Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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'Alright yer'Question 1:
I have a scotch egg today, what have you got?
Question 2:
I have ordered that new bike I keep banging on about, what have you ordered?
Question 3:
Would you rather have a massive bushy neanderthal style monobrow or no eyebrows whatsoever, chemo style? For the purposes of the question, the ultimate look cannot ever be altered, shaved, drawn on etc.
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:19,
242 replies,
latest was 11 years ago)
Chicken Caesar wrap innitIt was about 11p at the petrol station wunnit
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:21,
Reply)
I can only imagine the wonders of eating in such luxury whilst spending so economically.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:23,
Reply)
Sorry I ruined your hilarious comment of 'pointing out a typo'(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:36,
Reply)
The tesco express on copnor road is a gold mineThey reduce perfectly good stuff down to stupid prices.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:27,
Reply)
Going to try to buy some pink spray paint todayAnd no eyebrows, I think. More dignified
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:22,
Reply)
I want a pink guitarAnd figured that this is probably the cheapest way of doing it
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:27,
Reply)
Try the tesco express on copnor road. I hear it's a gold mine, maybe they'll have some on special.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:29,
Reply)
Mornin'A1) I have the makings of my favourite sandwich - smoked turkey, chocolate spread and encona chilli sauce.*
A2) I have ordered some stainless steel fretwire, some black machine heads and a two-way trussrod for my acoustic guitar project.
A3) Monobrow. No eyebrows looks alien.
*Scotch egg - pah!
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:23, Reply)
Sounds like a really disgusting combination.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:24,
Reply)
Don't knock itI got the idea from a South American guy who was on about some turkey/chocolate stew style thing - I think it's called a moollee?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:28, Reply)
yeah course, best headphones everI plug them in to my iPod and listen to the Foo Fighters.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:30, Reply)
Dave Growl is the best guitarist and drummer evah(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:31,
Reply)
he isn't a smug tosser, churning out the same record over and over to a fanbase of teenagers and accountants looking for some 'edgy yet accessible' mediocre guitar rock(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:33, Reply)
He's the Gervais of rockHe's done something that a group of people think is the BEST THING EVA, so he keeps knocking out more of the same, with less and less effort, in the hope that someone will still like it.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:37,
Reply)
also, the stuff Grohl guests on is usually a lot better than the stuff he writes.So, he's also the Mitchell and Webb of rock.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:40, Reply)
No, I'm sorry, those are too personal a set of questions for me to consider answering.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:41,
Reply)
You know that I am a deeply private individual, with several learning difficulties.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:45,
Reply)
Well, okay then. But I think it's only me that reads your posts, so if you ever want to share please go ahead.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:48,
Reply)
I'll gaz you my answers, but you must promise not to tell.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:50,
Reply)
1. A lot to do.
2. Cookery books & a case of Malbec.
3. This is a stupid question, so I'm not going to answer it.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:44,
Reply)
I honestly wasn't getting at you with the monobrow thing, I just didn't think. Sorry.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:51,
Reply)
^ one for the archive right here.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:52,
Reply)
I've actually had balanitisMy cock looked like a medieval mace
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:49,
Reply)
Free coffeeBlackberry curve USB charger
Chemo-chic please
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:50,
Reply)
Is all the 'free' coffee you get just you making yourself coffee?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:53,
Reply)
new "pop up" cafe on South bank; bought one yesterday so got a free one todayI'll be tweeting about it later for another free one tomorrow
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:54,
Reply)
I used to regularly get free coffee from the woman in pret at st pancras, but i don't go there much now so i have to buy it with money :((
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:57,
Reply)
did she have a hankering for some MEATSNAKE?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:00,
Reply)
i bet you gave her the old fluttering camel eyes didn't ya?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:02,
Reply)
I never count, buy one get one free as freeBecause its not free. You had to buy one. When the new costa opened in town they stood outside handing out free coffees to passers by. They were free.
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Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:58,
Reply)
No you don't understand, i walked up and said please can i have a free coffee and they gave me one without me givibg them any moneyfree coffee
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:00,
Reply)
Would you have got a free one of you didn't buy one yesterday?If so I humbly apologise.
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Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:05,
Reply)
i paid for yesterday's, but today's was FREE(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:06,
Reply)
Yes, would todays have been free if you hadn't paid for yesterdays?(
Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:08,
Reply)
no yesterday's coffee was paid for but today's was free(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:11,
Reply)
Bloody wasn't, not if you had to do something to get it. So there.I had an actually free coffee this morning. I nicked it.
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Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:45,
Reply)
1. Coffee2. The extermination of an entire race of people
3. Monobrow I think.
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Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:57,
Reply)
Fraid not, I needed a large army of disposable soldiers in order to carry out the extermination.The Chinese ticked all the right boxes.
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Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 8:59,
Reply)
Nothing as yet but now I'll be getting a black pudding scotch eggNEW SUNGLASSES!
Chemo style. I'll train furry caterpillars to rest on my face
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:04,
Reply)
I want to eat one of those, I saw them what I believe is called a 'butchers shop'(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:05,
Reply)
1. I have a hangover and - shortly - a sausage bap2. Bunnahabhain 12yr old since I'm out of whiskey at the moment (see 1).
3. None probably, then I could lie to women about my brave battle with some terrible illness and get a shag.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:22,
Reply)
Why are they all virtually unpronounceable names?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:23,
Reply)
nothing yet. soon it will be fresh orange juice, raw nuts, and a veg pot, containing chopped cucumber, peppers, carrots and celery2: a return slip for a bike
3: no eyebrows and then i'd grow my fringe. sorted.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:22,
Reply)
BIKE!How about 'ordering' some money from your account to mine? eh? EH!?
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MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:24,
Reply)
I think I'm doing it wrong, because being a 'kept man' is fucking expensive.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:28,
Reply)
i'm looking after it for youmaking sure you don't spend it on something unnecessary that has nowhere to live and that will squash your balls before getting you killed.
oh.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:31,
Reply)
But you own half a flat so you do have somewhere to live(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:33,
Reply)
So you're just squashing them instead then... ;)(
GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:37,
Reply)
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:33,
Reply)
AlrightI've got a Thai something or other Glorious soup pot and two cheese and chilli sauce sandwiches.
My slow cooker is slowly doing it's business with a curried sausage casserole type thing as well.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:29,
Reply)
I used to do a spicy sausage cassoulet in my slow cooker, it was 'nom'(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:40,
Reply)
I keep meaning to do a beef bourguignon.Yay for French peasant food.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:42,
Reply)
They've been using slow cookers for centuries.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:49,
Reply)
I knew a girl what waxed her eyebrows and pulled them all out by the root.She has to draw them in now, she looks well lol
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Kroney, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:31,
Reply)
i'm quite tempted to get eyeliner tattoo'd on(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:33,
Reply)
a tattoo on your eyelids? Fuck that, it would knack
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:36,
Reply)
SEMI-PERMANENT MAKE-UPsome great adverts for it, here:
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2603865/It-sounds-hassle-free-Tattoo-perfect-brows-lips-cut-make-routine-But-happens-goes-wrong-Celebrity-make-craze-thats-scarring-women-life.html
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:43,
Reply)
Why do girls wear make up and perfume?Because they are ugly and they smell
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:57, Reply)
I like it when they draw them in in a 'surprised' expression(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:39,
Reply)
She does hers in a perfect parabola.It's the strangest thing, like she doesn't even look in the mirror but just whacks a Spirograph stencil on her head.
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Kroney, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:42,
Reply)
1) Some pasta thing my missus knocked up last night. Smells nice. 2) Nowt.
3) 50/50 - the gap in the middle please.
I spent yesterday in London. I'd just like to say that Stratford is a shit hole and I hope any Londoners really suffered badly thanks to the road closures. You self absorbed fuck-wits all had plenty of fucking notice of what was going to happen and you could have quite easily made alternative travel arrangements.
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Muns, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:31,
Reply)
I avoided London yesterday because I'm not stupid.I never go to Stratford because I have a job.
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Kroney, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:37,
Reply)
It just feels so real, like something creative and cool is happening.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:38,
Reply)
Shit hole? DID YOU NOT GO TO WESTFIELD?????(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:41,
Reply)
I popped in to get some beer when I finished. That was ok. It's like a little golden nugget in the middle of a giant turd.
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Muns, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:44,
Reply)
I have only sampled Stratford from in there, I looked out the window, bit grim.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:45,
Reply)
I had to go through the Stratford centre at one point. They had a market stall in the middle that seemed to sell nothing but string vests. It was quite odd.
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Muns, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:46,
Reply)
There's a place that sells simply delightful 'grills' just down from there.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:52,
Reply)
A drunken coloured gent had some on the tube. He was illegally drinking cider on the public transport, but he had it covered by a black plastic bag which seems fashionable among daytime street drinkers.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:02,
Reply)
hey everyone likes a nice steak. *may be deliberately misunderstanding**
** May not and could just be old
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:02, Reply)
yesit caused a fucking carnageous mess and made me late. stupid bikes. why aren't they touring FRANCE??
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:43,
Reply)
as if london doesn't have enough pricks on bikes on any other day of the week.(
Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:44,
Reply)
it's alright though, because red lights and other road rules don't apply to themso they don't count
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:45,
Reply)
Just like the speed limit doesn't apply to you. Is that what you mean?(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:48,
Reply)
do i hold up long queues of other people, inconveniencing and delaying them, whilst making them look at my arse balanced on a seat?no. i do not.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:50,
Reply)
Only stupid people who forget that the engine inside their car allows them to overtake a cyclist with great ease.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:52,
Reply)
When they're not weaving around two or three abreast in the middle of the fucking carriageway, yeah.(
Kroney, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:54,
Reply)
Most cyclists don't to that. The ones that do are screaming out for natural selection.
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Muns, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:55,
Reply)
i had a cyclist ride into my non-moving carthe prick went over the bonnet and inconvenienced yet more people as they had to screech to avoid him. shook me right up. only half an hour later did i think to check the side of the car.
£500 of painting and dent damage. thanks a lot, you cycling CUNT.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:08,
Reply)
That's not my concernI'm doing my bit to avoid hitting them, but if we do collide I'm surrounded by metal and glass, so will come out relatively unscathed.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:57,
Reply)
I very nearly hit one, once.One of those lycra-clad pricks with the streamlined helmets, cycling in a group of similar down a very steep, fast road. Weaved right out when I tried to pass him, seemingly on purpose.
Stuck his finger up and screamed at me when I sounded my horn.
I don't know what he thought had happened, but he was fucking lucky not to end up under my wheels.
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Kroney, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:59,
Reply)
I am courteous and considerate to all other road users, be they driver, cyclist or pedestrianBut if they break any of the simple, easy-to-follow rules of the road (such as stopping at a red traffic light), then I will do my utmost to ram them off the road.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:06,
Reply)
I bet you barely manage a tut, and even then do so very quietly so the scary strangers can't hear you.(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:07,
Reply)
common sight in londonsome cycling buffoon wearing an IPOD cycling in the BUS LANE.
free strawberry jam for all.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:10,
Reply)
Aren't cyclists allowed to use most bus lanes? Seemed sign posted that way last time i was in the village.(
Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:12,
Reply)
they arebut you shouldn't cycle down them wearing an ipod. mental.
when it came in, someone in the paper said that it was like letting lions and gazelles use the same lane in the sahara.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:13,
Reply)
this should come under driving (riding) without due care and attentionon a bike your ears are vital to hear what's behind you, if you're listening to headphones you can't hear the bus that's about to splat you.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:13, Reply)
On a motorbike with a crash helmet and loud engine, you can't hear fuck all.(
Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:17,
Reply)
but you are not significantly slower than all other traffic and not paying attention(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:20, Reply)
but you do need to take a testand show a level of competence for this, which your average cyclist doesnt
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:20, Reply)
I would expect a deaf person to use their other senses much more to compensatethe problem with the iPod wankers is they don't have any awareness of their surroundings.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:24, Reply)
I don't know about London, but round here those lanes are for buses and cycles.What really boils my piss is that taxis are permitted to use them too.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:14,
Reply)
fuck offthey shouldn't let those pleb vehicles slow down the taxi lane
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:15,
Reply)
Wasnt there a spate ofFerraris and Lambos being registered as taxis in that there London, or was this and internet truth?
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Apparently Gazza has died.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:22,
Reply)
yeahit's always perfectly safe to do this. you really should do it more often.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:04,
Reply)
I'm a strong believer that the driving test should include some sort of spatial awareness test.If you can't work out which spaces you can safely fit your car through, you shouldn't be allowed on the road.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:07,
Reply)
this is precisely HOW you end up being stuck behind a selfish cyclistwho doesn't give a monkeys that he is slowing down lots of people
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:09,
Reply)
And lane hogs.We should either properly punish those twats, or fully legalise undertaking.
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Kroney, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:11,
Reply)
I would also have those stingers the police use to stop stolen cars pop up on the white line at the traffic lights when they change to red and line the lanes of roundabouts with nails.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:17,
Reply)
^^thismost motorway queues and a lot of accidents start with a line of tailgaters, one brakes, the next one brakes and so on and 10 cars back they either have to stop dead or crash, it's called caterpillar effect.
Mark of a good driver is anticipation, you should never have to use the brakes on a motorway till you exit, if you do it means you or someone else did something wrong.
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Ok, this is getting boring nowSorry everyone.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:21,
Reply)
I absolutely love it when I see a tiny car like a Yaris or something slam the anchors on because they think they won't fit through a gap.Despite the Transit in front of them managing to sail through it with ease.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:20,
Reply)
I don't, because I'm usually driving the car behind him.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:21,
Reply)
Alright.1. Curry
2. I currently have no items on order.
3. Mono
as you were
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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:35,
Reply)
I can't even right now.(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:47,
Reply)
It's like but omg (
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:54,
Reply)
I plan on becoming a hissy fit throwing Irish woofterwww.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-28206581
(, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:03, Reply)
Who's the best one here these days? Can they start a new thread?(
Peej, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 9:52,
Reply)
Bonzodog(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:10,
Reply)
ttj(
Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 8 Jul 2014, 10:14,
Reply)
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