where the hell is everyone?
there are new muffins in our restaurant today. triple chocolate chip, toffee and pecan, white chocolate and raspberry.... and the gimp in front of me chose "mixed grains and raisin". what a twat. which would YOU have picked?

alt: what was the last thing that made you cringe?

altalt: what was the last thing that genuinely scared you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:18, 170 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

so ronery

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:30, Reply)

I'd have picked a pint of lager.
Alt: that 'dancing down the aisle' wedding video nakers posted
Altalt: You probably
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:33, Reply)

have you given monty your man-flu????????

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:40, Reply)

Yes, I doubt there are any other ill people in London that he could have caught it from
Also, 'man flu' is a wankers term, it's a cold. I don't understand why I have to keep repeating this.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:42, Reply)

women get colds, and get over them quickly
men make them into a massive dying drama of sore throats and coughing and sneezing. hence man-flu.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:46, Reply)

Virtually anything with a 'man' prefix is shit, man flu, man cave, man bag etc, please shut up now.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:48, Reply)

man chester

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:52, Reply)

mangledupinblue

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:54, Reply)

I actually have work to do. I wouldn't have picked a muffin this early in the day because I'm not a fatty
alt. walking dead on Monday when they butchered the people to eat them but then the place got blown up and the cannibals got killed and the meat was wasted. WASTED MEAT!

Altalt. A plastic skeleton tied to someone's front door last halloween. No? Ok last time I was properly scared was when the missus was pregnant and in hospital, she was very sick and at one point it looked like I was going to lose her and the baby. That did put the shits right up me. I was planning out how I was going to manage being a single dad and still support her and how I would have to be strong for little battlecat despite grieving over her mum and sister. Thankfully a clever doctor who wasn't even English and had dark skin and everything worked out what was wrong and saved them both. Fucking Immigrants.
( Peej, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:35, Reply)

so basically your sperm is so toxic that it nearly killed your wife...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:37, Reply)

Well technically it was my second daughter who nearly killed my wife.
Think about it, did swallowing my sperm kill you? Or perhaps give you superpowers?
( Peej, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:48, Reply)

ICE

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:49, Reply)

ice baby?

( Peej, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:52, Reply)

Comin' over here, saving our women from dying!
Bloody disgrace.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:38, Reply)

+ of course thinking about how to use the sob story down at soft play to get a bit of sympathy jiggy jiggy with teh milfs

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:06, Reply)

There was an interesting article in the Guardian a couple of years ago by a widower who suddenly found himself inundated with women just dropping by with a casserole or something they'd cooked to help him out, oh and by the way let's have sex you poor man
Although Mrs tangle wasn't too impressed when I showed it to her...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:20, Reply)

"put that away. Now where is this article you are talking about"

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:24, Reply)

Doesn't sound that interesting.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:24, Reply)

Perhaps not to a bachelor who already has access to a wide variety of women and their casseroles.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:26, Reply)

I think it is an interesting insight into the mind of the evil woman

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:29, Reply)

English.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:35, Reply)

I would have chosen Sian Williams' feet.
Alt: when a bartender asked if I wanted ice in my whisky.

Alt alt: tangledupinblue's WPB.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:38, Reply)

ice inhibits the flavour of the whisky
this is a good thing. whisky tastes like your dead granny's breath.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:39, Reply)

wrong.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:40, Reply)

Now now before the two of you get into another stupid argument and fuck knows we're all sick of them and think the two of you should just fuck and get it over with
However I think we can all agree that neither of you tasted the breath of Dozers granny after she died, even if she was somehow breathing whilst dead.
( Peej, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:09, Reply)

down with this sort of online reasonableness

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:13, Reply)

I'm here, but busy as feck.
Probably white chocolate and raspberry, but in reality probably all 3.

Alt: Probably Clive Tyldesley's commentary on the England game the other night. But really just any programme on ITV - they are all utter, lowest common denominator crap.

AltAlt: Nothing springs to mind, but probably the fuckwit who tried to pull into my lane one day last week without actually checking her fucking mirrors. Dozy cow didn't even wave an apology. That nearly ended very badly.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:38, Reply)

the only answer is toffee and pecan
raspberries? in a muffin? madness.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:40, Reply)

I'm not being funny here Swipey, but by any standards you are a colossal foodwrong.
So your opinion on this is completely invalid. Sozzers.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:46, Reply)

now come on, be fair
when are you ever funny?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:47, Reply)

It was for clarification purposes. I thought that it was important to be clear when dealing with a hot shot lawyer.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:52, Reply)

I'd have demanded patron and some stringy pheasant. It's the game season teh finest time of the year, you fucking bitchtits with a cunt. A CUNT.

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:45, Reply)

you fucking bitchtits with a cunt. A CUNT.
there is a certain pleasing rhythm to this
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:47, Reply)

Summat to do with iambic pentameter or summat

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:49, Reply)

It's fun having mental health issues.

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:50, Reply)

Cheers

( $$ ✅, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:55, Reply)

Man-Cheers

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:56, Reply)

meaty cheers

( $$ ✅, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:57, Reply)

cheers

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:59, Reply)

Triple choc, then toffee and pecan
Alt:
Walking behind some fat bird whose jogging bottoms were so thin you could see her massive lumpy pants. Eww

AltAlt:
My daughter has ninja like creeping up skills on a morning. There are a few incidents where I've woke up to find her standing next to me. Shits you right up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 10:59, Reply)

Something something careful you will get hair on your muffin something
I wouldn't have any because muffins are shit

Alt: Nowt really,

alt alt: A few years back (about 15) in a clapped out old Colt doing 90 odd in the outside lane when some daft old cunt drifted into the side of my car and I swerved onto the central reservation in order to stop massive collision. luckily it was a wide grass one, unluckily it had rained so it was very slippy and we nearly dug in an rolled a few times but I just managed to keep car in a line and we slid to a stop... (more luck than skill) me and my mate were just wide eyed and shaking
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:12, Reply)

My mate Barry (not 5am couch rape lol) was in the outside lane of the M62 in December
It was freezing cold and his windscreen was dirty so he sprayed his wipers.

The windscreen instantly froze and he spent the next couple of minutes in fear of his life as he frantically sprayed de-icer out of the driver window
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:20, Reply)

Had a similar one on the M6 going up to
Carlisle with missus.. it was that cold that the water in the bottle had frozen so I started to tail in behind wagons to get the mushy spray (with rock salt in it) up onto the screen to clear a little bit of vision
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:30, Reply)

Been there, done that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:47, Reply)

Soz, been making autumnal chelsea buns
They're in for a second prove now
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:30, Reply)

Man-Bun, that's another one.
Cheers.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:31, Reply)

Man-Samurai top knot, please

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:32, Reply)

eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:32, Reply)

I said 'Man-bun, that's another one'
Cheers
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:35, Reply)

IDGI

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:37, Reply)

NMP

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:37, Reply)

Not My Penis?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:39, Reply)

Man Acles

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:34, Reply)

Current levels of obesity have been fuelled, at least in part, by snacks like muffins, crisps and cakes, all high in fat, sugar and calories.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Cheers captain fucken obvious
You should be a scientist m8
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:36, Reply)

Although eating some types of fat may not be as damaging as we once thought.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:37, Reply)

But this isn't a licence to start eating fry-ups or pouring cream down your throat.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:38, Reply)

YM certainly enjoyed having our collective cream down her throat

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:41, Reply)

Greek yoghurt and semi-skimmed milk, as well as cramming in lots more nuts, fish and vegetables.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:42, Reply)

There was a bloke who put cream on his cornflakes and ate it with jam, who couldn't work out why he was fat.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:42, Reply)

It was probably a problem with his metabolism.
It usually is.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:43, Reply)

I can eat what I like because I have a Man-tabolism

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:46, Reply)

Not eating cheese or butter probably helps a lot though.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:50, Reply)

I bet you eat Man-cheese

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:51, Reply)

Only with a very robust port to do it justice.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:53, Reply)

It probably contributes to my high HDL and very low LDL cholesterol though

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:53, Reply)

I think this post singles you out as an utter knob.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:49, Reply)

I think this post singles you out as a humourless retard.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:54, Reply)

Windy Pig has numerous posts that that prove otherwise.
You have numerous posts that confirm Windy Pigs theory.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:55, Reply)

It's a good job we've got someone to keep track of it all.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:59, Reply)

Without lists on b3ta we are nothing.

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:00, Reply)

Rory had a spreadsheet that helped, but he's gone now.
If only there were some way of remembering who seems a laugh, and who the humorless prick lords are, maybe using a brain and its memory function or something. As it is I just can't work it out.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Are you calling gayham a prick lord?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:05, Reply)

No, I am calling beggenfock a prick lord

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:06, Reply)

I think it's pretty unanimous that bigginfeck is a prick lord

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:07, Reply)

WP thinks he's an utter knob, but he strikes me as a prick lord

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:07, Reply)

He's TBOH

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:09, Reply)

NO WAI

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:09, Reply)

Is it a new prick lord, or an old prick lord by a new name?
I think it might be chompy.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:08, Reply)

I don't know, or care really.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:10, Reply)

You've really got this not caring thing nailed.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:12, Reply)

I couldn't give a shit who you are, new or old, you're boring and that's why my interaction with you is limited to calling you a prick lord.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:16, Reply)

Oh man you never call me a prick lord anymore

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:18, Reply)

I don't actually think you're a prick lord, and if I called you one its merely 'forum banter, ' unlike buggonfock who really is a prick lord

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Sad times meaters sad times

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:25, Reply)

I'm so upset

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:26, Reply)

No shit.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:30, Reply)

it's a dullard who has read a few old posts and thinks this entitles it to comment on everyone and everything

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:19, Reply)

LOL
It thinks internet message board is a real life.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:27, Reply)

Nice delete on the ascii you fucked up jaysum ape

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:31, Reply)

^ upset

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Get a new joke man

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:37, Reply)

Apology accepted.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:00, Reply)

mine

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:50, Reply)

^upset

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Triple choc chip, every time
Alt: This is pretty nasty, not for the squeamish.

AltAlt: No idea.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:37, Reply)

bet that stung for a while
Would have been nice to see someone come to his aid while he held his foot on
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:04, Reply)

I was expecting this
i.imgur.com/llxoUnE.jpg
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:07, Reply)

*Note to self: never click on any of Lighty's links EVER again

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:10, Reply)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)

*takes advice and doesn't click*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)

It would be bad if it wasn't so badly shopped

( Peej, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:41, Reply)

That's put me right off my lunch.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:16, Reply)

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:19, Reply)

Uncanny

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:25, Reply)

One of each, plus one of each of the old ones. God damn I want a muffin right now. I'm going to shops to buy a muffin.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:40, Reply)

I could devour some Mancakes and Manple syrup right now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:46, Reply)

It's nearly lunchtime, have a Man-dwich

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:47, Reply)

+ some man cock

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:56, Reply)

Mancocks Half Hour

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)

They had run out of all english muffins in the supermarket last night.
I had to have toast this morning like some kind of Nigerian.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:57, Reply)

White chocolate and cranberry.
Alt: the duck head I'm working with making jokes trying to flirt with the cafeteria girl. I'm going to eat on my own in the van from now on.

Altalt: you.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Man-berry

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:49, Reply)

Man-snake

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:49, Reply)

Enjoy your new job as a Man-itor

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:50, Reply)

I still haven't heard from them yet.
Might all fall through.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:57, Reply)

You're too good for them anyway

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Thanks man.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:04, Reply)

Duck head?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:02, Reply)

Yeah. Duck head.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Low ceilings eh

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:05, Reply)

Nah,
narwhalcontemporary.com/images/exhibitions/2011_LauchieReid/TheVictim_LauchieReid.jpg

In overalls.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:07, Reply)

Sexy as fuck

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:08, Reply)

Ducker fucker

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)

Man-lard

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:11, Reply)

I just dun a man-poo

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:09, Reply)

pics plz

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:10, Reply)

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:12, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:13, Reply)

`

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:18, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 15 Oct 2014, 12:23, Reply)