Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Why the fuck did I do that?Tell me your tales of stupidity please, oh offtopic peoples
Alt:
LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:10,
225 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
My mate Luke accused his girlfriend of not being a vegetarian because she ate Baked Beans(
Peej, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:14,
Reply)
I'll just leave this here for dozer:www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/arts-entertainment/dj-talks-about-his-work-as-if-it-has-artistic-merit-2013110780992
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:14,
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yeah like The Yurtmasters have any kind of merit at all.Also, Captain Placid admires your musicianship.
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:20, Reply)
I hate cunts like that. Pretentious fucking cunts. Arty, wank shitcunts.
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:25, Reply)
you realise that The Daily Mash is a satirical site, right?Like a shitter version of The Onion.
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:27, Reply)
It's after midday - there's no use in talking to him now, he's drunk and ranting(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:31,
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I knew those Tellytubbies were bad news(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:37,
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YM obviously. Was straight down the cock rot clinic for the wire brush and dettol.Alt, got some nice kippers. Mate got them this morning on the East.coast just dropped them off noe. Fucking lovely!
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:15, Reply)
Alt: Stilton & mushrooms on toast.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:16,
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Needs more chorizo and nyommy bacon(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:27,
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Dunno, probably meeting people off the internet.Alt: I had Burger King Monday and yesterday. So not that. I had McDonalds this morning, so no that. Maybe Subway? I will have a think and get back to you.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:18,
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I'm being healthy next week for a bit so I'm making the most of it.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:22,
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Jesus weptwith that as your diet you must weigh enough to have your own gravitational field
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:20, Reply)
DunnoOne of my mates eats like this, drinks like a fish and weighs about 7 stone
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:22,
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My leg weighs more than that(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:22,
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Not reallyI weigh more than people think though. I think I'm made of lead
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:23,
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I don't think I'm *that* fat but I am pretty heavy for an 'average' height man.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:26,
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I ain't fatI have a 32" waist and I'm 6'1" tall. I'm just large
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:26,
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Just 'cos you still think you are a model and eat tissue paper for lunch(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:31,
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I wasn't suggesting you were.I don't have the frame of a snake hipped slimster.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:30,
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Monty, Lusty, DG and Barryfromeastenders may disagree(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:25,
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I've just been reading on the BBC about how the music industry is responsible for kids today having no respect &c.Now I want to kill myself. How should I do it?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-24836571
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:25,
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I was going to go for long and drawn-out, to increase the suffering.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:32,
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went to put some new taps in the kitchen, turned off the water at the mains. Except i didn't turn the water off. I turned the gas off. I got quite wet.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:27,
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You should turn the heating upoh
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:28,
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i've also bought the wrong sized door for the bedroom.I'm not having a good week.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:30,
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I need to source some new doors Ours appear to be a funny size
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:31,
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2.bp.blogspot.com/_AUycQ7cr7Fg/S6q7tN0d-hI/AAAAAAAAAws/dy2Ie_dwVTk/s1600/IMG_8601.JPG
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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:34,
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"Is Battered coming out to play?"(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:35,
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Didn't realise internal doors came in different sizes.I shall be filing that in the "Huh *shrug*" section of my mental trivia drawer.
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Kroney, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:34,
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My place was built in 1900not only are the doors non-standard, they aren't even fucking rectangular.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:12,
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This would also apply to any place built in the last 15 years(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 14:17,
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:53,
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christ, how long have you got?(about 3 inches probably)
lunch - probably falafel and salad. have the gym tonight, pain.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 12:32,
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I've made some pretty bad choicesI left 6th form 2 weeks before my A Levels.
I left a firm of Solicitors that were going to train me up to pursue DJing.
No regrets though, all in all I lead a very happy life.
alt. Chicken Tikka and mint panini and an apple.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:03,
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They were going to start the training with an English language writing course. (, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:08, Reply)
Gonna get myself indictedWritin's on the wall
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:11,
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Th0se kippers are fucking ace.Bread, salad and horserradish sauce noms.
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:06, Reply)
At least they dont give you the clap(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:10,
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My Dad was interviewed by the Police for Wearside Jacktrufax
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:12,
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No spell check for Pookie?Favouritism.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:11,
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Everything he types is perfect gibberish.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:12,
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The Police's attempts to get into the education market really pushed new boundaries(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:13,
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Your Dad was interviewed by the Police for Wearside Jack(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:14,
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My Dad actually was for the Yorkshire Ripper.True fax.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:15,
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is he a murdererer?(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:16,
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Because underneath the academic exterior you are a right fucking moron.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:17,
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kippers are fantastic,little delicious fishy bastards
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:15,
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urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghyou fishy mouthed ginger food wrong
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:16,
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alright swipe, can you stop the fight with rory, it does get boring quickly.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:18,
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i didn't think we were fighting todayI was consoling him on his RECENT DUMPING.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:19,
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did he get dumped?poor guy.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:29,
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I was wondering where the new posts werethen I realised people are talking about Swipey's sex life.
Again.
You folks need to get your own.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:14,
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me and ladypig started having sex again after a pretty long dry spell, we can talk about that if you prefer?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:16,
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no.she got this lube stuff though, but we didn't use it because it smelt funny.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:17,
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i used to think "if you need lube, you don't need sex"but I've been converted recently
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:18,
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I read this as your anus being like an offcolour windsock(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:21,
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poop chute(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:28,
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I don't need to know the culinary exploits of your balloon knot, thanks.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:21,
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urgh, i didn't put it up my arsewhat kind of a pervert do you think I AM?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:36,
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well it would certainly make a change from Rory et al typing so hard they chafe.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:18,
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well, i think it was the stress of me being out of work, and she's been going through a big change at work with new computer system that hasn't been optimised properly for large print so she can't read it and everyone was being a cunt about it, but now it's resolved and i've got work next week so it's cool.
I hadn't realised how stressed and depressed i was until this job came through and it was like a weight lifted.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:24,
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Well Im pleased your drought and worries are diminishing :)(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:34,
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This guy gets itwww.kineda.com/man-successfully-sues-wife-over-ugly-children-and-judge-orders-wife-to-pay-120000/
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Kroney, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:17,
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fantastic news.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:17,
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Finally ugliness is officially the crime we all know it to be.(
Kroney, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:19,
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it's only rape if they say noand that's pretty hard to do with a ballgag in your mouth.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:39,
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Does it not wet your cowlick?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:42,
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Yo shure got a purdy mouth bwoay(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:44,
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Next, THE GINGES!MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:36,
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Alt: I just had a missive tray of sushi and sashimi and now I feel sick. (, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:23, Reply)
pint of lager will sort you out(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:26,
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C&P from another time I wrote thisThe only way to climb the tree in my front garden was by climbing the fence, then jumping to a branch, and pulling yourself up, whilst trying not to swing too much. As such, this was great fun to do, and I got rather good at it.
One day I was showing a friend how to do this, and he too was good at it, even begin leading the way into the tree. One time, he was in the tree, and jokingly mimed as if he was going to stand on my fingers as I was pulling myself up. I did the obvious thing, and took one hand off to give him the finger (as you do). My swing continued, meaning I fell from the branch, and landed hard on my back, taking most of the impact on my right upper arm.
The result? Severely winded, with one crushed/broken funny bone (no, it wasn't humerus) and several hours in A&E with a severely pissed off father. Why was he pissed off, you ask?
It was his 50th birthday.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:29,
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Nah, I think that's there if you don't have a sig(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:43,
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I see. Do you want his address? Go round and give the little weasle a good thrashing.
(, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:44, Reply)
Thanks, but I don't really care.What hurts is that he lied to me about it.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:48,
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Alt: dunno, not really that hungry at the moment.(
stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 7 Nov 2013, 13:37,
Reply)
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