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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Getting old
Are you growing old gracefully? A whisp of grey at the temples, a small amount of padding blurring your six pack?

Or are you turning into a big fat baldy cunt?
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:37, 139 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
No.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:38, Reply)
Thanks for your input

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:40, Reply)
I have a couple of grey hairs at my temples.
That's it.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:42, Reply)
Mine crept up on me
How old are you?
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:42, Reply)
34

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:45, Reply)
Grey is on its way

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:48, Reply)
Age, not UK shoe size.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:48, Reply)
hahahahahahaha!

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:50, Reply)
*does the twirl*

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:50, Reply)
Oh I say.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)

at my temples
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
Terrible bullying of Al.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:40, Reply)
Ha!
I just noticed that I'm almost entirely grey now
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:41, Reply)
I have a lot of grey hair & quite a lot of white in my beard. I couldn't care less.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:42, Reply)
My beard is turning 100% grey too
I thought a light was shining on my face the other day but it was just white stubble

:o(
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:43, Reply)
something something blown a seal

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:43, Reply)
Would you be bothered if you went bald?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:44, Reply)
Not really. I'd just shave the rest to a #1.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:44, Reply)
Me too

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:45, Reply)
^^^^FUTURE BOLLOCKHEADS

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:46, Reply)
Thats clearly nuts

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:48, Reply)
ooohh, someone's teste

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:50, Reply)
Thats scrotally unfair

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:50, Reply)
Not really, there isn't a vas deferens, to be honest.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:51, Reply)
I had a quick glans at the previous posts but I couldn't cum up with anything better

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Best sac it off then
before it gets too frenuletic
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:55, Reply)
Cock on!

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
bit harsh this, in light of battered's upcoming medical procedures

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
He doesn't like to talk about his built up shoes, OK?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:01, Reply)
Why? It didn't look like it had a vast effect to me?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:04, Reply)
+ anal

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
Stopping looking.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
Rimpathy

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:00, Reply)
My six pack is more of a Party Four these days
due to many applications of the other kind of six pack, mainly.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:41, Reply)
Even when I gym-ed three times a week and swam loads I never got anywhere near a six pack

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:43, Reply)
Big fat baldy cunt
With a beard
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:41, Reply)

ear ollockhea
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:42, Reply)
YEAH.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:42, Reply)
I believe my hair is described by some people as 'salt and pepper' - but some people are pricks.
It's mostly grey. I can live with it.

I lost the best part of 2 stone a year or so back, so I would say that I'm probably in better shape now than I was 5 years ago.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:45, Reply)
I think that might be pushing it

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:49, Reply)
^real good joke^

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:49, Reply)
I was headed for "fat cunt" territory about 8 years ago at around 16 stone or so
so I lost 3.5 stone. I'm in fairly decent shape now but nowhere near that!
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:49, Reply)
I was 16 stone 4lb ten years ago. Got down to 12 stone. Went back up to 14, then lost a stone last year when going through the divorce.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:51, Reply)
I could not get below 12 stone 11, no matter what
I had 7% body fat when I switched gyms. I literally am big boned or something
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
I'm a bit under 12 these days. Was up to 13 and a half at one point.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:03, Reply)
I tell you what
Gardening is good for building muscle. My arms and pecs are bigger than they've ever been
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Save this gay chat for Chariots yeah?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:10, Reply)
Do you hear that kind of chat in there when you go?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)
Definitely.
A day working in the garden and the allotment, and then wicket-keeping for a couple of hours the next day and I'm fecked for days.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)
Just about 13 stone for me
I got down to 12st 4 briefly, but then my stomach seized control in a putsch and ordered takeaway pizza.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:08, Reply)
I was down to 11 and a half, but even I realised that I'd lost a bit too much.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:16, Reply)
Arbeit macht frei

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:20, Reply)
Not quite that bad thankfully

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)
I looked totally gaunt
Pie was the obvious answer
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:27, Reply)
Pie is the answer to most problems.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:30, Reply)
*pie fives*

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:31, Reply)
I'm sure there's a joke about lesbians there...

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:34, Reply)
Less beans, more pie

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:36, Reply)
I hope I go grey soon, damn these youthful good looks

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:50, Reply)
I've got a little podge,
Otherwise, everyone just assumes I'm over 30 when I'm only 26. Which sucks.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:52, Reply)

3 4
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:52, Reply)
:(
You're a horrid bully.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)

sorry
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Hair was receding a bit quicker than I liked, which was bothering me
Now I get my hair cut in a way to hide it, it works quite well.

I am, however, still a bit chunky.

This may (or may not) be due to the fatty fat fat lunch I just had. Fucking tasty though.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:56, Reply)
I burnt my bonce on holiday
I fear my hair is leaving me ala Al
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:02, Reply)
Pro tip: -
Everyone can tell it's a comb-over.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:23, Reply)
this^
Under no circumstances try to hide disappearing hair
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Not a combover, just a more careful cut on top.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:29, Reply)
Dickie caves

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:31, Reply)
Just have a swastika tattooed on your forehead.
It'll take all the attention away from the bald bits.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:31, Reply)
I discovered I had crows feet
had to give them back to the crow before it got cross
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:58, Reply)
sportscrow likes this

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 13:59, Reply)
I'm a smouldering Connery-esque Love Machine

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:06, Reply)
only according to your mum

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:09, Reply)
oh ZING

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:18, Reply)

o u
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)
Ms Foxtrot plucked two grey hairs out of my eyebrow at the weekend
I'm growing old FABULOUSLY
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:13, Reply)
I had two grey nose hairs
:o(
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Oh, and somehow, during a fortnight in Spain where I quickly located 1L bottles of beer for 65 cents in the supermarket
I lost four pounds

Explain that, science
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:14, Reply)
Smartarse replies along the lines of
"65 cents = 52 pence, so you bought 8 bottles and neglected to mention the 16p you also lost"

will be greeted with derision
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:15, Reply)
I ate my own bodyweight in seafood and gin for a week and came back the same weight

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:19, Reply)
Gin melts seafood
Everyone knows that
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)
SCIENCE!

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:22, Reply)
i ate loads when I was away
then I shat it out in a brown river of horror and ended up the same weight
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:24, Reply)
Clicks for brown river of horror
I managed at least 4 shites a day on holiday. It was getting tedious
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)
4! that's nothing
I did that per hour in Rabat
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:27, Reply)
These were baby arms

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:30, Reply)
you probably shouldn't have been eating babies

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:32, Reply)
All you can eat innit?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:35, Reply)
Actually I did shit a LOT out there
Stayed away from the tapwater too.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:33, Reply)
i stayed away from the tap water
until I forgot and went swimming in the not very chlorinated pool
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:40, Reply)
Extension tubes or 1:2 magnification macro lens?
QUICK, BEFORE THE CHAT POLICE GET HERE
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:41, Reply)
um, I use close up filters
as they are cheap and not that for off a proper macro lens if you are not using it frequently
if you have the money, lens is technically better quality
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:45, Reply)
NO CAMERA CHAT

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:46, Reply)
Neither will really increase the size of your penis

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:12, Reply)
Really?
*throws away lens*
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Amateur
I did six a day in London. Fucking stomach flu.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:35, Reply)
This was normal operation

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:35, Reply)
^bum AIDS

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:38, Reply)
London is lethal

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:40, Reply)
Easy.
Any weight gain was offset by amoebic dysentery caused by the water.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:25, Reply)
Didn't he play for Newcastle?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:26, Reply)
I get this.
And by that, I mean the joke, rather than dysentery.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:27, Reply)
The day is still young
unlike us
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:36, Reply)
*colostomy bag fives*

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:50, Reply)
Weight loss caused by a flapping sphincter
after being violently buggered by hairy daygo dockers.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:34, Reply)
Dayglo or Dago?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:39, Reply)
Daygo.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:40, Reply)
YAAFI
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=dago

www.websource.it/search/dago/daygo
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:48, Reply)
DAYGO
I DON'T FOLLOW THE LANGUAGES RULES, IT FOLLOWS MINE
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:02, Reply)
Typical French
trying and failing to stop the inexorable match of English into their lingo.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:09, Reply)
I'm no longer the elegant whippet I once was
however I have no baldy patches and at my age, I'm likely to stay that way. I have the first glimmerings of grey hairs, which are confined to my beard and named Sid and Mary.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:33, Reply)
Sid and Mary?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:35, Reply)
Sid.
And Mary.

The first was called Steve, but he fell out.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:37, Reply)
Is your beard the Sex Pistols?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:38, Reply)
There was a Mary in the Sex Pistols?
Was this pre-signing?
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:39, Reply)
^nancy^

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:02, Reply)
you'll be one of those old fat, gout riddled frenchmen who sit in front of a cafe all day

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:45, Reply)
"you'll?" I think you mean "you're", my friend.

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:02, Reply)
I may again have a six pack soon as i continue to inexplicably lose weight

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:44, Reply)
Run over any gypsies lately?

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:49, Reply)
not for lack of trying

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Keep up the good work

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:03, Reply)
Poor rory

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:04, Reply)
You know, I am starting to see the signs of ageing.
I am slightly more rotund. slightly.
But I still get laid so there.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:04, Reply)
^date rapist^

(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:05, Reply)
It's only rape if they say no.
I know this is a new field for you but sometimes people say yes.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:08, Reply)
Oh Jay, you see the "joke*" lies in the suggestion that people don't, in fact, say yes to you.
Therefore you have to rely on drugs, such as the infamous Rohypnol, to drug people into a coma so that you can rape them. It wasn't a terribly original post to start with, but these things are always lessened further by you needing to be drawn a diagram. Do try to keep up, old boy.

*A play on words, anecdote or story designed to elicit amusement.
(, Wed 28 May 2014, 15:11, Reply)

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