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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Assuming we were going to be a total dictatorship, with just one person running the show, who'd you have?
I'd go for Brucie, apparently he was excellent at Glastonbury.
Not seen the Stones yet, bit rubbish? Worth watching?
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:01, 199 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Me.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)
Bonjour Monsieur Bonapart

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Bonjour. Ca va?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
oui merci
I spent most of Saturday on a 50 yacht drinking Pimms, it's teh kind of lifestyle I could get used to
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
I had a good mediation meeting on Saturday morning - agreed a great level of access for the next few weeks.
Also did some cooking with Micro which she loved. Quiet one other than that which made a nice change.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:12, Reply)
Why? What makes you better than Brucie?
Random policy please?
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Ban chuggers & buskers.
Tax cyclists & make them have a registration plate.
Scrap VAT & increase business tax.
Ban Nakers from the internet.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
make them pay "car tax"

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
also
: (
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
Just Nakers????????

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
I like the cut of Battered's jib.
Particularly the chugger thing.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:11, Reply)
I'll make you Home Secretary if you like.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)
Cool.
Can I reintroduce the death penalty?
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Yes. Particularly for gypsies.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Caravan dwellers in general.
Pikey cunts. And yurts.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:35, Reply)
I'd say that any dictatorship worth its salt is going to need a death penalty.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)
To start with.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:11, Reply)
You know who's got the stones to say what's whata nd to drag this country back onto it's feet
Jeremy Clarkson
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:04, Reply)

Jeremy Clarkson

Battered.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:05, Reply)
You'll fit right in
belgexan.com/wp/?p=848
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Ha ha.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
I like that Iranian guy.
Nice beard.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
He's a knob.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
you mean he says what everyone is thinking but is too scared to say?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
No, he's just an irritating knob.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2004098
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:34, Reply)
The Queen then I could get my 53p worth

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:06, Reply)
I think someone should finally give nick griffin a break

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)
I'm not a big fan of "Family Guy"

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
are you volenteering?
reak umming
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
where do you suggest?
jaw? neck? nose?
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:31, Reply)
Well me, obviously
I'm surprised you had to ask, to be honest. Little bit offended. 'Sok though.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)
You can be my deputy.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:11, Reply)
I can be your looooooooong lost paaaaaaaal

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:11, Reply)
I don't want to be called Al thanks.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)
This is a very good point
*unfriends*
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)
YES!
I won't let you down...I SWEAR IT.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:12, Reply)
RIchard Briers
Except he's dead now and spoiled it for everyone
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:10, Reply)
A dead telly person?
When will he be outed as an alleged nonce?
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:12, Reply)
There couldn't be any wars with Briers
His voice is too soothing to fight
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Briers was excellent.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)
I dislike him because of the Good Life.
Self satisfied, smug shit tv show. Although Felicity was a teen wank. The posh one was ok too, as in a bit old but you would, really scenario.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:18, Reply)
I'd ruin Margot.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Is she still alive?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Yep
probably wouldn't anymore, if I'm honest.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)
I think choosing one's dictator rather spoils the game a little.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:13, Reply)
Well it's just a theoretical exercise, bruv.
Chillax.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)
I wouldn't have anyone, dictatorships are shit.
I watched the Stones, they were good.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:14, Reply)
I'd make cycling on public roads punishable by fines and imprisonment.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
We don't want the bastards on the pavement.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:16, Reply)
If they want to cycle so much
they can do it in the sewers, for all I care. They do not belong on the road network.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)
see also parks and pavements

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

f and imprisonment m
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)
you forgot death

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:17, Reply)
I didn't

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)
your proposal assumes they cycle over them, as supposed to
rather than all over the place, as they actually do
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:29, Reply)
MONTY BOYCE
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-23125488
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)
That, right there, is an afro.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)
Haha.
That hairstyle is ace. I think Monty may be a tad liberal though.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:23, Reply)
RIP Jim
You were fucking cool.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:28, Reply)
BULLSHIT MR.HAN-MAN

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:36, Reply)
Me
I'd reintroduce "poor houses" for people who can't survive on their own, they'd get room and board and work during the morning for the privilege and have job finding session in the afternoon.

When they have found a job they would be released back into society.

All poor houses would be North of Oxford.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)
Wouldn't this "free" Labour limit the number of jobs in the market?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:27, Reply)
nah, cos they'd just do shit really
like half of them would stitch stuff up and the other half would unpick it or they could do data entry for the NHS.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:28, Reply)
You could set it up like the Americans have.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prison%E2%80%93industrial_complex
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:35, Reply)
sounds good
anyway chocho, it's not a prison, people are free to leave whenever they like.

But there are no benefits outside the poor house which I will rename "Happy Holiday Work Camps", so really it's the choice of thye individual.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:37, Reply)
You could do with some kind of slogan to inspire your happy campers.
Something like Labour Makes You Free?
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)
TGGI
tangledupingoebbles
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)

free pay MOAR taxes for LESS benefit
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:46, Reply)
HG Wells book imagines that very think in The Sleeper Awakes, spoiler: It doesn't end well.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:45, Reply)
well wee can learn from his mistakes

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
i do think people should have to do volunteer work for the dole
eg scrubbing graffiti off parks/trains or shopping/companionship for lonely old folk
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:27, Reply)
that henry viii seemed to know a bit about being a dictator
dig him up
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:26, Reply)
'enry, 'enry the eighth I am, I am.
I got married to the woman next door...something, something.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)
It's going to be me. So would you like to use your legal experience to be Attorney General?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:33, Reply)
i would make some GOOD laws

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:36, Reply)
no VAT on hair dye

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:38, Reply)
how could you deny that hair dye adds value?
even i wouldn't deny that
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Only with my approval.
I think Monty should be my Immigration Minister (after all there's no way he should be Chancellor).
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:38, Reply)
I'll help out with Education if yoyu like?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)
I wouldn't even have you in Parliament let alone my cabinet.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:40, Reply)
he could be minister for culture

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)
Perhaps some very junior role in the Department of Health with responsibility for bent spastics.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
that's an enormous category

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
hey if jeremy hunt can do it

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
The 3 R's
Cooking
Sewing
PE
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:42, Reply)
I assume spelling wouldn't be a priority.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Ha ha

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
He would make them read J K Rowling
To try and improve that
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Actually, I want to be dictator now.
So fuck off.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)
Too late. Any more lip from you & I'll exile you to the Isle of Man.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:44, Reply)
there are worse places to be in exile, i'd say
although i should imagine it's a fairly quiet existence
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:47, Reply)
I'd greatly reduce the crime rates by making all criminal acts legal.
What I don't get is why ATOS keep on getting contracts with the goverment.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:37, Reply)
They're the only ones who bid on most of them.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Surely someone decent can do it?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:53, Reply)
The whole point of it is to save money, not to improve stuff
As with all privatisation of public services
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
Doesn't it cost more to deal with their fuckups though?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:02, Reply)
yes
but the money is going to the right* people, you see.


*rich
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)
I think all crimes should be legalised and taxed
That way we can cut down on the contaminated crimes and control when and when crimes can be committed.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
All people who want a car should be forced to cycle on the road for a month.
I cycle 21 miles a day, I stop at lights, obey traffic laws and yet nearly every day some prick will pass me leaving me about a cunt hairs space. At least im not some obese fatty.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:50, Reply)
did he hit you?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
No but when they are that close they send you in to a wobble
Theres more car drivers being cunts and breaking traffic laws on the road than there are cyclists but they always get a hard time. Mind you the people that hate them are usually in cities where there is probably a much higher cunt cyclist population, but tarring with the same brush and all that.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
so we need to distinguish between rural and urban cyclists

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
isn't that like distinguishing between black olives and green olives?
they're all bitter and ruin your pizza
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)
No we need to accept that some car drivers are cunts and some cyclists are cunts
There are more cunt car drivers and cunt cyclists in citys
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)
I'd say it's likely that cunt car drivers are responsible for more deaths than cunt cyclists.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)
The trouble is that if people create a society where it perfectly ok to assume every cyclist is a cunt
you will get more of this type of person www.thejournal.ie/driver-cyclist-twitter-norwich-police-919833-May2013/ and more cyclists will be killed.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)
I went to the peak district the other week
And had a bunch of cyclist (about 40) thinking they were doing the tour de france, 8 + abreast the lycra clad fuckers were determined not to let anyone overtake
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)
If they really were 8 abreast (which I doubt)
they would have only been 5 deep so overtake in the other lane like you're supposed to.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)
Why?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)
When you took your driving lessons did they not tell you that you are supposed to overtake all other road users as if you are overtaking a car
Sounds like you would have had the same problem if it were a slow moving lorry you needed to pass.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)
No they didn't, how would that work if I was overtaking a HGV?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)
I'm just going with cyclists in a 8x5 rectangle would take up space similar to a lorry
sorry if I was confusing.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)
Not confusing at all, why take up so much road when you're on average only doing 10-15mph
going up hill, it's basic cuntish behaviour, on a hill where there are loads of twists and turns, no more than two abreast was needed
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)
I don't believe that you can fit 8 cyclists abreast in a single carriageway

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:53, Reply)
So you're saying that not only is he a prick, but he's a liar too?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)
Thats because you're used to cornish roads
anything more than 2 abreast (and only then for over taking each other) is simple disregard for other road users.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
You're right, I have never travelled and all cornish roads are 3ft wide

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)
Apology accepted

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)
Rule 163
https://www.gov.uk/using-the-road-159-to-203/overtaking-162-to-169

Personally I'd be more than happy to drive straight through a group of cyclists like that, but since the law tells us we can't do that, they should be setting up proper cycle carriageways.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)
Ta

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)
Don't thank me, I'd nudge you into a hedge as soon as look at you.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)
Why?
People we cycling on the roads before car came along, so why can't they coexist? I have no problem with car drivers as long as they don't pull out on me or put me in the hedge. Same should go for car drivers should be fine with cyclists as long as they don't fuck their cars up, pull out on them etc.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
It's for the safety of cyclists as much as anything.
You're more vulnerable than motorcyclists and don't even have the modest protection of being able to keep up with the traffic. Plus, regardless of whether or not it *should* be possible to get along, we don't. There's no reason why you can't use the road network, but different types of traffic need to be separated. Even the Romans could see that.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

All people who want a car should be forced to cycle on the road for a month.
I cycle 21 miles a day, I stop at lights, obey traffic laws and yet nearly every day some prick will pass me leaving me about a cunt hairs space. At least im not some obese fatty.


WHAAAAAAAA-WHAAAAAAAAAA
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:51, Reply)
Through the sewers you go, mate.
That way no cars.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:54, Reply)
Outside of cycle lanes bikes on the road are a square peg in a round hole situation
tl:dr FUCK OFF ABOUT OUR ROADS LYCRACUNT
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:55, Reply)
Serious answer
cycle lanes should be physically separate from the road and pavements.

It should go:

Raised pavement - kerb - cycle lane wide enough for two abreast - raised kerb/reservation - road.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:57, Reply)
This guy gets it, You get my vote for dictator Krones

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:58, Reply)
but unfortunately in places like london there isn't room to build them
what a crying shame
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
All those narrow country lanes in London?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
the ones that have objects lining them that don't like being moved
we call them "buildings"
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)
Really, central London could do with being largely pedestrianised.
Road use restricted to buses and goods vehicles. You could then insert proper cycle lanes on the larger roads. The narrower roads could be human-power vehicles only.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)
Just like in Coventry.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)
I suggested this the other day.
I was told it was a shit idea I seem to recall, apparently Norwich or somewhere tried it.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:05, Reply)
The trouble with doing this outside of London
is there's fuck all to replace cars. London's an entirely different situation.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
How about bikes?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
Are they powered by an engine?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
Of a sort.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
Then they are private, non-human power vehicles.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
Oh right, you expect me to read your posts properly now, do you?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)
i, for one, memorise every syllable he types

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)
what about taxis?
when i go to court later, i will have to take 3 boxes of files. how would i get those there if you banned all cars?

or were you including taxis? in which case, hmm, they could certainly trial it.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)
Digitally?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
maybe one day, but actually i kind of hope not
it is much easier to read things on a paper file, and a million times easier on your poor eyes
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
That's a fair point, I suppose.
I wasn't including taxis, but it would be reasonable to do so, though they would not be permitted to travel down the human power-only side streets. You'd need a rickshaw for that.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)
the other option is to ban all cars except mine, and also allow me to park anywhere i like, esp outside certain shops
i would accept that
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
No.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)
FFS

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)
I think penny farthings should get their own lanes.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:59, Reply)
Extra 6" if they have a monocle or ear trumpet.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:00, Reply)
Just like in MK.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:04, Reply)
Roads have been around longer than cars have

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:03, Reply)
and your mum has been around longer than roads have, but what's your point?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:06, Reply)
My mum is younger than a lot of B3tans.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:07, Reply)
No problem inserting a cycle lane there
Anything up to a 16-lane freeway would fit easily
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:08, Reply)
I'd have Rory in charge of everything, all the time.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:13, Reply)
you're so gay for him

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)
I'm only human.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)
this is vair vair debatable

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)
No, it isn't.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)
Or are you dancer?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)
Forsythe?
Can't stand him.

And I read he was a right cunt to his dolly birds on Cards Right.
Cantankerous old harridan.

The Stones, though impressive they can still rock, looked like a horrid old last attempt at an end of life crisis.

Moves Like Jagger means ricketts these days
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)
DING
I for one bow before the soft radiant glow of the Holy Golden Buttocks of our Incoherent Goddess
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)
TOM JONES

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)
why?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)
TOM JONES

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
hahaha
you are on fire today.

you should start the new thread.
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:14, Reply)
what i actullay am is completely knackered
weekend stag do ruined me and i could not sleep last night
(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:16, Reply)
Why?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)
TOM JONES

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
why?

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)
TOM JONES

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)
That's not so unusual.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)
New thread innit.

(, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:21, Reply)

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