I like it when Jamie Oliver says 'waz', he doesn't seem to know it means 'wee wee'
What do you like it when Jamie Oliver says?

Alt: best/worst TV chef/cook
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:08, 252 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Best: Keith Floyd
Worst: Ains or Worral '5 finger discount' Thompson
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:09, Reply)

What's wrong with Ainsley Harriot :(
Agree with you about Thompson though
(Mustard Tiger use by, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:11, Reply)

For one, he can't cook.
He also pronounces 'guacamole' to rhyme with whack-a-mole.

And 'sautee' to rhyme with 'salty'.

AND, 'Percy pepper and suzie salt'.

And finally, your honour, he is a big sweaty, shouty wog.

No further questions m'lud
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Granted
I've never seen him cook anything. I do eat a lot of his cous-cous and risotto though which is kind of nice. I cut out all the pictures of his cheery face from the packaging and stick them up on my wall
(Mustard Tiger use by, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

well we all do *that*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)

I have mentioned previously how much of cunt he is IRL. He regularly pissed me off at Soho House.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

because he's a big sweaty shouty wog?

(Mustard Tiger use by, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

Let's just say that it didn't help.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)

Who tired helping himself to my bottle of wine and accused me of lying and who groped my then gf's arse

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)

THE REAL STORY:
He turned you down when you offered him a nosh in the bogs
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

I've meet him, he's a really really nice bloke, took time out to speak to me when I saw Ready Stead Cook.
______BIG______ hands, if you know what I mean ,)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

Keith Floyd and that old fat italian man are fucking awful.
I know they're classics and great presenters and all that, but i've never not even once wanted to try their food.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)

In a related aside, the opening titles to Rick Stein's India are the worst of any tv programme I have ever seen.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:10, Reply)

Mrs V loves Rick Stein.
I find him unbearably smug and sincere.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:15, Reply)

He is an abusive alcoholic IRL and his staff and tv crew hate his fucking guts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)

Also
Padstow.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)

Is that how he got his name then
Pint Rick?

No! Stein!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I found this funnier than reasonable.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)

^ yes^
he is a prick though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:16, Reply)

But what about Rick?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:50, Reply)

lol dunno
Alt: SP
( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:10, Reply)

SP my nigga, S.P.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:12, Reply)

I like it when Jamie Oliver says "Easy ... tiger!" to his granny in that advert! It's so cool of him, but also really sweet at the same time!
Alt: best - Marcus Waring - he's dreamy.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Also, when he (and other TV chefs have done this) pretends to be 'scared' of an old lady that's been cooking for years

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Gah.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Quite

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

I like some of his stuff, but the constant mockneying is annoying
but not as annoying as his cameraman, who is incapable of keeping still so you can see anything.

alt: best, Hairy Bikers, the two old Italian chaps or James Martin

worst: Ainsley, or Rick Stein
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:17, Reply)

The hairy bikers are fucking bent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)

and common

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)

and northern

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

and quite possibly infectious

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

They've been in YM as well?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Everyone's been in YM.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

they caught "beard" off her

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)

that ^

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

^this

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Those Italians are brilliant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

^ This ^
Also one of them trained Jamie Oliver
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)

I am my own favourite cook
Everyone else is rubbish by comparison.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)

But my second favourite celebrity chef
Is Windy Pig x
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Raymond Blanc is the best; skilled, affable, passionate and amusing
also I a little bit fancy Rachel Khoo

worst: Simon Hopkinson, Sophie Dhal, Hairy Bikers.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)

Who's the greek one will the massive norks?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Onasis?

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)

dunno, but look at this cunt's irritating smug face
scrapbook.channel4.com/experts/simonhopkinson
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)

Tonight Chris, I'm going to be....
FAT MATTHEW KELLY!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Demis Roussos

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)

i googled
then i lolled
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

Tonia Buxton

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)

One of us is duty bound to mention Aphrodite's Child at this point, I think.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Yes, I think in this instance it will be you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:51, Reply)

Simon Hopkinson isn't very personable
but from an actual instructional perspective his shows are excellent. He really gives you proper detailed tips. I say give him a chance.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Worst: Delia
She cant even present properly

Best: Jamie Oliver/Hairy Bikers
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:18, Reply)

Delia is a cunt
her recipes are fuckling awful
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I watched one where she showed us how to make oven chips
Which was a god send, because I was having those that very night!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

buy oven chips
put in oven
eat
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)

To be fair, she sprayed them with a bit of oil
*shrugs*
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

her early recipes are fucking hilarious.
1. open tin of fruit
2. pour on cream
3. top with glace cherry
4. AWAY YOU GO!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)

How did she become successful?
It doesn't make sense.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

she gave a gob job like a hoover filled with warm jelly

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Which coincidentally is also one of her recipes

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

I think you have all missed the point of Delia
She was there to show plebs that they could probably cook something, y'know if they got off their fat arses and went into the kitchen.
Look, for fucks sake, you can't even boil an egg??
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

I feel so foolish

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Just have a think about that for a moment, yeah

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)

The Ron Pickering
Fruit surprise.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Best is the re-animated corpse of Fanny Craddock, that dead chick got proper chef skills

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I have a great story about her involving carrier bags of shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Oh boy, was she a hermaphrodite who enjoyed wanking her shrivelled cock into her own faeces?

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Oh. I thought I had an exclusive, here :o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Please tell

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

My brother's old flatmate was hers and her husband's home help/carer in their final years.
They'd gone completely mad and their hallway was lined with carrier bags of their shit.

The end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:36, Reply)

+ and spunk

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

nice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)

Simple "goodbye" he's not a bad cook but he annoys me for some reason
alt: best Rick Stein or Ray Raymond Blanc*
worst Rhodes
* I will be watching his show on BBC2 at 8pm tonight
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:21, Reply)

Blanc comes across as a delightful man

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Tonight BBC2 8pm my Niggah

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

he's on my dinner party list, to cook and be a guest

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Alt. Jim Davidson
For that time he got booted off some cookery competition for using the term 'shirt lifters'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:22, Reply)

it's amusing to sing the Goldfinger theme song, replacing 'GOLDFINGAH!' with 'SHIRTLIFTAH!'. All the other lyrics must remain unamended.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)

I used to do the same with Golden Brown by the Stranglers
replacing it with Gordon Brown. What a card I was
(Mustard Tiger use by, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

that's well satire that is.
I used to refer to Tony Blair as 'Lionel'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)

You two must be an absolute *hoot* at parties!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

more toot than hoot, eh?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

I really can't stand Jamie Oliver.
I rather like that Rachel Khoo and Nigella Lawson.

Also Michel Roux, Raymond Blanc and Gordon 'fucking' Ramsay.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:23, Reply)

I would definitely enter her little Paris kitchen
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:25, Reply)

I would definitely do sex with her, given the chance and her agreement.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Nigella and her fake multi cultural freinds piss me off
She's got a new show coming on soon where she cooks at various motor racing circuits "Nigella full throttle"
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I have multicultural friends.
Two of them are genuine currymunchers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Typical you immigrants sticking together

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:31, Reply)

hey, give curried haggis a go.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)

you know sporters IRL?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

NOSIR

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)

I liked it when he used to phone up and say wazzzzuuuuuup

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Best: Marco Pierre White. Worst: Gary Rhodes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:26, Reply)

*Rhodesfives*
Pretentious wanker




And so is Gary Rhodes
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:30, Reply)

ha ha

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:32, Reply)

Today is International Tell HH to Fuck Off Day.
Fuck off.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:33, Reply)

\o/

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

MMMMMM..................................let me think about that

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

NO

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

My fellow C&B manager in my old hotel job is now GM at Marco Pierre White's gaff in Newcastle
I like to think that my walking out on that job and leaving him in the shit helped to get him where he is today.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Hey, cool story!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Cock & balls?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)

Conference and Banqueting

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)

I like it best when he plays the drums
Alt: Fanny Craddock
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Forgot about her.
Think she was the first British one.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Best: Antonio Carluccio & Gennaro Contaldo together are fucking excellent
I also like Hairy Bikers (although they're shit presenters), Tom Kerridge, Nigella, and Michel Roux (not Jr, he's a moody twat)

Worst: For some reason, people seem to think Gregg Wallace is a chef, so him. That Barefoot Contessa bitch can also get to fuck.

Quick edit: Rick Stein can go fuck himself.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Carluccio is a miserable alcoholic cunt. I hate his fucking guts.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Being a miserable alcoholic cunt kind of goes with the territory though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

but enough about Battered.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)

she's known as 'vag' in our house cos her name is Ina.
GEDDIT VAG INA LOLOLOLOL
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Sometimes.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:41, Reply)

Anthony Bourdain is excellent

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:37, Reply)

Whilst I'm anticipating the mocking in advance, he did an excellent AMA on reddit
www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/197ji0/i_am_anthony_bourdain_ask_me_anything/
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

oh ta

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:12, Reply)

Keith Floyd was fun. And Delia of course, I probably would.
TBH, it's hardly rocket science is it, cooking? They elevate it to something akin to fine art. It's fucking food.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:39, Reply)

That's because it is a fine art

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

The worst one is Ina Garten, she proper makes me cringe. And she's shit.
And there is this couple who bang on and on about being italian even though they've both got new york accents.

I'm 50/50 on the "Bitchin Kitchen" women.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I really like Andi Petres

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

That duck puppet was a bit annoying though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

You should have tasted it's fois gras

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:00, Reply)

That Bitchin Kitchen woman annoys the shit out of me, and I've not even watched any episodes.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

she's a cunt

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:50, Reply)

There's a man down the chip shop who swears he's Elvis.
So him.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:42, Reply)

A huh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)

/speedboatlols

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

I've got a brilliant remix of that.
It's by the Propellerheads.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:48, Reply)

Wayhay!
After she died bits of her washed up on the shore.

The baker thought he'd found a bit of her arm but others disagreed. The chemist thought it was leg, the chapfrom the nnewsagents thought it was skull, but the man down the chip shop swears it's PELVIS!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:53, Reply)

Hey internet peeps, is there a way in chrome to screenprint a whole webpage not just what i can see on screen???
thx bbz xxx
(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:43, Reply)

Reduce the font size in the browser so the whole page fits on the screen then print.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Unless, you know, you want to read it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Depends on how long the page is.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:45, Reply)

The only ones i've found take a screenshot, scroll down, take a screen shot, etc... then combine them all into one shot.
Which doesn't always work very well.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:44, Reply)

Hmmm, that's bullshit, I want to get a dashboard screenprint, I'll have a google about.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Add the word "Lifehacker" into your google search, their advice is rarely wrong.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:47, Reply)

The screen capture one seems to work ok for what I want. So I'll just use that.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)

Sweet =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:00, Reply)

howto.cnet.com/8301-11310_39-20074289-285/how-to-take-a-screenshot-of-a-whole-web-page-in-chrome/
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)

Wave your winkle at the monitor and shout 'screenius printiamus!' in a weird, high voice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:49, Reply)

we know this is a variant of how you stuffed up your pricing spreadsheet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

Why do /links people get so upset about things, Monts?
b3ta.com/links/1038171
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

BISCUIT RAAAAGGGEEEEEE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:57, Reply)

So much anger
Fray Bentos really should chill out
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:00, Reply)

GAY BENT-TOSS I CALL HIM!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

HA!
That's funny for three reasons! All of them RUDE!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

I'm a bit of a 'shock jock' TH, I can't lie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:06, Reply)

Pour orange juice into the CD drawer
If your machine doesn't have a CD drawer, stamp on it until it starts smoking.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:53, Reply)

It's precisely this sort of peer pressure that got me to take up smoking.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

Yeah, but the chicks LOVE it

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Do they ever!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)

sorry, i have no idea.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)

good break?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)

yeah man,
Florence is top.
Found some fantastic little restuarants and bars, saw some awesome old buildings, wandered round some class galleries, was a lovely break. Really needed it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:21, Reply)

you know,
i used to see Raymond Blanc and his wife quite a lot, i ran the cocktail bar in the restaurant opposite his braserrie in Oxford, before he sold it all out to some faceless company with the right to use his name, and flog his books.
He is one of the funniest men i've met, and his wife is proper bonkers, they'd sit and drink and tell me stories about how much of a stuck up cunt jonh torode was, and how much he wanted to punch Jamie Olivers face in.

One afternoon, he came in with Ramsay, they were doing something for a TV show and staying in one of Raymonds places in oxfordshire. Everytime Ramsay turned his back, Raymond or his wife would flick him the V or poke their tongue out, it was all i could do not to burst out laughing. Good guy. Shame he's french really.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:58, Reply)

What a brilliant anecdote, so pleased to hear he's as nice as he comes across.
Thanks Windy!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)

well, i try Monty,
although, i'm not sure if you're mocking me.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)

Nah not at all, that was a pleasure to read.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

maybe i'll see if i can get a qotw suggestion vaguely related and post it there and win a spot in the newsletter.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Dream the dream, WP.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)

how are you today boyce?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Hot and bothered.
Shortstaffed and tired.


But OK. You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

a bit bored Monto,
had a morning of running around, but now the pub is open, i've got nothing to do.
I mean, i'm sure i could find stuff to do, but i don't feel like it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Then don't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:14, Reply)

i'm going to order some chips.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:19, Reply)

More lies from the porcine fibber

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:02, Reply)

you know what,
i don't need this from you today.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:04, Reply)

Every time you tell a lie, it makes the baby Jesus cry :(

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:04, Reply)

but you don't believe in jesus.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:05, Reply)

That's okay, because Jesus believes in him.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:08, Reply)

i got a letter from Jesus the other day,
it was telling me i was an evil sinner bu that he'd be happy to help, but he didn't leave a return address so i think he was just trolling.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:11, Reply)

This re-inforces what I have always believed about Raymond
he Deffo is a top bloke
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:14, Reply)

he was cool,

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:19, Reply)

BBC2 8pm tonight Wee Pee, I shall be watching his programme

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:23, Reply)

I like this

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Did you click that?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:26, Reply)

I have now you've reminded me too.
I never click really or bother with the Pop Page.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:37, Reply)

Gordon Ramsay because he says fuck and shit and bollocks and takingthepiss a lot and swearing make your food taste better

( Peej, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 12:59, Reply)

I forgot all about this cunt he makes me feel all stabby
Valentine Warner
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:01, Reply)

he's a bit of a knob

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:03, Reply)

one of his programmes he was doing a twist on Caribbean cookery
I watched it, but I'm sure that my level of rage at him were somewhat similar to Battered's when he's in a good mood
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)

In other words just below Michael Ryan's on 19 August 1987

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:11, Reply)

haha

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

He's a weapons grade wanker.
Also: fuck off.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:04, Reply)

:(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:07, Reply)

I'd never heard of him,
so i had a look on youtube.
I regret that.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

Sorry Windy if I thought for a moment anyone would do such a thing
I wouldn't have posted that
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Right I did that, what next

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:20, Reply)

I am indifferent towards TV chefs
But the missus gets a fizz on for the Jean Christophe Novelle chap
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

He's a tosser. He was supposed to turn up at one of the homeless shelters when I volunteered at Crisis.
We had all the media there (including local TV) which would have boosted the profile of the charity nicely. He was going to teach some of the clients how to cook. They were really excited and looking forward to it.

Cunt never arrived.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Knowing charities I would guess he wasnt booked officially
but had said yeah I will pop along (at some point previously) and that was taken as red
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:24, Reply)

read

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

I am glad you did
I hope you enjoyed too
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:26, Reply)

called
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2024199
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:27, Reply)

As I was a media spokesman for the charity, I know it was formally arranged with his management.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:28, Reply)

I like the programme with the man versus all the food challenges
I forget what it's called. Boy, can that fella eat! He helped cook some of the stuff once so this counts right.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:14, Reply)

I think it's call 'Man and the lots of food'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Not now Kato!

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:18, Reply)

I like Swipe's ex, Reza Spice Prince of India.
He is the gayest gay of all time. It's like watching Freddie Mercury knock up a curry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Momma, just made a nann.....

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Put a hat upon his head
Bummed him until he was dead
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:29, Reply)

I'm suprised you haven't mentioned Heat Seekers

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Anyone see that Italian art/cookery programme with Giorgio Locatelli and that art geezer?
It was brilliant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:20, Reply)

i answered up there,
tl/dr florence was top.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:21, Reply)

excellent, old chap. I fackin love Italy, me. LOVE IT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:22, Reply)

Ever been to the Amalfi coast?
Lovely area. Easy to get to Pompei from there as well.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

I've not, no. It looks fucking lovely though.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

You can fly to Naples cheaply, then it's an hour on a coach to Sorrento. Plenty of cheap hotels so maybe a destination as a treat when you've sold your gaff?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:27, Reply)

My brother claims Sorrento is the biggest dump he's ever been to
Actually my treat holiday will be to take the kid to America I think
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:28, Reply)

It's the right location to base yourself, with some good restaurants. Easy to get to the really nice places (such as Positano) from.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:30, Reply)

www.lonelyplanet.com/italy/amalfi-coast
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:30, Reply)

I really want to go to Libya to see Leptis Magna

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:31, Reply)

I would never have considered that.
I'd like to go to Cuba.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:32, Reply)

cuba is fucking awesome
but go before castro carks it.

also you will lose weight. the food is fucking horrific.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:37, Reply)

That didn't work for you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:38, Reply)

how can you say that?
you didn't know me then. you didn't see the before/after.

badger would rubbish your lack of science here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:38, Reply)

Put it this way, you didn't stay long enough to lose enough weight did you chunky?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:41, Reply)

put it this way,
yes. i lost 7lbs in 10 days, because all i ate was bananas and rice.

so THERE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:42, Reply)

At that pace you should have stayed for 10 months.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:45, Reply)

That would be great if your ex will allow it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:31, Reply)

I'm almost certain she will

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:32, Reply)

new thread please

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:33, Reply)

thread face.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:35, Reply)

ask for what you want, we still won't sit on it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:36, Reply)

Mum is the best cook really

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:41, Reply)

will you start a new thread?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:41, Reply)

about the royal baby?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:42, Reply)

Yeah, his last three were great

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:42, Reply)

you agree
right, royal baby thread it is
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:43, Reply)

YES





By yes I mean "fuck off and die"
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:44, Reply)

Fuck off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:44, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2024113
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:47, Reply)

ok new thread done

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:46, Reply)

The worst is
some dwarfish character who cooks meat in some steampunkish basement and says things like "salt loves meat and meat loves salt." Can't remember his name. On The Food Channel.

Best is Anthony Bourdain.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:46, Reply)

Battered?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:47, Reply)

Don't think so. This guy's antipodean.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:48, Reply)

I think you mean this Aussie/NZ guy
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2024162
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:48, Reply)

No, not him. I don't think he's even Aussie, is he?
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 23 Jul 2013, 13:49, Reply)