Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
....and that's when it all went wrongAlt:
Foot in mouth disease
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:13,
191 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
there is a joke here about mad cow disease or foot and mouth disease...and
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:21,
Reply)
Failing coordination, I think, leading to eventual organ disruption and secondary failure.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:30,
Reply)
I had to eat my soup with a spatula :(((((((
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:56,
Reply)
It's why I eat at work or on the way home.It's a living hell.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:00,
Reply)
I was catching a train a few years ago and grabbed a load of food because it was a six hour journeyand all I could get to eat the yoghurt with was a plastic fork.
(
Muns, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:29,
Reply)
If I was a woman I would become a disc jockey, just so that I could call myself DJ CJD(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:29,
Reply)
*hands fiver*(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:35,
Reply)
I've just fucked up big time. I slipped on the scaffolding, fell funny and put my boot through the window of the directors office. He was on a conference call. He is not happy.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:18,
Reply)
Yeah fine. I've just had to sit through an interview with the Health and safety officer on site.
Looks like I'll just have to do the work at heights course refresher, but otherwise no problems.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:00,
Reply)
well the main thing is that you didn't cut your foot to ribbons or hurt your backthe rest of it can go suck a bag of dicks
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:09,
Reply)
Excellent workWhen you say put your boot through I take it you broke the window?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:24,
Reply)
Shattered. Proper. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:00,
Reply)
Oh fuck, I think he's severed his leg off and it landed in teh directors lap.I'm glad he told b3ta before he bled out.
(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Near hit form mate. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:01,
Reply)
Which, thinking about it makes no sense, it was definitely a hit. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:10,
Reply)
have a roasted pea, as our friends on qotw would saymy friend was on a date. he was a lot keener than she was, and he kept telling her that she was beautiful. at the end of the night, he could see his prize slipping away, and tried to up his game. as she was waving for a cab, he locked his arms around her, and murmured seductively:
"mmm. and i bet you look even better in the dark."
twat.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:22,
Reply)
yeah, if you like talking about himand nothing else
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:44,
Reply)
When you're self assessment and your tax liabilty goes above a certain level you have to pay on accountMy liabilty went above two years ago, so I paid double tax, then dropped last year, so they gave me some money back, and it'll be above again this year so I have to pay double again.
Wankers
(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:44, Reply)
No, I accept that paying tax is a responsible thing to do. I pay my share, but it irks me that I have to pay my share now on money that I won't earn for another twelve months, so I have to save twice as much as I really need to so that I don't end up in trouble come january.
(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:47, Reply)
but you think that everyone should pay more of iti am really surprised by your attitude to having to pay your own tax, here.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:48,
Reply)
I'm pretty sure if you double something it's more. Twice as much, by my rough calculations.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:50,
Reply)
How do you find out? I don't want to seem thick, but I think I might have done, but can't face going through every payslip and figure it out.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:03,
Reply)
I just got a cheque through the post when I had overpaid(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:13,
Reply)
Well, I shall wait and see. Fairly sure I will have done as I didn't work for a few months.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:17,
Reply)
That's what happened with me after a few months of doing nothing then getting a job, got about £900 i think.Spent it.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:19,
Reply)
I don't imagine it'll be that much, But a couple of hundred wouldn't go amiss. I'm guessing you're tax code is based on your projected annual earnings, so by not working part of the year, you will almost certainly have paid too much.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:21,
Reply)
Why are you so mean to me? (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:29,
Reply)
I'm toughening you up and preparing you for the real world(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:37,
Reply)
Mine is because my yearly pay rise is in September but the tax year is April to AprilSo for 6 months I pay too much tax
(
Peej, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:31,
Reply)
take your p60take the taxable pay and the tax paid and stick them in here stccalculator.hmrc.gov.uk/UserDetails.aspx
(
Peej, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:30,
Reply)
But my p60 only appears to have earnings and tax for the new job. Not the old one. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:53,
Reply)
My sister's familial nickname is Boo. I call Mrs Vagabond "Babe" regularly.This can get Freudicly confusing if the two are in the near vicinity - particularly if I am drunk.
(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:31,
Reply)
I assume this is because Mrs Vagabond is a smallish pig. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:39,
Reply)
Hahahahahaha(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:55,
Reply)
I call Mrs Cow a "daft twat" or "spaz"(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:43,
Reply)
I called mine 'a stupid, lazy, selfish cunt' on a regular basis. /divorced.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:48,
Reply)
<a href="http://b3ta.com/users/signup.php">b3ta.com/users/signup.php</a>Alt: play.spotify.com/track/6erF3oN715s6987l4CsJmZ
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:08,
Reply)
are you pimping your yurt record?pressed on original waxed lentils (without harming the lentils)?
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:10,
Reply)
If I were, I wouldn't be linking to those cheapskates at spotify(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:11,
Reply)
Right you lot, I'm on the scrounge againI'm running in this year's Great North Run on 7th Sep 2014 to raise money for the British Lung Foundation again in memory of my mother-in-law. I was genuinely gobsmacked that people from here who'd not even met me had donated over £100 towards my goal
Click here please!
If any of you can be bothered to donate, I'd be most pleased. I'm hoping to beat last year's time of 1:59:42
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:38,
Reply)
I hope this is the "happy finish" at the end of 13 miles, yes(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:43,
Reply)
He can't even be bothered to post a proper link(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:47,
Reply)
I tried to donate 5p and it rejected me saying 2 quid minimumI guess every penny doesn't count. Ungrateful cunt.
(
Peej, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:49,
Reply)
Also, WHERE'S OUR FUCKING ICONS, SPORTSCOW?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:50,
Reply)
Really?Thats a bit shit that
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:53,
Reply)
You'll get nothing until you finish those two first.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:49,
Reply)
Yeh, I choose which charities I donate to thanks. I don't need chuggers like you blocking my internet enjoyment begging for moneyPlus there's nothing great about the north. It should be called the shit north run.
(
Peej, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:48,
Reply)
Just remember who got things rolling eh? Yeah.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
Is that a photo of Stunned on your fundraising page?(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:22,
Reply)
haha!Yes it is
50% off trainers sale
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:31,
Reply)
I AM GETTING A NEW SHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:52,
Reply)
Not a massive one, but the landlord is coughing up for it, so can't complain. Also means I can get my stuff out of MY shed at bitchtits's place(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:09,
Reply)
That reminds me, I think I left my pants in your ex's shed.Can you ask her to have a look next time you speak to her?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:11,
Reply)
She says she's already put them on the compost heap. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:15,
Reply)
Smart move - they're 100% organic(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:16,
Reply)
I think I've made up a new insult, but I'm not sure"Crap tickler"
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 12:58,
Reply)
You need to tone down your language a bitRemember, in this day and age, insults need to be family friendly.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:02,
Reply)
Silly Frog, why would the gays need condoms?It's not like they can get pregnant
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:03,
Reply)
They can, that's how black homosexuals are made (I think).(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:03,
Reply)
HmmNot sure that's the message I want to put across
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:06,
Reply)
Oh you don't agree with practicing safe sex? Bit out of touch there pal.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:08,
Reply)
He's had too much practice. Now he wants to try it with a real woman.
(
Muns, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:13,
Reply)
Do you mean underwear or trousers? THIS IS IMPORTANT
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:04,
Reply)
Saturday? I think that's 'Secret B4ysh Night'(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:11,
Reply)
Yup, that's what is says on here:http://b3ta.com/secretcalendar/
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:14,
Reply)
Have you seen the latest secret b4ysh pics? Well lol - balloon pants as far as the eye can see!https://www.flickr.com/groups/secretbashes/pool/
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:18,
Reply)
Christ, I bet the buffet took some hammering there.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:22,
Reply)
I like the photo of meatsnake in his "worst b3tAn ever" t shirt(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:23,
Reply)
Well you walk down the street with swipe don't you?I guess you become immune
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:27,
Reply)
Why do 'internet' people need so many wacky props?Why can't they just 'go to the pub'?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:23,
Reply)
It's how they celebrate being away from their carers. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:24,
Reply)
When I first met people from here I would have fucked off home pretty quick if it had been like that.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:27,
Reply)
I bet they lure you into it like it's just a pint then about 45 minutes in the 'props' and balloons come out(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:31,
Reply)
I met Boyce beforehand, had a couple with him, then went to meet others.Most were great, apart from Wormulus (wanker), Gonz (perculiar), Chompy (dull). Even Al was ok.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:34,
Reply)
This is precisely why I don't go to bashes. That, and I can't be bothered with the travel.
(
Muns, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:28,
Reply)
I've just been in the garden to check on my courgettes. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:23,
Reply)
We had thunder and hail yesterday, I was worried my carrots and tomatoes would be damagedLuckily they survived unscathed,
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:24,
Reply)
What types of tomatoes are you doing?I've got a cherry, a plum & a beef.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:27,
Reply)
About 7 kinds including money maker, a yellow one, baby plums and sexiest of all tigerella(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:28,
Reply)
Rawryoutu.be/XSpPX03e5PQ
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:30,
Reply)
Money maker is a good failsafe as they're an F1 hybrid. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:32,
Reply)
I think mine have failed:o(
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:26,
Reply)
They were planted under the window they empty their family crap bucket out of(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:29,
Reply)
Fucking posh cuntLike we have windows
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:30,
Reply)
Distinct lack of anything growing inbetween onions and beetrootwhich was where I planted the seeds
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:29,
Reply)
I germinate everything in seed trays, move to pots then plant outGive them the best start in life
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:31,
Reply)
This weekend I'm planting:Habanero chillies, thai chillies, red chillies, purple basil, mustard leaves, corriander, tomato, spring onions and a few other things I cant remember. All going in pots in the greenhouse
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:32,
Reply)
I thought soGot a mixed pack of seeds for a quid and thats what was in it
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:35,
Reply)
In a few months you'll be almost entirely self-sufficient for really spicy salads(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:39,
Reply)
I started the seeds indoors & planted out when the plants were about 5". 12 plants, so should have loads. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:31,
Reply)
Most books suggest two plants will be plenty...(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:39,
Reply)
I'll give a load away, I'll also harvest some young, just for the flowers. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:41,
Reply)
You fucking idiot, why didn't you start your seeds inside like everyone else did?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:32,
Reply)
Everything else has grown and I'd never planted anything before(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:33,
Reply)
Dunno, I've only ever grown weed in my greenhouse(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 13:37,
Reply)
« Go Back | Reply To This »