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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Retarded behaviour
What was the last piece you saw?

Alt: what's your boss like? Ever had a boss you loved or loathed?

Altalt: breakfast?
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:08, 152 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
I shall talk to myself, therefore answering the first question
Just asked the cashpoint for £50. Sorry, it can't give me that, do I want £40 or £60? Fine, I'll take £60.

It gave me 2 x £20's..... And 4 x £5's. FFS. And when was the last time they put fivers in a cash point that wasn't in a student union?!

Alt: he's great. So was the last one.

Altalt: late for breakfast meeting, ugh.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:10, Reply)
Hello swipeypoos!
Prolly a claims firm insisting that some with profits bonds could be switched, then insisting that ten years rather than five years is the 'correct' timeframe in which to view them.

Yeah, I know, crazy!

Alt: my current boss is superb. A good boss and a good bloke.

Alt alt: some fruit when I get to Leeds. I can never stomach food first thing.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:14, Reply)
^ Not an accountant

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:50, Reply)
Altalt, Quorn sausages, grilled tomatoes, poached eggs and nommy wholemeal rolls. White bread is pants. Morning, btw.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:28, Reply)
Cooked outside on a camping fax.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:31, Reply)
Yes, that's correct.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:37, Reply)
Sliced white is for commoners
Baguettes, ciabatta, sourdough etc are fantastic
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:33, Reply)
These were nice baguettes, with seeds and bits in them. Butter, obviously.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:39, Reply)
Aren't they just bread for commoners in other countries?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:39, Reply)
Nah cos forrins do food better

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:41, Reply)
Whilst I like a bit of fancy posh doorstops and that.
Every now and then, you can't beat a bit of toast made from a loaf of Kingsmill.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:05, Reply)
The woman in my office right now
Alt. My boss is kind of OK. My last boss was great. The one before him is one of the most vile individuals I have ever met and if he died in the most painful, slow and shocking manner I would laugh and visit his grave to piss on it. Exhibit A .
AltAlt. Coffee, just coffee, always just coffee.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:22, Reply)
Dear Peej, as you know university internet fair usage policy allows us to track and read your online postings
As such I must warn you that posts bringing the university into disrepute will not be tolerated and could lead to disciplinary action. If you have issue at work please engage with the colleague out reach team through the appropriate channels to start mediation.

Regards

HR team
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:28, Reply)
Dear Ben
What the fuck were you thinking using your company supplied laptop as a coaster?

Regards

IT team
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:30, Reply)
ZING!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)
The cunt boss was when I was working for someone other than the university so there mister HR.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:30, Reply)
We were referring to 'kind of ok' which could be misconstrued as a negative comment, please be more careful in future

HR team
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:35, Reply)
Alright, he's a cunt too.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:35, Reply)
*makes notes on permanent record*

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:42, Reply)
Shove it up your arse, I just found that winning euro millions ticket I lost.
Stick you job up your fat fucking arsehole
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:45, Reply)
While swearing is permitted on the boards, we prefer more creative forms of profanity:
Reversal: by reversing "fuck" and "arse" you can substantially improve your swearing: "Stick you job up your fat arseing fuckhole"
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:10, Reply)
I see so much retarded behaviour that I feel it's become the norm *sads*
Alt: My boss is a laid-back biker type who hates paperwork and just expects you to do your job. Supports when needed but generally stays out of the way, making sure all that we the sales force need, is provided. Hated my last boss. Self-important, micro-managing smarmy backstabbing cunt.
Altalt: Cbeese on toast.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:22, Reply)
Alt: experieced both. The best was the bloke that used to give me the occasional afternoon off & give me £50 to go on the piss*
AltAlt: coffee & Marlboro lights.

* That was when I worked for myself obvs.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:24, Reply)
The design of the fold down tables on cross country trains
Alt: good thanks

Altalt: might get a bacon bagle
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:31, Reply)
This morning when a retard on the tube surrounded by bags needed to occupy the only empty seat with a fucking Primark bag and ignored the polite requests to move it by being 'asleep'
Alt: He's alright, last one was a mega cunt.
Altalt: Banana
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:34, Reply)
You should have taken a dump in it

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:35, Reply)
I would have moved it myself but it appeared to be full of used tissues

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:36, Reply)
You could have wiped your arse as well then

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:41, Reply)
Haha, banana.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:41, Reply)
What's funny about that?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:48, Reply)
Bananas are fucking shit.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:49, Reply)
'Banana's' are the greatest

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:50, Reply)
Which boss shit the bed?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:45, Reply)
My boss is the flakiest, most forgetful, self indulgent person I've ever met, sadly.
Breakfast was hours ago. It's dinner time. Home made rogan josh and onion bhajis here.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:55, Reply)
I'd say the guy in front of me at the sandwich shop this morning was retarded
He got a bacon bap with brown sauce, red sauce and mayo. Fucking weirdo.

Alt: MD can be a tool, but is much better now than he was. My department manager is great, bought me a few ales last week.

AltAlt: Fatty breakfast bap - sausage, bacon & egg. I was also nice enough to buy several colleagues breakfast, although as it was £11 for 5 sandwiches, I'm not too upset.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:58, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:05, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:05, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:08, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:08, Reply)
Well?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)
I couldn't care less, they were thick rashes of bacon, well cooked.
Wouldn't shock me at all if the sausages were crap, but the bacon was good enough that I don't care.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Rashes? I think you mean rasheRs!!! One for the 'fail archive' AB!!!!!!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:19, Reply)
Gah, piss.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:21, Reply)
EPIC FAIL!!!!!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)
LOL

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)
ROFL!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:24, Reply)
Classic 'archive' stuff right here!!!
Man can't spell
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:27, Reply)
Rolf On the Fucking Loose?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:29, Reply)
basically you are a terrible human being

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:20, Reply)
As are you
Morning, how are we?
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:21, Reply)
who are you? the fucking queen?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:26, Reply)
No, that's Darth

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:26, Reply)
Darth's dead

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:27, Reply)
Damn shame.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:28, Reply)
Well?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:14, Reply)
Answer the question.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:16, Reply)
We need to know if it was high welfare outdoor bred pigs or miserable caged factory farmed pigs?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:18, Reply)
Every day on here.
Alt: He's a good mate. I'm not sure I've ever loathed a boss, perhaps on account of being an adult and being able to relate to other people.

Altalt: Misery muesli :(
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:04, Reply)
Was it high welfare outdoor bred muesli or miserable caged factory farmed muesli?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:10, Reply)
This was muesli that lived a long, happy life, free to roam around the Dorset countryside.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)
Get you with your branded cereals

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:13, Reply)
Hippy brand innit

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Dunno what you're talking about m8

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:11, Reply)
Not you, obviously.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)
Damn straight

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:13, Reply)
Plus, loathing takes up WAY too much energy.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:12, Reply)
alright pops?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:21, Reply)
if by "alright" you mean hungry as fuck and wishing I"d ordered takeaway instead of cooking indian myself, then yup, I'm alright.
you?
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:29, Reply)
similar, although it's a buit early for indian

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:31, Reply)
Nonsense, dosas, etc. make the perfect breakfast food.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:33, Reply)
Cold Pizza is amazing for breakfast.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)
I don't think that is Indian.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Our office's file transfer policies are pretty retarded
Alt: barely impinges on my consciousness, just how I like it.
Altalt: sausage bap with ketchup and mustard.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:16, Reply)
Morning miss
I see retarded behaviour every single day in my job. The stupidity of some users staggers me

Alt:
Generally always had good bosses. Micro managing is my particular ballache. Just tell me to do something and then leave me the fuck alone to do it. If you are so worried about my ability to do the task, dont ask me to do it

AltAlt:
Home made muesli with blueberries and strawberries.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:21, Reply)
IT yurt prick ^

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)
IT prick, please
No yurt
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)
^ gay breakfast ^

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Damn tasty, actually
I now have coffee
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:23, Reply)
Home made museli is essentially just a load of oats and stuff thrown together, aye?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:46, Reply)
Basically
I buy some dried fruit and nuts, chop them up and mix them in with oats.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:49, Reply)
^ knows his oats

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)
lemmy was also pretty retarded this morning
flew back to his cage and clung to the outside, staring piteously at me because he couldn't get in. it's not my fault you're too fucking thick to fly or climb around the corner where the door is. where it has always been. and always will be.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:25, Reply)
you might say he was a bit of a BIRD BRAIN!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:26, Reply)
Well of course, he's a bird!!! Oh man, AB better put this in the 'fail archive' before it gets deleted!!! LOL

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:28, Reply)
the fial archive is an important record of man's inhumanity to man

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:29, Reply)
UH OH!!!!
MAN SPELLS 'FAIL' WRONG
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:31, Reply)
I'm expecting this new meme to be repeated by Dozer in 4 years time.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:29, Reply)
alright

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:33, Reply)
Yer.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:36, Reply)
i've got coffee in my lungs :(

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:31, Reply)

MAN DRINKS COFFEE WRONG
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:32, Reply)
Cough it into your keyboard

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:33, Reply)
I once had an entire bottle of smirnoff ice in my lungs when a 'strawpedo' backfired
#trulad #yolo
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:34, Reply)
wtf is a strawpedo?

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Paul Gadd wearing a boater.

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:36, Reply)
v good

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:48, Reply)

youtu.be/dSr3AbY4HtM
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:36, Reply)
Smirnoff Ice?
Really?
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)
There's a 40 year old woman where I work throws childish tantrums every day.
Im talking stamping feet, the lot.
she's a massive coke fiend. It does her no good. She's canny at sales though.
She's a Grandmother too. I despair.

alt. My bosses are cool guys. Very laid back as long as you do your work. Getting paid today a day early for my weekend away. Hurrah!

ALTALT. Hovis breakfast bar thingys :(
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:42, Reply)
PAAAAYDAAAAAYYYY CAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:43, Reply)
I have some payday wine in the house if that counts.
And a bottle of ale that's been there for ages because I don't drink ale.
I might have the ale
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:48, Reply)
+ m

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:48, Reply)
Very good

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:53, Reply)
Retarded behaviour just this morning
A user has just sent me half a dozen files that are to be merged and fed into an SSIS to populate some DB tables. Not really my job to merge his data for him but it's a rush job. However, his data is absolute gash and he clearly hasn't even looked at it.

Alt: My boss lives 500 miles away and I see him maybe twice a year. My supervisor lives 500 miles away but I speak to her most days. She's ok, and most importantly can be blinded by science.

I had a boss who pulled me up at an appraisal for being the 'social hub' of the office, i.e. I chatted too much. This coming from a man who just a week earlier had spent 90 minutes chatting to me during work time about the American Football team that he was involved with and would I like to come and try out for them [I was young and fit back then].

AltAlt: cereal and coffee.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:06, Reply)

Scotchcunt shocker as RF goes all 'The Proclaimers' in 500 mile rant!!!!
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:10, Reply)
Oh you terrible cunt.
It's 467 miles ACTUALLY.
(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Oh no!!!!! Better put me in 'the archive'!!!

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Grabbing a screenshot of this now

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:23, Reply)
lulz

(, Thu 26 Jun 2014, 10:23, Reply)

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