fresh bottles

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:52, Reply)

I thought you didn't drink spirits.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:48, Reply)

I don't. But I entertain people / have guests round who do.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:49, Reply)

So you ARE having Nakers over.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:51, Reply)

I'd rather pour the gin down the drain.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:52, Reply)

Careful you don't fall in.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:57, Reply)

+if ever I get my wicked way with you
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:00, Reply)

I'll bring pudding

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:04, Reply)

Evening all.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:32, Reply)

Yellow

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:32, Reply)

Any luck at Ascot today?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:35, Reply)

Nah, was in meetings all day so no time for the horses.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:37, Reply)

Arguing with iTunes.

Are you fully over your loltastic puking?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:39, Reply)

Yes thanks. Finally. Great way to christen my new place.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:41, Reply)

I still can't work out how any food place could
fuck up an omelette
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:47, Reply)

WTN

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:48, Reply)

bad eggs innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:49, Reply)

I thought it was bad genes.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:49, Reply)

Yes, the chef may have had a similar genetic disorder to yours. Why didn't I think of this before?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:51, Reply)

Eggs and salmonella poisoning even your basic
Burger van can get that right....

Batts don't strike me as the type of person who would eat at a greasy lils
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:51, Reply)

at a out s
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:52, Reply)

B3thy you really do have a dirty mind

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:55, Reply)

You love it, you slag.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:56, Reply)

IT'S TRUE

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:56, Reply)

Nothing better than a greasy spoon sometimes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:52, Reply)

yes there is, a nice cafe with decent sausage, decent thick cut bacon etc etc
greasy spoons sell horrible food
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:07, Reply)

In the same that you would never buy a kebab if you was not pissed
Is the same way that a Café full breakfast when you have a hangover is the right choice.

there is a place for everything in this world given the right circumstances, well apart from Monty being allowed in Germany but that's a whole other ball game
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:25, Reply)

i'd still rather go somewhere nice
*shrugs*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:33, Reply)

Pussy

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:35, Reply)

i will not apologise for not lowering my standards

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:37, Reply)

Scared
You would never get the chance to eat Giant Chicken Dumplings with that attitude
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:44, Reply)

I can't think what else it could have been. Anyway, I lost about 4lbs, so not all bad.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:48, Reply)

That's nearly an armful!
Well, for you, anyway.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 19:54, Reply)

or one nipple for you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:13, Reply)

Yeah just all fuck off and leave me alone why don't you?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:14, Reply)

alone where?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:15, Reply)

Look your not coming round, alright

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:18, Reply)

Calm down, Helen Flanagan.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:26, Reply)

I get this

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:29, Reply)

So do I.
I lolled when I read the article, the stupid fucking cow.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:33, Reply)

Alreet?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:24, Reply)

Soup DG
How's it hanging?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:26, Reply)

I'm weary, Harters.
Not tired; weary.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:27, Reply)

Fuck man that don't sound good

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:28, Reply)

It's just stuff.
I'll be chipper in the morning; I have a site visit with some planners.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:31, Reply)

Didn't realise your in the samish type of trade as me?
What's the deal?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:33, Reply)

Ah, no.
We funded a kid's play area back in October; some twat objected and the planners said they wouldn't approve the application - so the project sponsor has identified a new site for it, but still had to put in a planning application. The planners are visiting the site tomorrow and I'm just going along to hopefully get an idea of whether they're minded to approve this time.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:38, Reply)

Ohhhhhhh, not quite the same then.
Play areas can be pain to get approval on, every 4 houses homes a Victor Meldrew type TRUFAX
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:41, Reply)

Bartleby didn't object.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:43, Reply)

lolz

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:44, Reply)

This is to be sited on the grounds where Lancelot 'Capability' Brown was born.
They're trying to make it slightly educational in that respect, so it's not just going to be your standard slides and swings, they're trying to incorporate other stuff as well. Some pillock objected on the basis that they were miffed because it was going to be next to some tree of national importance or something (and also because they were hacked off as they were the only person on the estate who was against the idea in the first place because, basically, they hadn't come up with it themselves.)
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:46, Reply)

Easy really talk* to him and ask if he would like to be part of the process
*in a nice way
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:48, Reply)

Scunnered.
That's a good word.

Scunnered.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:31, Reply)

The missus likes that word.
She'd never heard it until a couple of years ago.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:32, Reply)

? explain please

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:35, Reply)

Scots parlance for pissed off; fed up; ticked off; annoyed.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:39, Reply)

I'm gonna see if I can work that into a conversation tomorrow

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:42, Reply)

word holmes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:36, Reply)

Wotcha Gonz
*nods*
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:42, Reply)

You alright?
I had me treatment today at the hospital, aside being shattered from it, I feel s0o0o0o0o0o dramaticly better, had a rough week but I already feel it working.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:43, Reply)

is that where they pump someone elses shit into you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:44, Reply)

+ from the side

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:45, Reply)

Yeah', only orally though. I do wish they'd give the donator a nice bit of blancmange for a day or so before.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:46, Reply)

Should have gone BUPA

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:49, Reply)

PooPA!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:50, Reply)

can you imagine the cost of his premium?
the nappy allowance alone would push it through the roof!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:50, Reply)

Strikethrough N replaces with D
N'Dubz
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:52, Reply)

The only difference between getting that private or NHS is that the magazines of the girl squatting over my face has to read older magazines.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:51, Reply)

Nahhhhhhh you're missing the whole point of private health
at least she would be waxed
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:53, Reply)

Hah, trust me, I know my 'NHS v Private Health' more than your average fella.
The magazines are the biggest difference.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 Jun 2013, 20:59, Reply)