Where the FUCK have you been?
LARD NEEDS YOU!
LARD NEEDS YOU!
LARD NEEDS YOU AS THE NEW RECRUIT!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:47, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

TOP LARD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:48, Reply)

LARD 'A' MERCY!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:52, Reply)

I've been working.
A member of staff has just not turned up and resigned by email citing the 'negative atmosphere in the office'. I don't blame her one bit, my boss is a total cunt. Case in point, he probably thinks this is 'someone's fault' ie he's the fucking problem and is so fucking deranged he doesn't think he is.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:52, Reply)

I'm starting to think that I should just resign.
I think I might need some fear to motivate me.
( Kroney, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:54, Reply)

we can get you fired if you like?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:55, Reply)

I'd rather not get fired. That wouldn't interview well.

( Kroney, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:55, Reply)

Whereas your normal charmless nerk self does?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:57, Reply)

but at least you would actually BE interviewing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:57, Reply)

much easier to get a new job whilst you still have one
don't hang around to get fired or dunny. is there anything you can do to make yourself more marketable - can you get a skill or a language or something under your belt?

also, not wearing that cardigran. that would be a good start.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:00, Reply)

I'm concerned that some people may have missed your post a few threads back, so I thought I'd link to it here:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2068767
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:03, Reply)

Er... PEAROAST

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:03, Reply)

No no you have to say 'have a roasted pea'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:07, Reply)

Sounds a little plain
Couldn't I make myself appear more wakki, with a little more flowery language?
Something like: methinks I shall prepare an legume of the roasted variety, perchance...?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:10, Reply)

^ methinks this is 'teh' 'FTW'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:12, Reply)

methinks thou art a gaylord and indeed verily a focker

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:14, Reply)

i hate that
although i fucking love roasted chickpeas
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:11, Reply)

little bastards

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:09, Reply)

udel.edu/~mcdonald/mythredhair.html
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:34, Reply)

ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT MARKETABLE?

( Kroney, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:03, Reply)

as a professional, I'm gonna say yes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:04, Reply)

:(

( Kroney, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:07, Reply)

I'M SAYING YOU'RE UGLY AND STUPID AND YOU SMELL
but you're still marketable. however, getting fired will make it harder to get a new job. you polish that turd now, it will flush a lot more easily in a few months' time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:09, Reply)

Such a stereotype!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:35, Reply)

You sure it's not all your moping around with a face like a slapped arse that has contributed to the negative attitude?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:54, Reply)

^^TGGI

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:55, Reply)

Everyone is miserable as sin.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:56, Reply)

Become 'employee of the month' by suggesting your boss takes eveyone bowling.
That'll improve the mood no end. A team building activity like that is sure to make everyone work harder.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:58, Reply)

I was thinking maybe some kind of dresscode related japery?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:59, Reply)

Vicars and tarts

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:00, Reply)

MUFTI DAY!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:00, Reply)

Not even in my top ten Word presenters

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:02, Reply)

I was thinking 'Jews and Nazis'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:01, Reply)

Save that for the team-building roleplay exercise.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:02, Reply)

Ihre papiere, bitte.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:03, Reply)

U NO DAT BRUV

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:08, Reply)

Did you know that Treblinka was only open for 53 weeks and the Nazis killed 900,000 people there?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:10, Reply)

Know it? I masturbated about it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:13, Reply)

Average 2,432 a day.
101 an hour, everyday, for a year and a week.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:14, Reply)

That's barbaric.
Did they not get the weekends off?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:15, Reply)

Some did. But they had to pull double shifts before their hols.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:17, Reply)

that's superb

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:17, Reply)

German efficiency innit
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:13, Reply)

Why don't you say "It's because you're a cunt" that should lighten the mood.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:55, Reply)

Ask them if they are positive.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:56, Reply)

+HIV

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:56, Reply)

Have you considered
Putting a couple of pool balls into a sock and letting him know who the daddy is now???
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:56, Reply)

Oh I have. I have spent most of today considering that.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Sending out lots of positive vibes at the same time!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 15:58, Reply)

I don't need to, the girl hasn't shown up, remember?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:02, Reply)

Send them harder.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:04, Reply)

The main thing we need to know
Is was she an attractive member of staff. If so then it is a loss to the morale of the office.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:09, Reply)

The moral of this office is....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:10, Reply)

You're only as good as your last fuck-up?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:14, Reply)

Someone had to bring up the Amazon thing again.
Kick a man when he's down, why don't you!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:14, Reply)

I dunno what you are on about
Must be age effecting your eyes
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 16:14, Reply)