Good Morning
To you all on this rainy Tuesday.
Grab a shotgun, a human shield and wait for Special Forces to storm the building.


( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:00, 276 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good Morning
You'll never take me alive, coppers
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:06, Reply)

Morning fellas
Just a quick 'Hi' as it's a busy week down this way.

See you all on Thursday?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:07, Reply)

Morning!
*shoots out of window at police cars*

*grins*

So... How is it to be back in England after your Danish adventure?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:08, Reply)

Why are they storming the building?!
What have you done this time Kaol!

I can't type the noise shotguns make when you cock them so just imagine it for yourselves :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:12, Reply)

Morning all
Hope you all have a good day. I'd love nothing more than crawling into bed for the day but unfortunately I need money so I'm at work.

Enough of my negativity.

*takes aim at kaol*
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:16, Reply)

Coming straight from the Underground
Morning all. It's so goddamn wet.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:17, Reply)

Good morning.
Lets all form a human shield around Kaol.

Women and children only.
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:17, Reply)

@Kaol
I'm back in Englandshire after my Denmarkishire adventure at the weekend, loved up like there's no tomorrow.

I am SUCH a wuss. Fcuksocks.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:18, Reply)

Haha!
You big wuss, you!
*grins*

'Ello BGB, I like the human shield idea.
I don't think there're many children on b3ta though.

EDIT: *smacks self in head* /talk board, of course!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:20, Reply)

Fight fight fight!
I've tried to understand the talk board, and failed, miserably, on many occasions. I did once get something on the popular page though.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:24, Reply)

You're not a wuss Ed :p
Well maybe a little ;)

^aww congrats himjim :p. I am a total QOTW addict I feel no need to venture outside it's walls :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:25, Reply)

clumsy
I have a 6 inch bruise on my inner thigh. The temptation to make cock jokes is almost overwhelming. I will attempt to photograph it later for posterity; it's that impressive.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:27, Reply)

The /talk board has some uses
I asked them what would happen if you inject someone with petrol.
I had a reference to a medical journal within ten minutes.
And some rather disturbing concentration camp info.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:28, Reply)

What TGB said
I know my limitations...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Allegedly they have agreed to get me a chopper on the roof and $10 million in unmarked notes.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:29, Reply)

Morning all
Still dry here, but for how much longer I don't know.

@CHCB - what's a goods thigh?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Dirty Weeker!
I said we'll leave together, or not at all.

*cocks pistol*

*laughs at "cocks"*
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Koal if your gun is rusty
I have some penetration fluid left :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:35, Reply)

morning all
Thought I'd pop in here before I head out for a day in London museums. The breakfast in this hotel is shit, and I cut my head shaving, so not off to the best of starts.

I ventured into /talk once, got scared, so came whimpering back to the warm, comforting throb that is the qotw womb.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:35, Reply)

I've got
A fresh batch of penetration fluid, thanks :D

*ahem*

So, anyone here know how to fix a switchblade?
It won't stay closed. Not the kinda thing you want one of them to do.

Mr. Lab, "Cut my head shaving" is a phrase I've never heard before, good work!
How long you in London for?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:36, Reply)

@K2k6
ninja-ed, my predictive text on my phone is not psychic enough...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Kaol
Just here until tomorrow evening, I was supposed to be in court today, but my evidence was accepted without question by both sides, so no need to attend.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:40, Reply)

I regards to your knife
can you see where the catch is for the button press?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)

A few of us
Are meeting for drinks tomorrow night, in Covent Garden, so how "evening" is it that you're going?

Himjim: Nah, it's all contained in the handle. Tiny screwdriver time, I guess.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:42, Reply)

@CHCB
Ah, now I understand.

You'd think that even a phone would understand "inner thigh"...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:43, Reply)

Ah well have fun in Laaaaandaaaan
I should probably do some work today.... in a bit....
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:43, Reply)

@Kaol
Thanks for mentioning the bash. You've reminded me that I need to check train times.

Choo Choo!
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:44, Reply)

gah!
My train's at 8 tomorrow, but im having dinner with a friend before, so I won't be able to make it :( Cheers for the headsup though, I'll see if my next London trip coincides with b3ta drinks!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:47, Reply)

Howdy howdy.
I was late to work this morning as my usual lift didn't tell me she was phoning in so had to stand in the rain for the train, which was not fun.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Hey BK
I walk to work and when it is rainy - even with an umbrella - my hair goes frizzy. My boss said I look like Brian May's younger sister :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:52, Reply)

@TGB
I try to keep mine short. I get a Stonehenge effect if I grow it.

Was surprised to see Nicki Lauda sticking up for Maclaren in the papers this morning.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:54, Reply)

Morning all
I just woke up, and was really confused. Not sure why, just was.

Are we all well? And when did your name change back, Kaol?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 9:59, Reply)

What's up, Bretheren?
Morning and all that!

Che: What's happening on Thursday? Am I missing something?

Edmund: Whereabouts did you go in Denmark?

TGB: I think the noise would be spelt Chck-Chck.

I think that's me caught up, except to say that I've been on /talk a couple of times and not really got anywhere. No matter, though, I likes my QOTW. We're like Oceania and they're like Eastasia (10 points to anyone who gets the reference!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:01, Reply)

1984
I do believe.

*fears may be wrong*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:02, Reply)

I didn't change my name back PoD
I just switched accounts.

1984 DiT.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:03, Reply)

BK I don't get the paper
What was he saying? *googles it*

"Former world champion Niki Lauda has blasted the Belgian Grand Prix stewards' decision to penalise Lewis Hamilton as a 'stupid' verdict that will make fans turn away from the sport."

Brilliant, give that man a round of applause :)
link here www.itv-f1.com/news_article.aspx?id=43875
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:03, Reply)

Indeed
The man's a legend.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:04, Reply)

It was a stupid verdict
but what's done is done, I say. Let's move on.

/biased
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:06, Reply)

I knew it was 1984
But I was reading the F1 stuff!

:( Can I get some points anyway DiT?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)

I walked past the Church of Scientology
on my way to work this morning. I'd forgotten it was on the same road as my office.

They offer free tours, I'm thinking about going and getting a personality test.

Morning all also!
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:07, Reply)

@ Lusty
No! We don't want you ending up bouncing on Oprah's sofa!

*thinks of the jiggling*

Do we?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:10, Reply)

Wanderlust
Can I come with you?
*grins*

I'm feeling in a wicked mood, and I have an amazing skill at getting "disturbing" results in personality tests.

I either come out as "delusional", "psychotic" or "amoral".
Fun stuff :D
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Coincidentally
In 1984, the F1 championship was won by Niki Lauda.

*makes spooky sounds*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:11, Reply)

@Kaol
Could they test for Monkey Rapture?

*edit* @K2k6
DoDoDo DoDoDo! Er, that was the Twilight Zone.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)

What's
Mkonye Rurpate?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:12, Reply)

@kaol
If you're up for it I think we should go.
I have a feeling they'd probably kick me out for laughing.
I think I'm going to have to go have a look on my lunch break. I'm a bit scared though!
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Ahh
No test required. Jeez, you got it bad, dude!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:13, Reply)

Ten Points:
Go to:

BK! *hurrahs*
Kaol! *applauds*
TGB! *ovates*

This has made dramatic changes to DiTs B3tan League.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:15, Reply)

@BK
Close enough!

*dons sheet*

*waves around*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:15, Reply)

@DiT
I read that as 'ovulates'
An extreme reaction to a correct answer I thought.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Especially extreme
Seeing as it came from DiT.

Unless he can do it on command?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:19, Reply)

good morning, my little b3talets
the world is full of omens. why, only this morning I sneezed 7 times in the shower, and then, on the way here, I saw a cow with two heads and two bodies!

*quivers*

how are we all today?

@whoever it was - yes, I also read that as "ovulates", so that must mean I haven't had enough coffee yet.

*coffees*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:20, Reply)

Tulip!
*administers kiss on cheek*
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Morning Tulip
Are thee well this morning?

I'm off to find some breakfast.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:24, Reply)

Is there a league?
Am I winning DiT? *offers hugs and cookies* Which of course are purely because you are awesome and not that I am massively competitive *smiles sweetly*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:26, Reply)

TGB
There is a league.
But it's based on the grading system.
Sorry, you'll never beat me :D
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:28, Reply)

Morning Tulip
*huggles*

Kitteh? I have fresh supplies.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Well if I can't beat you Kaol
I am going to have to kill you.

*chck chck*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Is that so?
*opens jacket to show many, many explosives*

*grins*
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:34, Reply)

Morning all
I've just been offered another two days work. Hurrah
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Go for the brainstem
through the mouth! A .45ACP should do the trick.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Ooooh, good news Mrs Bin!
Coffee time, thank [insert fictional deity here] for that!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Mrs L
That's fine news. Nice one!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Morning Mrs Bin
Great news there.

*congratumalates*

I found breakfast. Yay.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Himjim
Why do you think I wired 'em to my heart?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:37, Reply)

Hey Mrs L *waves*
Good news about the work! :D

Kaol are you going for the "blowing yourself up bonus points" in the league? *looks shocked*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:37, Reply)

@TGB
Of course not; he's going to claim the 'Publicity Stunt' defence.

*topical*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Nah, just the
"If I die, I'm taking as many of you with me as I fuckin' well can" achievement.

BK: I'm being slow... Publicity stunt?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:39, Reply)

Congratumalation Mrs L
I'm annoyed with all the grumbling about the Hamilton penalty.

Oh no they applied the rules they are ruining F1! We must have anarchical motorsport!
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:40, Reply)

Those three muslim guys
who got convicted for conspiracy to murder.
They claimed they weren't going to carry it outand the Jihad videos they filmed were part of the publicity stunt.

They certainly got their publicity. Cunts.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Ok Captain V should have points deducted for that comment!!
Hailton clearly eased up and let Kimmi back though. As Kimmi then fucked up by himself and hit a wall it's pretty moot anyway and Hamilton should not have been penalised.

Especially as Schumacher used to run people off the road on a regular basis!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:43, Reply)

Back again for a while.
Good news Mrs Bin.

Parents everywhere are breathing a sigh of relief that their little ones are being looked after well.



I'm not being sarcastic by the way
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:44, Reply)

@All re:F1
It's mental. Hamilton was working to avoid a crash - nothing else. A 25 second penalty for Hamilton when Raikkonen got no penalty for potentially crippling a member of his pit crew in Valencia smacks of *astonishing* double standards.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:46, Reply)

Agreed
He got some penalties earlier in the year which were justified but this one certainly wasn't.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:47, Reply)

There are many ways that Mrs Devils Father scares me.
1) He is a Ministry of Defence Dog handler.

2) He used to be a close protection officer and was in the tactical firearms unit.

He once informed me that, if you are faced with a terr'ist and they have a detonator in their hand, the best place to shoot them is just under the nose. That way, you ensure he goes down, but there will be no reflexes in the muscles.

He also told me that when they are at a situation where someone is waving a gun around threatening to shoot people, they (unlike the Americans) wait for the 'report' of the gun. They still don't shoot, even then. What they do is, they wait for the bullet to go past them, proving the gun is real. Then they shoot.

That's bravery, is that.

So he scares me because he has access to a Dog that would eat my face and to a larger amount of automatic weaponry. I will never hurt hus daughter.

EDIT: Re: F1 - It's clear from the footage that Raikonnen was pushing Hamilton, who was ahead, wide in to the corner. Even a layman can see that Lewis' choice was a) have a crash or b) use the escape route. He went for b), and in doing so eased off and allowed Raikonnen the place as advised by his team. He then used the slipstream, outbraked Raikonnen in to the next corner, and won the place back fairly. I am not Hamilton's biggest fan, but this does, as someone else says, smack of astonishing double standards on the part of the Stewards and the FIA.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:47, Reply)

Erm...
I was asleep when this car-racing stuff was going on.

*looks bored*

EDIT: *reads DiT's post*
Sounds an interesting man!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:48, Reply)

OMG!
This news story has shocked me to the core and I'm unshockable.

news.uk.msn.com/Article.aspx?cp-documentid=9519097
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:49, Reply)

@ everyone who has arrived since
morning!

@ Pod - I fare well, thank you! Are you enjoying your remaining freedom?

@ clendrix, ta poppet, here's one for you *kisses*

re: hamilton - he didn't have anywhere else to go! they were racing! FFS! Stupid officials. Grr.

edit@BGB - oh dear god. that is horrific! *throws up*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:50, Reply)

@ DiT
The Russian lass I used to go out with's Dad is an arms dealer with a penchant for hunting and has a large amount of weaponry. Luckily, she finished with me.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Agreeing with BK there :)
*gives Kaol something shiny to play with to keep him amused*

DiT he sounds pretty hardcore!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:51, Reply)

Holy Crap BGB
that is brutal :(

Another reason why people should have to apply for permits to breed.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:53, Reply)

@TGB
He is. But a nicer guy you never would meet. It's just that he has had a series of dangerous jobs.

Apart from being a bodyguard for an ex-PM. That seems to have mainly involved watching cricket.

He also turned down the job of protecting Tony Blair, which gets big points from me!

EDIT: BGB, that's fucking horrible!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:54, Reply)

RE Double Standards
The Raikkonen pitlane accident should be dealt with internally by the team. It's up to them to ensure they have procedures in place for pitstops to be safe for their team.

@TGB I agree it's moot but ultimately if that had happened mid race he'd have been given a drive though penalty. He couldn't have made the pass he did at the first corner if he hadn't used the escape road. In the eyes of the stewards that's gaining an advantage even though he yielded the place he'd gained. If he'd just waited until later in the lap he'd have passed Raikkonen anyway as he was so much faster at that point in the race and he'd not have been penalised.

Apparently (according to Massa) this kind of thing is discussed regularly in drivers briefings and they're told they have to relinquish the place and any other advantage gained by cutting the chicane. Hamilton knew this but failed to do the later.

Hopefully he'll learn from it and continue on to win many a world championship. I'm no fan of McLaren but he is an amazing talent easily in the same league as Schumacher - He just needs a bit more experience to help him ensure his talent is rewarded as it should be.
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)

@DiT
I'm guessing the ex-PM would be John Major?

BGB, that's shocked even my normally desensitised self.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:55, Reply)

@ BGB
No remorse? :S That's horrible!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:56, Reply)

I'm very sorry but.....
If you keep on talking about sport then I'll have to start talking about my periods.


Edit - I know folks....just goes to show the evil hiding in every nook and cranny of normal life. *shudders*
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@BGB
That's awful. Really really awful. I'm stuck for any other words.
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 10:58, Reply)

My take on the F1 thing...
Hamilton tried to overtake Raikonnen. Raikonnen appeared to push him wide coming into the Bus Stop, but in fact was probably unable to help himself because it was slippery and he was naturally running wide. So Hamilton had to cut the corner, thus gaining a place unfairly.

So Hamilton lets Raikonnen past again, in accordance with the rules, and then proceeds to overtake him once more, which is quite permissible under the rules.

And as someone (TGB?) said, Raikonnen dumped it into the wall anyway, all on his own, so it seems a bit unfair that Hamilton was penalised for (IMO) doing nothing wrong and certainly nothing which affected the outcome of the race.

BTW, the reason Raikonnen didn't get penalised for mangling one of his pit crew in Valencia, was probably because it was one of his pit crew, and therefore he disadvantaged only himself and his team.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)

BGB
Is it bad that the first thing I thought was "You're meant to take the foil off first"?

Then I read the rest of the article and got sad :(

Horrible woman.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)

@BK
Couldn't possibly say! :)

Anyway, Lewis is a great talent... But. Next year we may see the arrival of one Bruno Senna, and then I think we'll see a real scrap taking place!

I'll stop talking F1 now!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Bah, the work's coming in now.
Better get stuff done - probably back at lunchtime. Later folks.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

I feel sad thinking about a cooked baby.
:(

So, I'm going to think of happy things instead. Such as, flowers, bunnies, kittums, rainbows, sunshine, crumpets with jam, a pot of tea, pennywell pigs and cuddles.

Ahhhh, much better.
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:03, Reply)

@Kaol
Yes it's very bad.

But, sickeningly, your comment made me smile

:edit: @the lusty one fluffeh kittums!
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:04, Reply)

@w'lust
You missed out jiggling from your list.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:07, Reply)

DiT were you watching Fifth Gear last night? :p
Bruno is quite yummy ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:09, Reply)

@captain v & K2k6
*jiggles whilst holding fluffeh kittums*

better?
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Capt'n V
You shouldn't laugh at these things :(
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Ah, kittums
jiggling at the same time as puppies!

Excellent.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:14, Reply)

@lusteh
Very nice. Will we see a repeat tomorrow at the bash?

@Kaol I know. We're very bad people ='[
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

@captain
Jiggling on teh interwebs is one thing. I don't think I could actually do it in real life without being very embarrassed.
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Oooh
I'm looking forward to tomorrow's Bash - new people to meet!

I'm still at home - my office has been taken over by builders so I'm trying to catch up on all my e-mails here before I go in. Nightmare: am world's number one skiver, but could actually do with getting some stuff done today!

Oh well. Off to the shops.
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:24, Reply)

I'm not so worried about the jiggles
But the kittens!
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:30, Reply)

Microwaved Baby
All that coverage and there weren't even any recipe links.






(Sorry)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:32, Reply)

Ten points to osok!
Morning! How goes it?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:33, Reply)

@Clendrix
If you want to talk about putting things off, I managed to procrastinate for 4 full months on my project proposal, and then do it all 2 days before it was due. And that was only because I had to submit it online, and was going to Aberdeen for the last 2 days.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)

@Kaol
A1 tip-top and groovy, thanks. Soon off to post a CV, may wander into town and NOT BUY ANYTHING AT THE GUNSHOP ON THE WAY PAST.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Mmmmm...
Gun Shop...

There's one that I always go to in Brighton, I'm incapable of coming out of there without a new knife.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:38, Reply)

@TGB
I did see that, funny enough, but I've gone right off Fifth Gear in this series. I really don't like the new presenter bloke, he's rubbish, and the horribly contrived links really set my teeth on edge.

But Plato and Needell rule!

Still not as good as Top Gear, though!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:38, Reply)

*is reminded of Chris Rock's Knives for Guns scheme*
*chuckles*

Edit: Yeah the new presenter reminds me of a kids TV presenter.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:40, Reply)

PoD
Impressive!

I've had an e-mail from my boss telling me off for not doing something that was someone else's job, even though he knows how much I have to do anyway. Arse. Why are people such twunts?

Fifth Gear sucks - Top Gear rules!
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:43, Reply)

Micro-Baby Part the Second
At long last we have an answer to the question "What's black and knocks at the window?"




Where did I put me coat?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:43, Reply)

@clendrix
Procrastination - I once published a scientific paper, and received an e-mail from a bloke in the USA asking me a question about the experiment. I forgot to reply, as it came in just before the Christmas holidays.

I still haven't done so, although I do still have his e-mail. I feel like I should reply sometime. It was sent to me in December 1997, and I always fancied replying on the day after, only in a different year, but as if I'd replied immediately, making no reference to the fact my reply was so late!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:46, Reply)

@PoD
You're quite correct, Top Gear does rule.

But what it doesn't have is the lovely VBH.

EDIT: OK, it has Sabine Schmitz rarely, but that doesn't count.

DOUBLE EDIT: Here, osok! I've found your ticket... Says 'Hull, one way' on it! Pfft!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:47, Reply)

Osok
Dammit!
I just laughed orange juice out of my nose.
Thanks a lot.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:48, Reply)

@DiT
It was miss Clendrix that said that, not me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:49, Reply)

DiT is ignoring me.
*tries to not be sad*

K2k6 - yes! Do that! It'll be really funny (well, I'll think so, anyway).
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)

@DiT
The lovely VBH is married now though :(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)

Oh Nooooo
I've received a Kaol-Frown (TM)

Still, the games not over until the fat baby pings....





Hull, you say?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Hahahaha!
Amazing!

I hastily retract that frown, jolly good show, old chap!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:55, Reply)

^Ha!
Nice.
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Excuse me a second!
*BELMS*

Many apologies, Clenderton! You are most correct, Top Gear rules! Hard!

*does a little dance to restore happies*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Lunchtime!
I have chocolate spread sandwiches! *giggles in glee*

Simple things...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 11:59, Reply)

Time for lunch
Sausage roll (ie sausages in a roll) for me! *gobbles*

Time to find something interesting (other than b3ta) to read on the net.
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:00, Reply)

Toast!
Yum
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:00, Reply)

hello my pretties!
I've had a busy little morning and just had a call about an interview so I'm feeling good today!
What have I missed so far? I can't be bothered to read the whole thread!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Lunch?
I ate too much curry last night.
Lunch today will be a cigarette or two, and a can of orange juice.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Happies restored!
Yay!

DiT, my American chum got a new 3G iphone the day I arrived to visit him, so he was as obsessed with it as you are with yours. I couldn't presuade him to get a cute little sleeping bag for it though :(
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

Curry?
Ooooh Kaol, what did you have? Curry menus are my porn, I could read them for hours.

*dribbles*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:04, Reply)

I had
A Lamb Sag.
A Keema Naan.
Plain rice.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:05, Reply)

Curry porn?
*imagines LvP getting off on stories of lamb tikka jalfrezi with pilau rice*

How odd.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:06, Reply)

@LvP
*thinks*
odd thoughts of young lady for whom butter-wouldn't-appear-to-melt-in-mouth enjoying a curry menu in a slightly fetishistic way.

btw, curried wine gums?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:07, Reply)

Mmmm
Lamb sag, good choice. Lamb and spinach are a winner when curried.

Oh I've got proper curry jealousy now!

Edit - Edmund - No, I'd eat my body weight in curry and then have wine gums for pudding. Now that would be a good meal.

Edit edit - You said butter wouldn't melt, now I'm thinking of an amazing butter chicken dish I had in Madrid once.
*noms invisible curry*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Anyone still interested in talking about F1 today
New track layout here

www.donington-park.co.uk/formula-one-plans

and interesting news here: www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/motorsport/formulaone/2690310/Donington-insist-board-shake-up-will-not-affect-GP---Formula-One.html

Lunch today is fruit and fibre. Are we eating out anywhere in Leam on Sat TGB?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:08, Reply)

Fruit and fibre!? *yuck*
I dunno do you want to eat out somewhere Saturday? I was thinking liquid lunch ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:14, Reply)

@LvP
nom nom nom
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:17, Reply)

Exactly Edmund
Liquid lunches are always a good idea, TGB. I'm off to meet a friend at 2.30 for a liquid afternoon snack!
I need to go clothes shopping as well, I can't decide whether it's better to go before I drink or maybe after a few when the world has that fuzzy happy shine.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:20, Reply)

Love the look of the new donnington track.
Wish they'd bring back some of the killer 10km+ tracks though. Would love to see F1 racing round those. Only track of that length I can think of is Le Man but as it's got so much full throttle I'm not sure it'd be that exciting to watch F1 on.
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:22, Reply)

@Clenders!
Hehehe, I'm not so obsessed with it now! It is brilliant though.

All your friend needs to do is get some iPod socks and presto! Un Sleeping Bad de iPhone!

Cheers for the linkys himjim!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:22, Reply)

Mmmmm Curry
I'll have to dig out my Gurkha curry recipes now and introduce the nipper to curry-tastic food.

Only problem is that the local curry house will deliver enough food to keep a small province going for a week, for two, with free side dishes for about £17 and I have never finished one for fear of bursting. Which means I can't be arsed cooking one myself.

The lamb & chicken Ahmed Special is to die for.

*dribble*

Kaol, which establishment provided your blowout?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:23, Reply)

Mr. O
I'm not actually sure, as I was at my mates house near Epping, and he got it delivered.

The one I normally go to is the Jalsa Ghar in Great Dunmow.
Amazing food!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Herr K
Epping? Didn't you need a visa?

Have you tried the one in Stortford at the converted old mill - think it's called the Something Tree - on the corner as you head down to the Jobbie Centre and Driving Test place?

Top scoff, and it's pretty empty at lunchtimes

Eds: The Tamarind Tree
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:33, Reply)

I went to school in
Great Dunmow!

It's a tiny, tiny world!

EDIT: And I passed my driving test in Stortford!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:33, Reply)

@Captain V
Nurburgring? Not the cut down bit, but the whole lap.

The problem with the long tracks though is that there are so few laps. The spectators at the race are perceived to be missing out. Although I do like watching races on the longer circuits, I was at Hockenheim in 1991 when it was still the original length, and they had no big screen televisions then.

So 26 cars went screaming by, then we had to wait around for 2 minutes for them coming by again.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:42, Reply)

Erm...
I went to school in Stortford, and also passed my driving test there.

I've not been to that place, osok.
I tend to avoid Stortford where possible.

Also, my mate isn't in Epping, he's in the countryside near Ongar. Much better.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Righty Ho
Off to post my CV (post? like with a stamp?) to a nice man who will probably bin it because, well to be frank that's how it's been going so far.

I must have done something really bad in an earlier life.

*sighs*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:50, Reply)

Well, have fun at the post office.
Stay away from the men in balaclavas.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:51, Reply)

@K2K6
Isn't the Nürburgring considered too dangerous for F1? (That's why I didn't mention it anyway)

I see what you mean about spectators at the track missing out. I suppose these days they'd stick big screens up but it's still not quite the same.
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:55, Reply)

Well good luck with this CV Osok :)
I hate the post office people. Last year when taxing my (exempt) car the woman looked at the V5 and said "is it a motobike?"

It has four doors!!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 12:56, Reply)

@DiT
Am now laughing at Nelson Mandela pushing Fidel Castro off a cliff for his iPhone on Harry Enfield last night.

"I have iPhone!"

Genius.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:01, Reply)

Is everyone
hiding?
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:17, Reply)

I was at lunch :p
For all of 15 minutes.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)

@Captain V
Yes, it is. Primarily because it's so long, and therefore it either takes a huge number of marshals and emergency vehicles to cover its length, or fewer but with a longer response time.

Neither option is considered acceptable for one reason or another. And there's the lack of laps thing too. Shame, as it's a great circuit.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

That's not a very long break at all!
I have to wait another 40minutes until mine :(
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:25, Reply)

T'was my own choice
I'm not hungry today, so I'd rather get paid for an extra half hour.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:29, Reply)

Hey Lusty
Just finishing mine.
Bit snappy with people today, but off to see Wire tonight. Yay!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:30, Reply)

I've been a bit snappy today too.
I just can't be bothered to have another "Can I speak to Mike please?" conversation.
There are 1500 people in my office, quite a few of them are called Mike.
Give me a last name or fuck off.
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:34, Reply)

I've been snappy for the last few weeks
*shrugs*
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:35, Reply)

@Lust
You have two further options for entertainment purposes:

1 - Transfer the caller to a random Mike, who may or may not be the right one.

2 - Reply to say he's not in/dead/contracted typhoid/grown an extra head or whatever and see what happens.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:36, Reply)

@K2k6
They usually want to speak to 'Mike in IT' Or Dave. I'd get a bollocking if I just put the call through. It's funny though, I don't know how it happens but all of the cold callers seem to be hanging up on themselves this afternoon.
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:40, Reply)

Or how about...
"Oh, Dave in accounts? Is that Dave with the smelly arse, or Dave with the small cock?"

Although this is a risky strategy as it implies you have first hand knowledge of Dave's undersized organ.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:43, Reply)

Hmmm
A lot of customers seemed to strangely cut themselves off when I worked in a call centre. It's an interesting phenomenon.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:43, Reply)

I got a letter once
Addressed to er...
This won't work, without giving away my name.
Bollocks.

Instead of being addressed to Kaol The Magnificent, it was addressed to Taolicent Mhe Kagnif.

How such a mangling of my name happened, I'll never know.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:45, Reply)

@Boss
Mandela? Castro? Enfield?

Is Harry Enfield on telly again then? Surely they haven't given him another series of that Harry and Paul thing?

The Gates vs Jobs sketches were the. worst. sketches. ever.

I'm looking for a new flat. I may have to move away from my beloved East London! :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:47, Reply)

perhaps
it was a proper noun Monkey Rapture attack.

*edit*
They have, but it's better than the last series.
The Dragon's Den is very funny.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:48, Reply)

BK
"it was a proper noun attack."

What?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:49, Reply)

Oh no
It could be terminal.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)

I get a lot of letters
addressed to "Mr Grammar Badger" because my first name is unisex.

And when I answer my mobile people always go "oh sorry is TGB there?" and I have to say it is TGB you called me on my mobile! I'm not rich enough to have other people answering it!

Aww you having to move far then DiT?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)

@K2k6
I would have no idea what Dave's willy is like.
I just get frustrated with irate people who assume I can see the person they're calling for.
Typical conversation.
"Is Dave there?"
"Do you know Dave's last name?"
"Dave in IT."
"I'm afraid I need a surname."
"I don't know his surname, I just want to know if he's in today."
"There are 1500 people working for our company in three different buildings, I'm afraid I wouldn't know if Dave from IT is in today."
"Can you get someone who does know then?"
"Can you fuck off and die?"

I don't say the last bit though. I just think it.
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:51, Reply)

I have also been
at lunch the last hour or so. Now I've got lots of work to do and an interesting conversation in here to catch up on!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:52, Reply)

@TGB
Dunno yet. We have to move on Dec 1st (just in time for Christmas), the flat is falling apart. :(

I'm hoping not too far. Maybe just in to Essex, try to save some rent.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:56, Reply)

Woo!
You can do the swap with me!
London for Essex.
I'm fed up with it here, it's very, very quiet. Very, very boring.
As I'm sure you know.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

Aww that sucks DiT
I hate moving with a fiery passion. Mainly because it is sooooo much effort. And I hate unpacking.

Packing is fine throw it all in a box and be done!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:00, Reply)

I'm still packed from Uni
The place I was before my parents was too small to unpack.
I'm not planning at being here for too long, so no point un-boxing everything.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:02, Reply)

Hehe, thanks!
But if I can avoid going back over the border (as far as Romford!!!), I will.

If only my landlord would fix the problems with my flat, I'd love to stay! But he won't.

Gits. I wish I had enough money for a deposit on a mortgage!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Landlords are lazy cunts who will do anything to
not solve any of the problems in their properties.

Even if the problems are causing structural damage to their property *rant rant rant*

And breeeeathe :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:13, Reply)

Our landlord is ok
but his agent is a Cunt.

We keep getting threatened with eviction any time we ask for anything. For example telling them there must be a leaking pipe of something as the kitchen roof is falling in. Oh and when the back door finally got so swollen that we couldn't open it anymore.

We are such bad tennant. Only 4 weeks till we complete on our first house purchase!
( Peej, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Afternoon all
I'm just back from a fun trip into town. Stocked up for them in my old work, so got free lunch, and looked at my mum's car due to a strange rattle it was apparently making this morning, but isn't now.

What funs.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:40, Reply)

PoD what have you brought me from town?!
*noses*

Cars suck, my housemate's blower motor has burnt out so when he gets a new one I will have fun fitting that :( I charge in chocolate though so it's all good *grins*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Well TGB
I brought you some love. And some slightly wet trousers.

Good enough for you?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

@TGB
Sure it's the blower and not just the resistors? They tend to burn out more frequently.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

urgh
I am so full of noodles it hurts a little bit.
I need my belly rubbed.
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Hey PoD
Do you have a mily way there, by any chance!

I need cheering up. I found the perfick flat, in Leyton, and the bastard won't hold it for me. They've not even finished building the fucker yet.

Stupid credit crunch and lack of mortgages. I want to scream at the Bank Manager: "Look! I haven't been out of employment since 2001, and I was at Uni then! Look how much rent I pay! Now, wouldn't you rather I was paying that money to you, with interest, thant to someone else? Hmm?"

FUCKERS.

EDIT: And breathe...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:45, Reply)

Someone from the office
Was in London this morning, brought me back a packet of Wasabi Peas.

They'll clear your snortin' pipes, no mistake.

*rubs wanderlust*
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Thank you Kaol.
I feel much better now.
Almost time for a snooze me thinks!
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:47, Reply)

afternoon folks
didn't get too wet in swanage. however, I got back to the office much earlier than I would've liked....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:47, Reply)

Afternoon, Vipros
Is that a typo or did you buy alcohol on the way back?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:48, Reply)

typo?
you're going mad, man!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:49, Reply)

k2k6
I honestly don't know, but there is the right amount of power/amps/volts getting to the switch just nothing happening and the plug has burn marks on which lead me to believe the motor had burnt out? My forte is old Marinas though not K reg clios

DiT that sucks :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:49, Reply)

@Vipros
Damn ninja!

@TGB - If the motor's burnt out, then it'll either be short circuited, and likely to blow the fuse, or open circuit and thus drawing no current. A black plug is indicative of excess current, but this doesn't necessary follow. It could also be heat from a burnt out resistor.

Probably worth stripping out the motor first before buying a new unit. You'd have to do it anyway, so there's no extra work involved.

Edit - I must go and do some work now. Back later.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:52, Reply)

Afternoon everyone
How are we all in b3taland today?

*does jiggle dance*
(Moniker, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:54, Reply)

Ah but it's not my car
so it is all extra work :p

Hey Vipros *hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:55, Reply)

Moniker!
It's been a long time!
Where have you been hiding?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 14:58, Reply)

I don't think I've been hiding.....
Maybe you just weren't looking! How's you anyway Kaol?

*does jiggle dance for Kaol*
(Moniker, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:01, Reply)

*raises eyebrow*
Thanks for that :p

I'm fine thanks, how about yourself?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:03, Reply)

@Kaol...

Whilst out for my lunch I saw a car with the number plate KA07. I so wanted to rip it off the car, turn the '7' round and send it to you...but because I'm a weedy chicken shit I left it as it was.

Also, the car was moving at the time.

'noon all btw!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:04, Reply)

You're most welcome Kaol!
I'm not bad at all. Tad bored, but nothing serious. The rain sucks though. Meh.
(Moniker, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:04, Reply)

it's too hot in the office
after being out in the rain

even though it was too hot out in the rain as well

hi TGB *hugs back*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Hey Pooflake, Moniker
Where you been Moniker?
Or do I keep missing you?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Awh, thank you Mr. Poof!
I saw a car with "HLT" as the letter-bit last night, made me grin.

It stopped raining here now, which is nice.

Last night, about half eleven, I stopped to get some cigarettes, came out of the shop, lit one, and it started raining.
Oddly, it was really nice, soft rain, so I stood there grinning, finished smoking, then got back in the car.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:09, Reply)

Hey BK
Well, I was away for 3 weeks, but that was a couple of weeks ago now. I was in sunny East Lothian (for sunny, read pissing wet through) for two weeks, and then in Dorset for a week. Dorset Steam Fair FTW!!!
(Moniker, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:11, Reply)

I've seen a number plate that said
VPL which made me laugh hysterically, as I was with my mother she demanded to know why it was so funny. Having to say "visible panty line" to my mother in the middle of the street almost killed me off.

Hi Pooflake. I'm saving your hugs till Saturday :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:17, Reply)

I was with a senior engineer from my office a little while back
driving his car because he was temporarily incapacitated.

I tried to stifle a snigger but he noticed and asked what was funny.

I pointed to the Audi TT in front of us, and he snorted with laughter and boomed out "GAY"

which were the letters on the plate
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:19, Reply)

^Pfft!
Thank you for my first giggle of the arvo, V-man!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:23, Reply)

I suffer the paradoxical feeling...

Of always 'wanting' a personalised plate for my car, even though I know that (generally) the only people who have them are soapy twat-wanks of the highest order.

*apologises to any nice B3tans out there with p-plates*

@TGB...hugs are lovely...but nothing says 'Hi Pooflake' like a pint of cider :)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:34, Reply)

I want one that says
P111IMP
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:35, Reply)

I wonder if we should get
Pooflake a pint of cider then? Or how about a mongolian wok full of cider :D

I just posted my Qotw story by the way!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:36, Reply)

Pooflake Thought you were buying me one!
*smiles sweetly*

Himjim where are we getting a mongolian wok from??

I'm still only on page 11 of the QOTW!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:37, Reply)

Time to get cooking
As Coq Au Vin (or Courier Driver as it's known Chez 'ere) needs hours in t'oven to be utterly yummy.

I swear if I don't get some gainful employment soon I'm going to turn into Mrs Beeton.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:40, Reply)

I'm makin'
chili tonight boys. Come on over for some fire belly :D

@TGB We're getting the wok from the mongols at the top of town.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:41, Reply)

We are?
I am sooo totally confused :( And you know it doesn't take much
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:43, Reply)

wooo
my parents just called and they are taking me out for a curry tonight

result
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:52, Reply)

I have...
Chicken in a garlic and herb marinade. Not sure what to do with it yet, maybe a risotto with some mushrooms. Who knows!

EDIT: Nice one, V. Curry FTW!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 15:54, Reply)

For dinner tonight
I've got leftover shepherds pie.

Yummeh!
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:00, Reply)

I hate you all!
Not really, but I have a cauliflower, a courgette, some potatoes, 2 carrots and a tomato. I'm thinking soup...?!
(Moniker, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:01, Reply)

Cor Yeah!
Sime nice farmhouse veg soup! You're on to winner!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:02, Reply)

I've got
Turkey casserole. Put it in to cook before I left for work this morning.

It's got lots of cider in it.
*grins*
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:04, Reply)

sounds like a good variety of food tonight
I was planning on having small roast potatoes with large mushrooms, large sheets of ham and eggs baked amongst them

but I have been planning to eat that for about 4 days now and things keep getting in the way.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Ooh
risotto sounds good. I wonder if I have risotto rice..

I know I have some chicken somewhere and possibly some onions..
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:08, Reply)

*looks at watch*
You know...
I think it's time for some kind of Hyper-Stoat or something.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:22, Reply)

Come on home time
*Urges time forward*

Can't wait for a nice cold pint later.
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:24, Reply)

hello again!
For dinner tonight I am having spicy bean fajitas (don't tell rachelswipe) with extra jalapenos.
Spicy food FTW.

Edit - Whoops, did I scare everyone away?
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:29, Reply)

Hey!
Are Lusty or Clenders still about?

i19.photobucket.com/albums/b177/Deeindiana/wallpaperBW.jpg

Was searching for Foo Fighters wallpapers and this came up, thought they'd like it!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:40, Reply)

I have the difficult decision ahead of me
what curry do I eat tonight, what kind of rice and if a naan, what kind....

any suggestions?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:44, Reply)

Lucy
I think you may be in the running for 'B3TA Guts of Steel Award 2008'...

or just running....
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:45, Reply)

Chicken Korma!
And regular rice...? I dunno I'm boring :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:46, Reply)

Vipros
How hot do you want it?
What meat do you like?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:48, Reply)

I like it reasonably hot
but not too much. I can take it, but not always in the mood.

I'll eat any meat that's put in front of me, regardless of what it is.

@TGB: may as well stay at home instead of ordering one of those :-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:51, Reply)

@DiT
O M G!!!!!!!
He's such a hottie! Eeeeekkkkkk there seems to be a puddle on my chair now. I'm not sure if it's wee or lady jizz!
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:51, Reply)

Oh Vipros
"I'll eat any meat that's put in front of me, regardless of what it is."

You tease, you.

(Crude innuendo seems to be the way forward)
/assimilates
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:52, Reply)

Osok
I flipping love spicy food. Indian and mexican are my favourite.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Guts of steel award - I'm proud of that!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:53, Reply)

SuperWeasel
I just flicked back to the main OT page and saw that there

had me confounded I have to admit

I get where you are coming from now though

now I am laughing silently at myself. people are starting to look....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Yeah
I made a rookie error and responded to the wrong thing.

Tabbed browsing will be my undoing someday.
Is it pissing it down with rain everywhere today, or just above Slough? Not that I expect any different here...
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:55, Reply)

@Lusty
*splutters*

Don't you know there's MEN on the internets?!

Also, welcome SuperWeasel. Pull up a Kitten, etc.

EDIT: And tell us a story!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Yeah! SuperWeasel!
*grins*

Vipros, I'd recommend a Lamb Sag, with Pilau rice and a Keema Naan.

Lamb Sag is a dark brown curry with spinich and onions. Not that hot, very tasty.
Keema Naan has spiced meat inside it, lovely!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Well...
*doesn't have anything to say*

15 mins before I can leave! woo!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:57, Reply)

@DiT
Sorry :(
I just got a little over excited. I can't help myself when it comes to the Rickster!
*swoons*
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:58, Reply)

a momentary digression
there is a guy in my office who I shall call Henry.

He looks a lot like Uncle Monty from Withnail and I, and sounds not dissimilar.

He just walked to the other end of the office to the printer, and I swear it was just like when the T-rex is about to appear in Jurassic Park. The water in my glass was going and everything....

@Kaol: a lamb saag does sound good. Keema naan are good too, usually. I have had some dubious ones though.

my usual curry choice is a Lamb Dansak, but I fancy something different tonight.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 16:59, Reply)

Vipros
Have a dupiaza, it's lovely and oniony. Proper smelly curry.
Nom.
I normally get a peshwari naan, I like the sweetness of the bread with a nice meaty spicy curry.
Good job I'm sitting down, what with all this curry talk!
Edit - Because I'd get weak at the knees - thought I should clear that one up!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:01, Reply)

Woo and yay
Friendly Responses!

I'm not really sure what kind of story you want though, DiT?

Although i'm sure my Asian heritage can come to use in suggesting an appropriate dish for Vipros. If the option is given, try getting a Peshwari naan - they're a sweeter naan made with coconut and it's great to help cool down after a particularly hot curry.
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:01, Reply)

I'd heartily recommend a Sag then!
I had one the first time as the name made me laugh.

Never the best reason to order something.
But it was really damn good!
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:02, Reply)

@Lusty
I understand, but now you're on the same level as the guy in your pub go and clean up! ;)

EDIT: @SW - a story containing funny things and a character called Baron Pierre Von Moonboot of Flufflehausen. ;) Seriously, welcome! Although you haven't told us your deepest, darkest secrets yet via QOTW.

25 mins of work to go!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Any story!
Why Super Weasel? Why not "slightly better than average weasel"?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:06, Reply)

It's SuperWeasel
Because the name hit him like a bolt of lightening.

He told me that himself.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:07, Reply)

Well..
I didn't post at QOTW because I work at a Theme Park based around a child's construction toy that sounds like 'Bego'. Theme parks attract a whole different league of idiots and their horrible smelly offspring, and subsequently i've repressed most of the memories. I'll try and think up something comical before it shuts on Thursday, but I'd rather post nothing than something crap. I'm a bit weird like that.

@GB: Because the weasel in me contains a device to increase the pressure of the fuel-air mix inside my internal combustion engine, unlike the inferior TurboWeasels, etc. Therefore the name seemed only fitting.

EDIT: As Kaol said, there was also lightning. Ooh, dramatic. Bet your name doesn't have that.
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:10, Reply)

I am a connaisseur of curry
so some of your suggestions, while welcome are superfluous. Dopiaza is quite nice, but not what I fancy tonight. I had a nice homemade Rogan Josh on Sunday, so either need something creamy or similar to what Kaol is suggesting.

Peshwari naan is my fave for all the reasons you all suggest.

Weasel: that is an excellent explanation!

edit: I'll be off any second. have a good evening all. might catch some of you later on.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:10, Reply)

*cleans up wee and lady jizz mix*
*sits back in chair*
eeewww it's still sticky.
*swaps chair with managers*
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:14, Reply)

See you Mr. V!
Hope it's a good curry, whatever you have.

SuperWeasel, my name has morphine, passing out in a shower and alcohol in it.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:14, Reply)

hehehe
turbo weasels :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:14, Reply)

Can't beat the
Morphine and Shower mix. I suppose we're all special in our own ways. Am I the only one who *isn't* at work?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:16, Reply)

Welcome superweasel
The answer to your question is no

When I get to my car in about 5 minutes
( Captain V, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:18, Reply)

Sounds like you should have some top material, SW!
Wrack those brains! :)

I get what you mean about not wanting to post crap though. There's many people who don't adhere to that, as you'll have seen if you've been around on a Thursday!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:19, Reply)

I am not at work
I am lying on my bed, watching tv. What a life.

I really should be packing stuff to take up to my flat tomorrow, but I'm not. Go me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:20, Reply)

SW
I'm at work.

Think I'm gonna be here later tonight too... *frowns*

Ah well, at least I get paid the hours I work.
Not like I've got any plans tonight either...
If I'm lucky, this time tomorrow I'll be speeding my way to London to meet some of you lovely people again.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:21, Reply)

Boo to you lot
For having yet another bash. Boo many times.

I'm off to console myself with food. Roast beef and chips, good stuff. Although I do fancy a curry after you lot going on about it for ages.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)

ohhh tomorrow
*excites*
*woos*
*yays*

Edit:
*cuddles PoD for being far away and not being able to come to the bash*
( wanderlust, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:27, Reply)

Nighty night all!
I'm goin' 'ome!

Have a luvverly evening! *distributes hugs, cakes and manly handshakes*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:31, Reply)

Bash tomorrow?
Short notice, but I may be able to attend... London is about 30 mins from me. Where can I find details etc?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:35, Reply)

There ya go SW
www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/15984

You work at Windsor... So... You live in Staines? Egham?
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:38, Reply)

I join today
and already strangers are trying to find out where I live! The joys of teh interweb.

I live in Slough, of 'The Office' fame. Woo.

Bash seems good, although I'm not sure I can certainly come; would you folks be opposed to a cameo appearance?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:41, Reply)

'ning all, sorry I'm late but the work is all of the crap at the moment with busy and such.
Weasel, you should come to the bash because I want to see if I recognise you, what with growing up in Slough and having formerly been employed in the crappy theme park of which you speak.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:45, Reply)

I shall try my best
but budgets are stretched due to moving out to Uni this month, and I may have some prior engagement. I'll check my datebook and be able to confirm tomorrow, hopefully I can waltz on down.

The tube to Covent Garden from Paddington takes SO LONG though. SO LONG. Seriously. Ah well, hopefully it'll be worth it and not one of those paedophile type traps.
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:48, Reply)

Why would we want to catch a paedophile?
What would we do with it?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:50, Reply)

Make it dance
for pocket change?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:50, Reply)

The Dancing Paedophile
wouldn't be the weirdest street performance in Covent Garden, I suppose.

Maybe we could let passers-by fling their coins at its head instead of into a hat, might be lucrative.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:54, Reply)

Well
Would you want to bend over to pick up the change?

He's obviously a sexual deviant and will have at you.
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:55, Reply)

But surely, at the ripe old age of 28,
I would be safe from his abnormal urges?

Kaol on the other hand...

*cry*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 17:57, Reply)

hmm
I'm also but a fresh faced cherub.

I could see this working out well...Kaol and I could act as bait...No!

Must...resist...
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:00, Reply)

Um.
I meant that bending over around Kaol might be risky.

Not casting aspersions or nothing, honest.

I didn't mean it.

NOT THE FACE!

I'm going home because work is rubbish. Byeeeee!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:05, Reply)

Ah, My Mistake
/Points at L plate. I'm new, honest gov!

One a scale of 1 to Rapist, exactly how dangerous is Kaol?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:09, Reply)

Hello Weasel!
Nice to meet you.

The Kaol Question - if you are a girl, most likely you are safe from Kaol and his enthusiastic greetings.

If you are a boy, you should perhaps attend the first bash in some sort of protective face mask.
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:13, Reply)

Clendrix
Why thank you. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

I am indeed of the male persuasion; what kind of face mask do you suggest?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:16, Reply)

I'm not gay
Honestly.
Just ask my boyfriend.
( Cawl, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:16, Reply)

Hmm...
something tough and strong with very small holes so that Kaol is thwarted in his attempts to find a body part of his tiny enough to fit through them.
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:19, Reply)

Gas Mask
should do it then?
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:30, Reply)

Oh yes, that should be fine.
And quite fetching, I should add!
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:31, Reply)

However
I think an asian lad wandering around Central London would attract some unwanted attention from the feds.

Not that I've done anything wrong, just y'know. Police.

/cower
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 18:34, Reply)