I've been amusing myself reading the comments left on articles on the Express's website.
I swear its all the work of the bloke who does the 'from the messageboards' section of Private Eye.

Example: 'This will lose the respect of the vast majority of Normal men and women for all things Homosexual --The Prime minister is so badly flawed with his perception of right and wrong --that we must jettison the conservative party and the effete liberal group of fools as soon as possible !---Oh and Marxist socialist Guardianista's are way past redemption in the eye's of the general public !' - Dave77

Linky for refs - www.express.co.uk/news/uk/415288/Gay-marriage-moves-step-towards-becoming-law-after-bill-clears-Parliament
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:08, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Reading that makes me feel stabby.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:10, Reply)

stabby

horny
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:11, Reply)

There's some good stuff there.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:11, Reply)

There seems to be an unhealthy pre occupation with homosexuality in government. These so called gays have come screeching out of the woodwork since sodomy was made legal.If these noisy deviants kept quiet and didnt act "gay",then no one would know about them.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

"so called" gays
Priceless.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)

It reads like it's 1950.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)

GS Smith...
..http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/415010/Gay-marriage-to-become-legal-within-days-after-Lords-drop-opposition..

'If UKIP are squeaky clean in this matter of sexual morality, they will gain 90% of the vote in 2015.

The party has two years in which to eliminate any shirt-lifters who may have infiltrated the ranks with the intention of subverting it and undermining the moral strength of the party. I hope Nigel Farage is prepared to do what the Catholic Church has done and order a total ban on any gays from becoming members. A fifth column is the one thing that the party must avoid.'
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Fucking hell.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:17, Reply)

He took his tin foil hat off to write that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)

'The Law can be changed; but the perception of homosexuality, even for gays, cannot be reconciled with that of a marriage between a man and a woman. There is an underlying resentment and anger for gays that they have been born into the wrong gender; and nothing will mitigate this. Unfortunately they are being exploited by the so-called political elite in a wicked social engineering move to destroy cherished, traditional values and norms. There is a supreme consciousness that transcends the infinitesimal intellects of men, who has inspired our traditional laws; and now we have a breed of iconoclasts who foolishly think they can change reality. By calling something which is nothing less than the prostitution of sex will not make it respectable. Ironically, in the nineteenth century; the slang word for a prostitute was "gay."
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:21, Reply)

can we get an irony check here please

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Read that as 'traditional values and noms'
What has pulled chorizo got to do with anything?
( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Tina Turner's comebacZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Hells bells

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Who ARE these people?

( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

As I said above, I strongly suspect that it's the bloke from Private Eye who writes the 'from the messageboards' section.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)

the problem with b3ta is that you smell trolls everywhere
and forget that sometimes, some people are serious

and fucking dumb
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

I get this a lot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

And this is why I'm not allowed near machine guns any more.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)

they are ME

( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:49, Reply)

www.lyricsfreak.com/b/bon+jovi/army+of+one_21055383.html
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Fucking hell
"squeaky clean in matters of sexual morality" yeah good luck with that one!

Why is it all right-wing politicos want to drag us bavk to the 1950s? Oh, because they can continue their cosseted, priviledged existence while trampling on the proles, no doubt.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Rosy-tinted glasses, innit.
All the same shit went on in the Fifties, just without the benefit of modern medicine. Nice, neat haircuts, though.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

and shiney shoes, don't forget the shiney shoes

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:32, Reply)

and gorgeous cardigrans
knitted from finest cow dung and horse hair.

by blind retards.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:32, Reply)

hahaha that's fucking great.

( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Haha, "So called gays"
Well, they don't look that happy. Why would they call themselves happy when they're always upset about their rights? They've stollen the word Gay from our vacabulary, and THAT, my friend, is unforgivable.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Marxist AND socialist, eh?

( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Brilliant
I love these people that say things like "It's going to cause more problems down the line!". Like what?
And "Why should gays get more rights than the rest of us?" Erm...they don't, do they? Isn't that the point?
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/a-30-second-guide-to-how-gay-marriage-ruling-affects-you/
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

Well that's set my mind at rest

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Gays do have more rights.
I'm a straight bloke and I can't get a man to marry me.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

That's true

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:35, Reply)

That's because he is one ERGHLEH MUTHA FUCKAHHH

( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:48, Reply)

what a cunt
there's no such thing as a "normal" man.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

There are plenty. You just don't attract them.

( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

pffft
show them something pointless, like a football, a rusty old car or a gaming console, and they cream their y-fronts.

that is NOT NORMAL.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Unless one is a man.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:36, Reply)

prosecution rests, m'lud

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:37, Reply)

Bitches be crazy.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

This is why she'll die alone, with her face being gnawed on by her cats.

( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:41, Reply)

That sounds hot.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:43, Reply)

Oh right, sorry. I meant "normal men" by the standards of the average man.
Which is what the normal woman expects of a man, really. Obviously, if you're not a normal woman, then your opinions are going to be skewed off-kilter.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:36, Reply)

would you rather have a beautiful pair of louboutins, with shiny red heels
or a knackered old 1950's rustbucket with a giant steering wheel and whitewall tyres?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:37, Reply)

What the fuck would I do with a pair of louboutins?
I want the car. Because I'm NORMAL.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

put them on ebay and make £500?
give them to OG and ensure blowies for a month?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:41, Reply)

og doesn't wear heels.
And £500 for a pair of shoes? I don't take advantage of morons and you'd have to be one to buy them.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Neither!
A modern car does me fine! No interest in football or console gaming either.
I am the perfect man - apart from the age, fatness, baldness etc.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

whereas you females idea of normal is "reality TV", soaps and fawning over z-list "celebrities" that you'll never meet as a substitute for real friends.
stereotype is as stereotype does
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)

urgh no
i cannot bear "reality tv". i have never seen the apprentice, or big brother, or any of that shite. it's lazy lazy tv for lazy lazy people.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I had a rather upsetting chat with a family member about the gay marriage stuff a few weeks ago.
They're a normally very intelligent, very well-informed person, albeit wrong of opinion most of the time.

They used the terms "diseased" and "hobby".

It was at a family gathering, and I had to walk away from it or it would have proper kicked off.

I was genuinely quite upset by their outlook and ignorance.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

sounds like they should have used the words "denial" and "i'm firmly" and "in it"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)

That is very much where it was going to head (as it were).
Indeed, the subsequent gossip surrounding the fallout has already.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Nothing drives them to apoplexy faster
than countering their every argument with a sympathetic look, pat on the shoulder and saying "it's okay to acknowledge the feelings you're having for other men, you're amongst friends here, we won't judge you."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:52, Reply)

you know imma say this to you all night at the next bash, right?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:57, Reply)

hahahahaha

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:59, Reply)

I would expect no less

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:41, Reply)

I ended up in quite an argument with my girlfriend over it
She's for it, but wanted to see a logical and intelligent reason to oppose it, as she didn't want to think her dearly departed grandfather was a massive bigot.

Turns out, he was simply a massive bigot.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:53, Reply)

THing is - in true fence-sitting style - we've got some lezza mates who are massively anti-religion (Misogynistic Brainwashing Bullshit).
They've been waiting until the bill passed, so that they can get married in a church.

Which also pisses me off.

Shit I appear to be serious internetting - my apologies. If it's any consolation I did a MASSIVE fart yesterday.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Aye, I know the feeling
I too farted yesterday, although it was disappointingly quiet, after all the build up.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Especially when you draw your other half's attention to it.
I like to clap in time, and a squeak is rubbish:

"Clap, clap, clappity clap pfft" is tantamount to telling them you're impotent.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:02, Reply)

Or that your sphincter is wider than a dead Sarlacc.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Mine is still annoyed at me after she was cuddling up to me during an emotional part of a film, and I let loose an afternoon-ale-session-driven fart
Fuck me, it reeked.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:11, Reply)

I honestly don't understand all this.
We were at a wedding (oop nurth, it must be said) at which during the ribaldry and B4NT3R it became clear that pretty much everyone except me and Monty (cough) regularly broke wind in front of their partners - or in each other's faces etc. I just don't get it. Why on earth would you do that?
( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:18, Reply)

The doris and I don't do this, either.

( Kroney, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)

It's just so...common.

( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:20, Reply)

you save the windy love for stunned, right?
i'd NEVER do that. urgh.

some blokes do, some don't. greggshat never did, but he would text me from the pub toilets to say, "just having an unexpected shit, swipe."

RANK.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Again, why?
I am at a loss. You want to preserve some level of attraction to each other, surely?

Taking a power-dump with the door open and then talking about it is just not my idea of sexy. Call me weird.
( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:22, Reply)

People fart.
When you're in a relationship, you might as well enjoy doing so.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Bingo.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)

Yes, common people enjoy bingo too, I am told.

( wanderlust, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:25, Reply)

My guts were screaming, I'd been holding it in for a bit
Didn't realise it was going to smell so bad.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:24, Reply)

One excuses oneself to the bathroom
farts with the fan on, returns. Everybody politely ignores the incident.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 11:43, Reply)