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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Why are Cilla Black and Sandi Toksvig such cunts?
Why are YOU a cunt?
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:03, 239 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Because they are old and ugly
and because I am 32 an ugly
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)
32 5s

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)
Are we going to have another 1981 is the best year to be born conversation?
I hope so!
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:05, Reply)
i was born in 82...

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:06, Reply)
am i 31?
i hope so
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:06, Reply)
Maybe. When is your birthday?
Just remember though. Swipey will always be a haggard old crone compared to us.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)
feb, worst of all the months

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Then I am afraid its my duty to inform you that you are 32
but younger than Swipey
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:16, Reply)
i'm 3 years older than you, you clown
but luckily i look 13 years younger
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:18, Reply)
so mathematically speaking if your age had to be rounded you'd be 40

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:19, Reply)
no
why would that ever have to happen?
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:20, Reply)
i dunno, GCSE maths question?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:23, Reply)
i don't think teaching kids to round things up is the point of gcse maths
unless it really has gone downhill
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:28, Reply)
*cough*4*cough*

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:20, Reply)
imma teach the budgie to say "frog's a cunt"

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:29, Reply)
cool I already taught him to say piss off in orang utan

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:30, Reply)
81 or GTFO

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)
#1981

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:07, Reply)
The year bobby sands died fact fans

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:08, Reply)
I quite like Toksvig

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)
There is something quite sinister about her.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:04, Reply)
She looks slightly like Ram Man out of He-Man

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:06, Reply)
Yes.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)
just cos shes the same height as you

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:06, Reply)
because of shit threads started by 'dull spacker'

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:05, Reply)

+dwarf
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:06, Reply)
spacker spacker spacker spacker spacker
spacker khan
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:07, Reply)
Alright Chompy.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:10, Reply)
^standard upset response

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2280316
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:12, Reply)
k

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:14, Reply)
Do you hate them because they tower over you

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:07, Reply)
Cilla is a scouser

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:07, Reply)
Cilla Black just gets on my tits
Toksvig is fairly OK

I'm a cunt due to years of practice
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:07, Reply)
Annoying voices.
I is having a spicy noodle roll, what is you having? I'm not, I'm lovely.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:09, Reply)
i've never been a cunt to anyone on here ever

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)
You rejected my friend request :(

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:13, Reply)
i didn't want beardy weirdy stuff on my timeline soz

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:18, Reply)
Sandi Toksvig is well annoying.
She's more impressed with herself than a B3ta LARPing group passing ironic comment about internet bullies.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)
alright Andy Parsons.
Loving your work.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:12, Reply)
SARM PEEPOWL

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:14, Reply)
'dark graph novs'

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:15, Reply)
SARM PEOPLE. YEAH?
THEY LIKE.

DO SOMETHING.

OR OTHER.

YEAH?

STACCATO SET UP.

TO UNSATISFACTORY PUNCHLINE.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:19, Reply)
Best festival line-up ever.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:23, Reply)
This

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:23, Reply)
Goooooooooy

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:24, Reply)
Gets

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:24, Reply)
It

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:24, Reply)
Alright Keith from accounts.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:22, Reply)
alright Colin Hunt

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:23, Reply)
Alright Rhona Cameron.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:27, Reply)
alright Russ Abbott

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:28, Reply)
Alright Miranda.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:35, Reply)
alright Tim Vine

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:35, Reply)
Alright Joe Pasquale.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:53, Reply)

I'm a rebarbative shitstain on the undercrackers of the internet.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:11, Reply)
Gingers and lesbians.
Because I'm a ginger lesbian.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:12, Reply)
These people have little to no impact on my life.
I had no problem with Toksvig when she was Ethel in No. 73, or if I occasionally catch the News Quiz on R4.
'Are Cilla' barely features.

Alt: Probably because of answers like this.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:13, Reply)
This cunt clearly thinks we're the sort of cunts who'd watch Surprise Surprise.
Or even the sort of povvo cunts who'd think watching ITV was acceptable at all.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:16, Reply)
GeordieJay is the most ITV person on off topic

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:17, Reply)
i bet he votes in the national Television awards

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:19, Reply)
Bet he phone votes into Pop Idol

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:20, Reply)
I bet he found 'News Knight' terrifically lolsome

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:21, Reply)
My next door neighbour has put a 'vote Liberal Democrat' sticker on his Ferrari.
What a cunt.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:25, Reply)
I'm a bigger cunt than that, I'll be putting up Vote Green stickers.
It's yoghurt vests and granola trousers for me, son.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:26, Reply)
What a way to ruin a 355 though.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:27, Reply)
If they've got a Ferrari, I'd lay decent odds
on them at least being a bit cuntish to start with.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:33, Reply)
much worse than a 25 year old modified hatchback

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:36, Reply)
I didn't comment on the relative value of the cars
material or otherwise.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
i know i'm calling the owner a bit cuntish :)

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)
stikethrough bit

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
Thats a Lamborghini

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:45, Reply)
LTI

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
I didn't say that anybody wasn't a cunt, either :)

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
So you wouldn't buy an '80s one if you could afford it?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:36, Reply)
I didn't say that.
I said if a person's in a financial position to buy a car like that, then I'd bet on them being a bit of a cunt.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:38, Reply)
I had a 911, had to get rid when daughter came along. Best old sports car ever.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:37, Reply)
Really?
I see.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
i hope they mansion tax him

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:27, Reply)
is your neighbour a satirist?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:27, Reply)
I doubt it.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:27, Reply)
Don't rich cunts usually vote Tory?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
the ones with a guilty conscience vote lib dems

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Sadly they effectively are.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
who will you vote for next time Al? Now that the LDs have let you down to categorically?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)
Im voting for the party that pays me the most in cash outside they polling station.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:43, Reply)
won't you be voting for KIP?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:46, Reply)
You're not in the Eastern Ukraine now, Dorothy.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:46, Reply)
yes

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Maybe he's got a problem with tuition fees.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:40, Reply)
Bit of a generalisation

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)
If they're stupid.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:41, Reply)
if you're rich it's not realy stupid to vote for the party that mostly supports the rich

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
If the only reason you vote for a particular political party is because of your financial position then you're stupid.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:44, Reply)
why? Life is all about self preservation firstly

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:45, Reply)
See below
It's a short termist view
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:49, Reply)
no it's a bleeding heartist view

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
neither battered nor al will be leaving anything to their kids
they'll be leaving the whole lot to help the masses, because that's fair
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)
i hope i get something nice

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:02, Reply)
I'm really going to have to get you a book that explains the difference beween communism and everything else.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:02, Reply)
socialism is watered down communism innit

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:04, Reply)
^ trolling

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:06, Reply)
in what way
it's all about taking from the rich to give to the poor/feckless
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:07, Reply)
There is a basic philosophical difference:
Communism = every individual gets according to their needs.
Socialism = every individual gets according to their contribution.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)
but who pays for it?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:12, Reply)
Socialism = every individual gets according to their contribution.
this doesn't make sense cos those that contribute the least get the most...
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:12, Reply)
Bollocks. Need versus deed.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:14, Reply)
and who pays for it?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:14, Reply)
All pay under every political system.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:17, Reply)
so, higher rate tax payers, then

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:18, Reply)
All tax payers.
Christ you really are stupid.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:19, Reply)
yeah but those that pay the least tax, take the most out of the system
hardly seems fair
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:21, Reply)
and what about those who don't pay tax?
are you going to let them starve?
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:21, Reply)
he really is a cold hearted bastard

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:22, Reply)
well, according to him, they only get back what they put in
meanwhile, what's he going to give the 1% of tax payers who are paying 33% of the income tax paid in this country? a tax increase?
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:23, Reply)
FFS. Pretty much every political system recognises the need to support the most vulnerable.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:23, Reply)
They're pushing your buttons, mate.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:24, Reply)
I know Nakers is. Swipe is just a fucking idiot.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:26, Reply)
Diplomacy forbids me from commenting.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:26, Reply)
don't get that froth on your keyboard
the insurer won't cough up for another new laptop
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:28, Reply)
exactly vulnerable, the old, sick or retarded
not the lazy, thick and useless
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:24, Reply)
steady on
no need to make it personal to dozer
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:25, Reply)
Socialism = every individual gets according to their contribution.
but what if you've been unable to work and therefore to contribute? shame on you.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:25, Reply)
meaningless soundbite^

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:16, Reply)

The main difference between the ideologies is that Socialism allows for some free market economy and that each person is allotted resources according to how hard they work, and Communism seeks communal ownership of everything and that each person is allotted resources according to their need.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:17, Reply)
the clue is in the word "ideologies"

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:18, Reply)
Capitalism is also an ideology.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:20, Reply)
who's a capitalist?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:26, Reply)
the labour government would LOVE to stop people inheriting stuff
more tax! more spending! more benefits! hoorah!
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:04, Reply)
the worst taxes are
Inheritance tax
Stamp Duty
VAT
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:06, Reply)
CGT
can also be a kick in the cunt. well done, you were clever enough to invest in something. so we'll have a chunk of it to give to those who weren't, ta.

although non-stirring of the handwringers aside, i don't mind paying taxes, i just mind when it gets wasted on shite.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:09, Reply)
bollocks

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:10, Reply)
^ poor/feckless ^

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)
you thoughts apart from "bollocks"?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)
You'd have loved the Eighties.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
I know :(

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:51, Reply)
I don't really understand people with no social conscience, Nakers.
This makes me sad, as I fear we could never really last.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:53, Reply)
i'm charming enough to make up for it ;)

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:54, Reply)
No
You're selfish. The fact that you rationally make that decision to further your own interests at the expense of others doesn't necessarily make you stupid. Assuming of course you have factored in the fact that ultimately the selfish route will lead to someone bigger than you fucking you over, but it may be that you can feasibly see that not occurring for such a long time that in the short to medium term it's better to be a cunt and fuck other people over.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:48, Reply)
^utter bollocks

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:49, Reply)
Ladies and Gentlemen, the future of our great country.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:52, Reply)
Your "type" would be the first up against the wall.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:53, Reply)
for a bumming?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:54, Reply)
Once he was dead. Yes.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:55, Reply)
you are some kind of capitalist vigilante duck

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:56, Reply)
If the cap fits. I'll wear it.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)
*makes XXXXL hat that says CUNT*

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:59, Reply)
Calm down, carrot boy.
Isn't there some countryside somewhere that needs you?

Something something I ploughed your wife something furrow.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:02, Reply)
carrot boy?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:03, Reply)
You are from the country = carrot.
You wear 32" waist trousers = small boy.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:15, Reply)
I was born in Hammersmith...

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:17, Reply)
Same same.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:19, Reply)
the hospital was basically a barn
and the mid wife was a shire horse
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:20, Reply)
TGGI^

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
It is stupid to vote purely on the basis of money.
What about other things that can directly affect you, even if you're not concerned about others? Such as crime.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:53, Reply)
If everyone is doing crime then stop bleating and get out there and get your fair share.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:55, Reply)
I hadn't really read your post properly
I'm really responding to nakers.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:55, Reply)
yeah but if you have money you can live somewhere with fuck all crime, plus you can afford the measures to protect yourself

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:55, Reply)
the problem with wanting to help "others"
is that they are all cunts. 99% of people are cunts.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:55, Reply)
i'm not
but don't scroll down from here ok?
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:56, Reply)
you're in the 99% now
it's OFFICIAL
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:57, Reply)
i'm as sad as a red setter trapped in a bin bag : (

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)
between that and the laughter at the drowned budgie/watery mallard bumming stuff...
... you MAYOR of the cunt zone right now!
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:59, Reply)
I'm just glad thee cunt zone has a strong Tory Mayor who's pro business and anti povvo

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:00, Reply)
it's weird how it's people who claim to have a social conscience
are happy to be cunts themselves. i mean, al is famous for his cuntishness. FAMOUS.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:03, Reply)
i'm barely conscience full stop

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:05, Reply)
Tockers is bearable on the news quiz.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
and she's a lezza

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:42, Reply)
Not the good kind though

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:49, Reply)
Because everytime I fuck your Mum she gives me a biscuit?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:44, Reply)
alright Doctor Best Troll

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:45, Reply)
Nah, mate. It's really me.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:48, Reply)
I likes biscuits, me.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:47, Reply)
You're fucking Battered's Mum too?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Isn't everyone?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:49, Reply)
i fucking her right now

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
I thought she might be.
It's the not knowing that hurts.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:50, Reply)
I believe that MD is also doing YM.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:54, Reply)
Dirty bitch.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:57, Reply)
DAMMIT!
I just dropped a Berocca into my black coffee and now it has an orange foam on top
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:53, Reply)
It looks like Swipe had a kid with Lenny Henry
:(
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:54, Reply)
Ha!

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:54, Reply)
Superb

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:18, Reply)
That must be a revolting combination.
I expect you'll love it.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:58, Reply)
I'm not gonz, who would probably make and ice cream out if it to serve with chilli fried mackeral

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:59, Reply)
is a mackerel a kipper?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:03, Reply)
A kipper is smoked herring

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:04, Reply)
oh ok
they're all smokey little shits that are full of bones
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:06, Reply)
i used to get the once a week at prep school, i had to roll them up into balls in bread and fling them across the dining room

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:08, Reply)
I once used berocca as a mixer in a time of need.
Me piss was like a high vis the next day.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:00, Reply)
I look forward to my first wee of the day with beroca
sadly today it was combined with an explosive bottom so the effect was not as pleasant.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:01, Reply)
i had asparagus wee last night i don't like it much
in better news i made a beautiful, silky unctious hollandaise to go with it
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:01, Reply)
#climatechange :(

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:04, Reply)
wot?

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:06, Reply)
Shouldn't be any asparagus until April

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:10, Reply)
yeah but it's may you bellend

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:10, Reply)
not in coventry
it's always winter there
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:12, Reply)
+nuclear

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:14, Reply)
I meant May, but yeah I can't argue that that hasn't already happened.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:28, Reply)
Forced asparagus would be ready in April.
What you said wasn't incorrect.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:30, Reply)
But it is clear I don't know what month we are in

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:36, Reply)
all that weed has finally screweed your brain

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:41, Reply)
This year is fucking flying past
I must be getting old
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:47, Reply)
yer, we have monthly meetings and I'm shocked everytime one comes round

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
It's mid-May.

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:11, Reply)
Fuck I've been asleep a long time

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:21, Reply)
#chivealive

(, Mon 12 May 2014, 13:13, Reply)
I quite like Toksvig - she does a great job on the News Quiz
Cilla Black = professional scouser, therefore she's a cunt. QED.
I'm such a cunt partly due to nature, partly due to nurture, partly due to drinking heavily.
(, Mon 12 May 2014, 12:56, Reply)

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