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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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BT have fixed my Internet first time!
When were you last truly, deeply shocked?

Alt: not alright?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 19:47, 250 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I was deeply shocked when I found out Gok Wan is gay.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 19:59, Reply)
Never
life is just an endless round of the same things repeating on and on and on
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:01, Reply)

Try the chute or the swings.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:04, Reply)
i think it's more like those animals on springs
which go back and forth really quickly. They look fun, but they make you sick pretty quick
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:13, Reply)

Sit quietly and the movement stops, nausea reduces and you have time to count your blessing.

Things'll improve, though.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:17, Reply)
i don't do sitting quietly
I get bored
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:24, Reply)

You should be so lucky.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:29, Reply)
Alright Kylie.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:39, Reply)
i bought a shiny cockerel at an animal sanctuary in cornwall
he is v cute, although the spring is hidden inside, so you have to touch him to make him bounce. anyway, he was just called "copper cockerel". cannot believe they missed an opportunity to call him...

SPRING CHICKEN!
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:17, Reply)

Mind you, "copper cockerel" would seem to be appropriate.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:19, Reply)

Good job they didn't sell a ginger beaver.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:21, Reply)
i think they'd sold out

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:29, Reply)
or bouncing cock

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:24, Reply)
steady on
there were children there... evil little bastards...
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:28, Reply)

ECT
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:02, Reply)
Does your fixed broadband mean you'll be spending more time here?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:03, Reply)
When someone i know died last year
I was also shocked when I found out who shot phil.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:03, Reply)
alt

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:09, Reply)

Why? The ahem showing, did not go well?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:11, Reply)
YF;MA

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:11, Reply)
our menu tonight for those of us stuck at work :(
"grown up" fish fingers with tartare sauce or beef tomatoes stuffed with quinoa and other bits.

i haven't eaten all day, and this is NOT APPEALING. urrrrgh.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:16, Reply)
You were moaning earlier about how much chocolate you'd eaten. You fat forgetful harpie.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:25, Reply)
one cube of fudge
and a tiny square of honeycomb does not = much in the way of food.

you sweaty little ballsack.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:29, Reply)
you fat fucking mess

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:32, Reply)

Sister to Eton
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:33, Reply)
and yet i still knocked back your bleating cock gazzes

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:36, Reply)
yer, and shacked up with Psychochomp

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:38, Reply)
everybody makes one mistake

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:41, Reply)
And Chompy is no exception.



:-p
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:44, Reply)
the best he never had

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:46, Reply)
'Wanna hold her, wanna hold her tight'

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:48, Reply)

Her tight what?

*waits*
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:53, Reply)
Fisted ex who didn't pay for a pizza or summink.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:01, Reply)
Actually this is the last time I was shocked.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:38, Reply)
what, when dozer sent you his take on goatse
known as hamsterse?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:40, Reply)
Do not want.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:43, Reply)
nor did the hamster
there is a look of terror and desperation in its beady black eyes as it tries frantically to claw itself from the gaping hairy maw of his shit-filled puckered anus
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:47, Reply)

Richard Gere Lolz
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:50, Reply)
at least someone lol'd
poor old richard, denying that will be on his tombstone
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:57, Reply)
He should just admit it.
"We've all experimented, I tried it, it got stuck and died. End of"
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)
i think he did
that's how the first one died. rip hercules.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:03, Reply)
HE DIED OF OLD AGE!!!!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:06, Reply)
He did it more than once?
That's some serious 'Internal Affairs'
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:09, Reply)
the rspca were called
but replied that they didn't give a fuck about hamsters, which are pointless creatures that only retards like.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)
I agree with their stance on this.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:12, Reply)

*Hibernates*
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:26, Reply)

Saying Grace.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:43, Reply)
I just rediscovered my SG.
I am so much better on that than my Telecaster. It's cheered me right up
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:45, Reply)
In sympathy, I'm having a frozen pizza this evening.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:46, Reply)
'Alfonso's' is the best I have heard.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:47, Reply)
I thought he just made milkshakes.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:48, Reply)
Alfredo YOU DICK

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:53, Reply)
OH FUCK

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:56, Reply)
Must start a Rory style case file on all my interactions.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:57, Reply)
preciousssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)
mine was upsettingly tolerable

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:52, Reply)
i've never had them
but i hear the doctor oetke frozen pizzas are nice
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:53, Reply)
I've never had them in the UK, but they were the only frozen pizzas you could get in north cyprus...
.... and they were fucking horrible, it was like eating cardboard and cheese in a can.

But keep in mind that the turks get shit compared to western europe when it comes to brands.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:55, Reply)
It wouldn't surprise me if you attempted to recreate that using
cardboard, cheese and a can.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:57, Reply)
dr oetker, traditional Italian pizza.
Made in Germany
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:55, Reply)
I can't possibly see why an italian would want to go to germany for a dish invented in the mid-40s.
I mean, you know, if it was invented in the mid 40s. I just wanted to put that date in incase it was to osubtal.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:57, Reply)
I'm very fond of the Goodfellas margharita.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:01, Reply)

Thick base or crispy crust?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:09, Reply)
I am troubled by this.
I really wanted your frozen pizza night to be depressing, as I was picturing you looking all sad around a shit pizza and it was cheering me right up.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:55, Reply)
Not as good as Brian Mays piece of wood though, is it?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:46, Reply)
If you were lucky enough to be married to Anita Dobson, you'd have good wood too.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:48, Reply)
*inserts pic of Leslie Grantham sucking finger*

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:53, Reply)
Good.
you bender.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:48, Reply)

Small Genitalia?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:50, Reply)
no thanks I had a frozen pizza

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:54, Reply)

Banjo string is flat.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)
If it helps I didn't done my dinner either, I can't be fucked to cook.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:56, Reply)
For which your poor stomach is probably extremely grateful.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:58, Reply)
You are a strong beutiful powerful indvidual, there is no need to continue to have diggs at me to boost your ego.
/ac
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:05, Reply)
to be fair
if we all adhered to this, these pages would be blank
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:07, Reply)

trong hort
utiful nt
owerful etty
ndividual diot
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)
I had to do some copy'n'pasting there; your prose to me is like a flower.
You are a short bent petty idiot, there is no need to continue to have diggs at me to boost your ego.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:14, Reply)

also this:

g
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:16, Reply)
?

You are a short bent petty idiot, there is no need to continue to have dis at me to boost your eo.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)

"Eat your tea, you're a right diva when you ain't had yer tea."
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:23, Reply)
*nose point*

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)

You need to eat, though. Get a takeaway.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 20:59, Reply)
Yeah', true [that took long for me to change my mind], i'll have what I had for lunch.
Kiev Butty.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)
I ate at a fucking Harvester this lunchtime.


A HARVESTER.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:02, Reply)
As a salad dodger, that was surely a false economy

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:03, Reply)
It was quite bizarre.
They had a fish pond in the middle of the restaurant.

I didn't order the salmon, just in case.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:05, Reply)
Was that the one near Frenchy?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:07, Reply)
Yup.
Snuff Mill.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)
I haven't been there for years
Which is a good thing.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:09, Reply)
You should take the Doris there for a romantic dinner.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)
It's the sort of place you'd take someone to finish a relationship.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)
why, do they do vouchers?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:12, Reply)
I'll check their website for you.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:14, Reply)
Shit.
Do you think mr b3th had an agenda?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:12, Reply)
I didn't know agenda was on the menu.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:25, Reply)
had you ever been to a Harvester before no wait don't answer that

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:04, Reply)
I had not.
The 'mater dee' seemed quite eager to explain the process to me.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:06, Reply)
I have never Harvested
Is the process as exciting and ground breaking as I imagine?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)
I once went to a Berni Inn in Bath in about 1986
I had a 'steak' and really liked it. True story
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)
Thanks for that Katy Perry.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:11, Reply)
"Oh yes I have, thank you for reminding me. Goodbye."

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:09, Reply)
Bet you avoided the salad cart.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:06, Reply)
I made the mistake of asking the waitress for a refill on my drink.
I didn't realise you had to go fill up yourself at the soda machine.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:07, Reply)
Classy.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)
i freaking hate harvester meals
only place I've been where I could have cooked better. Salads OK, though
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:07, Reply)
2 bread rolls, a bowl of bacon bits and a load of red-devil sauce.
Salad-tastic!
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:08, Reply)
yeah, avoid the green bits, obvs

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:10, Reply)
Well, yeah.
You wouldn't want to risk eating anything that had gone off.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:13, Reply)
i had a bit of a brain meltdown the other day I think
I went round town trying to find a nice cafe I could have a salad in. Found one, it was nice. Didn't even want cake after
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:14, Reply)
That sounds like a proper salad, none of this leafy bother.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:14, Reply)

Did you combine? A nice John Deere? A delectable Massey Ferguson?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:21, Reply)
Hi guys!
Sorry got distracted by my supper, soooo, what's happening?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:40, Reply)
Nowt.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:42, Reply)
I'm watching mission impossible 3 can't remember if its good or not

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:48, Reply)
The first two words of the title tell me it's probably shit.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:49, Reply)

They made three of them?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:50, Reply)
4 akshly

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:51, Reply)

Five too many. None of them hold a candle to 633 Squadron.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:54, Reply)
Apparently.
I haven't watched any all the way through as I dislike Cruise as he is an utter knob.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:52, Reply)
He speaks very highly of you

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:54, Reply)
I know for a fact he doesn't.
We fell out BIG STYLE.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:56, Reply)
I started that the other night and it wasn't good. Bailed to The Omen II.
MI2 was alright though.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:50, Reply)
Mi2 is nonsense

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:51, Reply)
jus' bummin' yo

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:43, Reply)
just leaving work
urgh
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:43, Reply)
That's far too late to be just leaving.
Sort it out.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:45, Reply)

Sun Bingo is closed for the night.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:46, Reply)
Those depositions won't write themselves!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:47, Reply)
Shame they can't fix your brain.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:46, Reply)
Mi brane werk gud

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:47, Reply)
I have made the transition from real cigatttes to an electronic cigarette.
I have found a mixture of tobacco and menthol flavours to be most agreeable.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:55, Reply)
The only problem with them is remembering to charge them.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:56, Reply)
Two batteries is the key here.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:57, Reply)

Shove 'em down yer Jap's eye and shit out a fag.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)
'Can I bum a cigarette man?'
Sure, two secs.
*strains*
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:02, Reply)

Who was the first to decide to eat an egg, eh?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)
I'm pretty sure it was your mum
She said she 'loved eggs' or something like that
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)

My Mum was the first one ever to eat an egg?
Wow!
Wait. Can't be true cos my granny enjoyed soldiers at breakfast.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)
I quit by simply stopping smoking one day

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:56, Reply)
Please remember, I am just a man
But you are the best one here.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)
Sorry, sometimes I forget what you mere mortals have to go through

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:59, Reply)
You're dizzy with power. Calm down.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)
me too!
Only losers can't quit.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 21:58, Reply)
I don't want to quit yet.
I did stop altogether using this 'stopping' method for a few years.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:00, Reply)
only ever smoke when high on coke and/ or mdma

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)

Me as well. Wanted to.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:01, Reply)
That's how mr b3th did it.
60 a day to zero, overnight. I can only assume he did it through sheer bloody minded stubbornness.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:03, Reply)
I like the nicotine.
I don't like the lung cancer etc and smelling of smoke.
E cigs are the answer and it's surprising how easy the switch has been.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:04, Reply)
I've heard a lot of good things about them.
I'm one of those smug cunts that's never so much as had a puff in their life.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:06, Reply)
I've never had a puff either.
But that's different.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:07, Reply)
[MOD EDIT]: I have heard this is absolutely true.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:09, Reply)
Shit. The rumours have made it here already?
Time to find a new forum. Again. Farewell.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:10, Reply)

Knee deep, I heard.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)
Clever.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)
60?! Fuck me, where do you find the time in the day to smoke 60 fags? Or the money?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)
They used to smoke continuously in the seventies, mind.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:08, Reply)
It was only tuppence or summat for a pack back then and all

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
They used to give them to schoolkids at breaktime.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:14, Reply)

Nah. You bought single ciggies for two pence. Ten ciggies cost ten pence.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
I really shouldn't smoke where I work, it does me no good... if I have to get up and leave the room, i'd smoke less.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:05, Reply)
You can smoke at work?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:10, Reply)
e-cigs don't look as cool though
Stick with the real cigs mate, you'll impress more birds
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
I do look cool. They're what robocop and the terminator smoke, so you know they're good.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
I'm deeply shocked on a daily basis by some of the language used on here
All sorts of effing and jeffing and things about people's mums and whatnot.
Not only that, but there's also some really hurtful things said to people, who often have real problems to deal with.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:11, Reply)
Fuck off you sandel wearing mother fucker

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
See, is he allowed to bully me over my choice of footwear?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
Yes, when you're choice is that of a fucking gump

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:29, Reply)
Yeah you GUMP!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
I don't know what one of them is
Is it like some cool, sandal-wearing guy? With a beard?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:33, Reply)
It's a spasticated cunt with a poor footwear choice unless you live in Israel.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:36, Reply)
MODS!!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:38, Reply)
ROCKERS!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
BELLBOY!ETC!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:40, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2069142
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:13, Reply)
See what I mean
Rory seemed to be trying to hurt my feelings there
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
I know. It was terrible bullying, and I won't stand for it.
Down with this sort of thing!
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:18, Reply)
Waah waah waah
yadda yadda yadda...
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:15, Reply)
Oh here comes the mod to sort it all out
Phew
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:17, Reply)
I got this covered.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Can you help with a bullying problem I am having?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:21, Reply)
I'm terribly effective at helping.
What can I do for you?
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Someone alluded that there were rumours of me having relations with a man.
This upset me, and I don't believe there even were rumours to be heard, let alone any truth to it. It made me cry and gave me diarrhoea.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
I have had strict words with the poster in question.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:27, Reply)
THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:28, Reply)
Did you have to gaz one of the grown up mods to edit that post for you?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Thank you for your swift response. This problem has been solved.
And my diarrhoea has stopped.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:31, Reply)
You stopped me playing on qotw just like that!!

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)

You've had some of that killer skunk, I fear.
Tuts loudly.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:16, Reply)
I wasn't fortunate enough to have been born in the same era as the politicians who were able to smoke the socially acceptable, harmless marijuana that was available when they were younger
I'm condemned to the wicked, far stronger, far more dangerous, psychosis-inducing, rightly illegal version of the same thing that's available today.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:21, Reply)

Stop fuckin' moanin' and pass it over here.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:24, Reply)
If by 'Jeffing' you mean Bristolian.
Then I'm offended.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:26, Reply)
Effing and Bristolian?
Nah that doesn't make sense, you bender.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:29, Reply)
He totally *is* a bender too.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Seriously I met him once and he tried to kiss me

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:34, Reply)
If only Dozer could say the same.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:35, Reply)
I did kiss dozer
With tongues
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:39, Reply)
Has he forgotten you as well?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:40, Reply)
Only Battered broke my heart :(

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:41, Reply)
I don't believe you're that forgettable tangles.

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:48, Reply)
Local custom innit

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:36, Reply)
*sobs*

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:37, Reply)
Good night you cyber bullying wee wee tapirs x x

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:40, Reply)
Get fucked

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 22:42, Reply)
Sorry I didn't make it today.
I was busy.
(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 23:01, Reply)
Have you got a note from your mum?

(, Mon 2 Sep 2013, 23:08, Reply)

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