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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning OT! Its me Peej, Saviour of OT and it time for another successful Peej thread!
My parking permit is missing. Now I have to grovel to the parking bastard. he is a bastard too. and fat. a fat cunt parking bastard. When did you last have to grovel to someone you have utter contempt for?

Alt. APRIL FOOLS! Welcome to an utter shit day of wanky internet lol jokes. Lets face it, its no Spaghetti Harvest is it? When were you last fooled?
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:31, 163 replies, latest was 5 years ago)
So, your story is 'I got a new parking permit'?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:39, Reply)
No.
I've parked in the permit holders car park and not displayed it.

So my story is "I might get a ticket unless I suck off a fat cunt"
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:40, Reply)
Oh I see, this is another 'TTT' account. 'Trolling The Trolls' eh? Well I'm a dab hand at this malarkey old son, be prepared for a link to something *hilarious* from 4-7 years ago where by I make you look a right 'April Fool'

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:44, Reply)
Actually I think you will find that I'm Trolling you in to trolling me so I can reverse the troll and make you think that you are in fact the troll.
Convincing you that you are trolling the trolls. or CYTYATTT if you will.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:46, Reply)
oh yeah well see how you like this 'zinger' from my Archive (Please note the capitalised 'A')
Man is
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:49, Reply)
I am indeed

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:51, Reply)
ZING

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:52, Reply)
LOL

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:52, Reply)
WELL PLAYED

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:52, Reply)
OH I SAY

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:52, Reply)
OFFICELOL

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:52, Reply)
POW

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:52, Reply)
POTD

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:53, Reply)
POTD!!!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:53, Reply)
MARR ANDREW MARR MARVELOUS ANDREW MARR

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:53, Reply)
UH OH!!!!
Man posts same thing as other man at same time as other man andrew marr!!
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:56, Reply)
ZING

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:56, Reply)
LOL

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:56, Reply)
WELL PLAYED

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:56, Reply)
OH I SAY

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)
OFFICELOL

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)
POW

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)
POTD

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)
POTD!!!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)
MARR ANDREW MARR MARVELOUS ANDREW MARR

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:57, Reply)
Lolled and clicked

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:53, Reply)
*click*

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:53, Reply)
*enclickens*
Do people still say that one?
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:54, Reply)
Please can I post in your thread, Peej?
Oh pleeeeeeease, go on, let me.
I'll do anything.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:48, Reply)
n

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:51, Reply)
Fine.
I'll go and have a cup of tea then.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 8:56, Reply)
go and suck off a fat man
i suspect the answer might be
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:06, Reply)
Where would I find one of those around here?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:10, Reply)
dudley?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:24, Reply)
shitposter is my new favourite person on qotw
I wish he would come and post here
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:14, Reply)
In a way, aren't we all shitposter?
Especially you
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:52, Reply)
Well I should be on a flight from Barcelona but decided to stay at wherever this Spa resort hotel is

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:15, Reply)
I'm glad you stomped on the ignorant racist thread
I'm sure we all agree we don't need that kind of thing here.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:26, Reply)
rob's here at the mo, we could suggest a dedicated /racism board, keep it all together

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:03, Reply)
Something something, The Whom

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 9:58, Reply)
What do you call a Chinese restaurant south of Wolverhampton?
Yow Min Lye.

Regional humour, ladies and gentlemen.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:00, Reply)
I don't get it

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:18, Reply)
April fools.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:13, Reply)
it's not April Fools Day here. Soz.
it is nearly beer o'clock though.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:17, Reply)
Sasha's playing up here in July.
He must need his zimmer these days.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:22, Reply)
he's still top quality

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:19, Reply)
I've lost my voice
So I'm communicating the the Doris by text.

So far she has made me a drink, been to the chemist to get me a throat spray and agreed with my statement that The Boomtown Rats are shit.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:27, Reply)
she's a keeper!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:29, Reply)
She has offered to scramble me some eggs.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:35, Reply)
Poached or GTF

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:47, Reply)
can you give it to meaty?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:32, Reply)
Not sure sharing a throat spray is hygienic.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:34, Reply)
Sounds more efficient than normal. Are you considering keeping up the façade after your voice returns?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:48, Reply)
Might do, no complaints so far.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:50, Reply)
Tuesdays are worse than Mondays
Stupid fucking Geldof
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
Morning Phil
We have car park Nazis here too but our security guard is good with temporary passes. I grovel to no man

Alt:
I recently found out that I'd been enrolled onto our annual works trauma event (i.e. Staff conference), XXXX's GOT TALENT as a U2 tribute act
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:47, Reply)
isn't that the sweetest thing?
henceforth you shall be known as bono
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
Edgy

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
You work for Castlemaine?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:49, Reply)
flamin' galaah

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:50, Reply)
One of my mates has to pay for parking at his work.
It's one of those scratch-cards where you scratch off the day of the month the pass is for.

Every month he just buys one, and hides it under his tax disc so you can't see the day.

He also photoshopped the date on his council pass.

I think he might be a pikey.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:50, Reply)
£6 a day if you can't get a parking pass
CUNTS
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)
I'd get really upset about having to pay to go somewhere I don't really want to be.
I used to just park about five minutes away in some road. You could tell it really fucked off the people who lived there, which amused me really.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:53, Reply)
I'd key your car.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:54, Reply)
I wouldn't care, my car was shit.
I think someone tried passive-aggressively parking closer to me. But that wouldn't have phased me as i'd just leave it there over the weekend in a display of apathy.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:55, Reply)
i'd stab you in the dick.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:01, Reply)
I'd enjoy it.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)
fazed

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:18, Reply)
They changed the fucking car park at the metro station to 2 hours maximum stay
What fucking use is that? It takes 30 mins to get into town and 30 back so basically you can get something to eat before your time runs out.

There's now a 75 space car park with 2 cars a day in it
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:02, Reply)
so it's inconvenienced 73 people?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)
Yep, per day

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:15, Reply)
Get a stick on number "4" from a diy shop and amend the sign

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:36, Reply)
council logic innit

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:22, Reply)
so labour want to spend £800m on scotland
fucking hell.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:51, Reply)
How dare they try and keep up promises they made.
They should just go back on their word like the Tories, yeah?
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:52, Reply)
£800m on a country that wanted independence a few months ago
let's give them that instead
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:55, Reply)
You don't really understand how voting works do you?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:57, Reply)
i understand that if england got to vote for an independent scotland
it'd be bye bye haggis

i'd vote to get dozer repatriated
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:58, Reply)
I'd block all mobile networks, the BBC, take away the pound, burn all documents like birth Certs. cancel all passports.
Overnight. no fucking around.

then invade or Trident the cunts back 100 years to the Stone Age.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:05, Reply)
and build a massive wall
so we don't have to look at their offensive pasty faces and ginger heads any more
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:17, Reply)
Bye!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:18, Reply)
TWITJ

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:19, Reply)
FOBTJL

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)
It'd be well lol when you got trebucheted over in a case of mistaken nationality.
Damn you Meatsnake.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:18, Reply)
i don't even own an kilt

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)
or 800m.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:27, Reply)
sad but true

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:30, Reply)
If it was beneficial to cut off Scotland why did all 3 major parties brick it and run up there to convince them to stay?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:05, Reply)
weakness

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:07, Reply)
Although you make a valid point. The SNP could branch out and allow England to have some decent social policies /and/ an independent Scotland.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:08, Reply)
because the one thing all politicians have in common, regardless of party is that they have no idea what people actually want

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:18, Reply)
It sounds like you don't have much of an idea either, if this thread is anything to go by.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:19, Reply)
it is certainly safe to say that i would never really talk about real politics on b3ta
however, scotland wouldn't know what to do with £8, never mind £8m.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)
Well I for one certainly wouldn't blow it all on a fucking salad - even if I put another £2 of my own cash towards it.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:59, Reply)
No fuck it - I'll have the salad.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:03, Reply)
2 quid first.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:09, Reply)
Will you take an IOU?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:15, Reply)
no but I'll burn your house down with you in it.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:19, Reply)
Steady on there, I'm not Dr Skagra FFS.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 13:47, Reply)
down here, we call that "chips"

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:37, Reply)
Glasgow Salad!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:38, Reply)
i hear lynx make showers up there too

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:39, Reply)
Well if you're spending £10 on chips every lunchtime that would certainly explain why you're
A. Fat
B. Hopeless with money
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 13:48, Reply)
In Swipeyland, 45% > 55%, remember

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:58, Reply)
+votes

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:52, Reply)
APRIL FOOL

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 10:57, Reply)
I quite like the open contempt this bloke has for this April Fool bollocks.
www.theguardian.com/world/live/2015/apr/01/april-fools-day-jokes-2015-the-best-from-around-the-world
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:06, Reply)
I was reading that earlier, it made me wonder if I was writing it.
HAHAHA LIKE I'D WORK EVER AT THE GUARDIAN LOL YOLO
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:11, Reply)
I've never understood the phrase 'a bit of a damp squid'.
Squid are aquatic; of course they're damp.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:18, Reply)
I think it refers to one pacific kind of squid

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:19, Reply)
dunno

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)
is this a joke?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:28, Reply)
Are you looking in a mirror?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:29, Reply)
what of it?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:32, Reply)
Then that is your real face and not a cruel joke

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:37, Reply)
hahaha. megabonceasaurus.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:44, Reply)
oh the huge manatee!
twitter.com/search?q=%22huge%20manatee%22&src=typd
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:42, Reply)
Maybe you're supposed to dry them off before you eat them.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:20, Reply)
yeah maybe

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:21, Reply)
you can see the Thai squid farms from space at night
true story.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:33, Reply)
I am bored dot com!
Haha it's funny when you say 'dot com' after stuff! dot com! lol....dot com!

Cheers dot com
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:40, Reply)
no .org

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:43, Reply)
Would you like to phone a friend? Rofl

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:43, Reply)
not long til 4 days off!

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:44, Reply)
Hooray! I deserve it, I worked really hard for about an hour this morning.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:45, Reply)
too right, Hun.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:53, Reply)
m8 dot com

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:50, Reply)
Alright dot co dot yew kay

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:53, Reply)
Joni Mitchell
Is probably pleased there is ample parking available if she is due an extended stay in hospital.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:50, Reply)
she can't drive. she went to hospital in an ambulace.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:52, Reply)
she has an imaginary disease innit
Morgellons Syndrome.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:53, Reply)
DMX Krew did a really nice cover of Big Yellow Taxi with a Moog.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=balAoLKpmwU
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 11:56, Reply)
ed dmx has made some excellent records and his label are cool
I saw him a few years ago, he DJd loads of old breakbeat rave tracks.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:22, Reply)
I've been out for a bit and this thread is still limping along?
Fucking hell mate, get some help.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:43, Reply)
we used to have a right laugh on here.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:47, Reply)
I think I'll wait for this episode of The Professionals to finish
And then I'll get up.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:48, Reply)
I am off out for a slap up feed.
Is the 25th still on? I now have a surprise 50th party of a close friend. not you bunch of cunts.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:52, Reply)
can anyone do the 18th?

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:53, Reply)
We'll sort something out when you get back and I can speak.
Nothing confirmed yet.
(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:54, Reply)
Brilliant.

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 12:56, Reply)
don't tell b3th

(, Wed 1 Apr 2015, 13:01, Reply)

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