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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Three times a lady-threadDating disasters
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Motto 4lyf
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:17,
143 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
This place wouldzzzzzzzzzNone really. Had a few harsh break ups but that comes with the territory of being fucking adorable.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:21,
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I've done alright, really. But one girl I went out with, once, did that grindy dance thing where they sort of use you like a stripper pole in a bar. I was embarrassed. I didn't accept her offer of going back to hers. Especially since she lived with her landlord who "doesn't like me bringing men back". The whole thing seemed well dodge.
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:29,
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Cor! Did you kiss her?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:30,
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Oh well, she was probably rife with venereal disease anyway(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:31,
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I fucking hate women doing that. Especially as it never happened before I got married. I swear that they fucking do it on purpose.
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Muns, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:34,
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That was the first time it happened to me since I stopped going to nightclubs.I thought it was only practiced by drunk eighteen year olds. Most off-putting.
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:38,
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It happens to me all the fucking time. Working security means that the sort of unreasonably attractive woman who only George could woo will spend half of the night attempting to pleasure themselves by rubbing themselves on your leg like a dog with an itchy arse. They think it's funny, I just find it tragic now. If that happened in my clubbing days I think I would have had an erection for a fortnight.
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Muns, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:44,
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Snail trails are hard to explain(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:39,
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no they are notThe snail produces a viscous mucus in order for it to travel over a variety of surfaces
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:44, Reply)
Fucksake...just off the top of my head...1. The mental one who was desperate to get married - I said 'no way' and eventually finished it. The drama queen that she was, she did the whole 'woe is me' routine, pestering me with texts, phone calls, FB messages etc for weeks afterwards. Suddenly it all went very quiet. She was engaged to some other mug within about 3 months. The last I heard, he binned her as well.
2. The other mental one who I was seeing for about 18 months. One minute she was dropping hints about moving in with me, and then literally the next week she fell for a married father of 2 who she met on a 6-week course. The last I heard he binned her at the end of the course and went back to his Mrs.
3. The politically ultra-correct, hand-wringing, vegetarian who was a member of Amnesty International and strongly believed in free elections around the world, but thought nothing of handing out 'Ban The BNP' flyers around the city centre. She failed to see the irony.
That'll do for now.
Alt: 'He who expects nothing will not be disappointed.'
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:34, Reply)
What I'm getting from this is that you have a thing for cluckcluckgibbergibbers(
Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:35,
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Either he goes for them, or he sends 'em nuts(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:37,
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When I go out with someone for the 1st time, I always give them the warningI turn them all mental eventually - it's just a matter of how long it takes.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:38, Reply)
They fucking go for it when they're trying to get out of the restraints!They do need to make straight jackets with suspenders though.
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Muns, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:56,
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My mate binned his bird off when he moved in next door to meHe woke up early one Sturday morning at around 5am, many month later, opened his curtains to find her standing there in the road, looking up at his flat
One of my exes threw a vodka and coke at me when I walked in from work five minutes later than normal. Apparently I must have been balls deep in someone during that time instead of the train being delayed. 8 stitches later in my elbow and a "see you later"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:44,
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You just reminded me of a mate of mine. He dated a bunny boiler for a few weeks, he called it off and after various incidents, she eventually broke into his house and got in bed with him. He decided to head spend a few years living off of his parents money, travelling, in the hope that she'd forget about him and find someone else to be a fucking lunatic towards.
She actually managed to track him down while he was in Hong Kong, she bought flights, travelled over there and broke into his hotel room. He's not seen her since the hotel involved the local constabulary.
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Muns, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:47,
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NiceI've had a few Klingons over the years who didn't take "FUCK OFF" for an answer
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:49,
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Fucking hell.Mental number 1 from up there ^ - the day I finished with her, she phoned everyone she knew to tell them that I had callously dumped her. As I say, a total fucking drama queen.
She tried to phone one friend in particular, who was out on a pub crawl with her work mates and didn't get the call. When she saw the missed calls the next day she phoned her. The mental one refused to believe that she'd been out with her work mates, and instead accused her of being with me.
So she lost her bloke and one of her best mates on the same day. Nice going ya fucking lunatic.
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:58, Reply)
I was, but YM let me out the back door just before you got home.And when I say back door, zzzzzzzzzz
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:05, Reply)
I have regaled this story beforeAt Uni I managed to talk a lady into going on a date, she was part of the stage crew rather than a student, I met her from her work at the local theatre but she had to cover another shift as well but there was an aftershow party that I was invited to in a couple of hours...
I then decided that as I had a couple of hours to kill I would go for a swift half, which turned into many pints and chasers and I turned up for the date utterly shitfaced (I have very little memory of the evening) She didn't want to see me again
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:42, Reply)
On being introduced to my best mate, turned to me and said"Oh right! So you're the Obligatory Ugly Friend ... "
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:47,
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I bet you thought of a great comeback about two days later(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:57,
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b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2302145
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:00,
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Only a couple of hours, in fact.She's still there, if the news is anything to go by.
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Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:00,
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alt.
Sing like nobodys listening
Dance like nobody's watching
Love like you've never been hurt
and fuck like you're being filmed.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:49,
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Christ noIt would be a vine video
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:52,
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+ its not really worth the effort of setting up the camera for a 10 second film(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:53, Reply)
Never really did much datingI was a crippling social retard in my teens, gained enough confidence through alcohol and massive drugs in my uni years to get some one night stands. Left uni, met my wife had a few dates and fourteen years of marriage later....ah yes, dating disasters, now I see it...
Alt: In 100 years who's going to give a shit
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Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 15:54,
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Daww! You guys! Such a bunch of japesters! *rolls eyes*(
Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:19,
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god, how long have you got?it started with the 14 year old, who brought me a plastic rose "so it would last forever, like our love". and that's still the highlight, tbh...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:07,
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Tell us about your first date with Frog(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:10,
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we metwe went to a pub
we drank a lot of alcohol
we kissed a bit
he said, let's do it again
i said, i'm meeting some weirdos off the internet on friday, come along
the end
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:10,
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I preferred the story of her date with chompy(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:16,
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that wasn't a datethat was a monologue about being a data processor in the midlands.
actually, you'd have loved it.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:19,
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From spreadsheets to spreading on sheets(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:20,
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Ooh yeah, keep going baby(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:22,
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This may be me coming out here but I had some rose wine last night and it was nice(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:16,
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Unless you start drinking cosmos and woowoos, I reckon you'll be alright.(
Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:17,
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Seriously lacking in stories, here.Went out with another girl I thought might be a bit mental. So I didn't go out with her a second time. Is that any good?
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:16,
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Surely our resident French lothario has a few good stories?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:17,
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Not about shit first dates, no.I only had a short "dating" period. Mostly it's all banging drunk slags, mate. Brap brap.
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:20,
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The girl I was seeing before the missus kept telling me I should ask the missus out.Repeatedly said we were all casual and whatnot and wouldnt be going anywhere. She was going out with other guys etc, which was fine as I wasn't attached and was going out other girls. So I asked out the now mrs.
I ended up as the bad guy, obviously. When I told her there were tears and "but I love you" texts.
It was a bit awkward as she sits on the same desk cluster as her.
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:24,
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I tried to wave but both hands were busy(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:27,
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I swear to godHe was moving her mouth like a glove puppet it was that deep
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:29, Reply)
Best of all the Metallicas.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:39,
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It was my fault, ultimately.I believed she meant what she said.
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:25,
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But didn't you remind her of what she said?What was her reaction?
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To which I responded"Yeah, I figured that the first time you said that. The times after that I took as advice."
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Kroney, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:54,
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I wouldn't bother yourselfSporto is only looking for new material to add to his wank bank.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:19,
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I've been married too long nowMy tapes are worn out
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:19,
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There's this thing called the internet, right....free porn to your computer, phone, tablet, you name it.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:26,
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disclaimer it was in teh 90'sI had been out on a date with a young lady and she had invited me back to hers for coffee (she made it clear it was only going to be coffee too) So when she went off I tried "The Naked Guy" move.
It didn't work
(, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:24, Reply)
Thats because it was Maxwell's House(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:25,
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I've had a couple of those awkward dates where it isnt going anywhere and you make your excuses and leaveA couple of times I just stayed out though and was caught by my ex date necking on with another guy.
This is in my younger days mind. I ent no whore now.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:24,
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One of the guys at this "hen do" hates me.I went out with one of his ex boyfriends before him and kind of while he was with him...
Again. Young and stupid.
Should be fun.
I would think he'd be over it now but gays hold grudges.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:33,
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I also went out with non identical twins.Not at the same time.
One of them had a boyfriend too. Who found out.
Weird, because I myself would never cheat.
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:33,
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I think thats you, old chap(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:40,
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Could have bought me a drink first.and less of the fuckin' old!
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:40,
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The younger one was far prettierShe was the 5' spacehopper tits one from earlier
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:40,
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Urgh. This thread is giving me some right flashbacks.(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:35,
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NEW THREADnot that it was worth it, given that most of you part timers have fucked off.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 12 Jun 2014, 16:50,
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