Kaol's Question Of The Day
It's Friday!
In honour of the fact that many of us will be drinking over the weekend, today's question is:

Insane cocktails you've invented

Tales of drunken excess from said drinks are also very welcome.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 10:52, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not a cocktail but....
Many moons ago me and my two main female pals at the time would start our evenings by mixing bottles of red and bottles of white wine together, call it Rose and then get bladdered.

Cue much merriment : )





And blackouts : (
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:00, Reply)

I once
spent a day creating cocktails, under the pretence of being at work (I was paid for it, at least).

We took over a bar, had access to the entire range of drink they carried and, with about 5 bottles of the cognac we were trying to invent new cocktails for, made countless different concoctions.

I'd love to enlighten you with recipes for fantastic drinks, but the last thing I remember is arriving at the bar. I think I was swept into the street along with all other rubbish at the end of the evening, and the following few days are a complete blank.

I love my job sometimes.
( Moey, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Excellent stuff so far!
I wish I could click that, Gunter!

I've mentioned it before, but at uni my drink of choice was Red Diesel, which was a 4-pint pitcher of Snakebite and Black, with a tenners-worth of vodka in.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:05, Reply)

drank this for a while, but didn't invent it sadly
similar to Kaol's Red Diesel:

Black Witch: Snake bite black with a load of pernod

first time I had it we bought a case of lager, a shitload of cider and a large bottle of pernod. we mixed it up into 2 litre cider bottles, and consumed 2 litres each. it's magic stuff.

great fun to drive around a field in your car when drunk on it.

my favourite cocktail, again not one I made up, is the Screaming Blue Motherfucker

vodka, gin, triple sec, blue curacao, lots of ice
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:10, Reply)

I once made a cocktail
of ethyl acetate, aluminium powder, nitrocellulose and potassium nitrate.

It wasn't for drinking but it made a hell of a flash when I set fire to it.

Does that count?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:11, Reply)

Does anyone remember 'Herbal Sweets'?
A friend of mine invented one that tastes just like it, and it is a bit of a monster:

- 2 shots Jagermeister
- 2 shots Vodka
(in a pint glass)

then fill the rest with cream soda. Tastes just like Herbal Sweets!

(it is a bit of an acquired taste though.)
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:12, Reply)

Mr. K,
You're asking someone with pyromanic-tendencies if a post about fire is cool?
*grins*

EDIT: SuperWeasel, that's awesome!
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)

No one can remember cocktail recipies!
My fiend made one that had (as far as I kow/remember) beer, cider, wine, rum, gravy, coffee and salt.

Tasted good but I had been drinking some bizarre thing that had possibly stripped my taste buds
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:13, Reply)

Childhood stupidity
A friend and I once decided to create a delightful concoction in his kitchen one day when his parents were out. It included:

- Apple, orange, apple and blackcurrant, and lemon juice
- Lemonade
- Irn Bru
- Water

So far, it doesn't sound too bad. Then we for some reason started to just be plain stupid, and added items such as:

- Mustard
- Soy sauce
- Vinegar
- Pot noodle
- Condiments of every variety
- Pretty much anything dissolvable that was available in the kitchen

We put it all in a pot and heated it slightly in order to get stuff to dissolve. We then left it to cool. At this point there was a rather pungent smell starting to come from the pan.

I spooned some into a cup. I lifted it to my mouth. I took a smell of it.

I threw it at the sink and ran outside, then vomited for about 10 minutes. Just thinking about it now has made me feel sick.

Don't do it kids. Don't do it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:14, Reply)

just remembered an important one
Six shooter

In a pint glass:
2 shots vodka
2 shots gin
1 shot rum
1 shot schnapps

top up with half orange juice and half coke

looks kind of like mud, but tastes pretty good (good enough to quaff) hence it will destroy you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:15, Reply)

@Kaol
Why thank you, but I cannot take the credit.

Another popular one, from Rock AM Ring 2008 is called the 'Motherfucker', which is the same thing, with the double shots of Vodka and Jager, but you replace the Cream Soda with Red Bull; for some reason, the combination of Red Bull and Jager means you can't taste the alcohol at all.

You get to the bottom of the glass very quickly before realising you've done 4 shots. That's when the trouble starts.
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

Let me introduce you to....
The Bobby Dazzler.

(Not invented by me though, a friend.)

1 shot tequila. 1 shot whisky. 1 shot Red Aftershock.

Necked in 1.


The smell alone is outrageously bad. I've seen people on their first attempt, spew straight back onto the bar.

There are a number of claims for the record in one night. One person put the mix in one litre bottle, and with the help of an optic, over the course of a night finished a bottle.

My personal record is 4 in one night and that night was extremely messy I assure you.

I witnessed a man take a PINT!!!!!!!!!!! of the mix IN ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!. He collapsed to the floor, banging his head off a metal radiator, never to be seen for days afterwards. Thought he may have died.

We introduced it to an American who hilariously referred to it, (in a yank accent) a "Bobo Dazzler?". We had to scrape the poor guy off the floor.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:16, Reply)

A couple
1. Tequilla and Dr Pepper. More a long drink than a cocktail, but bloody gorgeous!

2. "Fuck Nose": This is a pint of snakebite and black with a double gin and an absinthe. So called because, when my friend (and co-inventor) offered it to his girlfriend, she asked what was in it, and he said "fuck knows!", as he had forgotten. Later that evening, he fell over and broke his nose.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Orange juice and coke
Half-and-half fresh orange juice and coke.

Caused by pressing the wrong button on the soft drinks dispenser.

It's dark orangey-brown, and tastes horrible.
( le brian, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:19, Reply)

@Le Brian
A friend of mine who went to Germany told me that out there they drink a drink called a 'Spetze' out there (any nationals correct me if I'm wrong).

It's a mixture 50/50 of Coke and Fanta, or some other kind of fizzy orange. At first I thought it'd be horrible, but it was actually really nice - it's very refreshing, and gives you a bit of a kick, not unlike Red Bull.

But I suppose with orange juice instead of fizzy orange it's just horrible.

:edit: My, my this question is popular.
( SuperWeasel slightly better than the average weasel, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:22, Reply)

I just remembered a bad one...
The Wasabi Nightmare.

5 packets of the wasabi that comes with sushi.
A bottle of vodka.
A few Bird-Eye chilli peppers.

Squeeze the wasabi into the vodka.
Chop the chilli, seeds and all.
Add to bottle.
Seal bottle.
Shake well.
Leave for a week.

Filter through a funnel and kitchen paper.

Drink.

Cry.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:22, Reply)

Getting off with a man in a penguin suit deserves some kudos
Worst cocktail I've ever had was created in my stomach. Doing trays of 15 shots of aftershock between 3 of us 3 times in around an hour caused me to get off with my then best mates boyfriend, in front of her, voluntarily.

I think I got more out of him that night than she did...
( Captain V, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:28, Reply)

Think I posted this last week.
Not a cocktail exactly, but a shooter me and my bandmates came up with around 1998.

It was called the 'Mother Slug'.

1 shot tequila
1 dash of coke
1 blob chocolate sauce (the slug)

Slosh it around so chocolate sauce doesn't stick to the bottom.
Neck it
Vomit.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:35, Reply)

A genuinely nice one
that a colleague dreamt up in his role as a 'Brand Ambassador' (for a drinks brand, really, they exist):

Double measure of quality cognac or dark rum
Measure of chocolate liqueur (the brand is called Mozart, I think)
Measure of liquid chocolate (there's a company called Funkin that make such delights for cocktails)
Glass of half & half

Mix the lot together in a shaker with some ice and strain into a glass.

Squeeze the oil from an orange peel on the top and drink.

It tastes like an alcoholic jaffa cake. It's fucking ace!
( Moey, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:51, Reply)

fuck knows what it was called
So I will call it "Death Threat"

Pint of crones cider, drink half of it, top back up to a pint with a double Pernod and champagne.

Fall over after 2 pints of the stuff.

I do like the occasional cheeky vimto and alcoholic doctor peppers, but white russians and B52s are the best
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Ooooh!
Sounds a bit chocolate-y for me, but interesting, all the same.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:54, Reply)

I recall in freshers week at Uni asking the barman what's the worst drink / cocktail they have at the bar. His reply:

"Kryptonite"

"Why do you call it that?

"Cause it FUCKS Superman".
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:54, Reply)

@Kaol
One is enough to be honest.

I generally go for the more alcoholic ones... nothing like an Old Fashioned to warm the cockles!

I've really spent too many years working in the alcohol industry, and my tastes are somewhat expensive now... free drink FTW!
( Moey, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 11:59, Reply)

I think I can pride myself on
Being able to drink pretty much anything, no matter how cheap or nasty.

But I really do like decent vodka when I can afford it.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:01, Reply)

Sip and you're floored....
OJ, Ouzo and beer *barf* - this was during my misspent youth.

Last Friday I went out for a drink with this really nice bloke, both having come out of relationships recently, I think we were both slightly nervous. Started the evening in a very civilised manner, but because we were in the arse end of nowhere the pub decided to shut at about 11:30 so we decided to go into town...And that's when things went a bit bonkers....A few sambucas ectc later we were both utterly destroyed and ended up staying out until about 3am....He didn't make it out for the rest of the weekend.

I was deeply shamed at my inebriation, not really a very good impression!

Am I seeing him again? Surprisingly, yes! Although I fear we could end up at AA for our next sojourn.
(GirlOfTheWorld, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:03, Reply)

My company
has just acquired a well known Swedish vodka brand, which means I'll be getting plenty of that for free.
( Moey, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:05, Reply)

Bleurghhhhhhhh
1 Shot Absinthe
1 Shot Gin
1 Shot Blue Bols
2 Shots Lager or Bitter (Yes shots!)

Its called Bleurghhhh after the noise my mate made whilst trying it :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:07, Reply)

Liquid cocaine

Champagne (cava really)

Vodka

Redbull

Wizzy woo!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:27, Reply)

Naked Ape...
Proportions, dear man, how do we make it?
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:30, Reply)

Lots!

1x champagne flute of Dom Perignon '64

1x champagne flute of redbull

2 or 3x shots of vodka.


Really it's up to you, red gives you the caffine, vodka for extra boooze and champagne to get one sozzled extremely quickly!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:34, Reply)

Toxic Death
Start at the left hand side of the top shelf of the bar, the one with all the dusty bottles of sticky stuff, one shot from each into half-pint glass, neck in one. Fall over.

Also referred to as an Engineer when topped with crushed crisps.

For some reason, it's always green in colour.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:37, Reply)

definately not a cocktail
but for all the whisky afficionados out there I heartily recommend this

www.bruichladdich.com/the_3dpeatproposal.htm

and no, its not I fucking love horses.
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:38, Reply)

@NakedApe
Good call. I spent a new years eve drinking those and was highly stumbly by the time the clock struck 12.

@Osok: that's just silly (but oh so tempting in a very, very wrong way).

EDIT: Halfy, I know it's not very manly of me, but I'm no fan of the Islay single malt. Much prefer Speyside myself, preferably one that's been sat in Sherry casks for a good few years.
( Moey, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:39, Reply)

The perfect dark & stormy
Take one jug. Lob in lots of ice, and juice & pulp of a few crushed limes.

Pour dark rum (Goslings Black Seal, Watsons OVD for example- the darker/stronger the better) sloooowly over the ice to crack the cubes. Follow with Jamaican Hot Ginger Beer. Garnish with lime wedges.

This is the important bit. If it is weak-tea coloured, then it remains a refreshing cocktail that you might serve to your dear Mother on a hot summer's evening and that would be it.

If however, your purpose is to insert your winkie into a young lady, then the colour should be a deep reddish brown. A couple of glasses of this will have a strict Catlick up to stuff that would make your earwax melt.


Allegedly.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Gunther
im a member of (watch the last shred of credibility be destroyed here) The Scotch Malt Whisky Society and they do some awesome Speys! you can also pick up 20-25 year olds for less than £60 which is an absolute bargain

I love Bunnahabhain and all the Islays are good apart from Ardbeg which is a little too smoky for me, but the highland and islands are good shouts too.

Blair Athol is a nice light fluffy one with a novel afterburn
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Non-alcoholic cocktail
A pint of lemonade with a dissolved M&M.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:46, Reply)

Halfy & Gunther
Before we start the Islay/Speyside civil war, a quote...

"There is no such thing as bad whisky. There is good whisky, and whisky that is less good"

For the record, in the days when I was allowed the stuff, some favourites:

Highland Park
Springbank
Laphroiag
Talisker
Bunny
Caol Isla
Glenfiddich Solera Reserve (I think)
Glenfarclas

Don't ask me to remember the expressions/ages, but remember that drinking cask-strength whisky is bad for the legs. And breathing.


And Glen 'Special Offer' is always worth trying
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:50, Reply)

Being a cheap-arse student
And now a cheap-arse young man, the only one I've tried from that list was Talisker, and I enjoyed it very much.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 12:53, Reply)

Good quote, Osok.
It's such a personal taste thing that there's no right or wrong to it.

I've tried all sorts, but haven't ever been able to get on with some of them.

Mind you I am originally a West Country boy, so I was brought up on cloudy cider.
( Moey, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:03, Reply)

@ osok
I love Laphroiag

It's got a lovely, peatey aftertaste to it.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:07, Reply)

I don't like whisky
please don't hurt me

although I must admit I've never tried a decent one

I'm a vodka man personally. it's rare that I don't have a bottle in the freezer.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:21, Reply)

The slime beast

Double vodka, 1 southern comfort, 1 creme de menthe.

Don't do what my friend did though and spend all day drinking them, having a sauna and throwing up over the coals!

You really don't want to know what that is like!

*sits in corner rocking*

"aiiieee the minty fog is coming to get us!"
( RadG Drinking Mojitos in the sun, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

@B K
Drinking Leapfrog has been described as 'like kissing a smoker'.

Eds: Vipros, nowt wrong with good vodka. The cheap made in Warrington from woodshavings and old sofas stuff isn't worth drinking.

I'm shure ashorted B3tans would be delighted to assist you in the search for 'your' dram. Everybody has one...
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:23, Reply)

Jemmy
what Dubs call John Jameson and sons fine Irish drop.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:28, Reply)

On a climbing weekend
in North Wales, following a few bottles of wine, we found some Tesco value lager (alcohol content about 0.5%) and some Tabasco sauce. which we then combined, with a bit of garlic for added effect.

I do not recommend it, as a) it tastes like I imagine death would taste like, and b) to get drunk on it would probably take longer than an overdose on water.
( ascorbate, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:50, Reply)

Bastardised this from a Mojito
Surprisingly nice.

Start off like you would a mojito, except use a tiny amount of sugar, limes, and coriander instead of mint.

Add crushed ice, then make the ice float using good quality gold rum (Mount Gay) then top up with ginger beer.

Garnish with a lime wedge and coriander leaves. If you like your spice, substitute the sugar for ground coriander seeds.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 13:59, Reply)

Th crippler
Double Vodka
Double Brandy
Double Pernod
Lime juice
1/2 pint glass.
Top up with lemonade.

Drink several* of these at a party, then get into a slanging match with your inlaws (now ex-inlaws thankfully), get arsey with the video player and proceed to smash it to bits with your bare hands.

Those are the bits I remember.

The bits I don't remember were never divulged to me by my (then) wife who did that mongoloidally stupid bloody female thing when asked "What did I do" replied "You know what you did".

"Actually I don't"

"Well you should be ashamed of yourself"

"Actually, as I DON'T know what I supposedly did, I won't get ashamed and, as you won't tell me, I'll just go about my day". "BTW as you are obviously holding a grudge about what I supposedly did, AND you won't tell me, I'll act as if nothing had happened until you grow up and communicate you stupid cow".

One of the best parties I ever had and I can't to this day remember half of it.

Shame really, sounds like it was a hoot!

* not sure of the accurate definition of "several", I'm reliably assured that it was less than 10.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 14:01, Reply)

@ osok
I am a very great fan of the dark and stormy, but it stops my legs from working very well. My experiences of it have all been EXTREMELY messy, and they have all consisted of a variation on your recipe, namely half and half (progressing to 70/30, 80/20 and so on...) of an obscure local brew Bermudan dark rum, and fiery ginger beer. Lots of ice. Yum.
(Moniker, Fri 12 Sep 2008, 14:41, Reply)

Not very insane, but...
Club soda (or perrier, if you're feeling posh), a splash of lime cordial and lots of gin and some ice cubes. dangerously-quaffable in summer time. may or may not end up in someone telling the mother of the bride at a wedding that she's ``really hot.'' with her husband about 5 feet away. oops.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Sat 13 Sep 2008, 1:16, Reply)