Well, this is doing nothing to shave time off my work day.
What would you do to make OT the thriving epicentre of B3ta it once was?
Could you try harder?
Do you want to talk about it?

Alt. People are already talking about our works do on Saturday, with talks of going clubbing after. Personally I'd rather club myself over the head with a blunt object, but who knows what will happen with a skin full of champagne.
How long did/will your office shenanigans last?

AltAlt. What's on your main plate for Chrimblemasspoppypoos dinner?
This year it's beef with all the trimmings, including chipolatas in cherrywood smoked bacon, pan friend sprouts with pancetta and stuffing.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:45, 298 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I thought you were a vegetarian

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:49, Reply)

Not all gays are vegetarian you bigot.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:50, Reply)

Yeah, but all vegetarians are gay

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:53, Reply)

OI
no lesbian fantasising about me and cavy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:55, Reply)

i'm not a veggi!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:59, Reply)

you're the only other girl here tonight...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:02, Reply)

And jason

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:08, Reply)

i've seen a picture of him
he's not a real girl. he's quite a hot man.

the gayers always are!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:09, Reply)

\o/
Did you have a gander at my twitter?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:13, Reply)

maybe...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:13, Reply)

and not even a follow...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:34, Reply)

Only the chaps though.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:55, Reply)

Sexist, homophobic, bigot.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:58, Reply)

Not even in my top 5 dwarfs.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:58, Reply)

I should hope me, battered and Doozer are though?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:01, Reply)

There'll always be room at my inn for yous

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:04, Reply)

inn mine for yours, more like

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:04, Reply)

TTJ

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:13, Reply)

I'm gay by proxy

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:59, Reply)

red blooded carnivore

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:53, Reply)

red pink
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:56, Reply)

I'll make you see red, sunshine.
Outside, now.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:59, Reply)

altalt: reindeer. Gonna have a red nose and everything
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:51, Reply)

That's an expensive meat!
Or is it going to be crochet?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:54, Reply)

nah, me dad's buying it
not my problem
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:58, Reply)

Yeah well I don't have a dad, thanks for reminding me!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:01, Reply)

had you forgotten?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:02, Reply)

Try to.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:03, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:05, Reply)

he doesn't have parents like the rest of us
he was HATCHED.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:08, Reply)

From a dog egg

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:13, Reply)

Alright, steady on.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:15, Reply)

Tad-poo-le

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:16, Reply)

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY ALL THIS CYBER BULLYING?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:17, Reply)

live sex shows
alt: one evening. it was good, but nothing spectacular.

altalt: no idea. it's a traditional Christmas dinner at a lake district pub. hopefully they will understand vegetarian food, not like my father's fucking golf club when we had a family dinner there on 29 dec last year, and I got.... egg mayonnaise, followed by a fucking omelette...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:54, Reply)

Teach you to be fussy.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:55, Reply)

Both in her food and choices of "lovers"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 17:58, Reply)

Clearly not on your second point.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:00, Reply)

it's more like being a barn door banged around by a gale force wind than tender lovemaking

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:03, Reply)

That's a good thing though, right?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:06, Reply)

SOMETIMES

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:08, Reply)

and a bit side salad, surely?
Some people are never happy.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:00, Reply)

urgh those 70's style egg mayonnaise things - cold boiled eggs covered in more cold egg... it's just not RIGHT

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:03, Reply)

I still can't decide which t-shirt to wear with my blazer and jeans:(

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:03, Reply)

turquoise

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:04, Reply)

No.
I've bought 2. Just not sure which one goes better.
I have no choice but to do a fashion montage on the day.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:05, Reply)

Post pictures here, we can help
Well I say we, I mean me. This lot wouldn't know a "good look" if it jumped out of the bog and bit them on the cock
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:07, Reply)

the big what?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:09, Reply)

I know enough to realise that being bitten on the cock isn't a good look.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:09, Reply)

Well done you, you'll be the belle of the folkstone ball

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:12, Reply)

I'm going to be both smart and suave on Friday actually.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:13, Reply)

Don't knock it till you've tried it

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:12, Reply)

alright fake me

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:13, Reply)

Well this is confusing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:15, Reply)

alright.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:17, Reply)

why?
it's not like either of them is going to say anything worth reading, unless it's "posting this from beyond the grave as I choked on a sausage roll from greggs and died on the way home."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:19, Reply)

you know all about sausages from greggs
Alright.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:21, Reply)

Would sure beat listening to "tales of my over active flaps" for the hundredth time

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:22, Reply)

clickin dis

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:24, Reply)

you just wish you'd thought of it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:39, Reply)

eew
I would never think of your rubbery flaps.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:41, Reply)

What's all this then?
Who is this blue newcomer?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:15, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:17, Reply)

alright

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:18, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:20, Reply)

everythings gonna be alright

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:21, Reply)

it's really alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:22, Reply)

Alright real me

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:15, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:17, Reply)

S0ckpuppets will never fail to be funny.
Or not.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:19, Reply)

Much like yourself

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:20, Reply)

clickin dis

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:22, Reply)

clickin your own posts is frowned upon I think

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:24, Reply)

I dunno, the populol page is seen as some kind of validation innit.
Two clicks and you're in.

Which is how Froggles pulled the raging orang utan, so I have heard.

Alright.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:27, Reply)

It's true, populol status is key.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:28, Reply)

Ah, that would be why
he got her to hold his cock then yelled "right turn, clyde" over and over.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:29, Reply)

So... Rory, then.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:32, Reply)

it was stunned's joke
don't give that thieving pikey any credit
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:34, Reply)

just like his bank

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:34, Reply)

Yeah but he's the one that milked it so dry it was screaming for water.
Much like his chafed, flaccid, angry little micro-penis.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:36, Reply)

not Rory
Your imagination is as limited as your intellect.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:35, Reply)

Tis though.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:37, Reply)

imagination ability to give a fuck about the identity of a random stranger hiding behind a sockpuppet and impersonating the worst poster online
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:37, Reply)

nobody's impersonating you

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:39, Reply)

take the hamster out of the arse and concentrate
that was shite
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:39, Reply)

just like your posts

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:42, Reply)

Alright
Yer
Clickin dis

Such gems!!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:27, Reply)

it's a click from me!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:30, Reply)

not really, you embarrassingly inept asinine call centre drone
Alright.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:34, Reply)

Now you're nicking his jokes.
Come on Doozer. You're better than that.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:38, Reply)

I really amn't.
That one's all mine.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:40, Reply)

I'm slightly miffed that they are cheaper now.
www.asos.com//Asos/Asos-T-Shirt-With-Oversized-Argyle-Print/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3033556

www.asos.com//New-Look/New-Look-T-Shirt-with-Birds-Jungle-Print/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3261087

Grey blazer, brown shoes
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:12, Reply)

def the argyle one

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:18, Reply)

That's what I was swaying towards...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:19, Reply)

it would look good with dark blue jeans too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:20, Reply)

That birds one is terrible.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:19, Reply)

And now Im stuck with it.
I bet I see another one on Saturday when Im getting my last minute bits and bobs in.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:27, Reply)

I was trying to buy that super cool fox jumper again today but no one has it :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:28, Reply)

have you got clearance for this?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:28, Reply)

Excuse me?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:29, Reply)

O-o
Under the thumb already
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:31, Reply)

nah, he'd enjoy that too much
the kinky bugger
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:37, Reply)

whaaaaaaaaaat

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:44, Reply)

One that has sleeves, buttons and a collar
A shirt if you will
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:06, Reply)

With a tweed tie no doubt.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:07, Reply)

Depends on the shirt, jacket and trousers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:08, Reply)

Smart/Casual this year.
I did the whole three piece suit thing last year and was the only one.
So naturally, this year I will be the only one without.

We're having it at The Living Room, so not a black tie ball.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:08, Reply)

I just hate t shirts with jackets
Looks shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:09, Reply)

it's like a mullet innit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:12, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:12, Reply)

I wish I was your pan friend hun

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:46, Reply)

bastard!! I re-skim-read that too!!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:49, Reply)

as n is nowhere near the other keys, how did that even happen?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:52, Reply)

Freudian clit

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:55, Reply)

When you say one thing but do your mother

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:57, Reply)

I was so tired last night that about five minutes after I got in the door I was tucked up in my mum.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:00, Reply)

alright new person
Biog please
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:03, Reply)

24-36-24, and I'm a Leo

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:08, Reply)

Do you, like, support all wild animals and stuff? And want to travel?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:11, Reply)

omg like totally

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:13, Reply)

aren't you drimble?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:14, Reply)

I'm having some kind of identity crisis/ breakdown on the internet/ gender reassignment surgery
not decided which yet
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:17, Reply)

5 GOLD DRIMBLES

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:20, Reply)

^tggi friday

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:21, Reply)

Are them wimmins measurements?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:11, Reply)

Yes but if you were training a dolphin to jump through a hoop you'd like them too

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:13, Reply)

I could do with a concise and literate precis of all of the above, if, you'd be so kind.
My time is valuable.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:47, Reply)

tl;dr
Ways to make OT better
Christmas party tales
Christmas Dinner updates
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:49, Reply)

A gun
None
Morrisons Turkey Burgers
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:51, Reply)

Joyous.
I kept my word about the icon, you see :)
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:54, Reply)

So you did
I should have been restrained to a padded bed that evening but I have a vestigial recollection of that exchange.

I haven't a clue how much I donated. My homes may be repossessed immediately, all of my assets seized and my kneecaps taken out with a 12" sawn off shortly.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 18:59, Reply)

Have a look at your paypal account

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:05, Reply)

I had a bit of a hot flush as I wrote that and checked my account.
I can afford what I gave.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:07, Reply)

I gave 1p

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:08, Reply)

I gave rather more than that.
I suppose on the whole it's worth it.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:10, Reply)

I was more generous than that. I did consider a 1p ghost but that's a bit piss taking. Haha!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:11, Reply)

In less enlightented times people were charged entry to Bedlam
Bedlam is, I believe, somewhere near Maidstone and was the secure place in which severe nutters were kept. People used to pay to look at the nutters.

Now we have it available to us on line, right here, right now.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:32, Reply)

That James Blunt has a lot to answer for!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:36, Reply)

I'm no Dozer
But I'm afraid that James Blunt references are lost on me.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:38, Reply)

His album was called Back to Bedlam.
Bit of a shit joke, really.

As you were!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:43, Reply)

Good.
I'm afraid that James Blunt has slipped under my cultural radar, other than that he did a very poor cover of "Say Hello Wave goodbye."
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:50, Reply)

brief summary of his schtick, c/o Bill Bailey
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsISBHQcNzE
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:02, Reply)

i quite fancy him
which is a bit Wrong. but he did do a good job of replying to trolls on twitter.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:51, Reply)

I suppose he's a Robbie Williams for the "Help for Heroes" brigade.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:53, Reply)

i quite like the posh thing
but the army thing is not good.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:04, Reply)

1p ghost may have been your best name yet

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:14, Reply)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:09, Reply)

Pan friend sprouts.
Lols.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:32, Reply)

i liked that one too
I quite like sprouting things when chucked into a salad. just not Brussels sprouts. ming.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:37, Reply)

Mung beans are nice sprouted
But they tend to encourage flatulence.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:44, Reply)

i wouldn't know
like all girls, i only fart perfume and shit petunias.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:51, Reply)

In your sleep.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 19:52, Reply)

in your dreams

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:03, Reply)

Look, you've had him now
just give Rory a shag then you've got a full house and we can move on.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:06, Reply)

even YM turned down rory, Q

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:09, Reply)

alright?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:20, Reply)

alright nakers

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:21, Reply)

alright new Brittas

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:22, Reply)

Not bad
Rory's getting all upset on the internet tonight.
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:25, Reply)

he has years of pent up rage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:27, Reply)

rage spunk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:28, Reply)

like cavy's spunk jar library

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:29, Reply)

his sheets must snap in half when he tries to fold them

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:29, Reply)

His keyboard must look like a painter's radio

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 16 Dec 2013, 20:29, Reply)