I've been asked to start a good thread so instead heres a shit one!
The other day I did a Nakers and was a total spastic. I found out that Debbie Harry was American. I had always thought she was English because of her singing accent.

Have you ever thought something only to find out that you were wrong and a spastic?

Alt. I'm going to a wedding tonight, weddings are shit aren't they?
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:42, 100 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

what kind of cunt gets married on a friday?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:43, Reply)

These cunts I guess.
It's a sham wedding anyway, they are already married.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:44, Reply)

Shed Seven's angry followup zzzzzzzzz

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:44, Reply)

NO
I am always right

Alt:
No, they are great. You get to drink loads and eat loads of food. WHats not to like?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:45, Reply)

people

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:46, Reply)

Well mostly that round here hotels charge a fuckload for drinks
only 2 weddings I have ever been to had a free bar. Theres always some fat/ugly/both lass crying because she's single. Some wanker always starts a fight, usually with his father in law. We have to watch two people pretend that they are madly in love and the perfect couple.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:47, Reply)

only povvo fuckwits have a pay bar at a wedding

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)

Unfortunatly this country is full of Povvo fuckwits
and Cornwall has even more Povvo fuckwits than normal
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:49, Reply)

I like weddings that are nothing to do with my family

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:45, Reply)

Our house is a very, very fine house
With TWO HATS in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
'Cause of you
And our la,la,la, la,la, la, la, la, la, la, la.....
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:58, Reply)

I like weddings.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:46, Reply)

the last one you went to sounded really fun

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:47, Reply)

"Now you own it shitpants" has had me laughing for the last hour or so.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)

fuck em, QOTW cunts can suck my hunting bow

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:50, Reply)

What happened to you? You're suddenly being funny and good?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:52, Reply)

shit day, full of cunts and pricks and I want to get drunk and punch some horses

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:57, Reply)

You moved to Newcastle when exactly?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Shit dont jinx it
It wont last
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:07, Reply)

Especially ones where you get to tell your ex to fuck off right?

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)

that
And i like the way they shut bridges.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:06, Reply)

I don't like weddings, they are boring and self indulgent, and I hate seeing other people happy.
I do like chasing skirt at the reception though, I have always done alright at weddings. Sometimes even formed a relationship which invariable fails. So that's all good.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:48, Reply)

I'm going with the wife
Unless I fuck it up totally I'll probably get a shag. Weddings make her horny for some weird reason. Probably the men in suits or something.

No skirt chasing though.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:51, Reply)

Make sure it is your wife that you end up shagging.
Shagging the bridesmaid is really frowned upon. Especially if she's only 12.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:53, Reply)

I went to a wedding once where I'd fucked the bride and two of the bridesmaids
The wife wasn't impressed and apparently "I didn't even know you back then" is not an excuse.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:54, Reply)

bitches be trippin

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Depends.
Did you lean over to her during the ceremony and go "y'know, I've fucked her. And both of them" ?

If you did, it's not an excuse. If she knew beforehand, she's being unreasonable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:56, Reply)

She knew I had slept with them
I guess you had to be there, it was more the "I've slept with the bride and both the bridesmaids" drunken brag to my mate which bothered her.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:00, Reply)

yeah ... you probably deserved a bit of grief for that, then.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:02, Reply)

I'll say.
He's lucky he got a shag at all after that. I bet she made him roll over and go to sleep straight afterwards so she could sit up in bed with her arms crossed and fume quietly all night.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:06, Reply)

I could smell her fumes from London

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:07, Reply)

I just drugged her, it was fine

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:08, Reply)

I dunno...
depends if she spent the evening in a scathing critique of his technique with the two bridesmaids.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:14, Reply)

I sent her home in a taxi and fucked the three of them again in a fourway whilst her new husband stood in the corner jerking off and crying

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:21, Reply)

It's no wonder they're getting divorced
did you have time for the fireworks on the bridge afterwards?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:24, Reply)

I'm Best Man for a THIRD time next year :(
I'm thinking I might just keep this speech and change the names for any future weddings.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:50, Reply)

I've never been a best man
But I have some cracking jokes ready for when my best mates do get married.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:51, Reply)

I've never been a best man too.
But I have provided jobs employment for three of them.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)

dad?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:57, Reply)

blow?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Yeah I'll have a line.
Thanks mate.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:01, Reply)

gay wedding or a proper one?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:52, Reply)

Probably a real wedding not one of those sham gay weddings that discredit my wonderful union with a lady with ladyparts.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:54, Reply)

HOW CAN THEY BE PROPERLY MARRIED HE HE CAN'T JIZZ IN HER CUNT!!!!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)

gay wedding lols.
I went to a lezza "civil partnership", quite a few boot-faced harridans there, plenty of normal lezzas,though. You know, the ones you get on websites, like cliti.com. Allegedly.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)

Most Lezzas aren't really in to it
In the documentaries I've seen they usually get bored of it and end up sucking some guys cock.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:57, Reply)

Orally cured,
or a meat injection?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:04, Reply)

This one is a gay one but both all in all.
2 pretty lesbians too. :)
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:56, Reply)

Do pretty lesbians ever dress up in dungarees to see what it's like for normal lesbians?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:57, Reply)

Bulldykes

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:58, Reply)

I dunno
they have to do this though
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:00, Reply)

Alt: Can't stand them.
I'm a bit taken aback at your Debbie Harry of famously from New York band Blondie, from New York in America, that Blondie, you know, that American band, revelation PJ. You utter dunce.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:52, Reply)

he really is a remtard

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:52, Reply)

Ohh life.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:57, Reply)

I said I was a spastic
Not as bad as my mate in California. She had to do a project of a famous African American and wrote it on Phil Lynott
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:02, Reply)

Or my mate Luke who said his girlfriend wasn't a proper vegetarian because he has seen her eat Baked Beans

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:05, Reply)

NOW SHE OWNS IT
bEANS Ape
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:06, Reply)

I like weddings, what SC said, food and booze.
Speaking of food, I've got garlic mayo, which I am about to test drive.
How can they be getting married, if already are? Either bigamy, or a blessing, which is a bit wank, tbh.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:53, Reply)

are you married?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:54, Reply)

You asking?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:00, Reply)

They fucked off last week to get married in a country where no-one can afford to go
and now they want a second fake wedding to show off that they are married to the povvos that couldn't afford it.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:56, Reply)

so instead of spending their budget on a proper wedding where bthe guest are entertained, they spent it on a holiday and now wnat you to pay for drinks?
Seriously what fucking cock jockeys
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:02, Reply)

Yup
I have to pay to get there too cos theres no way I am staying sober.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:04, Reply)

Not only that, they've deliberately held it on a Friday in the hope that most people will be unable/unwilling to get off work.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:05, Reply)

Its not until 6.30

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:05, Reply)

they sound like terrible people and I hope they ruin each others lives

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:06, Reply)

Of course they will - they're married now.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:07, Reply)

They've been together 15 years
they'll probably last
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:08, Reply)

I hope you are giving them a book as a gift

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:09, Reply)

This is the ideal wedding gift right here:
www.etsy.com/listing/128681234/saint-morrissey-prayer-candle-religious
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:11, Reply)

alright Battered give Tangles his login back

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:26, Reply)

Seems a bit silly.
Just have a piss up, few pork pies and some ham butties. Sorted. Chicken butties for the veggies.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:03, Reply)

I have no comment whatsoever to make abut weddings.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:55, Reply)

divorced after 2 years and 100k shotgun wedding, shut a bridge fingerd the mother in law

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 11:58, Reply)

Succinct.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:00, Reply)

I'm too much of a spastic to realise when I am wrong and spastic.
Alt: It depends on whose wedding it is. If your friends are pricks, their wedding is likely to be shit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:00, Reply)

My sister went to a wedding at the Natural History Museum
I bet that was pretty cool.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:03, Reply)

So did B3th. However she married once of the exhibits.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:05, Reply)

damn expensive to hire that place, I looked into it for work once

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:05, Reply)

Sisters Ex had rich parents and rich friends
His dad was one of the Foulk brothers who organised the first Isle of Wight festivals. Met Hendrix don't you know.
( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:10, Reply)

Oh they must know Captain Hood-Butter!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:12, Reply)

Oh?

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:15, Reply)

In that famous wanker post by Capt H-B he referenced the IoW festival
claiming to have had breakfast with Jimi.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:18, Reply)

Oh! Well my sisters Ex's dad probably did have breakfast with Jimi namedrop fans!

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I once ate mince pies with Bob Holness

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Cool props for the wedding pics though.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:11, Reply)

I went to a reception at a Zoo.
Got to ride an elephant, but wasn't allowed to sex up any of the animals.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:17, Reply)

Whats the fucking point then?

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Dunno. I was disappointed to say the least.
They could have put these archaic rules on the invites.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:21, Reply)

Mind you if I wanted to fuck an Elephant i'd just go to a pub in Redruth

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:26, Reply)

don't let it finger you first

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:26, Reply)

Don't worry, i'm a giver not a taker

( Peej, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I think

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:36, Reply)

Gonz has started

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:36, Reply)

a

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:37, Reply)

New thread

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 30 Aug 2013, 12:37, Reply)