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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Morning all
So far this morning I have stubbed my toe and been kicked in the balls by a toddler.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 7:27, 123 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Morning
It must be the parents of small children shift.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 7:36, Reply)
Yep...wifey is having a lie in
Alright?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 7:47, Reply)
Yer
Mrs tangle is taking little tangle out for the day, so it'll be lols with me and baby tangle today.
You?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 7:55, Reply)
Sometimes I miss my kids being small...
...until I read 'kicked in the balls by a toddler', then the regret all melts away!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 8:48, Reply)
Yeah not bad, beautiful morning
Just getting a coffee and some supplies from the farmers market
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Excellent work from mini ape.
Did she also shout 'NO!' And tell her mummy you tried to touch her there?

I finished work at eleven last night, and am about to go back for more. The wind is howling outside, it's fucking freezing, and I could do with another four hours' kip. Why am I feeling so bloody chipper?
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 12 Oct 2013, 8:37, Reply)

UP YOURS
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)
Morning frogface.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:08, Reply)
Morning handsome. Alright?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:09, Reply)
Lols^

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:35, Reply)
^ grooming

(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 15:07, Reply)
Didn't fucking work though :(

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 15:10, Reply)
yiz kin aw get fucked like

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:15, Reply)
Shush.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:16, Reply)
I am stiff from the gym and as always a mild cold has turned into a stupid cough like an old miner with an 80 a day habit
Stupid feeble asthma lungs

BUT fish and chip lunch then pub tonight, so.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:18, Reply)
So what?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:19, Reply)
Sew buttons
Or fuck off, whichever
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:22, Reply)
That's a woman's job.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:22, Reply)
Yeah but you don't have one
So get on with it
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:24, Reply)
How would you know?
okay I don't
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:26, Reply)
she's such a massive bitch

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)
emphasis on 'massive'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Because you'd have told us
And because you're bound to be as ugly as dozer
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)
ugly i ent

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)
One thing you should have learned by now, about "chicks" and society in general
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And psycho posted pictures of you, remember?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:35, Reply)
yeah, one photo where I'm pulling a silly face

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)
Link

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:37, Reply)
I think there was some mod sobbing and deleting, as I never saw it myself
But I have seen a pic before. My description of a balding monk with a hamster up its arse stands.

Which is more than you think dozer is doing, until you realise yes, he IS that short.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)
So going by the 'swipe is mean to those she fancies a bit of' rule
He's probably alright.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
I'm very handsome

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:45, Reply)
If this were true, it would mean I fancied all of you
And I'm not 12. I don't "fancy" people I've never met. Your "rule" does not work! Back to the drawing board (aka pornhub).
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)
well yeah
But psychochomp came in your mouth.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:49, Reply)
I am not sure whether you are more jealous of me or him

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:51, Reply)
neither
What does Red Dwarf autist spunk taste like anyway?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Yeah like you've never dipped your little finger in your own and sucked it in desperate lonely fashion

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)
another of your fantasies involving gay sex acts
Pakihat clearly inducted you into the 'brown wings' hall of fame.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Bit harsh
I think you'll find I'm 'average'
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)
So 3 GCSEs, a bald patch and a three inch cock then?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:35, Reply)
11, a luxurious head of hair and..........yeah :(

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)
Are we talking length or diameter here?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
Radius.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
See, this would have been a good comeback
If I hadn't had to help you out in the first place, dr tadpole
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:47, Reply)
I'd rather you kept your massive man hands off 'helping me out' if you please.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
clickin dis

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)
Yeah, to wank over
You sick gender and sexually confused weirdo
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)
NO FAT CHICKS

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:59, Reply)

FAT
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:02, Reply)
ah, if only you could shift fat so easily
Maybe Chompster wouldn't have rejected your advances.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:05, Reply)
Not quite how it happened dude
But don't let that spoil your lonely wanks for one
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)
They are very average, my hands
However they do have a lovely ring that was my mother's and a beautiful French shellac manicure today
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:57, Reply)
Average for a fella masquerading as a bird.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)
a fat fella

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)
Lols he's got a nice blow up one apparently 19,99 from Anne Summers. He calls it MummySwipe.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)
no, that's a bouncy castle

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)
Alright baldy

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)
alright tubbo McChubbo

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)
Well the jokes on you!
they dont even sell them
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)
Morning.
Playing 'under 5s' footy again is it?
Just had breakfast in Harrogate hotel.
We can check out any time we like.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)
come over to York and we can avoid each other

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Often do but not this time.

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)
typical

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:37, Reply)
I'm never going to York again
So we can never meet!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:54, Reply)
I'm in London for a Financial Promotions course in November
We can avoid each other then.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)
I'm looking for loose leaf tea recommendations
Apart from the usual 'YM' and 'get fucked' suggestions, anyone have a favourite?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)
YM likes to get fucked by Russian sailors

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)
Yes
Put the disgusting tea in the bin where itnbelongs

Put ice in a glass

Pour voddie over it

Voila. Breakfast of champions.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:50, Reply)
And HP sauce of course.

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
You've gone the way of scrape and battered :(

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:52, Reply)
deeply unpopular and rejected by society?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:55, Reply)
Scrape? Love it
A baked ape classic
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)
I might have a can of m&s Belgian lager for breakfast.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 9:56, Reply)
I might have your mum
But she's more Aldi than M+s
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Vodka should NEVER be served over ice
It should be served from the freezer, into a frozen glass.

Over ice? Peasant!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:09, Reply)
Vodka by it's very nature is a peasants drink

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)
indeed

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)
One has to do something to get down to everyone else's plebeian level

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)
It's shit booze. Drank but ropey old trouts convinced it makes them look 'classy'.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 12:58, Reply)
Morning all
I've been out on the beach with the dog, made pancakes and am about to have my chiropractic session. I will later be putting a light up and most likely falling off a ladder
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:04, Reply)
PUB

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:06, Reply)
Mini ape is currently insisting we go to the pub....

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Baby tangle demanded we go for a pint earlier
Bit early for me
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Kids today eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 12:10, Reply)
Excellent.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)
I imagine you doing a Mr Burns hand rub whilst saying this.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)
my kid is refusing to dress and is sitting naked in a carrier bag reading.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)
povvo

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)
It'll be a Netto bag.too.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)
costcutter I reckon

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)
A takeaway for Bartleby then.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)
Sounds successful, congratulate the kid on their aim.
I've booked a hairdresser for today and I'm contemplating getting my eyebrows done at the same time, so I don't have to go into town again this week.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)
I'm heading north with the Doris.
We've just stopped for breakfast.

Two traditional breakfast meals and two coffees. ... guess the price.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:12, Reply)
£22.96.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:16, Reply)
You were closest!
Just over £18.

One sausage, one bacon a few beans a badly fried egg a cold hash brown and some fried bread.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Motorway service station I'm guessing.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)
your detective skills are white hot.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:22, Reply)
Yeap!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:22, Reply)
£54.61

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:17, Reply)
38.47

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:18, Reply)
today I have spent £6426

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:19, Reply)
are you Battered, buying a Breitling watch and then boasting about it online?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:21, Reply)
I quite fancy getting an Omega.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:23, Reply)
Free range is best.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:24, Reply)
don't let your ex find out, she'll be getting her hands on it quicker than she got that PSO

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:25, Reply)
I could do a part exchange for the Breitling, so little or no cash involved depending on which one I got.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I don't know if the Farnborough Airshow still have the Breitling sponsorship
But it was once an opportunity for those wearing that brand of timepiece to rock up to their VIP tent, flash their watch at the fella on the door and then get treated to free champagne and food.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
Nice.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
It's like the 'caravan club' of watches

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:30, Reply)
I donno 'bout anyone else here, but i've never spent £6k in one sitting on champaign and food.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:37, Reply)
I looked at some Omega watches last week
When the strap on my Accurist broke. I was tempted until the jeweler said to replace the pin that had broken would only be three quid.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
I saw a lovely watch for 400k the other day.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Alright 'Wayne Rooney'

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 12:09, Reply)
I find brietlings a bit tasteless

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 12:10, Reply)
Nah it all went on disabled porn and poppers.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:26, Reply)
so you are taking a leaf out of Battered's book

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Well I am 'average' height and fucking bitter, so.....

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:27, Reply)
innit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Call out charge by the coastguard after you changed your mind and we're left clinging to beachy head?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 12:09, Reply)
Told you that Battered isn't a nice man when he's angry.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 12:23, Reply)
I have mostly been filing, pulling apart and spray painting
a nerf gun. also, gardening
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 13:55, Reply)
Is it time to go to the pub yet? No?
Okay, I can wait.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 12 Oct 2013, 14:41, Reply)

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