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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I've just inserted 2 fingers into Alex Salmond's fiscal black hole
What have you inserted your fingers into this morning?

Alt: What would you like to insert your fingers into this morning?

Bonus point for a YM/YM double here.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:42, 159 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
YM
Alt: YM
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:43, Reply)
^^TGGI

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:43, Reply)
NIYMTGI

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:49, Reply)
SBMMITYHB

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Is this thread for all citizens of the United Kingdom, or just Scotchers?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:44, Reply)
Everyone. This could be the last one ever Tangers.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)
especially if it's a 'yes' victory and we all have to 2.0 you :'o('''''''''''

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:50, Reply)
I'll have myself on 2.0
Before DMAAKM.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:51, Reply)
It's ok, the mods have already set up a sister site for you:
www.mcb3ta.sc
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:54, Reply)
Not clicking that
Might be a virus, soz.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
You won't need to click it soon, there'll just be a redirect whenever you try to log onto our one

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:59, Reply)

a virus fresh fruit
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Is that a No vote then?
I've inserted them into my ear to retrieve a large chunk of wax.

Alt:
I'd like to spocker Kylie today, I think
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:45, Reply)
It most certainly is.
Spocker? I am unfamiliar with this term. Please explain.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:47, Reply)
2 in the pink, 2 in the stink

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:48, Reply)
Kinky

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:51, Reply)
52% No, 48% Yes, is my prediction.
It'll be easily close enough to keep Salmond in a job and nagging for another referendum.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:46, Reply)
I suspect more no voters will come out of the woodwork
Having not wanted to be harassed as such beforehand
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:49, Reply)
I reckon the don't knows will be roughly split down the middle
just like the rest of the population.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:50, Reply)
I'm pinning my hopes on this,
The silent majority (I hope) hate Salmond and are sick to the tits of listening to the Yes propaganda machine.

My FB feed has been filled with absolute crap generated by maybe 1% of my friends.

Talk about the emptiest vessels making the most noise...
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:55, Reply)
Most people aren't thick enough to think yes = salmond/snp though, so there is that.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:07, Reply)
Ah, but in the short term at least, it does.
Following a Yes vote today, who will be leading the negotiations with Westminster, the Bank of England, the EU, NATO, the UN, etc?

Why do you think he's set a deadline for the end of negotiations? Nothing to do with the next Holyrood elections by any chance?

Whatever your feelings for Salmond, a new independent Scotland will be cast in his image, make no mistake.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:11, Reply)
So greasy then?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:12, Reply)
With Nicola Sturgeon's feet protruding from it's arse.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:14, Reply)
Are all Mcpoliticians fish based in Scotland?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:15, Reply)
They certainly smell that way

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Just the shit ones, it would seem

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Fair point.
He's probably the best person to negotiate though. Fair enough he's a prick, but the other supporters are people like the greens. Although I like their social policies, I wouldn't trust them to do it.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Of course he is - he's the first minister.
But I just think we have to accept that a vote for Yes IS a vote for Salmond. The Yes campaign have tried to separate the 2 because even they realise that he's very unpopular.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:21, Reply)
this is exactly what some of our family friends who moved to shitland recently told my dad
they said the yes campaigners in their area are pretty aggressive or moaning - "how can ye not care aboot scotchland" - so they reckon the no's have been keeping their intentions quiet
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
Either way, almost half of the population is going to be upset with the result

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Well lol, ain't it?
Them Scotches are usually so rational and even-tempered.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:53, Reply)

"It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine"
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:55, Reply)
Coming from someone claiming to be from Yorkshire this is hilarious.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
it's p g wodehouse
he was from surrey.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
^Wythenshawe lass^

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:57, Reply)
i flew from manchester airport last week
if that's what you mean?
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:59, Reply)
+ and didn't need to take a taxi to the airport.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:00, Reply)
no, i took a train
as i live in london
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
As if that's even a place.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:30, Reply)
it puts a roof over your wee head, laddie

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:33, Reply)
'wee head'? it's 'pisshead' dear

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:34, Reply)
You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about love.
London is filled with foreigners and toothless Pakis.

Which one are you?
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:37, Reply)
the one who pays a shitload of tax to support you

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:42, Reply)
I pay far more in tax than I take out, so once again you have no idea what you're talking about.
But please continue to make a tit of yourself.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:45, Reply)
^ mcsponger ^

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:46, Reply)
^ fat self-absorbed ginger foodwrong mess ^

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:48, Reply)
^ mcbitter ^

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Not in the slightest.
Just curious as to why you like to snap at my heels like a little Yorkshire Terrier, desperate for my attention.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:57, Reply)
heels? top of your head, maybe
if i bend down
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:20, Reply)
^Shit at ninja-editing

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:15, Reply)
it was more interesting than where i was born
nothing ninja about it
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
my colleague was born in scotland and a lot of his family still live there/run a big business up there
he is very keen to see the result, which is apparently out at 7am tomorrow.

at 6.50am he takes off on a 5 hour flight.

heh.

alt: into ape's ears, to teach him not to be so dishonest. i always tell restaurants/shops etc if they cock up on the bill. it's not always popular with my dining companions.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:48, Reply)
Moral condemnation from a lawyer. Alanis Morisette must be turning in her grave

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:50, Reply)
moral censure from someone who peddles overpriced unnecessary crap for a living
and now has murdered alanis morissette!
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:54, Reply)
A marketing bod thinking he wouldn't face the same firing squad as the lawyers

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:55, Reply)
I don't understand the hate for marketeers? Someone's got to sell the crap your factory makes

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:04, Reply)

factory band
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:17, Reply)
whoever is selling that ought to be sacked

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
They are doing a pretty shit job of it, it has to be said

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:20, Reply)
frog liked it
stupid frog
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:21, Reply)
Frogs don't even have proper ears

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:21, Reply)
It's possible he has allowed his feelings for me to cloud his judgement.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:23, Reply)
if i did i would have thought your record was 'a fucking wanker'

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:35, Reply)
yer but froggo also liked that Avery album, so he clearly likes drone.
Which must come in handy whenever his Mrs starts talking.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:40, Reply)
at least his mrs can say more than a rusty old miaow

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:41, Reply)
Hamsters don't miaow FFS.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:57, Reply)
I have a cat m8.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:58, Reply)
Poor Grace. 4EVARINARHARTZ.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:22, Reply)

RTZ NUS
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:29, Reply)
HANUS?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:43, Reply)
it's your accent
ahrrrhanus
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:45, Reply)
As you've never heard my accent, I'm not sure how you could come to that conclusion.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:48, Reply)
yes it was more of an incoherent ramble on your ice bucket video, hard to discern an 'accent' per se

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:50, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxVgFDdzMkQ
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:57, Reply)

dozer gets his first pussy in years, and it's like you don't even care
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:20, Reply)
and a thief

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:56, Reply)
What's a London based, commercial barrister punt themselves out by the hour?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:59, Reply)
completely depends on the level and experience
anywhere from about £250 - £800 an hour.

plus vat and disbursements.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:20, Reply)
How much for your para-legal skillz?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:22, Reply)
i'm £485 plus vat and disbs

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:22, Reply)
What about for your comedy writing skillz?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:24, Reply)
i do a lot of writing for seminars, legal magazines etc
but you get my comedy writing skillz for the cost of a 1p ghost. you lucky lucky skullfuck.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:34, Reply)
I demand a refund

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:36, Reply)
I wouldn't consider food and other grocery essentials to be "unnecessary"

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:03, Reply)
You're on Netto checkout?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:09, Reply)
i suspect my idea of "essentials" is very different to the plebs'

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Magnum PI is starting, best of all PIs. Even mince.
Salmond is an obnoxious, unrealistic twat. That's my political take.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:57, Reply)
"Concise and uncannily accurate - 5 stars" - Paul Ross

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:58, Reply)
I notice you agreed with dozer in the last thread too. Scary innit?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:03, Reply)
I apologise. I will have DMAAKM by the end of the day.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:06, Reply)
Good lad. *ruffles hair*

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:10, Reply)
"Fuck me up the arse and snort MCAT off my face" - Paul Ross

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:12, Reply)
Unfortunately he is also a canny politician
who knows his target audience and plays up to them,
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:14, Reply)
I saw people taking selfies with him yesterday
Why the fuck would you want to do that?
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:14, Reply)
One of my old classmates did that on Saturday.
He managed to make Salmond's coupon look even fatter than normal.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:17, Reply)
A deeply disturbed wank bank.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:18, Reply)
Indeed
His gurning shiny face would take me down from DEFCON bongle in no time
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Mine

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:14, Reply)
Your best work

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Sadly no longer applicable to its original recipient.
Beeny's aged HARD.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:24, Reply)
I'd still go there

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:29, Reply)
Ugh, no, she's a hag.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:30, Reply)
Youve seen pictures of sporters

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Hopefully so they can send it to an assasin

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:19, Reply)
alt: Rachel Khoo's slanty fanny

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 9:59, Reply)
christ, the country's too shit even to vote properly
"The remote nature of some Scottish regions also means bad weather could delay the receipt of ballot boxes at counting centres, in turn delaying the national result"
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Exactly.
www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jun/04/two-arrested-tower-hamlets-electoral-fraud-allegations
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:53, Reply)
that's tower hamlets. it is also shit.
https://i.imgur.com/Lb8jx95.jpg
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:54, Reply)
Handsome linking.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:55, Reply)
It's part of the wonderful crapital, and represents the new face of Britain.
Brown by the looks of it.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:56, Reply)
That is excellent.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Oooh daytime battered

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:05, Reply)
I think you'll find Battered is a man with an icon and no fullstop.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:10, Reply)
No flies on you jeffers

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:11, Reply)
Just festering sores.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:12, Reply)
There's a few flies on him - Battered is user number 90123

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Well according to Dozer I have about 27 different accounts so it may be tricky to identify me.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:29, Reply)
Nah easy, you're the midget

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:31, Reply)
And you're the bent spastic.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:32, Reply)
do you want me to list the user numbers again?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:36, Reply)
You've been very mean to me by one of them!!

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:36, Reply)
Alright chutney. Not me. I think that puppet may be Al.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:37, Reply)
I don't even know who he is so fair play to him if I annoy him that much.
I thought it was dozer, but he was arguing with himself the other day if so.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:43, Reply)
he did that with the stilton thing too

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:46, Reply)
weirdo.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:57, Reply)
nah, I only have one account

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 12:03, Reply)
and that's one too many

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 12:03, Reply)
Nope, thats him
Morning Battered
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:13, Reply)
Alright Sporters.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:27, Reply)
What brings you to these shores again?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:31, Reply)
Nothing in particular. Just got back from yet another unsuccessful job interview and decided to pop in.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Any more lined up?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:33, Reply)
Unfortunately not.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:36, Reply)
Do you think the interviewers might have been reading some of the scurrilous attacks on these pages?

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:37, Reply)
I dont think Mr Bollocks is his real name

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:37, Reply)
More likely to be me being shit at interviews.
I need some training.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:38, Reply)
Go back to contracting.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:42, Reply)
I've been looking at that - not much about.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Remember though old chap
there are plenty of £5's to be made in that there London,
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:53, Reply)
Also something somthing
if he contracts anymore something small something
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:56, Reply)
No it's me. To prove it - we exchanged text messages recently. You lucky cunt.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:28, Reply)
indeed we did.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:43, Reply)
aye

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:20, Reply)
And most of them can't spell 'x'

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 10:54, Reply)
Wow
It's almost like you can't understand basic principles like 'islands' and 'weather'.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:35, Reply)
"Are we ever going to get over this Yes/No bollocks?!
It's been 100 years since 'The Union', get over it.
Should we even celebrate Scotland?
I am glad I don't have to eat haggis all day mind."
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Doo a noo thred froggy dis 1s shit

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:06, Reply)
nah, you might not pay me for it

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:08, Reply)
You are correct I wont

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:10, Reply)
plus the responsibility of tending to and developing a thread of my own design is far greater than the motivation i have to do so

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:15, Reply)
YMYM
I haven't put mu fingers in anything yet. Im not sure I generally do.
Maybe I slipped a digit when cleaning my bunghole in the shower? Who knows. I wan't paying attention
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:12, Reply)
Try a wall socket

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:15, Reply)
STOP FLIRTING!

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:35, Reply)
If Scotland votes yes, we should take it back by force.

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:32, Reply)
I've just heard the first report of vote-rigging
For those of your who haven't seen the ballot paper, the Yes is at the top and the No is at the bottom.

A mate has just texted me to say that in her local polling station the string attaching the pencil to the booth was so short that she had to turn the paper upside down to be able to put a cross in the No box.

Some people might not be that smart.
(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Seems that some need all the help they can get!

(, Thu 18 Sep 2014, 11:45, Reply)

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